>>44210598
rape her

>>44210673
if i did it with her package fully contained in underwear she'd like it. if i stripped her naked and did it she'd be traumatized and call the cops. this is what i'm up against here.

>>44210598
Unironically, therapy for her and couples/sex therapy for the both of you could do you good.
Obviously you'll need to talk with her about it and you'll need to be very gentle in how you have the conversation with her, but that could help her get past her dysphoria and open up her body to you more.

>>44210717
shes amab the cops wont do anything to you lol

>>44210738
she's had bad experiences with mental health services in the past and is wary about any kind of talk therapy. she's described it as a waste of time in the past, but not specifically with couples/sex therapy.

>>44210673
wild as fuck yo

Um. You don't "make her get over this". You sound incompatible. Either pay for her bottom surgery or wake the fuck up.

>>44210791
she didn't want me to eat her ass either until i did it, and she knows i love her and that i'm respectful of her dysphoria, so i will continue trying to find a way to ease her discomfort for the time being

>>44210791
>don't work through problems with your partner, just stop trying and break up the moment you hit a road block

get her srs. no, seriously! this is the only path that doesn't end with you separating and both of you getting what you want.

>>44210853
that would still be years off

>>44210930
Yes, but it would give both of you something to look forward to. And you can shorten the waiting time if you pay out of pocket. My wife was on a waitlist for less than a year.
Granted, we also had the wisdom to discuss these things very early on in the relationship.

>>44210598
>without being pushy
I dunno you might have to be pushy. With a submissive partner I think you have some latitude to basically try the
>I'm your boyfriend and I'm horny so I just get to see you naked and that's totally normal
method. (that last part is probably important). That would probably work on me, but I'm not sure it would get rid of the tense and awkward issue

>>44210846
If the "problem" is wanting access to a part of her body that causes her distress and she hates severely, that's not a road block. I'm sorry you can't understand this

>>44210767
You can do it yourself, too. Make her tell you what she thinks might happen, what she's scared of. When she has to verbalize what is making her anxious it will be more clear to her that it's not a very sensible way of thinking

>>44211129
>is wanting access to a part of her body

loaded language that makes your imagined anxieties about me disregarding boundaries clear. i want zero interaction with her genitals. i don't want to gaze lecherously at her genitals during intimacy. there have been times where she's been drinking and has been uninhibited enough to start touching herself when we fooled around. that's what i want, for her self-consciousness to not go into overdrive when she's in my presence.

Relatable, me and my bf are the same way. I hope he isn't as frustrated as you are. I really love him so much and want to make him happy but i just feel so disgusting I can't do it as much as I'd like to. I wish so much sex wasn't real.

If it makes her dysphoric and feel awful, wouldn't prodding her about it be undermining her emotions based on your sexual wants with her body?
Thats kind of gross IMO being so worked up when if you really knew how it felt to us you wouldn't push it so hard. but you're just horny. ew. The incompatibility comes from that. I had to find someone that worked at my pace and didnt get frustrated trying to "change" me especially over something like access to my body in a sexual way.

>>44211586
This. Op sounds nasty.
"My gf is deeply uncomfortable about this but IM her boyfriend!! How do I get her to study and give in?!"

>>44211586
And the framing of it all being "an issue with me" in my boyfriends eyes never helped. All the in depth arguments and fake therapy not because you care but because your dick wants it. Rlllly just yuck

>>44211586
>wouldn't prodding her about it be undermining her emotions based on your sexual wants with her body?
>when if you really knew how it felt to us you wouldn't push it so hard. but you're just horny. ew.
>>44211633
>"My gf is deeply uncomfortable about this but IM her boyfriend!! How do I get her to study and give in?!"

both of you are talking to yourselves, meanwhile this is me

>without being pushy
>reassuring her
>i love her
>she knows i love her and that i'm respectful of her dysphoria, so i will continue trying to find a way to ease her discomfort for the time being
>that's what i want, for her self-consciousness to not go into overdrive when she's in my presence.

anything further where you put words in my mouth instead of directly responding to what i've written is you making up a guy and then getting angry at him

>>44211756
Just speaking from experience. I don't really care how many excuses you have to frame your feelings. You started the thread entirely about your sexual frustration.
Then spent the thread saying "we both want it", "its the best for her", "I want her to be comfortable", "actually i dont even want access" but the basis of it is you're horny and thats the reason you're pushing so hard. These are her worst emotions and youre listing "im not pushy", "Im respectful", "actually its for her own self conciousness". Yuck bro. This is about your penis. And you don't get goodboy points for being respectful or not being pushy. Thats just doing the right thing, you see it as a favor.
She. Is. Not. Comfortable. Her issues are her issues and hers to fix when shes ready or wants to. Control your dick

>>44211853
>Thats just doing the right thing, you see it as a favor.

