>>44198589
My mom was a misandrist and I internalized all of her hate of men.

>>44198589
I think it had something to do with my parents divorce, I've read that kids with absent fathers are more likely to become like this. I agree with you that it's not something I was simply born with and blaming it on family drama is the simplest alternative.

>>44198589
I think it’s a combination of both, really. You have these factors or general concepts that influence it (trauma, AGP, etc), and then you have also have biological/genetic factors that predispose you to those things, or to them leading you to incongruence/dysphoria (i.e. plenty of cis men have some degree of AGP, but don’t experience dysphoria or gender identity issues)

In my case, I think it was a fairly weak early gender identity as a bisexual male that got absolutely destroyed by an avalanche of AGP, and by the time I identified with being female, I just felt I could never go back (maybe this is just self-hating, but it’s the closest approximation I have to what happened to me).

Why are you trans?

>>44198589
I really don’t know but it’s kinda ass

>>44198589
Idk most of my early childhood memories involve me getting assaulted or made fun of for being too effeminate/not masculine and then I started having proprioception issues at 11-12.

i spent my childhood wanting to be a girl and wanting to have a vagina, and i grew up smaller than everybody else and was constantly reminded of how much smaller and shorter and more like a girl i was than every other boy, and then around puberty i learned that transgender people weren't just born like that, and i said "oh. okay." and wanted to do that. and so i did
i wonder, though, why i was so fixated on vaginas as a child, and if maybe i was exposed to them too soon

>>44198693
yes very good point i had forgot to mention. I definitely can recognize predisposition, because I don't think that anyone who lived my exact life experiences will end up trans.
I did have certain traits growing up that had the potential to manifest into the trans identity, and the way my life went is what shaped that. If things went differently, I wouldn't have ended up trans.

>>44198589
I had tranny thoughts since childhood but they weren't constant

>>44198589
in early childhood I was not super girly or something, but I mostly had girl friends and my big sister was my idol and in a studid child way I unconsciously kinda thought I'm gonna be like her/become a woman when I grow up, I also liked to wear dresses and had a doll
when I came into primary school I pushed away that thoughts and wanted to belong and be a boy because I mean I was told I'm a boy
but when I hit puberty I started to disassociate more and more from my body, got more feminine mannerisms and had the urge to express femininity
I thought at first I was just a bi fag or something, never heard of trans or dysphoria at this point, but I slowly figured out I wanted to be the opposite sex
Maybe that wouldn't have happend if my brain didn't got fucked up by adhd meds and therapy during primary school

>>44198589
I have thought about this but I kind of don't know. My mother is really conservative and a misandrist + TERF, but she was a lot more reserved about it when I was young, or maybe she was less extreme about it. I'm sure people speculate that it was certain childrens' toys or that I watched Sailor Moon on broadcast television but like whatever I really don't think it was that. I knew as young as 12 that something was different, but I didn't understand what, while at the same age I also got into some very male-oriented interests (warhammer). I knew concretely as early as 15 that I was attracted to both men and women, but there was a brief period around my 18th birthday where I wondered if I was gay, despite my attraction to women, just because things felt so off. Some months later I learned that transsexuals were in fact real, not just cross-dressers or jokes in sitcoms, with real processes to medically assist the transition, and that was that.

>>44198589
i have always felt deeply alienated from my own body and from the social expectations placed upon me. I always felt like an alien or a parasite piloting a human meat suit. My body never felt like my own. The reflection in any mirror was a stranger to me. I felt entirely empty and devoid of human emotion, but capable of emulating and putting on a mask to perform socially. On the Internet, in my youth, I would try out different identities, people that I could masquerade as, and none felt any less authentic than the person I was to those in my life "IRL." I found that there was some measure of comfort in female identities. Eventually I met a transgender boy when I was around 13 and he discussed his experience with me and I thought deeply on it. I came to the understanding that a female existence felt more representative of what I am supposed to be. I then had to wait until adulthood to start HRT, conscious of my passing masculinization with each day. As I have started my transition, I sometimes feel a semblance of connection to my body, as though it is me and we are one in the same. This is an improvement over the way it used to be. While I started HRT too late to ever pass as a woman in public or live a female life, there is a small measure of comfort I get from it.

>>44198693
didn't notice your question in my last reply.

