im not even a personim just a sad sack of flesh for other people to beat down over and over until i die. this horrible horrible horrible universe will find every possible way to hurt me. itll mock me. and there's nothing i can do about it. itll give me a mind whose greatest desires it will never achieve, itll happily create a fundamentally broken system in a sea of other systems who rely on it. then if i want to stop existing, i have to hurt everyone else. and every day i dont stop existing it makes me regret it. the people i stay here for ignore me, belittle me, force me into even more painful situations. strangers glare at me, people online ignore me. no one will ever love me. no one is coming to save me. no one is going to realize how much theyve hurt me. nothing is going to change, the pain is never going to stop. pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain paineveryone taunts me, everyone looks down on me, everyone tries to get in my head and hurt me. everyone gets my hopes up that i could be happy and hurts me in ways i didnt know i could be hurt.i feel like im in hell. maybe that's what it all is. a giant complex of pain they program the souls of the damned into. a world designed to tear me down, that knows exactly what my weak spots are and beats them in again and again and again and again forever and ever. a world that keeps me too scared to put myself out of my own misery. a world that loves tormenting me with the fact that i cant.a world that lets me trace it all back to something i never wanted and never chose. a little lump of flesh that i'll never be able to get rid of, but that i can always hear about other people getting rid of. a world full of peace that i will never be able to find. a world full of saviors who i'm too disgusting to be saved by.please let me out. im sorry. ill be different. ill do anything. just please make it stop.
