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Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

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potentially useful resource

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Looking at starting e in October if im under 190, hoping it takes awhile for signs to show since I still live with my parents and it was a battle to get em to even accept im gay.

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How do I get a hug as a nervous wreck genderfucked ugly 38 year old with AvPD.

I'm so lonely but people scare the fucking shit out of me

>>44206885
same do u wanna be scared together

>>44206949
Kind of yeah but now that you mention it whenever someone offers I always get really scared and withdraw completely so I'll probably chicken out the moment it actually becomes anymore more than anonymous post on an image board. I can't be in a position where I'm that vulnerable even if I desperately want to be. I'll go to bed every night wishing I had someone to cuddle but if I ever got into that position I'd probably sabotage it asap and just end up hurting someone else. Hurting myself is whatever but I'd rather be alone that do that to someone else.

*cough-cough*

>>44206995
do you have discord? that’s basically anonymous too

my heart is heavy
and my hope is gone

Bought clothes from the men’s department,again award

holy crap I need to get a grip

>>44208785
Were they cool at least

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>>44208785
You wanna talk about that?
You don’t want to keep shopping in the men’s department, do you?
Have you transitioned? Where are you at there?

>>44209811
full time manmoder 3 years almost hrt. No its ok. Ill grab stuff online next time. My body just sint made for the fast fashion of the streets. So
Oh well.
>>44209790
Kinda?

>>44191008 #
>I completely forgot that your dad was the one hosting you until a few posts ago, it very much reframes the sheer insanity of your circumstances during your time in Australia
It was a lot to deal with, especially as alone as I was.
I wish I could make some friends in Australia or something, anything to keep me more grounded and feeling safe.
I'm scared of life, always have been.

>Did you have to babysit his temper there?
Yes, at times.
Sometimes he's easy to deal with, sometimes not.

>Well, I am available for the next few hours
>I planned to post earlier but life happens
I'm sorry for failing to talk to you then, I have an issue with being avoidant and procrastinating.
It's my own fault, I did this to myself but it's still unfortunate.

>>44191008 #
>He will grumble but I think his sacrifices only need to be your concern insofar he makes it your problem at this point. Maybe I am hard on him
I feel bad about costing him and everyone else so much but I just cant do anything about it.

I don't wanna be a burden anymore, but I just can't seem to toughen up.

>That, unfortunately, makes an awful lot of sense
I always feel like I need to hide or something, I'm always looking for an exit or blowout or some kind.
Our family is pretty stressful to deal with.

I am even looking at ways to get back to my home country without consideration of how my father could be involved.

Like, how I can get to the embassy and be escorted out if I make my dad mad enough to kick me out.

>It would likely need a ton of research and prep time at the best of times
I am willing to put all my wants behind me so long as I can be safe financially and physically.

>By the way, what is your father's legal status over there, is he an Australian citizen?
He is currently registered as a Permanent Resident. It started as a work Visa.

>How did he get citizenship, if that is the case?
He mentioned that the time he spent in Australia qualified him for it.
He said he will have it, eventually.

>>44191008 #
>The biggest hurdle is time in all this, as far as I can tell
>Do tell me how the questioning of your dad went
It went okay I think, I will divulge more of it today.

>>44204647
>I was 28 when I finally began being able to catch up
He did you know that you were finally begining to live and change?
And what made you start to catch up?

I've been trying to catch up for fours years by now.
I just, can't get a grip.

>You can do it bnuuy
Thank you for the kind words.
>You're not in a great enviroment, but I believe in you
You have no idea how much that means to me, now more than ever.

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Finally off work and gonna treat it as a rest day /sig/, made some burgers on the grill

>>44206196
> "i genuinely dont think you will make things better ever again. you are a nice girl but you dont know what it means to care. not being able to cook is fixable. not being able to birth is more fixable than this. looking a certain way is fixabel. this isnt fixable. you just are like this"
what do i do t. current ldr straight c4t bioy of my dreams im so fuckde

breakfast with dr k and coffee ^-^
take care /sig/mas <3

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>>44210292
If you’re “just like this” you didn’t do anything wrong. He makes it sound like he’s doing you a favor by overlooking the fact that you can’t get pregnant or cook for him (yet). I understand dating as a transgirl with this mindset of promising to do anything to repay the kindness of a man being interested in you. I was there once.

I also get how much it can hurt to be rejected by someone you’ve caught feelings for.

But you shouldn’t settle for a guy who thinks you owe him anything for dating you. That’s not love.

And you should look for a guy who likes you, not what he expects you to do for him.

journaling and forcing myself to try and make anything at all even if shitty has been helpful

>>44207686
Nah I tried Discord and that was too scary as well. Having a username isn't anonymous enough for me because when I say something I regret it's associated to me forever.

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Did I mention I caused £46k of damage at work and unironically had my boss get people asking "why is *he* like that?" because I just kept joking about it.
Yeah starting to think there's something going on there, it's like whenever there's actively a fire (not literally but think any situation with risk) I can be entirely serious and as soon as it's over I just can't take it seriously anymore.
Like I keep running the question through in my head because I really don't know why I am like that. Something goes wrong and everyone else is panicking, stressed, etc and I just can't find any weight in it. It tracks back in my history but I just don't feel like I'm built for an environment where the primary risk is some wasted product.
FFS in 12 days in theory but I still don't really believe it's going to happen, or believe that something will go wrong, standard anxiety stuff.
>>44211415
Discrub is a useful extension for this. I have mass purged thousands of messages out of old servers etc before.

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One thing that sucks with bipolar running in the family is even when I try feeling comfortable to talk about my problems, its a gamble on the day of if its even worth doing.

It's always either
>Anon im your mother, even if I don't understand i want to support you and for you to be happy, why can't you talk to me
>Stop your bitching libtard there's Israeli (im not even bullshitting) children out there with harder lives than you, stop this phase and go to church (neither parent have even touched a bible probably since they were 8)

Probably won't even tell em when I start hormones and just see how long till they figure it out

Since journalling was mentioned, bit of a random note: As nice as having an A5 notebook is, with all the space for writing and drawing, I find myself almost never carrying it outside home. I think I will go back to A6 once I'm done with the current one.

Wanted to vent a bit here but realized I lack the ability to articulate any of it... Hope everyone's days are going better than mine

Good night

>>44206403
Generally boomers are not aware enough of tranny stuff to jump to that conclusion. Provided they're not hooked to Fox News 24/7 or something that makes them schizophrenic about it.

>>44206196
Well, its official.

I'm going back to Australia on the 13th August 2026.

I'll get to the other posts when I can but I need to take some time to make peace with this situation.

>>44213661
morning

headaches

>>44205434
>Stop blaming yourself for things that are not your fault
I can try. I will, I will try.

>Come to terms with the fact that your dysfunctional third world environment is likely more responsible for your situation than your individual merit
Okay, I can do that.
I can actually see it now.

>Put yourself at an emotional arm's length from your relatives who are causing you to stress out
I will.
The problem is, sometimes that will include my father and I will have to live with him again.

Why am I so scared of him, if he doesn't physically hurt me?

>that done, realize you'll probably need to take advantage of every little thing you can from your environment to move forwards
I know.
I know I have to make use of opportunities, I just feel so awful for asking for things so often when I can't pay anyone back at all.

I don't want to be alone and confused anymore.

There's still talk from my dad about selling our house one day, from what one of my siblings told me.
Nothing immediate but the idea is still there.

I don't know what to say.

I just don't know what is the correct choice anymore.

I just want a better life, to have decent cash and not be homeless at all.
I don't want to be abandoned.

