>>44398986
I always hate my appearance but kinda similar bc I only think about trooning when I’m alone and staring in the mirror. As long as I’m around other people I’m pretty confident in my maleness

>>44399014
>As long as I’m around other people I’m pretty confident in my maleness
literally the exact same thing that happened to me id have a couple day long streak of agonizing abt trooning when home but when i just leave the house and see a ton of people as i walk around the city i guess i feel pretty consolidated in a male identity?

what repping does

>>44399162
how can i be sure if im actually repping though and not just having a fetish?

>>44398986
Your "conditional" is that you have people to distract yourself from what is actually a constant background pain. It's like having "conditional" depression that goes away when you use your unhealthy coping method.

>>44399174
It literally doesn't matter, no normal man has thoughts like these. You are either a tranny or a cis man who would be happier as a cis man on HRT who doesn't change his name/pronouns/ID/etc.

>>44398986
Yeah sorta
I ended up deciding that I'm mostly but not entirely male, but I've got a feminine side. Sadly my body cant be very feminine

>>44399186
i get what you mean but this is like a relatively new thing im experiencing? i didnt have that visceral reaction to male puberty or even traumatic zoning out from it it just happened to me and i didnt mind, and i did watch a shit ton of porn since age 11 of which a fuck ton of it was tranny porn and it seems to be consensus that trooning out because of porn is le bad and id be a pervert
>You are either a tranny or a cis man who would be happier as a cis man on HRT
i guess it wouldnt hurt to try but i live in a very transmedy country so if i turn out to not be a trutranny it could get a little sticky for me (DIY is also illegal)
>>44399191
damn both of us have just reached the exact same conclusion it seems

File: file.gif (12 KB, 35x32)

12 KB GIF

>i only feel bad when i think about it
good luck

>>44399277
what is this supposed to mean. ive been thinking of just continuously reminding myself that i have friends and family and a decent social life as a male and that id look pretty fucked up and weird if i troon out so i stay realistic and anchored into reality, and just because i want something doesnt mean i should necessarily get it no?

>>44399245
>i get what you mean but this is like a relatively new thing im experiencing?

>>44399326
https://www.avitale.com/essays-details/?name=the-gender-variant-phenomenon--a-developmental-review-5

>Group Three (G3) is composed of natal males who identify as female but who act and appear normally male. We can hypothesize that prenatal androgenization was sufficient to allow these individuals to appear and act normally as males but insufficient to establish a firm male gender identity. For these female-identified males, the result is a more complicated and insidious sex/gender discontinuity. Typically, from earliest childhood these individuals suffer increasingly painful and chronic gender dysphoria. They tend to live secretive lives, often making increasingly stronger attempts to convince themselves and others that they are male.

>The story is very different for Group Three. In the hope of ridding themselves of their dysphoria they tend to invest heavily in typical male activities. Being largely heterosexual, they marry and have children, hold advanced educational degrees and are involved at high levels of corporate and academic cultures. These are the invisible or cloistered gender dysphorics. They develop an aura of deep secrecy based on shame and risk of ridicule and their secret desire to be female is protected at all costs. The risk of being found out adds to the psychological and physiological pressures they experience. Transitioning from this deeply entrenched defensive position is very difficult. The irony here is that gender dysphoric symptoms appear to worsen in direct proportion to their self-enforced entrenchment in the male world. The further an individual gets from believing he can ever live as a female, the more acute and disruptive his dysphoria becomes.

>>44399326
plus reminding myself that im not one of those "i wanted to kill myself when i got my first leg hair" trutrannies and i never plan on "becoming a woman" because i know realistically id never pass for one at all so i dont deserve to abuse HRT that the tru ones being oppressed by constant dysphoria desperately need not my conditionally dysphoric ass
or can i really just be a cis man on HRT? idfk atp

>>44399096
yea same it’s like my brain switches into a different state when I’m out and I completely stop questioning myself anymore. but I’m a natural recluse so it’s hard to make myself be around people constantly

>>44399377
>>44399348

>>44399348
i guess i can relate to most of this except
>Typically, from earliest childhood these individuals suffer increasingly painful and chronic gender dysphoria
i dont think i experienced that at all?
and for shame i just felt shame for getting off to tranny porn and forcefem shit but thats like a normal thing to be ashamed of no?

>>44399393
That line was referencing the study's "G1" group. You are a G3. I strongly recommend reading through the entire study.

>>44399354
>or can i really just be a cis man on HRT? idfk atp
You can. It's easy and will probably make you feel better, and if it turns out you are a full trans, you are already halfway there.