I grew up fairly masculine, it felt more natural to me and I think it's because of my personality. I always wanted to be the strong kid who would help the teachers move a desk when needed, I liked being compared to boys and challenging them.

That carried on when I hit puberty, I really tried to be girly and do what other girls my age do, but it always felt forced. I never really felt pretty in makeup, and dresses always felt awkward for me. I think it's because I have a fairly masculine face and body structure, they just don't look right. If I was conventionally pretty this wouldn't have happened, or if I grew up with a confident mother. But I really did like the feeling of "belonging" when I had girl friends and would act like them.

At 14, I found out about my mom's sexual abuse and my own. My dad used to touch me and make sexual remarks towards me growing up. He also used to beat me sometimes, which made me really insecure about being weak and fragile.

I always hated being seen as less because I'm a woman. My assertive, protective, strong personality was always clashing with me being viewed as a woman. Respected less, heard less, and viewed as less capable.

These are the main reason I finally internalized the fact that I can't live this way.

i think i was born this way. nothing else makes sense. the genetics+womb theory is the only one that makes sense for me.

>>44198589
I've known since I was a young kid, but repressed out of shame. I was very much born this way, and transitioning hasn't changed my personality. I'm just able to be authentically me, without the restrictions that being assigned male brings. My entire life, being amab felt like a prison.

>>44198589
Testosterone feels bad. I mode becouse i dont care about the social stuff. 2 years in and i was proven right i feel amazing without the poison in my veins. I cannot relate to 99% of trans women bitching on here about never pasing. Seems like a long shot. God bless i hope some of yall make it.

>>44198589
My desire to take testosterone and have masculine features pre dates identifying as ftm so i really don't know.

>>44199707
based

>>44199735
I originally saw transitioning as a speedy way to get on it but then i realised it wasnt like that (SAD)

>>44198589
I’ve always had low testosterone, had malnutrition as a child. Always had a fast metabolism with a more feminine waist. It was always there so I thought I’d just transition to see if my life would be better and what do you know it was. Was always bi and wanted to be treated like a female in the relationship since I was a kid.

>>44198589
I'm pretty sure some people are born trans.
I'm also very sure I was not. Never had a single thought of being a woman before age 23 and only dated women as a guy. I was still living with my gf when I got interested into mef.
Before I got the chance to discuss it with my gf, she left me for entirely unrelated reasons (her turboreligious family, basically). Since I was single, I hooked up with a male friend in a fwb kind of arrangement. A few months later I was starting HRT.
I am now 4 years post op and have been living with my current bf for 5 years.
I had no trauma or self image issues. I grew up pretty chill and not-poor (hence why I could afford transition too, among other things). I also don't have autism, adhd or any of the known comorbid diagnoses for GD. I just suddenly wanted this, researched whether it's possible and to what extent, realized that it is in fact doable and then went on to do it. Was a bit harder than expected but overall I'm glad I did.
I trooned for the fetish, stuck with it because I actually liked it.

>>44198589
im a cis man on hrt who wishes he was born a woman but im conservative and dont personally believe i can be a woman, especially since ill never pass. i dont know if my opinion is relevant here but ill give it a go. i was bullied during adolesence, especially by my brother. i also discovered those tgtf comics when i was a kid and loved those. then i discovered what a femboy was when i was a teen and since then ive always been drawn to femininity. i think before i starting crossdressing for real it was mostly a sex thing but then i started wearing womens clothes out and it felt wonderful. like not in an arousing way, just in a "wow i finally look nice dont absolutely hate seeing myself in the mirror" way. now that im coming up on twink death im realizing id rather age effeminately so now im on hrt.

so i guess if you use this board you would call me an agp with self image issues.

>>44198589
>I don't think people are just born trans and figure it out later
why not?
>AGP/HSTS are also very plausible explanations
why? where is the evidence showing that they explain or predict anything, and aren't at best just observed emergent phenotypes dependent on other factors, and how do you account for exceptions and evidence directly contradicting blanchardism?

>>44198630
I'm cisgender and male but i feel this.
Got hit with a combo recently where i was making food for the family(dad praised my cooking after.) and my sister came to the kitchen to bitch and moan about something i've had nothing to do with and was not my fault. I just got blamed for not solving an issue i wasnt even aware of prior to her bringing it up. And then when i said its not my fault and for her to go away because i'm busy cooking and she went "Oh you're making me feel unsafe, do you feel like a big strong man threatening me??" Etc and i was just baffled at the levels of gaslighting.