Why is life so hard for me to manage.

>Also, don't disregard the possibility of studying if it appears at all, I did that for years, and it was a mistake
My grandfather, the one paying for my ticket back to Australia, says I should consider studying Graphic Design (just like I wanted to a few years ago).

I have no idea if he would be willing to pay for it though.
I just don't know.

>Even if a degree doesn't guarantee employment, showing up to an interview with a degree is always better than showing up without one
I have one bachelor degree in software development.

I am not sure if it helps back I wanted to mention it.

>>44214976
Sorry, I forgot to link these two posts:
>>44215058

I saw a therapist for a while way back when I was in my teens and she helped me with the depression and anxiety stuff but I never mentioned what was really bothering me which was the gender stuff. I wasn't comfortable and wasn't really sure if my feelings were real and thought she would just disregard it. I really regret that, but I don't see any point seeing one now 20 years later. It's too late, it's not really going to change anything since I'm never going to take action and just keep repping. Also it's really fucking hard to get a therapist here, the waitlists are insane. If I get a spot in therapy I'm taking that spot away from someone who probably deserve it more and can still be helped.

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>>44044647
>>44044651
>>44044661
>>44044668
>>44047853
I made the penne pasta recipe from last thread. I am not used with salt and pepper, plus stock as seasoning. If I may comment, it tastes very, alright. I forgot to find cheese and butter, so cooking oil should do. at least I did remember to get milk.
i tried to reduce the liquid as much as I can, and while liquid on the pot looks a lot, when you serve it, you wish you didn't reduce it that much.

"Error: Our system thinks your post is spam. Please reformat and try again."
now, come on.

>>44215461
Looks tasty.

>>44211415
what I did was make a throwaway discord with a random username (a friend literally just used anon), and kept it anon when talking with people. give it a shot, or any platform that doesn't want your phone like a creepy stalker

I don't think I'll ever be able to get a grip in life at tho rate.

It's all just too much.

>Idk how much time you have left at this point,
I have until the 13th of August.

Not a lot of time, enough to cancel going back but probably not enough got my dad to get a refund on tickets.

>but a list of pros and cons regarding your upcoming moving choice might help you, if nothing else, at least make an "informed" decision
I've done this twice, both with pretty similar results.
I don't WANT to leave but my gut and reality tells me that this is the last 'easy' way to go abroad.

Maybe I can share those pros and cons here, to be sure.

>Since your main concern is economical (same here!) pay special attention to where your economic opportunities are best
That's a lot harder to quanitify.

My home country has a very high unemployment rate, especially for younger people.

News from Australia has a similar impression, but it is a lot harder back home.

I need to start making real money with online work, I need an income stream that will adapt to the world.
I am horrified of being homeless one day.

>>44214976
>>44205434
>>44216612
Sorry again.

pg8

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I am going to take a break from my spiralling.

Here's something pleasant to look at for the moment.

pg7

cig time /sig/mas!! get it?!? cig sig eheh :3
pg7 meow :3

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Hi /sig/, Panty here. I cooked some Zuppa Toscana today, and a few days ago I made more sweet potato chili. I tried making the chili with onions curls, which are supposedly easier to turn into a more meat-like meat substitute. I like the texture, although I’m not done experimenting with onions curls.

I got the idea from a vegan cooking content creator called TheeBurgerDude, who specializes in the “vegan simulation of non-vegan foods” genre of vegan cooking. Not really my thing, but fun to dabble in.

I’m talking to a financial counselor, I think I mentioned that. She suggested that whenever I eat at home instead of getting fast food, I put $10 in my savings account (which is the average amount of what I spend). Make the money I save by eating at home a little more concrete. I’m planning on buying a mini freezer with the money I save, so I can store more prepped meals.

I also listed a couple of things on eBay.

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Out walking again before bed

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>>44190969
>My LDR times are slowly coming to a close after 5+ years of long distance.
That must feel nice, I'm happy you get to close that chapter of your life. Hugging people you love feels good.
>I can very much imagine that your illness makes you feel like an alien as people probably also struggle really understanding what it is like.. or maybe I am thinking about it wrong?
No, that is definitely a large chunk of it. There are other reasons, but a lot of it circles back to not being able to live like others do.
Peers finishing degrees, getting jobs, getting higher paychecks, going on vacations. I'm stuck on the outside looking in.
It is what it is. I can't do a whole lot about it. Whatever progress I make will never be enough to take me where the average person seems to exist, nor will it be able to stop me from ageing or being in pain. That is simply how it is now and how it will continue to be in the future.

I'm doing okay myself but I have a really selfish desire to cut out people in my life who won't stop trauma dumping and talking about self harm and shit
I'm floating on a life raft and they're threatening to pull me off of it

I'm a straight cismoid. I've had multiple women assume i'm gay/bi. It doesn't bother me but it's just funny it has happened multiple times. I want thoughts and opinions from you guys? (Just to be clear they're my platonic friends and don't know each other, so I don't think it's a bit they do.)

>>44206196
I have quite possibly the worst shoulders of anyone I know—so bad that my mom commented on them the moment I came out as something that I'll never be able to change—and I'm trying to figure out how to not want to kill myself about them.

Good night

>>44222594
morning

I feel really sick all of a sudden.

>>44222831
What'd you eat?

>>44223238
Nothing weird really.
Same stuff as always.

>>44220092
Looks lovely.

>>44206196
Goodluck out there.

Good morning /sig/!
What are your projects? Im gonna try to turn my old childhood bedroom into a library cause its vacant

pg7 bump meow :3

>>44224879
It is! I appreciate being so close to it and how quiet it is so I can think about being a fag in peace

>>44226374
thank you, cat

Pg7

I am tired and I want to sleep, please don't die.

p7
>>44227138
:3
>>44228209
dw twin let kitten handle it mreaow :3

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Hi /sig/. A frayed spot in the fitted sheet on my bed turned into a big hole a couple of nights ago, so I bought a replacement today.

I bought a nice set of Egyptian cotton bedsheets last summer, and they feel great, but I guess owning one really nice set of bedsheets meant that I wore them out faster. I’ll have to make getting multiple sets a priority going forward.

Also, I was able to mail my torn fitted sheet to Trashie today, which is this company that sells bags you can fill with damaged textiles and supposedly they recycle the fabric.

I am still losing weight, slowly but steadily. The clothes I’ve been wearing are getting baggy. I think it’s time to try on some more of my old clothes and see if anything new fits me again.

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I really need to improve my discipline cause i see food and i eat it at this rate I’ll never be thinspo :(

I picked up the trash in my room! but it'll probably only take a few days to get bad again anyways

Good night

>>44231252
one thing that helped me cut down food cravings is having low calorie snacks around. yes you aren't exactly addressing the issue but just having something safe, for the lack of a better term, to eat is nice.
personally i always keep some fruits around to snack on :3

>>44230606
>Trashie today, which is this company that sells bags you can fill with damaged textiles and supposedly they recycle the fabric.
that's so cool! i have some older clothes i wanted to get rid of but they are pretty worn so i did not want to leave them at goodwill, i'll look into it ^-^

>>44231711
gnight

I’ve lost 60 pounds, started lifting weights & I actually have physical outdoor hobbies for the first time in my life. I’m still a fatass but I’m getting better day by day. Now all I need is the courage to try and date another woman but I’m utterly terrified.

>>44232707
That sounds great.

>>44231711
morning

Pg7

I feel sick.