>>44211756
>anything further where you put words in my mouth instead of directly responding to what i've written is you making up a guy and then getting angry at him

like clockwork. get help for the paranoid narcissism.

>>44210598
>get over dysphoria
i think you should offer your asshole to a serial rapist op

>>44210717
Jesus christ leave dude why are you with this person

>>44213260
>i think you should offer your asshole to a serial rapist op

i don't date AGPs

Idk why you guys are demonizing OP for wanting to have sex (pretty common in relationships I think. It's not rapey or weird)
But op shouldnt try to change her and just leave cuz they obviously have different expectations

>>44213278
i meant a gay guy

>>44213292
>i meant a gay guy

yes, i am saying i do not associate with t4t transbians

>>44213284
the problem is he's trying to force this on her

>>44213302
fucking and?

>>44213307
and not because he cares but because hes "sexually frustrated" l0l

>>44213370
rape culture 101

>>44213307
>>44213370
>>44213379

interesting how thoroughly you double-down on this histrionic victimization fantasy where i am seeking advice on how to be coercive or manipulative in any way whatsoever, no matter how many additions and qualifications i offer. it's like a child sticking their fingers in their ears and pretending they can't hear you.

the vehemence with which you've decided navigating dysphoria within the intimacy of my relationship must mean i fundamentally don't respect the personhood of my girlfriend makes me wonder if this projection on your part because this is in fact how *you* relate to other people, these are the motivations and tactics *you* would have in this situation.

>>44213460
>start thread by saying youre sexually frustrated
>seek advice from Nonas on how to get your gf to change
>list off all the reasons why youre justified in wanting it
>the whole reason being is that youre sexually frustrated
Dude you've convinced yourself you're in the right here.

EVERYONE SHUT UP ITS NORMAL TO WANNA HAVE SEX WITH UR PARTNER
but yea op just give up and leave her

>>44213460
>>44213494
And anything trying to convince you otherwise is labeled as "victimization fantasy" and "putting words in your mouth". So is that what you'd label your gf if she felt the same? If she felt like you were putting your dicks needs before her emotional dysphoria? (which you are). That would mean you're a bad guy! oh but you couldn't be because you're so nice and respectful of everything huh.

I was exactly like your girlfriend, if not worse. This is something she has to confront and no amount of making her feel bad or pleading will change things.

>>44210673
Why did this make me laugh?

>>44213524
>And anything trying to convince you otherwise is labeled as "victimization fantasy" and "putting words in your mouth".

correct, you are feverishly running with all kinds of scenarios involving me and my girlfriend based on the scant few details you have, ascribing thoughts and feelings to me that i don't actually hold, and obtusely reading intention and subtext into my statements that is nonexistent.

the most egregious instance of this is that i expressed deference for another person's autonomy and sensitivity to their emotional state and so explained that i wanted to take care in not browbeating them as i find my way through this situation, and for this was told that i view basic respect "as a favor". this is delusional and persecutory horseshit from a miserable person.

>So is that what you'd label your gf if she felt the same?

she would never act the way you're acting because she's not a dumb baby loser like you.

>>44213662
then continue to bully her about wearing panties in bed because youre sexually frustrated im sure she wont be upset or in distress

>>44213662
be honest man then why is it bothering u so much she got panties on

>>44213558
>I was exactly like your girlfriend, if not worse. This is something she has to confront and no amount of making her feel bad or pleading will change things.

so what made things change for you?

>>44213662
Does she feel comfortable with the rest of her body? Are you staying fit for her? From my experience if my self confidence is faltering or if my partner has let themselves go a little I would rather not have sex but I still submit to fulfill my role in the relationship. And in less intimate ways, like clothed doggy style or a blowjob.

>>44213721
basically just confronting my insecurities head on. focusing on bettering myself and putting my partner before first. eliminating all the distractions in my life that I'd turn to to comfort myself.