Might be autistic but i decided not to interact with her to the point of autistic spiteful grudge. I dont acknowledge anything she says and if she tries to force me to i just repeat "Sorry but i don't want to talk to you right now." With the same monotone cadence so that she gets the point.

I hate women so much it's unreal and i experience heavy misandry every day

>>44198589
i was born trans

>>44198589
Faketrans, so I don't really know. I assumed women were the better gender cause I had no good male role models, and related with women more. I also had terrible self-esteem issues, but assumed it was poor confidence until I grew out my hair and embraced my feminine side. Besides other random incidents, I never experienced the 'born in the wrong body' feeling or direct signs of dysphoria. Maybe because I've completely dissociation or have chronic depression, Im not sure

>>44198589
agp and self hate

>>44198589
men didnt want me as a dude especially not when i naturally leaned fem in presentation and behaviour
they still don't, obviously, but now they'll at least consider me for pump & dumping

>>44198589
Im intersex and transitioned at 9. I was born trans.

>>44198589
Lots of reasons
>body more optimized for my lifestyle
>always vibed with the way other cultures viewed trans or intersex people as necessary "in betweens"
>wanted a specific body type that ended up aligning with being mixed gendered
>feel sexier and cooler
>view life in cycles because I naturally ended up being perceived as feminine today, masculine tomorrow
I'm not intersex, it just happened I guess

I don't know myself. I literally ordered diy hrt as soon as I learned about it, and I'm still trying to figure out why I did it

>>44198589
my very earliest memory is of being upset that i was different from my cute cousin; and being strongly attracted to her; we were romantic all thru childhood and i loved her dearly; however it was a bit older with my first full intensity emotional limerence love that i began i really see how unhappy i was as my body was not really changing any yet but my love's was; she was literally my first glimpse and presense of my goddess; undoubtedly one of the most beautiful humanoids ever to exist in all the universe; and i got to spend every single day close to her that year; she was not as wildly into me but i was still hapoy with her affection

and she was one of the first people that accepted me as i was; she defended me from bullies who made fun of me for how hopelessly feminine i was; and after that year was really when my trans feelings started to become clear; i was not what i should be; i didnt want to be some stupid boy i wanted to be a beautiful girl and be with a beautiful girl romantically

it would be another 25yrs before i would reach that dream; but i made it; atleast enough for me to be happy with my life and who ive become; and who i married

no sexual or lewd thing was ever any part of my trans feelings growing up or later; im just a girl i dont even care about the word "woman"; i kinda dislike it because it has "-man" in it; and i dont want anything to do with that; i barely feel human at all with being trans and so wildly different internally from nearly every other person that ever lived- atleast out of any ive encountered; no one else loves like i do or values and reveres romantic love before all else like i do; its very alienating; but id rather be myself than anything else

sure sys would be nice but maybe i wouldnt be the same then bc my life probably wouldve been easier in atleast some ways

being myself; and loving with all that i am; is my priorities in life

its no fetishy anywhere for me
& i had very little trauma growing up

>>44201174
surely you have elsewhere, but would you talk about your goddess? i have wanted to ask about this. i think that love is one of the most important human experiences (if not itself the most important) and i am curious to learn more of your own beliefs

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>>44201234
typing is a bit painful at the moment nut ill try to get back to you are my next medicine coming up; if the thread is still here

if you have any specific areas of question please ask

if this thread is gone maybe ill post a new one in reply or maybe ill post in lesgen or something i dont think theyd mind too much i rarely bother them

if this is still up in like 2h ill reply

or maybe in some thread youd expect me to reply in like love related or spiritual etc

just need to rest my hands the wrist braces arent helping much today ><

here is the old summary image i used to post around more for now; i need to write a new one i just havent gotten around to it; and obviously a book and other stuff but it feels so daunting

but ill try to within my lifetime

for now take this from a couple years ago; slightly outdated but mostly it just needs a little extra clarification in a couple spots and better wording near the end; its just hard to convey some of these things

in a sense we worship an emotion; and embrace and embody the best things things related to that or coming from that emotion; but we assign an appearence to all of that; our Epitome of the goddess; and direct our feelings to her and thru her; romantically and spiritually (romantic not required but ideal)