>>44229287
thank u kitten
i am very proud of u

>>44214976
>>44216612
>The problem is, sometimes that will include my father and I will have to live with him again.
What I mean by "emotional arm's length" is to not let their emotions get to you. It's not easy, but you'll have to learn to not accept whatever they tell you as fair.
>Why am I so scared of him, if he doesn't physically hurt me?
Emotional abuse is abuse nonetheless, you know he has financial power over you, and he has threatened to hurt you with it, even if he wouldn't act on it, the threat is emotionally harsh.

>I have no idea if he would be willing to pay for it though.
Ask! Politely ofc, alternatively you should figure out if there are any government programs you can take advantage of, scholarships and the like. As I said, don't feel guilty to take advantage of anything that's at your disposal if any.

>I have one bachelor degree in software development.
>I need to start making real money with online work, I need an income stream that will adapt to the world.
Right, I'm not in the threads a lot so I forgot...I'm guessing your job hunting has been in the software industry, I won't ask you to go into too much detail about that because I'm sure you've already talked about it plenty, but have you considered coding some small apps that you could use to get google adsense money from? How much money do you need to be making? In Australia you'll need to make more than where you are right now I suppose...

>>44230606
sounds like good progress

Goodnight everybody, I feel a lot better now after exercise and sleep.

>>44206196
I want hugs and kisses.

>>44220068
Looking good.

>>44238296
⊂((・▽・))⊃

pg8 meow :3

>>44239740
nice save

>>44238730
thank you...

I really hope I don't have stomach ulcers.

today i will self improve generally

>>44242791
good

Today I did not really manage to get anything done. But tomorrow is a new day.

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OP here, in case anyone is wondering, I am on sick leave for a little while. I will be back in a few days but

I will lie down now.
Stay safe

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>>44237078
Thanks! I’m feeling good about it. Today I’m going to make some more fried rice and egg salad. Feels good getting ahead of the curve on meal prepping.

>>44243606
The days where you don’t do much are what make possiblw the days where you get things done.

>>44244010
Rest well and feel better Siganon! Thank you for everything you do.

>>44244010
No worries, stay safe and get some rest.
Thank you for all your efforts.

>>44236500
>What I mean by "emotional arm's length" is to not let their emotions get to you
>It's not easy, but you'll have to learn to not accept whatever they tell you as fair
I know.
I take everything a little too personally, I need to stop it. Because it's not helping anyone when I panic.
I freeze up when people are upset with me, I hate confrontation but there's no shot I can avoid it.

>Emotional abuse is abuse nonetheless, you know he has financial power over you, and he has threatened to hurt you with it,
I think this is part of why talking to him is so hard for me.
I know what I say and do will affect my family and my own life very directly.

>even if he wouldn't act on it, the threat is emotionally harsh
It does feel that way to me.
He can be very harsh with just his words.

pg8 meow :3
>>44244010
get rest and take care siganon <3
>>44235445
:3 mao
>>44240997
:3 ty

pg6

>>44206196
I don't want to live like this anymore please.

I can't be a dopamine addict forever.

goodnight /sig/

Lately I've had so many paranoid episodes of dread about things and the worst part is that I feel if I talk about them specifically I'll invite them to become real

>>44248922
They're always transient and pass after anywhere from a few minutes to a few days but they fuck up my appetite so bad because I go into "I am about to die or have my life ruined" mode

I hate that this website psyopped me into thinking that so many gross and/or cruel things are cool and okay for so long
I like to think that I'm better now but I feel permanently dirty

>>44248922
holy molly me too

>>44206196
I think I'm afraid of dying alone.

I've spent my life very poorly.

pg8

>>44248922
>>44249115
>>44249481

This kind of sounds like OCD, just feel like saying. OCD can involve an irrational certainty that something bad is going to happen, and that you can keep it from happening with thoughts or rituals of some kind.

It might help to keep track of where you are and what you’re doing when you have these thoughts, because they can be triggered by cues in your environment even if it doesn’t seem like they are. And knowing your triggers can help you deal with the cause of these reactions.

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>>44251093
You’re not dead yet. There is still time. And even if you’re in a hole figuratively speaking, you can always start digging your way out. Whatever you’re up against, however behind you are, you can start making the best of it now.

I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time myself, but the best thing you can do about that is start doing now what you wish you had done sooner. I’ve spent the past few months reading through my book hoard, for example. I wish I had started sooner, but I’m glad I finally started.

pg8 :3

>>44254190
thanks

>>44252780
Thank you, Panty.
I needed this.

>>44244010
Thank you, and stay safe as well.

i made it through another plateau in weight loss and found some people irl to hang out, we're probably going to a cat cafe! i think that's some progress? apart from that working on a project for my resume and feeling a lot more confident about my chances for this hiring cycle.

i'm a bit high and feeling a bit emotional so bear with me for a second. i love all sm <3 i never realized how /sig/ helped me actually work on a lot of the problems i had with myself and in my life. i was stuck on trying to cut down weight but i was stuck with no progress. i had cut myself out of most social interactions and this place kind of helped me realize that that's not really the right way to deal with things. i think the fact that we're a bunch of people just working towards "fixing" our lives (for the lack of a better term) helped somehow. that was a lot of emotionslop, we'll be returning to the scheduled programming.

as always ly all /sig/mas. sending virtual hugs ⊂((・▽・))⊃

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I'm just wasting my life not being able to control anything about it, I can't force myself to do anything, I'm not motivated to do anything and I don't even know if I want to do anything. Half of the time I don't even want to waste the whole day but I sit in front of my pc and without me noticing hours past by while I barely did anything and I don't know if it's problem with my brain being slow now or if it's another memory issue I have to remember about.
I still don't have anyone irl whom I could trust or with whom I could spend some time, I still don't try to actively improve my life and instead continue to be a failure idk why I'm even trying to post here again aside from being bored
I wish I wouldn't be bored or that at least I wouldn't be bored a tranny but maybe even without it I would end up being a slog I am after all

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Personal update: I made more egg salad sandos.

>>44256856
It’s okay that you’re feeling bad. This is a good place to post when you’re feeling stuck, want to change things, and aren’t sure where to start. You might be afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone. You can’t fail if you don’t try, but you can’t succeed either. It might help you to think about it this way: Ready isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice. I think you have goals, you’re just afraid that trying and failing would hurt worse than not trying at all.

I understand not knowing if you want to even try improving your circumstances. Take it from me: It feels better than giving up.

And I have one piece of practical advice: Set a timer on your PC for 25 minutes. Whenever the timer goes off, get up and move around, take care of something in your space. Put some laundry in the hamper or throw away trash, etc. You can’t lose track of time on your computer if you use it in 25 minute intervals.

>>44255394
Glad I could help!

pg8 meow :3

Good night

pg8
(i lied it's pg7)

>>44259472
no problemo

>>44215239
20 years of active repping must be so exhausting, I'm so sorry. I actively repped for 10years and it kinda destroyed me.
even if you don't decide to troon out, your pain deserves to be heard, that scared teenage girl deserves to be known.
but also it's never too late. go gently Nona.

I could use a

my body fucking sucks

>>44257436
Looks yummers.

>>44248300
morning, Anon

>>44261755
morning :3

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sounds like something that was said ITT once

pg8 :3

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FFS in 7 days.
3-mile run PR is at 21:25
Work is still stressing me out by leaving me as the only engineer in an entire factory for 12 hours at a time.
Private HRT prescriptions are a joke DIY or die btw. They consider 300-800mpol/l E levels (80-220pg/ml) to be acceptable and don't want to prescribe a blocker while trying to get me on gel/pills.
>>44244010
Get well soon <3
>>44245965
mrrp

>>44245965
mwroer

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>>44257436
Made some fried rice with Spam and eggs today. The last thing I want to do is make some strawberry sandos and then I’ll be set for a while.

