>>44402611
if you are a tranny you would have to be borderline psychotically delusion if you DIDNT get "reverse dysphoria". you are a male taking exogenous estrogen to turn yourself into some kind of gender chimera so you dont kill yourself. if what you are doing to yourself does not give you some form of "oh shit" body horror as your inverted triangle moid body grows boobs then you're probably a retard. your choices are detrans and continue the slow transformation into your father or continue and deal with being a freak but eventually get used to it in a couple years

>>44402611
> Vaguely scared i might not be able to handle being female socially
Well as long as you always disclose that you’re a tranny, you’ll never lose male privilege or be treated like a woman.

>>44402620
>if you are a tranny you would have to be borderline psychotically delusion if you DIDNT get "reverse dysphoria".
Note sure what that sentence is supposed to mean desu.

>you are a male taking exogenous estrogen to turn yourself into some kind of gender chimera
Mayb, but i wish i wasnt and was just a normal tranny instead.

>so you dont kill yourself.
Another reason i may be delusional: I dont think it was ever that bad

>f what you are doing to yourself does not give you some form of "oh shit" body horror as your inverted triangle moid body grows boobs then you're probably a retard
Oki im a retard then, cuz thats not really how i feel rn for the most part. But im scared ill end up like this eventually.

>detrans and continue the slow transformation into your father or continue and deal with being a freak but eventually get used to it in a couple years
Tough one, i dont think i hate looking like a guy (unfortunately). But i also seem to prefer not to. Idk, might do the latter, but im scared i wont get used to it :/

I had some of the same worries. My gender is probably something close to a she/they type situation but I find those ppl annoying so idk.
After 4 years of transitioning, getting ffs, growing medium size breasts, and having mostly androgynous fem leaning clothing, I don't feel much motivation to attempt passing. Nor do I feel much dysphoria anymore besides some stuff like slight facial hair i get if I don't shave for a couple days, my voice bothers me but Im too dysphoria to even voice train so I try to just ignore it. I get gendered male still in public most of the time, and it bothers me but not enough to bother trying make up or voice training. Sometimes I even feel comfortable seeing myself as more of a boy (around other queers) cause I'm at least very attractive.
All this to say, I guess don't worry so much about handling being female socially. Most people won't even see you as female or give you female expectations unless you go out of your way to correct people. I never do personally unless it's somewhere that really matters.
Just don't psych yourself out if for the most part you like the changes

>>44402611
I quit due to reverse dsyphoria then my regular dysphoria came back. now idk what to do

>>44402737
>My gender is probably something close to a she/they type situation
Same maybe

> Nor do I feel much dysphoria anymore
This is part of my problem tho. I dont and didnt have any (i think). So it feels like that fact is a sure fire sign ill eventually develop dysphoria if i stay on HRT/E.

> All this to say, I guess don't worry so much about handling being female socially.
Tbh i dont actually. I just included it in the post cuz its another minor thing i only worry about a lil. My "plan" was to probably manmode forever in public and prob be ok with that for the rest of my life anyways.

The main thing im concerned about is potentially not being able to live with breast growth. (While also being unsure if this is even a real problem i have or if ill be fine and am just freaking myself out)

> Just don't psych yourself out if for the most part you like the changes
True, its just im also not certain i like the changes for the most part or not, and if so to what extent. Usually i say i like all of them, except being unsure abt breast growth (and even liking that sometimes anyways). But idk how certain i am this is true, and how much i like it to justify potentially growing boobs i might hate.

I just dont really trust myself to know what i want or make good decisions on my own lol.

>>44402938
l0ool who wsaid the decisions had to be good nona?

>>44403071
Bad decisions are bad so i wanna make a good decision?

Plus this is like one of the most important ones. Finding out ur cis but were a delusional idiot and took hrt anyways gotta be up there with the worst of them. Probably somewhat analogous to knowing u are trans and committing to repping. Just like one of the worst possible decisions.

So ofc i wanna avoid that and make a good decision instead.

>>44403673
do you fear judgment? idk

>>44403742
In part. But i mostly just fear regret from making the wrong decision. And just hating myself (even more than i do already) if i end up realizing i just deluded myself into this tranny shit for years for no good reason.

>>44403934
ah i get you yeah that shits really tough and im going through it too rn (got sort of better?)
i guess what helped for me was i just tried envisioning what kind of a life i want regardless of what people might say because yeah being a trutranny isnt a choice but if you still want HRT you should just get on it imo
of course there might be some people who you imagine could make fun of you or think that you're retarded but i guess you could alleviate such fears of judgment by knowing that theres many people who do a bunch of stupid shit (not saying your choice is stupid at all) and they and the world just kinda keep rolling on iykwim
and yeah its kinda a leap of faith, it would def feel good and "reasoned" if you were told that you're really dysphoric and trans i get it but uh do what you want i guess
but calculate the pros and cons of course
and try not to listen to me and other strangers online, idk your life

>>44404305
>if you still want HRT you should just get on it imo
I agree, i just have a super hard time telling what i want, and even when i do i have a hard time believing myself or being certain about it.

>tried envisioning what kind of a life i want
Prob the right call, but kinda hard for me. Mayb cuz im depressed in general i cant really think of any kind of life id want lol. Tho ig if i could i would suspect id wanna lean female gender wise, but idk.

>and yeah its kinda a leap of faith, it would def feel good and "reasoned" if you were told that you're really dysphoric and trans
Yeah absolutely this. I want this to be a well thought thru thing, and it feels like its not and like i might never get it to that point where i can truly trust myself it was the most reasonable thing to do.

>do what you want i guess
True, but again 80% of my problem is that i cant. Or if i can i dont trust myself on it/cant become certain of it.

>>44404527
>i just have a super hard time telling what i want, and even when i do i have a hard time believing myself or being certain about it.
same
>Mayb cuz im depressed in general i cant really think of any kind of life id want lol
same used to be like that but lowk this week i js realized i really dont like my life (not related to trooning) in some aspects so got motivated to change that and start planning my future so idk if you can pinpoint something u dont really like u could get motivated and when u see a clear direction maybe itll also kinda show u if u really want to troon out or not
>and it feels like its not and like i might never get it to that point where i can truly trust myself it was the most reasonable thing to do.
and from ur original post
>Vaguely scared i might not be able to handle being female socially
the conclusion i came to was that ima just try being a cism on HRT for a bit and if i actually develop reverse dysphoria ima call it quits and just find out what im actually suffering from but if i actually do feel better might consider full troon depending on how i turn out in terms of looks asw
>Or if i can i dont trust myself on it/cant become certain of it.
def easier for me to say (ironic because i doom over ts a lot myself) but like urhg
actually nvm hmm what if you just dont care about needing to be certain / or like actually like motivate yourself into planning what kind of life you want to lead and see how trooning fits in there? could act as a little nudge to see how u really feel about your life down the line, cuz i think you also take seriously the practicality of things

>>44404616
>Vaguely scared i might not be able to handle being female socially
i came to the conclusion of js being a cism on HRT because rn im preHRT and look pretty damn male so i just cant imagine myself socially presenting as female and id prolly get weird stares but eh some things u just gotta try out and see i guess / and the fact that i cant imagine being a female socially also got me tripped up a bunch in the head because my country is super transmedy so i felt a lot of guilt for potentially being just a perv fag abusing HRT but theres really no other way to find out besides trying HRT and im just starting to not care abt what other people think asw and focusing on what kind of life i want to live (to which trooning is just a marginal part of - if my "masc" desires win out + i develop reverse dysphoria im prob gonna call it quits)