How do you interact with other trans people? I feel such vitriolic disgust interacting with other trans people, but its really just disgust at myself, I see myself in them and I hate that. Especially in cases of newly transitioned trans women, I pick up on every little detail about them that I hate because I have spent years obsessing and attempting to claw those characteristics out of myself, it hurts. I wish that I could live with the carefree attitude that some of them do, it seems like they enjoy their lives more than I do. I think there is some level of wishing for others to have to suffer like I have too. Transitioning has been hellish and lonely, far from the beautiful caricature than it is sometimes painted as. Transitioning with no one to offer advice or guidance, in a home full of physical and mental violence, it was lonely and terrifying. Even all these years later, finally passing and stealth for the most part, I feel an indelible jeleousy that others didnt have to go through that pain even for just a smidgen of happiness.I wish that I didnt live my life like this.
> I wish that I didnt live my life like this.I dont think anyone does.
>>44292838I don't think it's wrong to feel that way. You're better than them. You don't have those characteristics they have, you killed them. Interact with them on a level above them, pity them for being oblivious and if they don't care just understand they're never ever going to make it and they definitely aren't happy.
>>44292838it sounds like you still hold onto a lot of the hatred and vitriol you experienced from your home while transitioning and project it onto others. it's understandable desu, I think everyone gets frustrated to some extent seeing ppl have it easier than they did, but it can definitely be a corrosive tendency.I know it's easier said than done, but maybe try to the next time you interact with an early transition trans women that you would usually feel this anger towards, imagine interacting with a younger version of yourself. imagine all the compassion and love and understanding that younger you deserved and think how you can give that to someone nowanyway idk if that helps/makes sense, but it's similar to how I've worked through issues like this. hope you figure things out and sorry you've been through so much <3
>>44292838
