>>44482203
hii honeydew i got a new trip and i'm feeling a lot better today!

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>>44482203
Wouldn't there still be the same number of stars? The cow is just retarded

>>44482444
no if your eyes aren't collimated you'll see double

>>44482462
But there's 2 cow brains so they each see the same stars once

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one day my love will stop poisoning her

>>44482462
but each calf head has its own brain and eyes...

what's this thread for?

>>44482544
Scream at yourself or some faggot fuck trann
Like, write a letter to them or yourself

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stand in the corner AND SCREAM WITH ME

>>44482475
Perhaps you should instead look for someone who isn't poisoned by your love?
>>44482588
FUCK YO WALLS FUCK YO CORNER FUCK YO DUBS AAAAAAAAAA

i got on hormones youngish, stopped, repped for years
Now im a miserable motherfucker And a stereotype

>>44482428
Snazzy. I'm glad you're feeling better, Kat. <3

>>44482552
>>44482588
Sometimes you just gotta scream.

>>44482702
It's not too late to try them again. What made you stop?

>>44482473
>>44482481
well yeah but the heads are pointed in different directions so he can see more sky

>>44482625
doesnt exist nona, im the problem

>>44482850
That's not how it works, sweetie. There is someone for everyone. In fact, every person has many potential someones. To believe otherwise is a self defeating fallacy.
You dont have to believe it now, but at least dont give up, please. We all deserve to be happy.
(I say, hypocritically, while in immense pain from loss of someone who felt like a once in a lifetime encounter. Hearts are strange, so I am saying these things as much for myself as I am for you)

>>44482203
i hate my life and the type of person i am even tho im still pretty privileged and fortunate. i have friends, a job, a roof over my head and live with my folks that mostly accept me, and im almost done with uni. but im a gigagorillahon and have been on hrt for 4 years but have been too depressed to keep up with my injections this year.

i like the ppl i know but half resent them for being mentally ill fucks like me. i had to talk a girl outta suicide a couple weeks ago. and i feel like shit cause it worked, cause i want to die too. i dont see a future where i pass, i dont see a future where im able to support myself or if im sucessful in a career i like or dont aboslutely hate, i dont see a future where i like myself or my body. i just want to die sooo fucking badly.

i hate it here. i want to kill myself, my friends want to kill themselves, and the govt wants to either kill us or put us all in prison. and with my fuckass luck my preferred suicide method (nembutal) is basically impossible. FMSTL

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Over a year now of living with a girl that makes enough money I haven't had to find work yet. She encourages me to job search but understands how difficult work is for me as well as the terrible job market, and my lack of qualifications making it even tougher.
I wish I could have done something useful in that time. I feel so useless. I have free time on my hands, I have the internet, I could be building skills. Instead I barely survive each day. Not helped by physical disabilities I deal with, but still. I wish I could at least focus and do something, anything, meaningful. I gotta get a psychiatrist so I can try adhd meds again even though I had very little luck trying multiple a couple years back...

>>44482872
xkcd did a What If? on the subject of soulmates. The tl;dr is that the math doesn't really support the concept, but despite that I can't help but still believe in it. Same reason I believe in fate, I guess. I also say this as someone suffering from the loss of someone who felt like one in a million. I guess I'm just a silly girl who never stopped believing in magic.

>>44482925
I'm sorry, nona. I don't just want to give you some vague platitudes, as I get the feeling you've heard them before and they didn't help. But, I hear you, for whatever it's worth. And I'm glad you could help your friend, even if you have complicated feelings about it. Hang in there.

>>44483190
I can definitely relate; I lost my job over a year ago and haven't been able to find anything in my field since. My SO works, but her salary was like, less than a third of what I made, and we ended up losing the house. I think there's this assumption that unemployment is like a vacation, but I've never been more stressed, all the time, for 17 months now. Makes it hard to stay motivated to do anything, even though on paper I have all the time in the world. We just gotta keep trying, I guess. The drought can't last forever, right...?

as of very recently I have no gf and I'm going to lose my mind. recently lost my best friend too, and I feel totally isolated in life.
I have no idea what to do with my life.