>>44261296
Thanks! I feel like I’m still getting the hang of frying the bread and I want to make them prettier, but that’s something that will have to come with practice.

I've been gaining weight on purpose while also strength training, squatting and just mostly lots of leg exercise . . . my ass is looking great! but im losing my slutty waist i liked when i was anorexic grrrrrrrrrr

>>44265087
Congrats.

Talking to my mother has been a very pleasant surprise.
Despite how closed off and hard to talk to I can be, she's been very supportive during our chats.
I feel like I can tell her more from here on and I can do it gracefully.

>>44236500
>Ask! Politely ofc,
I will, I will ask this another day from now.

>alternatively you should figure out if there are any government programs you can take advantage of, scholarships and the like
Unlikely for my country but I think some abroad options could be considered.

>As I said, don't feel guilty to take advantage of anything that's at your disposal if any
You're right.
I don't have a ton of options, so what is there I have to cherish.

>>44264474
pg5 :b

dont dieee

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I worked out earlier tonight. It felt great, and like I could get more done faster. I’m proud of the progress I’ve made in my fitness journey, and that I can work out and feel better physically and mentally.

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Today's my first time using 4chan, buuuut-

How do I make my tits bigger without sugery? I'm a cis/pan girl, but very physically stunted (anorexia and malnutrition for a majority of my childhood)

I'm almost completely flat, but don't want to have work done surgery-wise.

I've tried gaining weight and muscle, but It's so far been extremely hard to escape the mildly skinny sort of physique i've been at the last few years. Is there a special treatment or like, boob... exercise (?) I could do? Sorry if this isn't the right place to ask, i've heard that people on here know a LOTTTT things.

(img unrelated, just something i drew in flash!)

>>44268090
Hiii welcome
It might take a while for someone to reply with advice in this thread since it's pretty slow so don't be discouraged

Good night

>>44268090
flash in the big 26
nice

goodnight /sig/

>>44269320
night

>>44268090
cute pic

>>44267292
Awesome, very happy for you.

p9

>>44273543
yeah, I gotta do better about that

>>44274126
You have NO idea how much I appreciate your hard work, Anon <3
It really means a lot to me that you and a few others keep the thread alive when I am busy/out of commission.

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Tomorrow I will finally work through /sig/ again. Thank you all for your continued effort.

>>44275185
gosh bless

>>44215461
Looks pretty good given the difficulties you seemingly had. I hope it tasted good.

>>44220068
>>44257436
>Zuppa Toscana
What's that? I'm not a big fan of soups, but that one does look pretty substantial...

The egg salad sandwiches still look tasty...

>>44276429
Yeah, I recommend trying to make Zuppa Toscana. The primary ingredients are thin sliced potatoes, kale, a pound of ground spicy Italian sausage, and I add a can of white beans to mine. I make a point of cooking with potatoes regularly because they’re a carb source with more nutrients than rice or pasta. If you cook potatoes yourself they’re much healthier than their association with fast food would have you believe.

I started with a copycat recipe of Olive Garden’s version, but with 2 potatoes and 3 cups of broth to fit the pot I have. It still makes a good 7 servings. I’m using half a can of coconut milk instead of cream (mostly because I buy good coconut milk in bulk).

https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/a45873/best-copycat-olive-garden-zuppa-toscana-recipe/

And I’m glad you like how my egg salad sandwiches look! I need to write post the recipe for those too.

Good night

>>44268090
take off your name, faggot

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Give it to me straight; everyone is bullshitting when they say starving yourself won't make you lose weight, right? Like they're just saying that to prevent harm. I literally suck at moderation, so I just need to not eat as much as possible. I need to limit myself to like one meal every other day or something. I'm so fucking sick and tired of being a tall fat tranny faggot.

goodnight /sig/

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>>44279131
Starving yourself isn’t even a good weight loss strategy. Long term, your body can adjust to surviving on less food, and you can get used to eating less than you should. Here’s an article elaborating on this:

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/starving-yourself

I understand the pain of being a fat tranny. I gained a lot of weight a few years ago and I’m still working it off. But doing things right takes time.

If you want blunt advice, try this: “I suck at moderation”? Skill issue. Git gud at eating at a small calorie deficit.

god
my body hurts

I wish I had a job so I could have health insurance and get all of my medical anxieties assuaged

>>44281971
same here, sister

>>44277889
For my egg salad sandwiches, this is the video I started with:

https://youtu.be/GTvnaVWyxqo?si=wYTIAbYBTx6oH0w1

I make the carrot and cabbage salad layer from the first recipe and the egg salad method that starts at the 10 minute mark. I use Kewpie mayo, which I don’t think they specify but that’s a standard ingredient in Korean street food.

Also, I use Brioche bread that I’ve toasted, buttered and fried in a pan. This keeps the bread dry and firm.

can humans stop using the word everybody and replace it with everybunny? it sounds way better!
anyways pg6 :3

i need to get my shit together

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I managed 5 posts today, I hope there will be more tomorrow.
>>44183388
>I've dropped about 120 pounds since last year by aiming for 60 miles a week of walking and eating right, started actual gym training recently for a more toned look.
Awesome, Anon!
>Is it worth it for me to actually start at 25 (5'10 male) or is it over?
As for DIY/transitioning, so far everyone I know here that started late and went over the hump of self loathing/brainworms did not regret it beyond wishing they had started sooner.
>>44184922
>Ate a lot of food today in a good way
Glad to hear.
>>44192863
>I think my self isolation is finally starting to catch up to me.
>I don't think I really want to die alone, actually.
Nobody does, so I assume one of your medium term goals is to make friends? Any old contacts you could rekindle to that end?
>>44201514
>Its hella hot today but fatloss doesn't wait
Hope things have been going well for you since, despite the heat.
>>44202754
>I got a bicycle and have been doing deliveries in one of the shitty apps available here.
I am glad it helps you get some exercise while proving you wit some much needed funds.
How is it going so far, you're probably a few weeks in by now, right?

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>>44203644
Hm, I assume you are relying on shaving exclusively right now, right? Have you considered laser, or is it currently not an option?
>>44206393
This is interesting, frankly I never have made use of that concise a distinction..
I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on it.
>>44206746
If you know you have AvPD the best thing you can to is to look into the resources on it to help you cope with/work around your attachment style. Even if it feels like it you are not at all condemned to be alone forever even if you aren't a looker. Nobody wants to die alone after all.
>>44206995
>I'd probably sabotage it asap and just end up hurting someone else.
So you are very avoidant, have you ever looked into attachment styles? We have some resources on it that may help you mitigate these urges and help you avoid running away. I'm no professional but if you wanna we can talk about what motivates you to do so, if you can articulate it well.
>>44208566
What's on your mind, Anon?

