The paradox of gooning. Pain from ejaculation and pain from holding it in. I have to exist beyond love and hate. I have to reduce my attachment to these types of emotions. Love and hate specifically. I understand and have let go of the desire to be in a relationship. I think i let go even when I was a kid its just never seemed like something that could happen for me. I know that I can exist without having sex or having someone close or whatever but idk. I feel like i would be willing to do almost whatever someone wanted and return they would do almost whatever I wanted to do to them. No violent or weird stuff though since I would genuinely like them beyond their body but the smooth squishy flesh is also important. Flesh feels nice in the hands. If someone actually asked me out in real life to have a date or have sex id collapse and faint probably like id try to control myself and focus but I would panick too much to stay relaxed. I have a big penis but having a big penis obviously isn't enough because if it was then you could just show and flash a man or a woman your penis and ask if they want to touch it but obviously you'll go to jail for that. So you can't do that. Peace is achievable but we are human so we can't achieve perfection and you'll always have a little bit of lingering things that you don't want to feel or be attached to but they can be reduced.
No one cares about anyone's suffering including mine and if they do care its mostly to make the insults hurt more but still,I can only go forward with life since I don't want to stop