>>44483190
damn, I've been on the opposite side of an arrangement like this on multiple occasions. I've tried to do my best to support someone who's in your position and I've seen what it's like for people like you, I know it sucks to feel stuck. I really really hope things work out for you.

>>44483245
How did you manage that???
>>44483267
Being the supporter sucks because you start feeling like you cant leave without destroying them and all of the pressure is always on you to handle almost everything. Never again. Never again...

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>>44483245
Have you tried falling into maintaining a thread where people scream into the void? It totally worked for me...!

Actually processing emtions sucks. I'm not saying I want to go back to being a numb, shambling pile of meat, but I vastly overestimated how well I'm handling things.

>>44483245
>and I feel totally isolated in life.
I understand this feeling. I guess this is a part of being a tranny or something. Just want you to know that there are other people who feel like this, so you are not alone

>>44483403
Fucking MOOD. I oscillate rapidly between "emotions are too much, take them all away" and "well im glad I can at least feel like a human being now", whew

>>44483282
>How did you manage that???
I'm extremely stupid in horrible and innovative ways, also my best friend turned out to be a full-blown chud who blocked me after I did something to stand up for another trans woman.
>>44483299
I will leave that to the professionals!
>>44483406
yeah, I guess you're right. I've met so many other trans women who feel the same. the world is not designed for our way of life, lol.

>>44483534
>I did something to stand up for another trans woman.
Thank you for doing that. I'd say "nothing of value was lost," but I don't doubt it still hurt for them to turn their back on you...
>I've met so many other trans women who feel the same.
Self-deprecation aside, yeah, it can be hard not to feel isolated as a trans person. One doesn't need to look far to find transphobic vitriol in the world. Especially when even the people closest to us aren't that supportive...
Hang in there, nona.

Implying that men have magical female brains so you have to let them castrate themselves and call them she IS pseudoscience because you never precisely illuminate the details or facts, it's just broad concepts and seemingly reasonable suggestions but nothing logically concluded and irrefutably scientifically proven. Being transgender is a social contagion, it isn't a biological state or a genetic condition.

>>44483628
Caring about what other consenting adults do for the sake of their own happiness is serious smoothbrain stuff, anon. Im happier now than I ever was before, the theory and why are just there to enable my happiness. Mald more over my joy, transphobe. <3
>>44483534
Eugh sorry to hear the turnabout on the cruddy friend. I hope you find better people soon enough.

>>44482872
I lost any chance at getting to be with who I feel so certain is my soulmate I've just kind of given up on it all. I wish I could love like a normal human being.

>>44483604
I mean yeah, nothing of value really was lost. definitely does hurt though, we were friends for 10 years and I thought that meant something, but I was so wrong lol. thank you for the kind words!
>>44483658
thank you :) hope you're doing well

>>44483754
One person isnt the end all be all no matter how strongly you were attached. One day someone so amazing will walk into your life that all of this will seem small to you. I believe that with all my heart. If you cant have hope, I will hope for you.

>>44483628
Did saying that make you feel happy, petal?

>>44482203
The shitty image in the OP I've seen a dozen times before still made me tear up because I'm an overemotional bitch.

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>>44483604
>make a comment how transphobic vitriol isn't hard to find
>literally the next post is transphobic vitriol
Whew, I guess we're a real gen now, guys; we have poltards and everything.

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>>44483820
Why are there suddenly plampts in my venting thread???

I'm so sick of my stupid wide hips tit having female body. I'm just gonna go anorexic at this point I don't care if it's fembrain or whatever. I want all the fat in my body to die, I hate my periods, and if I ever get pregnant I'm genuinely stabbing myself in the stomach. probably gonna kms in my 20s anyways

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>>44482203
I think im understanding a feeling that has lived in me for a long while.


I miss being a kid. Yeah I know get in line, but like.
There was this very very particular window in time where my life was a version of 'perfect' to me and I never even realized.