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Oh, I noticed you copied over your post from last thread bunon, so I hope it's alright I just reply to this, if I overlooked something do tell me.
>>44210125
>I feel bad about costing him and everyone else so much
He put you and your siblings on this Earth, bun. Sure you are your own person and have agency but at the same time knowing the absolute state of your family it is very clear that you having to rely on him still is in no small part the consequences of his own actions.
>I always feel like I need to hide or something, I'm always looking for an exit or blowout or some kind.
Yes, it is a common but unfortunately maladaptive response. It doesn't help you feel under a lot of pressure to perform well.
>He is currently registered as a Permanent Resident. It started as a work Visa.
Very interesting. Do you know the specifics of how he got it, the programs involved, the people? In the end you need him for very little if things go well but one thing you seem to need the most right now is information. It sounds a lot like he had a foot in the door through some means and for some reason does not help you get into the same pipeline he did, perhaps as a product of his paranoid delusions.
>He said he will have it, eventually.
I see, so right now he is a resident but not a citizen, that sorta deal?
>It went okay I think, I will divulge more of it today.
Still catching up with the thread, hope I get to that part today.
>>44210211
Hell yeah Anon, glad to hear you got some rest!
>>44210292
I am sorry the relationship did not work out, Anon. Having been through LDR for a long time there's many things I can tell you from experience are way harder to fix remotely. What is it exactly about you that your partner deemed unfixable?
>>44210500
How do you like your coffee?

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>>44211259
>journaling and forcing myself to try and make anything at all even if shitty has been helpful
It sucks especially at the beginning but is shockingly effective a lot of the time, isn't it?
>>44214301
Thanks for the update, bun!
>>44215032
>I don't know what to say.
I think with your dad there is no correct choice to make on your end, he is seemingly quite unstable and any form of control over the situation you may have is limited by your father's outbursts. Nothing you can do has a burden of responsibility attached to it. Not in this.
>>44212007
>Probably won't even tell em when I start hormones and just see how long till they figure it out
Unironically for the best, there is a low chance they are going to be receptive to learn different ways to ground themselves and cope with the own inner world given their age and outlook, least of all from their own child. I have first hand experience with relatives like that.
>>44212238
>I think I will go back to A6 once I'm done with the current one.
Probably for the best, A5 is just at the brink of portability given it is slightly larger than a wallet. You could have two, one you keep at home and one you keep on you outdoors (in your clothes/purse/etc) if you wanna have the best of both worlds.

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>>44212493
>Wanted to vent a bit here but realized I lack the ability to articulate any of it...
Want a bit of help with that? Was it about feelings or something else?
>>44194501
>>44215461
Honestly it seems like the amount and variety of spices available has also grown quite a lot across the west since my childhood, at least from what I have gathered traveling to various countries in the past 10 years and extrapolating.
>I made the penne pasta recipe from last thread.
>If I may comment, it tastes very, alright.
Yes, it is a very basic meal, it can be alleviated to something I would consider quite tasty but effort increases for that by a fair amount (making your own stock etc) I dug up the original recipe, sadly only the US version is online so it's in imperial units. The book is the Silver Spoon from Phaidon, and is available at all shadow libraries. It has a lot of recipes for every skill level!
I could also offer you a few more dishes, some more strugglemeal-y than others. And you are right the amount of liquid is very deceptive in the pot! I know you wanna lose weight but I don't think we ever talked about meals you actually enjoy eating. I know you dislike overly spiced food so Italian is in fact a very good choice of cuisine to look into. But what do you like?
>"Error: Our system thinks your post is spam."
I can tell you from experience one issue is that there is a hardcoded limit of how many posts you can reply to per post. 5 links is all the system allows, which I have to work around A LOT in /sig/.
>>44216345
So you're overwhelmed, I take it! What is it exactly that would need fixing? Perhaps if broken down into smaller more manageable parts you can at least get to a much more bearable state of affairs, which would give you the energy to tackle bigger things!

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>>44215239
>I really regret that, but I don't see any point seeing one now 20 years later.
From what I have seen you are better off trying than regretting not having done so 20 more years down the line. It is an exhausting ordeal to get started but at least you can move forward with peace of mind.
>It's too late
>just keep repping.
I am not going to try and change your mind since I don't know your circumstances, but I can tell you that even doing some things that don't force you to socially transition can immensely improve your QoL.
>If I get a spot in therapy I'm taking that spot away from someone
You need to understand that those who urgently need this often have that mindset and you should not trust yourself to tell how urgently you do, not in that sense. The best thing you could do for these hypothetical people is, paradoxically, to categorically oppose the idea of needing to deserve it enough. You going may even inspire others to go.
>>44220381
>Hugging people you love feels good.
It really does, and I hope you get to experience it frequently too, sooner or later!
>No, that is definitely a large chunk of it.
It is rough, even at the best of times. I have seen a lot of people with chronic conditions seek out others to confide in in small communities, it seems to help some, but I don't know if that is your sort of thing to look into. I know tumblr has several but I am not at all well versed in social media at all, given that the closest place to those I spend any significant amount of time in is.. here. I just mention it because I would hate to see you feel alone in all this.
>>44220092
Thank you for sharing that lovely view, Anon.

Is it okay if I lightly trauma dump about some more things on my mind?

Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day.

>>44284830
yes bunanon! and good luck for tomorrow <3

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Goodnight.
>>44221425
If you have ever been in an airplane you might have heard the phrase "please be sure to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others". You have a limited amount of energy, you are trying to get better yourself. You must tell people your limits, and they have got to respect them, because otherwise the result won't be good for them OR you! You are not being selfish, it is in their own best interest not to overwhelm you.
>>44222084
>I'm a straight cismoid.
(Lemme pre-empt you are nonetheless welcome ITT)
>I want thoughts and opinions from you guys?
It's an odd place to be in for sure. If I were in your shoes I would probably try and probe them a little, pick their brains if it is just some vibe they are getting (in which case it might just be them stereotyping something or other which isn't worth thinking about much) or if they have something more profound to share. Bi-ness in general is something I would put on a scale (think Kinsey scale), where there is usually a practical consideration to be had where one is purely gay/straight or enough of either for it to functionally be irrelevant to put any disclaimers on top. I'm a bi cismoid myself, if there is anything you would like to hear from a perspective of someone who has dated either sex I am happy to provide answers.
>>44222101
You could look into fashion. Wide/squarish shoulders can be worked with even if it is not at all my forte. It would give you something that is in your power to change/work around to mess with. It might backfire if you struggle to find things (it's not a subject that is super easy to get into without someone else in the field I find) but it's worth a shot I think.
>>44225072
Good luck to you, too.
>>44225197
Oh lovely! My current project is to prepare moving countries one last time, though the real deal will only begin come December.

pg7

my back hurts a little

I will always be a failure

>>44284826
If youre MTF you pass fine. If you're FTM, neck exercises would do you good, as well as different glasses frames. A haircut that suits your face better would also be preferable, since your current one is feminizing you.

>>44285981
Not with that attitude.

But I know how you feel and what you mean.

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people say that you should transition and not kill yourself if you are a repper, but I have yet to see an image of anyone with a worse starting point than me

>>44286037
>If youre MTF you pass fine.
Literally how?

>>44286161
>>44284826
You look like you are going to recommend me feminist literature

>>44286161
Because she looks like a dood? Obviously.

I want to try being more social. Starting projects with other creatives, gaming socially, generally being less of a loner.
I don't know if this site as a whole is built to let that sort of thing happen without me fighting against a lot of friction but I feel like nowhere else is really designed to encourage *actual* (albeit digital) socializing and connection-making either.
I want friends and peers but to have peers I need to actually do things and to have friends I probably need to try things other than attempting to make friends with people who are solely out to make friends with no mutual tie to some larger thing.
Its been a very long time since I did anything worth a shit though.

Last time I tried something like this I sort of fucked myself sideways and I think burned a few people (not friends but still human beings) in the process and I don't want to do that to anybody again but I need to try again. Maybe if I just don't fuck up this time or fuck up in a socially acceptable way I'll actually build some strong momentum

>>44286166
Literally what does that mean?

>>44286286
This a clearly ungamoid shape what are you even on about?

