appearance is social currency>be me, freshly out of high school pooner>when I was in school, I started socially transitioning despite living with maga parents>had a social life, friends with men and women>graduate>no one ever talks to methis exact thing has happened multiple times. and when I'm isolated, I start seeing things and hearing things and hallucinating interactions with people (usually negative)last time this happened I put on a pushup bra and makeup and sold content on the internet. sure I was a little bit less lonely, and I hallucinated alot less, but I hated myself. I hate looking like a girl. I hate how easy it is to get attention from men. I dont want to do the whole whore gimmick again, but my mind is being fried and destroyed from no socialization. I dangle my femaleness as a bait to get people to care about me. I am sociopathic and delusional and the only way I can have any sort of relationship with anyone is if they want something from me. and female sexuality is easy to preform.of course, I dont enjoy it. but I think its better than spiraling into psychosis. it sucks extra hard because I am androgynous enough to pass as a guy. my life would be so much better if I could just stay a girl and not want to kill myself when I see my reflection. I am going to get referred to electroshock therapy in hopes that makes my brain cis. or, ill end up lobotimising myself with drug overdoses. I belive I can kill off the transgender. I have killed many parts of myself before.
