I've been dating a trans girl for a while and things have generally been going pretty well, but recently she's been more dysphoric than ever and has been asking me if she passes a lot of times. I always tell her that she passes completely and that I see her as a girl and that anyone else would too, that used to work pretty well to calm her down but now she just accuses me of lying so that I don't hurt her feelings. At this point I'm not really sure what I can do she completely stopped believing me and whenever I call her pretty or anything of the sort she burst out in tears and leaves. Now the thing is that eventually I wanted to help her stop caring about passing so much and showing her how there are so many other things in life that can make it worth living and I feel terrible. Because I've been lying to her. I do completely see her as a woman and I find her beautiful in all ways, but she could not look like a cis woman. And I don't see any issue with that, the world has changed a lot and people will still gender her female even if they clock her and I see so many trans girls that have it worse than her still enjoy life and be happy with themselves. I didn't think much about when I told her she passes because to me it's not that big of a deal and I thought I could improve her life until she can be okay with that fact, but now she's more miserable than ever and if I tell her this she might do something really dumb to herself. I'm at the end of my rope here and I'm not really sure what to do now, I love her but I don't know if I really can help her anymore.
this is how all relationships with trans people are secretlybrutal blackpillneed to kms
>>44222519This was depressing to read in ways. Trans people never get to be happy fml
>>44222519You're doing more harm than good.
>>44222565How can I fix it
>>44222721She deserves to hear the truth, but at this point you're stuck. Either continue lying or break things off.
>>44222519>I've been lying to my girlfriend and now she's accusing me of lying to her, what do?OP, what did you genuinely think was going to happen? Just because she's a tranny doesn't mean she's stupid.
>>44222721nta and i don't exactly have an answer to this question, but your problem is having lied to her in the first place. if your goal was to help her stop caring, you seriously cannot just walk back the claim that she passes...now she knows that you were lying and it is bothering her.i don't blame you, and you are not a bad person, but if it were me, i would be crushed by these circumstances. i don't know your girlfriend, so PLEASE take this advice with all the salt necessary, but if it were me, what would help is if you sat me down and leveled with me completely. that you love me, that you lied, that you regret this, that you are unsure of what to do. that you are worried and that you need me to help you help me. it would be heartbreaking in the moment, more than anything to know that i was lied to, but honesty is everything to me and i would understand. there is no point in being upset at anyone for telling you the truth, i think (in, like, 99% of circumstances, anyway. this being one of them).
>>44222751I can't think of a scenario where I can tell her the truth without her doing something very bad to herself, I don't think I can do that to her she's pretty sensitive and I've tried to tell her that the features that she finds clockable are only things dumb people care about and that turned into her harming herself until I could calm her down
>>44222838>the features that she finds clockable are only things dumb people care aboutnonny not to make you feel bad but this is sort of...not a great way to go about it.better, i think, to help her realize that she is nonetheless beautiful for the features she disliked; not that these features are insignificant altogether. i may be cheating, because i am nonbinary (i live as a woman thoughever)...but i have come to realize, for example, that there is a sort of androgynous beauty to the way my strong supraorbital bones contrast with the femininity of my eyes or nose. we don't all get to choose how we look, and it is okay, and GOOD, even, to find peace with what we have, at least to the extent we are able. this is, however, very difficult and will require a lot of work from probably both of you.