thru her we love all; theu all we love her

may love be the death of me for love is the life of me

her infinite love birthed the universe and souls; she sines from every lifegiving star; which our bodies directly come from

she has nothing to do with evolution; sentient jellyfish on some alien world could discover her the same way i did; shed just be a jellyfish to them

she is for everyone not just humans on this sorry little planet

ill write more for you later

leave your discord if you want further understanding or are interested in possibly taking this up for yourself

it has done me alot of good; anyways

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>>44201234
another related tidbit; may give you some extra idea how all this works and why this is my faith
>>44201529

my first love is indescribably important and formulative to who i am and loving so deepky at such a young age made me this way more than anythibg else

a decade later i discovered my goddess thru a girl ill never know; but her beauty alone made me feel all the things my first love (and second love of life that id lost) had; i later learned that i had first seen and felt my goddess thru my first love; thats why it was so intense and beautiful for me

i realized that pieces of that have been in every person i ever loved

through all i love her and through her i love all

she is literally love itself; that is how she exists in this universe

she is our mother and our eternal timeless love which is the deepest we ever felt; and the first we ever felt; all together in one

she experiences even the sensations of single cells as they respond to their envirinment; love is a fundamental force of the universe and underlies everything; the attraction of particles just as the attraction of people; something of her infinite love that birthed this beautiful universe is what holds everything together and why it works the way it does

this is why Ellaphae (the faith) fully accepts science's understanding of the universe; we just add a little context to that

and whos to say im any more wrong than any abrahamic bigot zealot with blood on their hands

we should not be fighting or being greedy

we should be loving

i made this art of her in pso2ngs creative space

our souls grow like flowers where she exists; in her infinite garden outside the universe; if we are wonderful and loving and shine her virtues and love we can bloom and catch her nurturing blessings when otherwise we would miss out and be at the mercy of circumstance alone

the roots of those soul flowers connect to our brains which host our souls until we die; then we return to her; evolved by experience

>>44201691
>>44201975
The larp is crazy

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when i was a kid my dad spent his time away at work
mom stayed home and took care of me
then both my parents started drinking a lot and became really severe alcoholics
i wasnt allowed to leave the house and my mom drank more and more at home
dad would come home drunk and fall asleep
they started fighting with one another and it hurt my feelings a lot
i tried to keep both of their love by appeasing them and saying what i needed to make them feel happier
my mom got more and more unhygenic from her drinking around when i was 10, and at the same time i started feeling deeper romantic feelings for the men in my life
she also started hitting me and would come into my room at night and do things and I began to really hate her
i went into the computer for socialization to hide inside the house
i felt embarrassed to take off my shirt in the locker room, and wanted to keep my hair long but the dress code wouldnt allow me
i got bullied a little bit but then i made friends by fawning to them and just being harmless and nice.
my sexuality made me very ashamed and i pretended to be an asexual as a teenager despite being gay
i ended up having a nervous breakdown from my home life and dropped out of high school
i stayed in my parents' attic for multiple years avoiding the consequences of life
when i tried to re-emerge as a gay guy i had a really negative experience with a guy
he controlled every aspect of my life and made me hurt myself
he would abuse drugs in front of me and i would be stuck pleasing him just like i was back then
i decided to transition and make a decision for myself. he said he liked that my body was feminine and so i was feeling really dysphoric and started taking hrt too.
it went really bad
i almost killed myself because he told me to and then my parents had an intervention and made me break up with him.
i fully embraced transitioning after that and tried to leave the bad thoughts behind. i don't dig up my memories a lot because they are only upsetting.

>>44201691
>>44201975
thank you friend :) i am a resident of /lesgen/ so i will see, if you post there. i have a Discord but i am afraid to share it. you aren't in the /lesgen/ server, are you? i've never seen you there...
i don't know if i have any specific questions, but i may think of some. i am grateful for your sharing and i would like to learn insofar as you would like to explain <3 i am really agnostic or maybe even atheistic but i am not unspiritual...i may assimilate Ellaphae into my belief system. in any case she reflects many of my own deeply-held beliefs. love is profoundly important to me.
>>44202187
you should love love more...