>>44399377
>it’s like my brain switches into a different state when I’m out and I completely stop questioning myself anymore
i guess when i catch a glimpse of myself in some reflection and i appear to have a feminine trait thats slightly more pronounced i feel sort of good but not sure if its just the fetish speaking
>but I’m a natural recluse so it’s hard to make myself be around people constantly
lowkey same

>>44399413
>You are a G3
i just read through it and there are parts that i relate to but i just cant bring myself into accepting it theres other shit like the "do you want to be trans or a woman" question that i just answer trans to because of my tranny porn induced fetish and i just dont "feel" like a woman
i mean i dont really "feel like a man" either and i dont think i ever really did but isnt that normal?
>It's easy and will probably make you feel better
i kinda just feel guilty that in an episode of the conditional dysphoria i think i exaggerated how bad things are for me and that landed me an F64.0 diagnosis and i fear being wrong quite a bit

>>44398986
its agp

>>44399607
what am i supposed to do then

>>44399383
Doesn’t really apply to me bc I identify as male and I don’t really believe the bs about androgenization and gender. I know it’s just a mental illness for me and I just lack the skills to turn off my intrusive thoughts

>>44399611
only you can figure this out dont let anyone tell you what to do

>>44399626
i wish to troon but my conformist ass will make me rep and probably turn me into a gigantic pressure cooker the older and more masculine i get
>>44399621
>I just lack the skills to turn off my intrusive thoughts
same.

idfk at all when it comes down to sexual orientation i can have moments of intense attraction to the idea of guys but when i see myself in the mirror and think about a "realistic" future i kind of nudge myself to think about having a girlfriend and marrying her and sometimes i end up enjoying those thoughts and right now the troon desires appear to be manageable in that way

>>44398986
so do i just try hrt?

>>44400668
I did and i didn’t learn anything. I still feel like this

>>44400668
Yeah do it, and make sure to inject, pills are worse.

>>44400887
that sucks to hear, may i ask like how though? did you feel any developments from HRT like physical changes that helped you know yourself better through how you responded?
>>44400998
got it
>>44400668
and yeah since its my life and i cant just rely on others opinions on how i should live ima just say fuck it and try it out

i relate to some parts like during my questioning phase i went through the same thing telling myself, "but it goes away when im around others and busy, i only think about it alone," except i did have the visceral reaction to puberty and i also was never cishet passing to begin with, no matter how hard i triedd everyone could tell im a queer which would trigger my dysphoria every time. yet i still repped

when you have close relationships with others, are you ok with them seeing you as a man? are you ok being a man during sex? living the rest of your life as a man, all the people who know you best seeing you as a man?

which feels worse:
partner leaving you because they found out you are not a man
partner staying with you because they love you as a man

>>44401012
no I feel exactly the same even tho my body looks different. part of it is probably that no one has noticed bc my face looks the same

>>44401175
>partner staying with you because they love you as a man
idk what this indicates of me but itd lowkey feel like another steel ball id be shackled to, like my face is already good enough repfuel but it would add to the somewhat suffocating feeling i guess.
>>44401222
yeah i think that might be why, did u feel any better from bodily changes tho?

>>44401264
>idk what this indicates of me but itd lowkey feel like another steel ball id be shackled to, like my face is already good enough repfuel but it would add to the somewhat suffocating feeling i guess.
yeah you are trans. whoever diagnosed you F64 wasnt mistaken
a cis man would find it incomprehensible to feel bad about that. its what they live for. if it feels like a golden cage, prison, or shackles, you're trans. the question cuts through the panic, labels, and diagnoses to get you to see how you actually want to live your life and form meaningful relationships with others.

>>44401572
its really really strange like i could imagine myself deriving satisfaction from the personality of the woman id be married to and having kids and allat but it would definitely also feel like some very subtle frame im boxed into, slightly restrictive. / and i feel like part of that satisfaction, or maybe most depending on when im imagining myself in that role comes from the feeling that ive played my expected part as a man well? i dont think its exactly internal.

welp im still just gonna try out HRT anyways tho so uh, yeah. nothing much to lose by trying

>>44401610
if you find being a man limiting and restrictive and being a woman expansive and freeing thats another sign you are a woman. i suppose it could also involve trauma or an unhealthy view or something with masculinity too. since you are confused its best to take it easy and touch grass since its a lot to deal with at once

>>44401633
Because we live in a matriarchy. Where Male gender expression and experience is extremely limited by the foidocracry. Otherwise every young man is a future troon.

>>44401610
>and i feel like part of that satisfaction, or maybe most depending on when im imagining myself in that role comes from the feeling that ive played my expected part as a man well? i dont think its exactly internal.
and that part is relatable to me too. if the incentive were internal then passing the external performance would actually be rewarding internally. instead when its only external eventually the reward is not fulfilling, its just getting trapped in a performance

>>44398986
I really just want to be a femboy. If I could customize my looks that’s what I would choose, not being a woman. I guess that makes me not trans which is sad but I guess for the best