>>44284458
>How do you like your coffee?
i got a moka pot with some robusta. pairs really well with spicier cigs like camels. sometimes i dilute it with hot water, sometimes a dash of milk too :D

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>>44286138
You’re looking at this from entirely the wrong angle. You’ve decided that it’s literally easier to die than love yourself warts and all.

I understand it’s difficult and scary to love yourself, but I’m pretty sure it feels better than dying and will give you more opportunities to enjoy yourself and leave a positive impression on other people’s lives.

I get that when you’re pre everything, you’re going to want to feel pretty, and it’s terrifying (and easy) to think that you couldn’t possibly ever feel pretty. But passing and looking pretty isn’t all down to measurements. There are lots of ways to pass and be pretty. We can’t all be Paris Hilton, and isn’t the world a more interesting place for it?

And there is so much more to life than being pretty. And the sooner you come out and paint your nails and take your hormones and what have you, the sooner you can stop agonizing over this gender stuff and get on with the rest of your life.

I really tried to make this post helpful, so I hope it helps somebody.

pg8

Good night

goodnight /sig/

>>44288832
night

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> https://open-slum.org/
This is GRIM.

good luck out there, everyone
we'll need it

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Ive come to the realization that Im extremely emotionally manipulative. I have no sense of self worth and need people to like me, desperately. I act in ways that "trick" people into liking me. I insert my negative emotions into statements to try to make people feel sympathetic for me. It works well for drawing bleeding hearts to me, but eventually everyone realizes Im awful and leaves - either by getting tired of my constant negativity, recognizing my emotional manipulations, or just outright clocking the lies I told that formed the foundation of our friendship.
This past week my closest friend realized all three and was grievously wounded by it all. She is a wonderful person and didnt deserve that. Didnt deserve someone like me to twist her feelings. She had enough grace to remain my friend, but has kindly called me out on my manipulation.
I was raised by a severely mentally ill narcissistic. I am, myself, diagnosed BPD. Where do I even begin for fixing myself? How do I... begin to even have a sense of self when Ive been certifiably awful to so many people?
I want to change. But the weight of my guilt has been so immense that it has driven me to the edge of suicide. The only reason I didnt jump from the parking garage the other day was because I looked down and realized a horizontal pole halfway down would break my fall (and probably my back)...
I dont want to be like this. I want to live. I want to be an actually good friend, instead of someone people call a good friend to keep her from freaking out.
Ik "seek therapy" is a good start, but I cant afford therapy rn and... have a history of therapists giving up on me...
Someone please help...

>>44290152
Same person, just adding...
I think its a cycle. I hurt people by manipulating them. This adds to my sense that Im a "bad person". I withdraw and become friendless. I become overwhelmed by my personal need for interaction (im a pretty solid extrovert). I start interacting again. I dont feel like Im worth knowing. I start lying and manipulating to make friends. It goes good for a while. Cycle repeats.
I really do love and care for the people I meet. I would fall on my own sword for any of them. So why cant I stop breaking their trust? Why cant I just be honest? Surely there's something about the real me to like... I hate myself so so much...

>>44290152
I feel like everybody with BPD lives one of two lives this reads as textbook type stuff
no idea how to help i don't have it myself and i don't care to research but you seem to be running the playbook so just go research what others have done to get their shit together. should be pretty straightforward stuff if you can get your head around it

>>44290233
Aye. Ive been reading about DBT (#1 BPD treatment) but my issues seem to run pretty deep and Im... scared. Scared of always being like this. Scared of actually being broken. Scared of hurting people more. Im kinda dedicating a lot of free time to reading around about this but I wanted to ask for help here since I know these kinds of issues are common here (in /lgbt/, idk about /sig/ specifically) and it's anonymous. I think the anonymity is important for me in particular. I strive so hard to be known, so maybe asking for help while completely faceless... plus ik there's some good peeps here.

>>44290354
>Scared of always being like this. Scared of actually being broken. Scared of hurting people more
Don't know if your personal framework lets you hold onto this thought but it kind of is what it is.
There's nothing else to do but either get better or die trying (or die not trying I'm not your mom).
I don't think you can ever ditch the fear of not being better but the thing that eats up your mental bandwidth should never be fear of the future. The game plays out how the game plays out, your job is to set things up so it plays out how you want.
How you do that I have no fucking idea, but its easy to spiral on that first step.
I do believe in you, by the way. Earnestly wanting to change statistically puts you at solid odds to ending up actually changing.
>I strive so hard to be known, so maybe asking for help while completely faceless
Scummy ask but can you trade me some knowledge? I'm sort of shit at meeting people, especially online, and at this point I need every advantage I can get.
I think there's a way I can ask you this question where it feels less like I'm asking you for info and more like I'm prodding you for your life story and then grabbing the info from there but that kinda feels like the evil way to go about it.

>>44290466
Yea. Ive already started trying to reframe some of my mindsets. Its gonna take time. Im scared of ending up alone again, but Im more scared of hurting people I care about again.
>trade me some knowledge?
Yea sure, Im a pretty open book. An emotional as fuck book that likes to catch on fire and burn whoever is holding it sometimes, but... this should be a pretty safe spot. Whats up?

>>44290527
>but Im more scared of hurting people I care about again.
I think the best you can do besides trying to be better is just being transparent. Let people know what's going on, let people know how you feel or if anything has been going on lately, don't keep your cards close to your chest.
>>44290527
>Whats up?
Do you have any tips on getting people 'in the door' so to speak online? And where to pull from? I have an easy enough time keeping up with anons or other kinds of unstructured socializing but I don't know how to cross the gap from random to associate. How do you cross the gap and how can I do so in a way that people want to reciprocate? Past that point its smooth fucking sailing.

>>44290684
Asking for contact and making the effort to keep contact is the first step (of course, that comes with ensuring you arent the only one putting in effort. Reciprocal effort is ideal)
Its an ugly truth of the world that people like to listen to themselves talk more than they like to listen most of the time. For me, thats a good thing, because I love to learn about other people. (Kinda leads into the whole emotionally manipulative bit, because when I know more about them than they do about me, its easy to craft myself into the person they want/need in their life. Er, DONT do that part btw) Ask questions about them, follow up on things they like later or things they have going on in their life. Look, ideally for shares interests. If you both like certain bands, talk about the new album/tour. If they say theyre going to a show, note when that is and followup after the show for stories. Check in on little things in their lives, too.
Im not saying all the information flows one way. Obviously you need to relate to people and talk about yourself, else the bond never forms. But often Im looking to know the other person, not share myself - and ideally they are looking to know me in the same way. When two people want to know each other, thats when you get those quick and tight bonds.
Other than that, its kind of a numbers game, desu? I talk to a lot of people and most of them wont be my friend at the end of the day. That's okay.
(1/2) holy shit I had so much to say I had to split it into two messages...

>>44290797
(2/2)
Past that, I think securing and fostering friendships also has a lot to do with DOING things together, and thats where a lot of online friendships fall through. Sharing your lives via text can feel enticing at the word, but after a while theres only gonna be so much to share. I love to drag people into VCs, co-op games, just listening to music together, whatever. You have to kind of try to bridge the gap of things that would normally happen in a face to face relationship. Like, think about it, do you ever just hang out with friends face to face and talk flatly to each other? Sometimes, sure, but most of the time (IME) Im doing stuff with IRL friends, so I kinda transplant the theory over to my online friends.