I was 18-19. I had moved into my own place a week after graduation. I was working second shift most days which I loved. My bills where payed, I didnt mind my job, and I was happy. I stayed up all night most days playing eith my friends, I had made my mind up that I was trans and looking for a way to come out(id end up repping for a while and doing it fr about 5 years later. Poor thing.) I was hanging with my friends and fleshing out who i was and what I was about. I had the world at my hands. I was learning to draw and while yes I was much worse then I had so much more time to dedicate to it. I just had that natural drive in me. I was willing to try things and everything was brand new.

But, time marched on. Life changed, friends changed. I changed.

I guess.... im not sure what exactly but.. I miss that version of me. I miss being a me that was curious about the world. I miss thay version of me who had an open mind and heart. Now im scared and doubt everything. Im 27, gonna be 28 in about 4 or 5 months. I have a kid. I am out and trans, thank god passing atp. Yes I trooned out before I ever even conceived my child, it was early transition however and I couldnt have a kid anymore nowadays biologically. My boys biomom is a deadbeat alcoholic who doesnt keep him and taught me to be skeptical of love. Just like my beat friend from the best era of my life taught me tk ve skeptical of friends. I dont believe in much anymore. I love my kid, I do all I can for him, but sometimes it just feels like thats all I have time and energy for is being a mom. I wanna be more than just a mom, but im doing it all alone. Its hard. And while he will always be the number 1 priority in my life I just miss me.

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>>44483962
I'm sorry, anon. Have you started transitioning yet?

>>44484299
That's... bittersweet in its eloquence.
Not much of my childhood was very pleasant, I had few friends and was bullied a lot. I was never given the language to articulate who I was or what I needed to thrive. But there was a time, also around 18-20, where I'd moved away for college, and finally felt free from all the miserable obligations. I still didn't know who I was, but I could explore it without fear or shame for the first time. I chased fairies and met with ghosts, but I think I was really just looking for myself. It's the only point in my life I look back at with true nostalgia.
You sound like a good mom. I hope you can find yourself again.

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I want friends and everything but honestly even if I had a friend I don’t think I could keep them. I don’t know how to act or what to do or say. Even if I could keep someone around, I don’t think I would get as much out of it as I sometimes think I would. I think these things are better in my imagination than in reality.

i beg to one day be able to actually make her smile instead of cry for once

>>44483825
I am also an emotional bitch and cried at it the first time. I tried not to look at it too hard while picking it out for that reason.

>>44484554
Maybe it would be worth trying it out to know for sure?

>>44484757
What's been making her cry? :(

I'm off to bed. Please keep the thread warm for me while I'm off in dreamland, nonas.

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>>44482203
I upset my bf again because I saw a woman's picture and got jealous and had a bpd melty and now he's sad even though he's lying to me and pretending he's not cause he doesnt want to make me more upset and my entire life feels like a ticking time bomb because eventually he's gonna get sick of this shit and find another tranny who isn't a fucking psycho or better yet a real woman and I'm dependent on him for a place to live too so I'm gonna be homeless again and I'm so fucking scared but I have to bottle it up because if I let him sense my fear I'm just hastening the inevitable and I kinda wanna just slash my wrists and be done with it

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>>44482203
I'm wasting a lot of money on FFS even though I'll continue to never pass, I'm putting myself in a vulnerable financial position, and I have nothing to actually look forward to in my life. No friends. Don't talk to my family. No goals or motivation. My partner (who I rarely see anymore) isn't attracted to me, and I hate myself so I don't blame them.

>>44484520
Thank you. The search continues. In the meantime im ironing out our lives.maube thats most people's experience is that window is particularly nostalgic. Maybe its just us.

You're really gone, huh?

I want to make a /fentgen/ thread as a joke but it will just be removed

>>44485407
You should do it anyway for shiggles

My psychiatrist thinks I might be bipolar which is ironic for for like multiple reasons but fuck dude.
I already have more diagnosis then cells in my body.

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Ehehehe tomorrow me is going to hate tonight me but tonight me is having such a good time even tho she hates herself. Sure Ill have a lot tonsay about bad decisions tomorrow maybe. Goodnight thread.