>>44210598
how tall r u and her

>>44213764
>Does she feel comfortable with the rest of her body?

she'd like to get FFS and so on but it's not the same with any other part of her body. we kiss, i give her breasts lots of attention, she's fine walking around topless, she likes it when i rim her. her loins are the only thing completely hidden away 24/7 and she can dip into anxiety about accidental exposure or contact instantly.

>>44213814
>how tall r u
6'2
>and her
5'11

>>44213869
So she doesn't even orgasm? Does she do it behind your back? I think it could be an aversion to you seeing her in that light and not feeling fully comfortable around you.
Like yeah strong genital dysphoria exists but those feelings did wane as the years passed with my partner. I don't walk around naked with my bits exposed but I will undress during sex.

>>44213909
yes, we will have sex and then usually she finishes separately by herself. and yes, it is that being perceived as having a penis or stimulating it for pleasure induces shame and embarrassment in her. the times i've broached the subject i've explained that i knew what the deal was when i entered into a relationship with her and that being confronted with the fact of her being trans doesn't diminish my love or attraction to her. she replied that she didn't "want it to be alright".

>>44213954
Honestly, that's babytrans shit and she needs to get over it. Unless you're trying to give her unwanted head or asking to be topped, then I get it. She's probably scared to confront the possibility that she entered into a relationship with a chaser. You may not be but I guarantee those thoughts run through her head.

>>44213977
no, i've never done any shit like that to her and we've been together for several years. i think partly it's a complex because her previous boyfriend did ask to suck her off when they were already well-into the relationship.

>>44213954
External acceptance can't fix internal dysphoria. "I knew the deal, nothing's diminished" carries the message "so there's nothing that needs to change here". From your eyes, thats comforting. From her side, the status quo is the problem. A message whose upshot is "the status quo is okay" is a message asking her to settle into it. She doesnt want it to be alright.

>>44214036
You either have to make her believe you're different (and based on the OP post I'm not so sure) or she needs to have srs to feel secure around you. Period.

If it's any consolation she would probably behave this way with any man, so don't beat yourself up

>>44214038
i've walked the line of being broadly supportive and accepting of who she is now while always clarifying that i'm aware transition is an ongoing process (medically, socially, legally) that has as its end goal the mitigation of dysphoria. i have no illusions about anything other than 'completed'/'successful' transition 'fixing' dysphoria. the appropriately measured response that we could be mutually enjoying our relationship much more than we currently are while recognizing that the situation is not ideal and ultimately requires a greater remedy than "i love you as you are now" is what's been much harder to communicate

>>44214584
You seem like an intelligent guy, I'm sure you'll figure it out. If you leave her over something so insignificant as this you'll only confirm her suspicions that all men are trash and they're only interested in her because of a fetish.

>>44216206
>something so insignificant
nta but you people are straight up insane.
it's not insignificant at all to want to have sex with your partner, you retarded cows!
Constant rejection hurts. And men don't owe anyone endless tolerance to constant rejection from someone who claims she loves him.

>>44216251
>Constant rejection hurts.
Wearing panties during sex isnt rejection. And putting up with someones dysphoria isnt endless tolerance like a favor. If you view doing the right thing as a favor you're an asshole but its obvious.

>>44217623
Right? Plenty of cis women have insecurities and won't get fully nude during sex

>>44210598
She's damaged. I've been in this situation and had to break it off because she was driving me insane with all her autistic requirements for sex. It's not even enjoyable. So, my question for you is: Why are you sticking around for this shit? My advice for you would be to move the fuck on because you will never please someone this retarded. Life is short, my guy.

>>44210598
hey you found my ex. treat her right but don't put up with any shit from her either aight?

>>44217746
>won't get fully nude during sex
defective

>>44216206
>If you leave her over something so insignificant as this you'll only confirm her suspicions that all men are trash and they're only interested in her because of a fetish.

i wouldn't leave her over this, we're in love, we moved in together, we have years of history with each other at this point. i'm just frustrated. i miss having good sex and in particular i miss having partnered sex with a sense of intimacy, connection, and fun. i make a huge effort to work her up during foreplay and then i can tell she starts disassociating during sex. as soon as anything is happening below her waistline the situation is charged with an unspoken tension. she's eased up around me a few times and i'm constantly trying to figure out how to make that the norm.