Okay thats probably enough word vomit. I kinda just spat my stream of consciousness at the screen while idling in my car without sanity checking it so I hope this makes sense? Socializing is a skill, so, yk, get out there and talk to people. Itll get easier and make more sense over time, especially if you pay attention to what works/doesnt work (without getting too down on yourself when things dont pan out the way you want it to)

>>44290797
>>44290804
These seem like good first steps I appreciate all of it. Gonna take me forever to internalize all of it so I don't have much to return in kind but it makes sense. I think the hardest part is going to be making that tiny tweak from brick wall you can talk at to engaging active listener.

>>44290919
Active listening is a hard earned skill and I really wish I could teach ways to sharpen it. I think it's a little bit easier online where conversation tends to be a bit more stop-go, so you can stop and think. "What are they trying to convey?" "What do they want to hear?" (<- manipulator warning: Dont fabricate stuff. I mean more in the "what general vibe/tone/style" are they looking for". Classic example, if someone is venting, are they looking for a solution or an emotional release. This can be applied to more positive topics tho.) "Is my response for me or them?"
Er, last two might be informed by me being waist deep in the "stop being a manipulative bitch" rabbit hole, but hopefully you get my gist...
Aaaaaa this really is all I can think about todaaaay.

In other news my friend heart reacted me taking a step back and rephrasing something manipulative I said and I immediately started crying at the tiny gesture of positive affirmation. That little heart may be the best thing thats happened to me in the past few days. Q~Q

pg7

i feel like drama is brewing in my family

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Only a few posts today but progress is progress.
>>44231252
Usually a lot of discipline is a matter of setting the stage/tricking yourself cleverly. What is your current target deficit, what is your current and target BMI? Do you usually cave because you are around food (and if so, when are you?) or do you perhaps actively seek it out under certain circumstances?
>>44231653
Wonderfully done, Anon!
>but it'll probably only take a few days to get bad again anyways
What accumulates the most in your room? Depending on the answer I might make different suggestions.
>>44232707
You're doing great then, Anon!
>Now all I need is the courage to try and date another woman but I’m utterly terrified.
I assume what you fear is rejection, right?
>>44234614
Worrisome, you have been talking about being unwell for quite a while, haven't you Anon?
>>44241581
I've been struggling with stomach issues too, maybe we should both see a doctor?

I weigh 270lbs
would kms but I'd snap the rope

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>>44247676
>I can't be a dopamine addict forever.
Can you describe your day to day to me?
>>44248922
I agree with the other anon that it is very well worth investigating more deeply, I know finding a pro that can help you work through these things is not an easy task but you should consider putting in the effort.
>>44249168
>I like to think that I'm better now but I feel permanently dirty
I understand where you are coming from, you probably feel guilty for how you acted in the past and feel like it stains who you are as a person. As difficult as it is, painful even, the best you can do is to more consciously judge the things you do better now. Most of the time putting labels on ourselves rather than the things we do moment to moment is actively in the way of our growth. Rather than "I am X", try "doing Y is X". It will help you shape the relationship with the actions you wish to move away from rather than just beat yourself up. Of course that isn't an easy task, and maybe what you need is someone who listens instead? You're anon here after all, get anything off your chest that you want.
>>44250603
A nigh universal fear. Are you very isolated at the moment?
>>44256137
>i think that's some progress?
It definitely is! I also wish you nothing but the very best for your next job hunt.
>i think the fact that we're a bunch of people just working towards "fixing" our lives (for the lack of a better term) helped somehow.
It is definitely the main thing I always wanted this place to be; proof that you are not truly alone with your problems. To provide something, what little I can at least, to help all of you spread your wings.

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Since I can only reply to 5 posts at a time I would like to is a bit of a PSA: I have noticed an increasing number of posts of Anons reporting that they are physically unwell. This is not a complaint! I encourage all of them to keep speaking up even. I just want to check up on them, and the posts are on their own too free of context to really know whether it is one person or not experiencing all of them. But I see you, and would really appreciate if (You) spoke up more about it! If your health seems to deteriorate I would really urge you to see a doc, after all.
>>44244277
>>44244818
>>44245965
>>44255556
>>44264514
I would also like to take a moment to thank you all for your kind words and patience. It's a pleasure to do what I do, and I am glad to share a space with so many kind people.

You can hack people's reward center by implementing your own gacha system with raffle tickets, really seems to help if people have an affinity for gambling.

>>44206196
My father will be home on Saturday this week.

Sorry for not following up properly or trauma dumping yet.

I'll be getting ready for this situation tomorrow but I am sure I will have an opening to reply a bit.

I can't let anxiety slow me down or let fear stop me.
I need to move forward.

Bump

>>44284934
it's the straight cismoid, i would take you up on that offer. honestly been pretty curious why or what prompts them to say that? i've tried to ask more about what makes they say that but it's mostly along the lines off "you don't give off straight?", "you love cooking" or "you love crocheting and collect trinkets".

i don't believe either of those yk makes sense (at least to me). i'm not saying in a "i have queer friends i want an award" way but in a more factual way, i do have a bunch of queer people and non queer people too. idk if that means anything but it is what it is. i'll look more into kinsey scale that sounds interesting and i love math being used to describe things because it's easier to comprehend :D

anyways idk if any of the info i've dumped is useful or makes sense ;-;

>>44298141
and thank you for the warm welcome <3
sorry forgot to type that in the first one

goodnight /sig/

>>44298512
night

>>44284458
>He put you and your siblings on this Earth, bun
This is something that he and my mother have 'admitted' to before, not that it fixes major anything but it does show some awareness.

>Sure you are your own person and have agency but at the same time knowing the absolute state of your family it is very clear that you having to rely on him still is in no small part the consequences of his own actions
I won't put all the blame for my circumstances on him and the family.
But I will freely say that the things him and the family priortised at times didn't help us or even THEM when it came to getting ahead in life.

We honestly believe he enjoys having some sort of 'power' over people, even if its something small and petty.

>Yes, it is a common but unfortunately maladaptive response
I always thought that was part of it.
>It doesn't help you feel under a lot of pressure to perform well
I understand the need to do well professionally and act well in public.

But being like this even in private is exhausting and time wasting at times.
It didn't help me career wise anyhow.

>>44284458
>I see, so right now he is a resident but not a citizen, that sorta deal?
Yes, that's what I understand from what I was told.
He mentioned he will be able to apply for citizenship this year due to his work status and time spent in Australia.

He also did mentioned being 'engaged' (whatever that means to him) to his Australian girlfriend, so maybe that could also help? I don't know, maybe he didn't know what he was saying.

He barely tells me anything via text and calls are usually weird for me.

>Still catching up with the thread, hope I get to that part today
No worries, thank you for your committed diligence.
I hope you are well :)

>>44284470
>I think with your dad there is no correct choice to make on your end, he is seemingly quite unstable and any form of control over the situation you may have is limited by your father's outbursts
There's a reason I insist on trying to be polite with him, and keeping my options open.

>Nothing you can do has a burden of responsibility attached to it
>Not in this
I still feel like I'll be responsible for the misfortune coming to me and my family for running my mouth, calling in favors or just plain failing at life.

pg6 :3

trying to practice outcome independence more

pg5

>>44217943
Thanks. It is a very funny image

pg9
oh boy oh howdy

>>44293456
I've been isolated and scared for most of my life.

anyone else feeling some de ja vu?

I have an annoying wart on my hand that keeps coming back no matter what I do to it.

paw :3

>>44306182
thanks kitty

Sleep was never going to come easily.

I'm gonna get to bed soon, no sense agonizing over what ever will happen.

I don't know what to do or where to go in life.

I don't want to live with my dad and I am tired of all the pressure and tension.

I'm not sure I'll ever be happy or have any sort of peace.
I really am alone, in a lot of ways.