Please... not like this...

bump

the stars are so pretty tn but i'm too depressed to leave my room. I've run out of food so i need to go grocery shopping/

the dread snuck up on me again

>>44486438
same, its so totally over. i kind of want to just disappear for her sake

unrelated but i think i've felt bottom dysphoria fir the first time today and i don't like it. I really want my genitals gone but SRS terrifies me.

i was sad today. p4 reopened stuff i thought i had figured out. its nice to be alive

>>44486449
i dont want to disappear i want to start living my life

>>44486514
then whats stopping you, you have all the steps laid out to you right there, just go for it. if you fail, better than not trying

i havent cried in a while, probably a bad sign

>>44486542
im too unsure of myself and too afraid to ask for help

>>44486591
so you're just gonna sit there stagnant? that's a self fulfilling prophecy is it not? life's not gonna change for you no matter how much we all wish it would, you have to do that yourself or with whoever can help you. I know you can do it, you know what to do, so make a start, even if its just a step right now, even if its the smallest most miniscule bit of progress on the bar, its fuckin something amirite?

>>44483190
Just become a cleaner bro. No qualification needed. Money isn't great but honestly entry level office shit barely pays any better.
t.part time cleaner

>>44486602
i know i know youre right. ive been stagnant for so long and im genuinely lost. i dont want to sit here and keep making dumb excuses for myself

>>44484299
You sound like a great person. You're still in there, even buried under all the work of being a parent. Have you ever thought about keeping a small sketchbook?

>>44486754
It get's easier every time you do it, as long as there's some consistency anon. I'm a complete hypocrite in this manner but that doesn't make me any less aware that the more you take time towards it the easier it'll get. The first step is the hardest, the second is grueling, the third is painful but the fourth will feel a bit less and that carries the trend.

How many xanax to knock out myself?

I hate seeing troons and bisluts in "lesbian" space online and I hate it even more that other supposed "lesbians" get pissy at me for speaking up about it

>>44486810
grow up. being a gold star lesbian means nothing. those spaces usually just exist to gas up women to begin with, so the mutual love for them is the dominating force, if you want spaces for the specific cisles experience im sure there's plenty of them out there.
hating trannies being there is one thing, I don't agree but whatever but "bisluts" what did they do to you besides just feel attraction differently

boredom bump, surely not everyone who posts here is asleep, wheres the european anguish

I don't understand why
No matter how much I cry
Doesn't matter how much I try
I can't seem to ever get by

Love is so foreign, it smells of sulfur to me.
Love is so rotten, but I can't help but yearn to be
If only I could be like everyone else
And join this dance of empty masks.

The scene is set
It's not night just yet
But the moon will be so pretty
Ah, so this pain will be for eternity

Friend I think I have a thing for got together with a Tgirl while I wasn't looking, meanwhile I've just been sat here HRTRepping, wish I had been a little more brave about this stuff, it looks like they're going steady :(

What can I do
To get through to you
I don my mask, so bright so happy
I'm turned away, so snappy!

I don my mask, it's so sad!
But all that one does is just makes you mad
I don my mask, so relatable!
Yet... Even that one is unable?

I can't seem to be able to
Reach in and hold you
You'd hate my real self anyway...
So maybe its best I go away

>>44482203
Im fat ugly and retarded.Wish I was a woman
Why do some people gettheir lives for free while others have to claw their way into a bearable, barely justifiable, barely allowed existence

Oh yea, I feel very sick after last night and focusing on my phone is the only thing keeping the world from spinning. No regrets. Literally, got too messed up to do anything dumb. Cried for a while over lost connections. That sucked. Played a game with a story that really hit me in the feels and cried about that. Im such a pathetic fuck up. I dont want to drive like this. Id skip if it were just for me, but... i gotta.
>>44487640
Wish this was for me. Wish someone tried so hard to keep me. Wish someone wrote poetry for me. Fuhck.
>>44487665
Sounds like me a few years ago. Im a decently passable woman now, but Im still crawling thru hell. Fuck my shitty tranny liiiiiiiife

>>44487787
>Wish someone wrote poetry for me
its overrated, all my poetry does is hurt the intended audience anyway. its stupid and i dont know why i cant stop suddenly

If you break her heart, I will never, ever, ever forgive you...