>>44219703
Have you tried more dirty talk in the bedroom? She won't give missionary a try? It's my favorite. The more turned on I am the easier it is to forget about dysphoria and just enjoy him.

>>44219703
not a trans.never dated a trans. cis male.

have you guys given role-playing a shot? if it's an identity issue about her genitals she's having then it might help you two to experiment with identity. shake each others noggins out of the box of social conformity if you know what I mean.

>>44219769
i am amazing at foreplay tbqhfam. i know it's working, but as soon as we transition to sex it's like a deflating balloon, sometimes gradually, sometimes all at once. we haven't done missionary and she'd never go for that. she rode me reverse cowgirl one time and afterwards she complained about even that feeling weird.

>>44219809
uh, what exactly do you envision this being

>>44214036
>i think partly it's a complex because her previous boyfriend did ask to suck her off when they were already well-into the relationship.
If this is the case, it would seem her paranoia would be coming from the thought that her boyfriend always wanted to suck her penis which might make her paranoid she's with a chaser, reasonable. But it doesn't consider the possibility that he has become more comfortable being more intimate with her. Beyond dysphoria, getting head as a penis-haver feels pleasurable. Her issue then is that she sees her penis as a part of her which invalidates her womanhood. Remove the dysphoria and the aversion to her penis goes away.
Tl;dr your girlfriend is dysphoric

>>44219912
is this a schizo post? yes, her issue is obviously dysphoria, and that's because of the dysmorphia of being in the wrong body. short of plying her with hallucinogens there is no way to abstract that into "pleasurable stimulus" absent any awareness of having a body.

>Beyond dysphoria, getting head as a penis-haver feels pleasurable.

if i said something like this to her the relationship would probably be over. at the very least she'd never be able to look at me the same way again.

>>44219870
Things a man can say that will turn me on is calling me a good girl/princess or the check ups during it making sure ur okay and it doesn't hurt saying "your taking me so well", "you were made for this dick", "you feel so fucking good", "im gonna get you pregnant" stuff like that i get so wet

>>44219967
Dysmorphia is seeing a distorted reality of your body, it's a completely separate thing from dysphoria.
> there is no way to abstract that into "pleasurable stimulus" absent any awareness of having a body.
The point being that her dysphoria is what is preventing her from feeling pleasure.
>if i said something like this to her the relationship would probably be over
Of course knowing something logically doesn't cure dysphoria. The fact of the matter is that she is ashamed of her body and that is causing friction in your relationship. If this shame isn't something she's willing to work on that's on her and you should consider the future of your relationship.

>>44219870
me and the boys play eclipse phase. game has lots of body modding and questioning your assumptions about what it means to have a body. i play a t-rex uplift with chain guns for arms.good fun.

i mean where there's smoke there's fire. i dont know a whole lot about the whole issue with the genitals thing but it sounds like one symptom of a complex of issues about being a woman. sort of like any other woman worrying she's woman enough for being infertile or being independent and having a career and things like that.

there's that quote by antonio gramsci about cultural change being like trench warfare worth keeping in mind. you're constantly fighting for inches, fighting for new ideas. we got to be understanding and forgiving of each other and in it for the long haul.

File: JTS-Steel-S239-Curved_828(...).jpg (91 KB, 828x1024)

91 KB JPG

Get her one of these so she can pretend she is flat down there

t. trans girl who hates her small Greek-Roman statue penis despite low genital dysphoria cause of circumcision, I never tried tho so idk

>>44210598
This is why nobody likes bottom dysphoria bottom troons. Garbage for sex and relationships

>>44210598

I'm ftm, not mtf, so a bit different here. has she started the SRS process? that might be the best bet and even if she's not prepared for that now, it's better to get on the wait list already. some people say even just orchie improves their genital dysphoria significantly. you could maybe try a side position so she could still partially face you but might be more comfortable without panties because she knows you're not seeing her genitals. seeing a trans-friendly sex therapist is probably a good idea. some people like cages but that just seems like a sissification fetish to me and something insensitive to suggest to her. I'm not sure if you'd be comfortable with it but getting a bit tipsy or high could help with lessening dysphoria. definitely something you would need to discuss in advance though. I think you should try to bring this up with her but sensitive on how to phrase it since dysphoria can be a touchy subject.

SRS is really the best solution though.