>>44301572
me too

bawmp meow :3

Good night

I have been trying really hard lately to lose weight and have lost 5lbs a week five weeks in a row

>>44307745
*pets kitty*

>>44305093
yeah

I'm not feeling too great.

>>44310073
what's going on

pg8

>>44206196
My dad said he would be officially registered as an Australian citizen on the 17th of August 2026.
After roughly 10 years of effort and residency.
He said that this would open up a lot of doors for him, in addition to giving him a lot more security.

The registration (and ceremony?) will few days after we arrive back in Australia, assuming I summon the nerve to go with him.

I'm still of two minds, unfortunately.

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It always amazes me how non-dysfunctional pockets of this site can be.

Dad and my mother's boyfriend got drunk and...got along somehow.
What.

I firmly believe that my dad saw him as a way to pawn my mom off.
He insisted that he pay rent for staying at the house at times.

I don't understand this town.

pg6 meow :3

>>44313063
It's pretty neat.

*paws* meow :3

>>44314645
how are you doing, kitty?

>>44315590
meowing and nomming :3 eep soon

i feel guilt when i take people's time. it feels like i'm stealing their time and personal space interacting with them. it's feels like a game at this point i just optimized for minimal disruption. and basically rationed out interactions/human i have with people. it works on a rolling basis with current environment and stuff influenced the splits. i hate the idea of me taking up someone's time

Good night

>>44317160
morning

It's hot out here.

>>44318903
is it now?

p9

pg8 :3

>>44321676
Thanks for the catch.

>>44268090
A trans friend once bought some of those meme flowers that are supposed to make your boobs bigger. Purina something? I don't remember their name since I never looked into it much myself.
Anyways, they didn't work for her (tho she wasn't on HRT at the time so maybe that's why), but she gave them to a cis friend of hers, and apparently her cis friend's boobs did grow massively from it.

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GUESS WHO ACCIDENTALLY WIPED HER PHONE WITHOUT BACKING IT UP

>>44322507
god I feel the same

It sucks so much.

>>44322507
ooof
if file systems work on android the way they work on linux the files are not gone, just no longer marked as files. Undeletion software can find them (but metadata handled by the fs like file names and such are lost)

>>44324226
...needless to say DO NOT use the device if you wanna do that because while the bits are still there they are now free to be overwritten by the OS.

pg10 save :3

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wow this thread still exists? blog post I am trying to get better but in some ways I'm worse. I lost my only friend and struggle to connect with people. I worry that I am a bad client for my therapist and don't know if I'll ever be happy. I wish I could end it all but my ssri stops me from doing so. I feel lost and wish I could just never existed in the first place

pg8 :3

Good night

>>44206196
I'll catch up to the rest of the replies as soon as I can.
Sorry for the delays.

I'll also be updating and 'trauma' dumping again, since this weekend has been very odd experience.

>>44324226
>>44324226
>if file systems work on android the way they work on linux the files are not gone.

Sadly, while they do "technically" work that way, as far as I've been able to find it is impossible to access the data bits or whatever via any software, unless maybe you root your phone (tho I've read that even then it is impossible since factory reset encrypts your data and deletes the key or something), which mine isn't.
I'm very annoyed because I had/have syncthing set to sync some of my stuff up but that piece of shit just doesn't work if you don't manually open it every few days.

pg7

good luck everybody else

I've been doing my best but my best is never good enough

>>44328643
Me too but I gotta keep going.

>>44327416
Mini update Part 1:
>Dad and my mother's Bf got drunk the day he arrived
>They somehow 'got along' well enough
>Dad did reveal part of what he did back in his younger years, before my mother's Bf cut him off during their chats
>Something about him and other women in another country, likely before they were officially divorced or at least in secret from her
>He has hidden a relationship from us the past, that one was after their divorce though
>He has lied before but this is getting beyond upsetting
>I'm disgusted at how much he can get away with
He's exhausting to think about.

>Me and the family are still adjusting to things, Dad hasn't become too unruly yet
>But as usual, some arguments have happened already - my dad still insist he isn't as to blame as we know him to be for how bad things deteriorated in the family
>He listened to gossip and let my mother suffer and worry for nothing, he even acknowledged it
>My mother is not to blame for all the drama in this house - he accused her of infidelity when they've been divorced for YEARS now with no sight of them getting together
I guess this was to be expected this.
He never thinks he's in the wrong, no matter what.

I love my mother so much, and I am sorry she ever married my dad.
He has his good qualities but when it comes to her, he's ridiculous.

pg8 paw :3

>>44325523
follow up yeah my therapist is the best. don't think I could have ever found anyone better. literally the coolest most amazing person I could have had for a therapist.

>>44332642
Thank you for the assistance, kitty.

>>44331429
Mini Update Part 2:
>Dad says we should do things smarter in Australia
>I should have a rough plan for the kinds of jobs I can apply to in Australia, since the internet connection is now on the table
>But if the internet is bought, he won't be able to give me any extra cash for other things for about 6 months
>Looking at work both in Adelaide and online
It's something.

>Dad told me during our talk that he suspects that my siblings is depressed
>You know, the one that tried to commit suicide
At least he admitted it to me for once.

After years of the 'it's all in our head blahblah', we have something to work on here for my sibling at least.
My sibling is likely to drop out of the current course, since that's a big part of the pressure they have to deal with.

>Sibling just now confessed to wanting to die in her sleep each night
>Overheard them on the phone, leaving a voice message for someone
The depression is serious.

It's all too much to carry around in my head.

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I'll do the post replies and trauma dump tomorrow, I need more rest.

Life is a mess.

>>44334075
get rest bunanon (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

>>44334097
Thank you, I hope you all are doing okay.

I'm feeling real sick.

nobody reaches out to me

Can't sleep.

I'm tired of trying to push through everything.

My life and my family is screwed up, I don't wanna pretend and don't wanna carry this guilt anymore.

I tried, my entire life.
I'm tired.

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>>44335456
I understand wanting some kind of immediate certainty about the big picture, especially if you’re laying in bed and can’t fall asleep.

I’ve been there many times myself. Many a night agonizing over all my uncertainties, getting more tired and more miserable, none of which contradicts the simple fact that getting a good night’s sleep can have you wake up happy to live another day.

You don’t need to decide right now if the rest of your life is worth living. Right now you just need to rest. You’re making ultimatums because you’re tired and anxious. So do something that will help you relax. That’s a hell of lot simpler than wrestling with these existential questions tonight, no? Feel better and remember, all you have to do tomorrow is tomorrow’s work.

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Hi /sig/! I exercised today. I had a sweat stain on the front and back of my shirt by the end.

I’m trying to finish some old art projects (I’m drawing comics to be specific) and just trying to keep nudging the process along.

I didn’t end up reading a lot this month, but I still read a few graphic novels, and I’m sure I’ll get back in the groove next month. Still looking for that balance of doing stuff that’s important to me I guess.

I miss feeling happy.

pg7 bump :3

>>44337001
Thank u.

Good night
Lately when I can't squeeze in a proper workout I just do some high incline farmers walks for 10 minutes or so

i'm thinking of getting started with making sourdough anyone got any tips for complete beginners? i have some home cooking and baking experience but nothing too crazy.

>>44206196
I WILL call my old psych today and get them to send my medical records so that I can get on meds again

Where are my people?

>>44337784
struggling

Do you ever pee yourself a little the moment you sit down or stand up?

>>44337924
How many threads did you post this in?

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Is there a way to induce a maniac episode if I'm not bipolar? That seems to be my only hope at actually improving my life at this point.