I know I will never pass, but bullying other trannies for being AGP or honfident is one of the few pleasures I take in this life. I know it's just thinly veiled projection, but I don't know how to stop it from happening. How do I accept my own inadequacy when projection and harassment is so much easier? I'm deeply jealous. I know what it takes to gain happiness, and it means accepting I will fall short of passoidhood. But I would rather be aware and depressed than unaware and happy. I like my self awareness. It keeps me in check. It keeps me humble. And it means I have something over those AGP transbian 'catgirl' wannabe anime freaks who think they have any commonality with cis women. I've slept with cis women. I have cis female friends. And they're repulsed by my insecurity, but at least they're there. I like to think the fact that I'm close with any cis women at all means I have a one up on AGPs right? Surely?
>>44232239If you are fucking cis women then you are arguably just as agp if not more than your transbian sisters
>>44232239gigahon thinks she's better than AGPswater is wet
>>44232239A deeper problem is that you've internalized Blanchardbabble and these weirdo sexpest words as meaningful language. "AGP" is not real. "Hons" are not real. This is the language of insular incels who have confused being a feminized incel with being transgender or having some "in the know" sense of feeling with some non-community.
>>44232390I don't really, truly believe in myself as 'being transgender.' I believe I'm so entirely separate from the trans demographic that I cannot consider myself as part of their insular, gated community. I don't WANT to be seen as transgender, because every cis person who knows I'm transgender treats me differently. I spot microaggressions people don't even believe are there. People avoid me on the street. I have seen parents pull their kids away from me when I pass them on the sidewalk. I do not 'want' to be perceived as transgender, and so I repulse those who outwardly boast markers of their gender identity. I would rather manmode for a billion years than ever be perceived as a threat or some socially awkward sperg retard who can't socialise.
>>44232410>I don't really, truly believe in myself as 'being transgender.' I believe I'm so entirely separate from the trans demographic that I cannot consider myself as part of their insular, gated community. This is confusing two separate matters. The only "insular, gated community" is the one that throws "AGP" and "hon" unironically (same thing as the anime freaks, even if they deny it sometimes). You also do not have to conform to this to pursue addressing yourself and being honest about this simply being transgender>I don't WANT to be seen as transgender, because every cis person who knows I'm transgender treats me differently. I spot microaggressions people don't even believe are there. People avoid me on the street. I have seen parents pull their kids away from me when I pass them on the sidewalk. I do not 'want' to be perceived as transgender, and so I repulse those who outwardly boast markers of their gender identity. I would rather manmode for a billion years than ever be perceived as a threat or some socially awkward sperg retard who can't socialise.The truth of the matter is that you're not going to get meaningful sympathy from others other than "that sucks" if you keep doing this, ever. You think whining about how you're litchurully-Jax-from-Amazing-Digital-Circus will get you anymore sympathy points than the 50 trillionth transbian anime freak who does basically the same thing in different words? The only purpose of such a post otherwise is to get affirmation from other losers on an imageboard largely populated by incel-minded freaks. Ones who are probably often worse off than you probably, but incel-minded freaks nonetheless.Maybe if you really want to compare yourself to others to engage in some meaningful one up, you shouldn't seek input from here. That's the only actual reply you will get from someone here that isn't a whiny affirmation about cisiety being evil or a "damn". Otherwise, all that can be really given is passing advice. Google.
>>44232472I can't even be mad at your first reply, because I do see your point. The 'AGP' anime enjoyers I'm mad at are far more outside and visible than I am, thereby being less insular in nature. Still though, point stands, I don't want to be part of that. As for your second point, I don't want meaningful sympathy, even though it is nice. What I want is for people to stop giving me side glances or treating me like some fucking mutant just for doing my groceries or getting a cold drink on a hot day. What I also want, is a way to break out of this shit. The biggest point I made there is that I would rather be aware and depressed than happy and ignorant. I don't want to be one of those people who gallivant around in Hello Kitty garb made for five year olds, completely unaware of how fetishistic they look to the general public, even if I would probably be happier that way. So how do I break free? How do I accept that not passing, that looking MALE (because lets be honest, whether you like the term hon or not, it describes a real phenomenon) is okay? I don't know. I've fought with myself on the subject for a long time and I don't know how to stop.
>>44232492I think the matter of whether or not you "look" like you're presenting fetishistically literally does not matter if you're not deliberately doing such long-term. Obviously, there's a degree of passing-advice out there that can probably prioritize presenting in ways less immediately associated with....that appearance, but what ultimately should matter is whether or not it actually *is* fetishistic if that is of concern at all. If you are genuinely not doing this fetishistically, then you must accept that the world is often cold and will disagree anyways- and the only way you will ever find happiness in any version of that context is to double down and assert your true self anyways.Basically, members of any (I hate how the term is usually used, but it's true here) marginalized minority group is going to frequently be subjected to ridiculous ideas as to what constitutes their very being. At some point, you have to say "no" at the world if you can. Obviously, rejecting the world entirely in every regard is larp, but the other extreme is total spinelessness to the point of no freedom, and saying "no" to fetishism being falsely projected onto you is a basic freedom. Freedom is not easy or necessarily happy, no....I can't honestly say you will be happy not passing, but it is better to be free and not entirely happy than it is to be in either your circumstance or a less self-aware heroin'd-out hello kitty person's position, the way I see it. Both are forms of subservience, either to the entire world or to some fruitless hedonism.
>>44232492>The 'AGP' anime enjoyers I'm mad at are far more outside and visible than I am, thereby being less insular in nature. Still though, point stands, I don't want to be part of that.Not the person you replied to. To me this reads like you're simply jealous of easily clockable trans women who have the, ironically, balls to go live their life regardless. Earlier you implied that they aren't self aware, and I think that's not true. They just live life the way they want in spite of how people might perceive and judge them. You're bullying them in an attempt to affirm that denying yourself what they have is the right choice. You clearly know it isn't or you wouldn't have made this thread. There is no perfect solution to your dilemma. Surround yourself with people who like you for you. That requires the courage to sift through those who don't. The antidote for strangers that judge you is loved ones that accept you. But for that to happen, you have to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable. It's by no means an easy feat, so don't beat yourself up too much over it, but that's where you have to go eventually in my experience. Good luck Nona, I hope you get to think about this and arrive at a conclusion that serves you well.