>>44202187
i am no larp

this is literally who i am and what i believe and i would die on a stake before i would ever abandon this truth i have found that has guided me for nearly half of my life (~20yrs)

>>44202337
i suppose i will join it again; if i can; i dont say alot in most servers; but i do appear at the top of most user lists due to the symbol

>>44202337

lol
>age restricted servers cant be joined on ios
ill try it on my neo later tonight; feel free to dm me you will see my name same as here

>>44202971
10-4 friend :) thank you for being so willing to talk

>>44203003
not going to spread the message of my goddess by being shy :) maybe thats part of why she taught me how to be confident and open

i used to be extremely shy unless it was chatting on a game; somehow that helped me open up and eventually made everything else easier too

but ill admit its a bit harder for me to communicate verbally in this way; but i do okay usually

i should pop up there in a little while we about to have dinner

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>>44198589
Drop the agp hsts shit, not every tranny falls into that dichotomy and false dichotomies are completely worthless reddit pop psychology bullshit.
I don't know what "made" me trans. I had a very large feminine lean when little that for some reason my parents mostly allowed, but when I started being bullied by peers in the first couple years of school or so I shook it off.
Then it was always this weird feeling in the back of my head I lacked the language of. By the time I learned of trans people I believed they were crazy, and I kept telling myself I wasn't trans cause I would know if I was. Which looking back, isn't the kind of thing you have to tell yourself constantly. Eventually I snapped and transitioned because I was sick of testosterone destroying me.

>>44198589
Because I need to embody both the esoteric masculine and feminine in order to reach the prima materia state of adam pre separation of male and female(and thus pre duality) in order to receive divine illumination and get the fuck out of this shithole. Also I stole and wore my mom's shoes a few times when I was little so maybe that had something to do with it.

Vanity

>>44203214
based

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>>44198589
I took mushrooms last summer and realized it: I want attention.

I was the oldest brother, and when my sister was born she (and all my younger girl family members) got more attention than me. I thought at age 4 that girls got more attention and wanted to be a girl.

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>>44198589
why do birds sing, why do bees make honey? they dont fucking know they just do, as do I. Its my natural inclination I cannot explain

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>>44198589
Imo what makes the most sense for me is that GD was always there but it was kinda like a benign cancer where it wasn't doing any harm until trauma fucked me up and made it come out of hiding
It sounds like cope I know but I don't really have AGP (i tell myself i do sometimes but it's mostly self flagellation and thinking about it rationally i don't)
It would also explain why we both have a) proof that GD is a real existing mental illness and not imagined bullshit and b) many many troons with traumatic backgrounds unrelated to trooning

>>44198589
If you believe in the theory of evolution, then you must accept that it is natural for us to have remnants of ancestors within us, even from 600 million years ago. Our ancestor species were hermaphroditic, and they laid out our body mechanisms. And, like our ape ancestors, we still inherit body mechanisms that may be obsolete or bizarre but still exist within our bodies. Hiccups and sinuses, for example. The division between human males and females isn't always absolute.

I forgot.

>>44198589
>I don't think people are just born trans and figure it out later.
nearly 100 scientific studies since 1976 suggest that is exactly the case

in any case, I knew when I was 6 but allowed a hostile world bully me into repression. I convinced myself I'd never be accepted, it's just body image issues, I must be crazy
turns out it's just who I am, and the worst thing I ever did to myself was try to be who others demanded I be

>>44203766
its glegzilla

I'm just happier now.

>>44198589
if u made some psychoanalytic shit up about me from an outside perspective it’d be like insecurity and extreme traits of openness and a persistent sadness and feeling on unmet standards combined with extremely toxic male peers in my childhood and secondary psychosexual stuff
i don’t belive in psychoanalytic stuff being the cause of trannies but i belive whatever neurotic self hating psychoanalytic thing u can come up with is certainly pointing to something that happened in your psychological development. but rather was a result of transsexualism and society interrupting your psychological development by intrinsic nature of the condition

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>>44201691
>>44201174
>>44201975
all moids can do is objectify, be sexist, and stereotype women, lmao

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>>44203969

>>44205014
you dont fking get it and your rotten soul will sadly never be capable of understanding so you fling your hateful shit while i speak of divine love & freely share in great detail the core of my entire existence

your mind & soul is small and rotting like a sorry forgotten vegetable; just as your life will if you dont learn the importance of love in some way

>>44198589
I was traumatized by male puberty

>>44200286
what are your thoughts on people like you allowed in female restrooms and girl areas?

