hi. ive been a tranny since around 2019, about 6 years on hrt. voice trained, ffs, etc. (still ugly asf tho.)since i transitioned at 17, while being a giga shut-in that never had irls until a few years ago, ive been wondering about what my life couldve been like if i just was a male? its hard to explain. i feel like being a tranny is just a permanent humiliation ritual, and i wonder if i wouldve just been objectively happier if i never did it. id definitely still have dysphoria, but would repping have just been better?? i think maybe i romanticize the male experience after becoming friends with men who are confident/actually got somewhere in life as a male. its attractive to me in the way where i almost am jealous of it. being a tranny just kind of makes me feel like im cursed to always be a 3rd thing instead of what i wanted to be, a woman. ppl dont view me as a real woman, and i wonder if i just couldve settled being an attractive guy instead, maybe i wouldve been happier. or maybe im still cursed to be depressed forever idfk..im curious if anyone else has had these feelings that have been trannies for longterm? surely im not the only one? can anyone else relate?
to me repping felt a lot more like a humiliation ritual than transitioning
>>44293329Idk but I'm 24, been here since 2019, and I'm still repping. It fucking sucks. I would give anything to transition at 17, even though things sucked back then too. You can always get a taste of my life by detrooning. You won't though.
>>44293329I started HRT the same year you did also at 17, still boymode desu I’m depressed I can’t pass without FFS. It does feel like a humiliation ritual I am kinda hoping FFS & SRS in the next year will help. I feel like a failure for taking this long to get them
>>44293329I "repped" until 20 and by that point I had decided that HRT is my only choice, I am not going to be happy as a guy no matter what.Maybe if I had jumped on HRT earlier I would have had doubts, granted this was a decade ago so there was less information about stuff.
>>44293329Are you a boymoder?
>>44293329I repped in my 20s and it was hell, a constant feeling distress
>>44293329Hi, sounds like I am you but I choose to rep and live a male life instead. I started crossdressing when I was around 9-10 and a part of me really wanted to be a girl, but I never bit the bullet and transitioned, mostly because I was never aware of such things as I didn't have much internet access until I was around 18-19.
>>44293407sort of. i was planning to finally girlmode and dress fem after FFS, but the surgery wasnt really what i expected it to be. i didnt become some beautiful woman, i just went from looking like a man to looking like an uncanny teenage boy. i get carded at movies now when i try to see R rated ones, for reference. i just wear really oversized shit now and try to boymode but my voice makes it more confusing for people.>>44293369i have a friend whos been soft-launching detrooning to try being a guy for awhile, which is why ive been curious.>>44293393be very picky with your ffs and give lots of examples of what you want.
>>44293471RIP. IDK if I have the money to be that picky. DESU I may just have to try rolling the dice on this one. Not like I have much to lose. I don’t even know what I want, just to not look male. I don’t know what would do that.
>>44293471But if you're boymoding aren't you already living as a man?
>>44293329>would repping have just been better?ok lets see, you trooned at 17 years old in 2019 which would make you 24 now. i on the other hand repped from 2019 into the current year and am 21. i literally think about killing myself everyday and only accepted that im a tranny and will be looking into hrt out of pure fear of death. you said you have dysphoria, so no repping would not have been better, no matter how shit it is to be a tranny at least it's a life at all.
>>44293512Lol I did the same at 21, it really is the last year before death for trutrannies
>>44293541Unless you get drugged with strong meds by gatekeeper professionals
>>44293501like i said, sort of? its really hard to explain bc sometimes i malefail nd other times i dont. i boymode in the sense that dress like a boy and avoid dressing fem bc i know itll get me hatecrimed and i just look really weird and bad in fem. https://voca.ro/1nKOZCdb9eZG but despite it all my anxiety with this comes from being perceived as a tranny rather than a woman, which is why ive been curious abt what if i was just a male.>>44293512>no matter how shit it is to be a tranny at least it's a life at all.its brutal but honest, i suppose you're right. maybe im just romanticizing how life would feel without dysphoria in general, regardless of my starting/end point. it really is a curse isnt it?
>>44293588I was a zombie while repping, literally rotting
>>44293512Troon out please. I almost trooned out at 20/21 but didn’t. Please just take your pills holy fuck
>>44293588Your voice is really fucking cute. Made my heart skip a beatt. a random guy
>>44293996tysm <333 appreciate u
>>44295861I'm sure you're just being too harsh on yourself with the whole looks thing too. There's no way anyone would mistake you for a guy after hearing you talk, if you look even half as cute as your voice sounds like.
>>44293329One thing a Nona once told me that helped quite a bit is "Just accept that there was no other way you could've lived your life than what you are doing right now." You weren't going to be a successful male or even repper, because none of them would've ever started HRT like you did. The you that could've repped would be a different person entirely and probably isn't worth thinking about.Why are you still boymoding after six years Nona?
>>44293329Came out at 15 which was a shitshow, pretended to everyone I was “cured” and started repping until recently (19)Got off the computer and started making friends with normal people, and for a good chunk of the time I genuinely thought this was something that was behind me and I was free to live the rest of my life as a normal male who actually felt like himself. Two weeks ago I was looking in the mirror and realized I have been performing the whole time since and it turned me into a husk of a person. I could never develop any actual connections with people because there was no “me” on the inside to share with them and I was either going to John 50, kill myself by 30, or just spend 60 years passing time and never actually living. Placed an order for blockers last night, hopefully I remember what it’s like to have a soul again