>>44401633
i just feel like being a husband and a father would contain me precisely from the prospect of exploring these AGPish (for lack of a better word) feelings though, havent thought much beyond to feel that itd be necessarily expansive and freeing as a woman
>take it easy and touch grass since its a lot to deal with at once
desu i start HRT on the 19th so i have some time to think it through but rn i dont really have anyone to talk abt and get help figuring out what im exactly going through besides anons on this board - and im flip flopping quite a bit due to a number of factors like how i look right now and unsure of if im really dysphoric at all because i browsed a lot of transmed spaces online... fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

i really do have to bite the bullet though, as much as it is nice getting some help figuring shit out from this board it really is my life and id probably have to take a leap of faith either way instead of hoping someone gives me final validation

>>44401637
lowkey feels like that at times
>>44401646
fuckass notions of familial obligations
>>44401654
same and i actually resonate with this the most if im being brutally honest, but ive got too much of a goodie two shoes ass neuroticism so i genuinely get my brain raped by the transmed requirements for trooning laid out by my country
answers probably to stop caring though so i guess i found my solution

>>44401674
i wish i were born a girl so i could be a woman but i was born a male so i wish i could make the wish to be a woman go away because that would be easier instead but thats exactly what repression is and theres no reward for it. our brains got messed up. i think gender identity is real just be glad your dysphorias not that bad and that you figured it out with your whole life ahead of you

>>44401689
if you dont want to transition but needed to lie that you do for access to hrt you can just hondose yourself instead unless they administer the hrt. dont do anything you dont want to

>>44401752
like you mean DIY? if so its illegal here unfortunately but yeah right now i dont have an interest to transition into a full on cookie cutter woman like the tard doctors would expect
>>44401731
>but thats exactly what repression is and theres no reward for it
grim
i really hope im making the right choice because the fact that ive got the rest of my life ahead right now kind of amplifies the now or never/dont mess up fears...

>>44401775
its not really now or never thats just the panic. you might still be able to get some hip growth but theres not really a whoooole lot of difference between 18 and other ages as long as you take care of your health. like the main difference is just skin aging but that happens reaaalyy slow and then like body hair growth which also happens slow and may or may not happen and can be dealt with with laser. or just taking dht blockers which dont even need estrogen for. the main thing is how you wanna live your life. if you transition later then you are living your life now presenting as a man when you could live as a trans woman instead. its as simple as that

>>44403919
i kind of want to just be a cis guy on HRT because i just cant imagine myself ever living like a woman socially
but yeah thanks, i think im starting to piece things together now

how old are you and do you have a long history of trying on femininity or refining it in your private time

>>44405075
im 18 and i have memories of wearing some girl shit when i was 7 and i liked it but i was always kind of fucked up in a way and getting into troon porn at the age of what 11? didnt help

File: 0d8.jpg (97 KB, 469x385)

97 KB JPG

>>44405466
come back in 20 yrs

>>44405594
wat does this mean sorry its like late and my brains fried

>>44405466
Same. My parents made me wear my sister's clothing growing up until about 12 and it really gave me disgusting crossdressing fantasies even into adulthood. I feel like I was groomed into it.

>>44405615
i guess lamenting the past cant do much now you just gotta find what works to alleviate your current feelings. im really sorry that happened though that sounds pretty fucked up.

>>44405610
i don't take lil doods seriously of either gender

>>44405646
that is fair many of us can be tards

>>44403919
that is what im doing. i can be an alt guy, twink, boymoder, or transfem depending on styling.

>>44405758
gigabased...

>>44404326
meant for >>44405758

>>44399348
O no i am in agp group!! Stupid gross agp's if only everyone would come out at an early age none of this would exist and agp wouldn't be a thing being trans literally just gets more and more embarrassing and repulsive the longer u rep.

>>44405943
>being trans literally just gets more and more embarrassing and repulsive the longer u rep
trvke unless ur a luckshit

>>44398986
As a buff dude who is comfortable with his physique and lifestyle, I took think about how being a chick would be cool.
It is why when sci-fi shit becomes real and I can become a cyborg cute girl, I will probably do it, assuming I am either still alive and/or still forever alone

>>44407063
would you be a transbian

what makes you want to be on HRT? asking because I have had a lot of the same questions and life experiences as you

>>44408639
My brains currently uber raped because I browsed through a bunch of truscum/transmed spaces but it’s mostly sexual arousal the idea of embodying a body with decent hips ass and breasts / otherwise im like totally male in the head and im never considering social transition because a person like me just could not socially be a woman at all / recap: i think embodying a fem body would be super duper cool to the point that i sometimes get this weird resemblance of “dysphoria” being sad at the fact that im very moided + more sadness knowing its just a very very bad fetish I’d have to repress because otherwise the meanie truscums will be big mad (tbhon idgaf what they say ngl im more concerned how it’s going to affect my social life more)

File: IMG_0873.png (3.22 MB, 1242x2208)

3.22 MB PNG

>>44398986
Op, are you ok into aging into this? I’m ok as a guy as long as I’m on HRT because I will not turn into this.

>>44410475
If I can zone out sufficiently enough but jeez that’s like a gay porn star
Yeah I’ll just see where I’ll end up as a cism on HRT