>>44198589
i like how they look in suits more

>>44200305
> why? where is the evidence showing that they explain or predict anything
i think reading the replies should be enough to give you an overview.

> why not?
The part I had forgot to mention is predisposition. I think this is the only part that really is born with you, biological factors like hormones and early brain development. Predisposition just makes someone more prone to adopting the trans identity at one point in their life if things go a certain way. I don't believe the biological factors alone are enough to manifest into being trans, but rather other events that contribute to forming that identity.

These events could be things like poor experiences with the opposite sex, absence of positive male/female figures, societal pressures, self image issues, and other forms of traumatic upbringing.
One thing I notice pretty often (for example) is how lots of trans men end up gay. I think this is usually caused by traumatic experiences with men or some form of inferiority complex that would make the trans man suppress sexual attraction towards men till they feel confident enough to express it, ie when they transition to a man.

AGP/HSTS (and their ftm counterparts) for sure do explain a good portion of cases. Obviously I don't think it applies to all, and as I said predisposition combined with certain life experiences would explain the rest - though they overlap.

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I needed to prove that I could do it

>>44205375
woman is when soft and loving and goddess like UwU pure beautiful magical moon goddess womanhood will rescue me from my evil man self UWU!!!! I am not just a weird fetishizing moid projecting sexist romanticization tropes at women Uwu!!! Im PURE, like a WOMAN should be!

>>44203214
i do NOT believe AGP/HSTS explains ALL cases. However I know for a fact it explains a good chunk of them. Read my previous replies.

>>44205375
ah yes the dichotomy of good and evil in the mind of a religious and frail trans lesbian.
that's a double hit of deluded.
it's better than any drug out there and she is mainlining it every single day. I envy Kassandra.
wish I were that brain dead

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>>44205541
putting pussy on a pedestal and worshipping it for a sense of purpose is the oldest moid cope in the world

>>44205558
two fags on estrogen doesn't make lesbians

>>44205576
why are you replying to me

>>44205375
narcissists reject all the bad qualities in themselves. they see themselves as holy or pure when they're this egotistical and up their own ass. religious LGBT people are disabled from delusion.

Unironically, I was born in the wrong body. Growing up I was a sweet, shy only child who was mercilessly bullied every day. Every time I looked in the mirror I would smile wide and imagine I was a girl. I stole family members clothing and makeup on vacations. When I was 15 I learned transition was possible, and when I was 16 I learned about diy from 420chan's /cd/ board. Thank god I did.

>>44205596
a negro told me to

>>44204022
can you provide me with what you're talking about? For the record, I think biological predisposition is absolutely real, I just don't think it's enough to manifest into the transgender identity without other factors.

>>44205668
what diy

>>44205537
No it doesn't.

>>44198589
"I am the one who made me. I built myself as I wished, according to my heart."
-Coffin text spell 714

>>44198589
>AGP/HSTS are also very plausible explanations
Giving a cis white man's pseudo intellectual thoughts credit is crazy lmfao

>>44198589
i dont necessarily like the label. im just a human who gravitated to female culture and expression. nothing should cling too much to anything else

>>44198589
>I don't think people are just born trans
Well then you are a retard, think moar

I dunno, I hate everything about womanhood, I think I grew up at a time where pro male content was so popular and everyone was anti feminist and was constantly calling me a bitch in online video games and what not and i just didn't want to be subhuman anymore. I don't want to be less than, i don't want to be weak and small and kind and loving and a bitch and a whore and anything else. I want to be strong, evil, violent, male. I just didn't want to be punched down on anymore. I don't even hate women ,I'm sexually attracted to them and love them while i'm not to men. I was the subhuman all along, not because i was female but because I couldn't handle the kind of stuff women had to go through since the dawn of time, just going through some of it in one of the most privileged countries be a women yet I cried like a little bitch and couldn't handle it.
I think i'm a man because it was easier for me really, everything about being a woman was hard and sucked, but now my life is better, I let myself be evil and violent and arrogant and i dont try to hide it, and people respect me. I never had that pleasure as a girl.

>>44205394
>people like you
Anyone who passes as well as me doesn't even have this problem.