Pre Hrt i used to not care about what i look like a lot. Part of me was hoping it was disassociation from being a tranny/dysphoria.But now ive been on hrt for a year and im still like that a lot. It makes me scared estrogen was a bad idea. That im not trans and will regret the changes its causing (im already scared of boobs a little).I wish hrt would have uncovered some serious gender dysphoria or anything. Instead im still mostly ambivalent about what i want.Leaning female, just a little, but still enough to not be quite satisfied just being a fem guy, is a special kind of hell. Makes me doubt i even should do any of this, since often i still do not care.And yet on occasion i do care. Its not often, but every few days or so i get quite happy with looking more feminine, or when i malefail i often get a lil happy about it.But i wish i was a proper tranny. Like have a pretty discrete path forward, cuz gender dysphoria is pushing me and the tranny ness is pulling towards being a woman, like wholesale, doing the entire thing.Instead its only a light breeze. But apparently reoccurs often enough (or im easily swayed enough) im still tempted to follow it. While at the same time being so light im constantly scared i was only imagining it and will find myself in an awful place.
yea
>>44440121yea
>>44437454that's life, bitchass.