I have a cutting knife that could easily pierce my throat and end my suffering right here and right now, why haven't I used it yet? All I ever do with it is poke a hole in my prog. I should do it to poke a hole in my neck and bleed out, but I'm just scared of the pain more than anything.

>>44488031
>I have a cutting knife that could easily pierce my throat
it's disturbing to read tbqh

>>44488051
its meant to cut nubs off of plastic, as one of my old hobbies was building model kits. I have a bunch of unbuilt ones I can't find any will to get up and do anything with. So I just use it to pierce my pills, sometimes cut my skin. The day I finally get the motivation to plunge it into my throat is the day I'll be free I think anon, don't be disturbed. I really want out of this hell we call life

Emotions are static
Thoughts are erratic
There is really no way to reach me
Honestly I'm selfish for trying to reach you

Emotions are static
Love, happiness, sadness, empathy, its all lost on me.
I don't understand myself, why do I pretend to understand anyone else?
I should just isolate, lest they find out I'm false.

Thoughts are erratic
Do I feel? Is there logic? Can I help?
A computer cannot feel, so why does it yelp
At the emptiness in its heart, there's a shred of humanity in pain.

>>44488086
at least find a less painful way to do this. anyway, I think you can be happy and shouldn't do this at all

>>44488209
>I think you can be happy
How? Emotions are all static to me anyway. Garbled inconceivable mess, do I know what I'm feeling right now? No way, do I know how you're feeling right now? I'd get shot if this was a life or death question
The concept of happiness to me makes no sense because I literally cannot visualize what that would even be to begin with.
I can only write so many poems to show how completely fucked my head is before the reality sets in to me.

>>44488229
idk, maybe it's better to go to a therapist or something. or try to find something you'd like. I get that feeling, but after all you may find a way forward even if now it seems like there is none

>>44488297
You're trying and that;s nice, but you don't really get it. The only way forward is acceptance at this point, I've tried literally everything else.

>>44484905
Wanting to help someone you care about but being unable to can be hard, but it's not your fault for needing help. Have you done any therapy for your BPD? If not, you might want to consider it. Hopefully it would help you, but it would also help show your boyfriend that you want to get better. Hang in there, nona.

>>44484975
I feel a lot of this... The way I try to look at it is, if it's something you need, it's not a waste. I hope you're pleasantly surprised by the results.

>>44485397
>>44485873
Wanna talk about it?

>>44485526
The labels are less important than the understanding of yourself and the help you get. Do they think they can help you?

>>44486460
Maybe take some time to live with the feeling for a bit and see what you think? Or, if you're already sure, maybe look into getting a consultation? It's not like it would happen tomorrow, or that you can't change you mind before the date.

>>44486580
I've been crying less lately, too. I think it's because I've been having fewer acute spirals, but also because I've become more numb. I don't think I like it more than just crying...

>>44486810
Maybe you're just a phobe.

>>44487330
Sorry. I was enjoying sleeping in a bit, as I don't get to do it much anymore.

>>44487787
I did this a few nights ago, but mine was not the least bit fun. Made me want to put the bottle down for a bit. Though I did have one drink last night to steady my tremors so I could paint my nails. Not my best work, not my worst.

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I realized this morning I've been trying to avoid seeing or speaking to my mother-in-law, because I can't stand being deadnamed & misgendered anymore. Unfortunately I live with her now, and my SO doesn't want to let me come out to her until I find a job, so I'm feeling very trapped. I should be grateful to have a roof over my head, to have family willing to take us in, but I hate it here. I don't want to do this anymore...

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I really love myself but I struggle to get away with it. I try to exaggerate my self-loathing but it doesn't really work anymore. It's obvious that depression is a mask of my conceit. Naturally I don't even want to talk to a therapist about it.

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I'm bound by my indecisiveness. I know it is only getting worse but it is tolerable enough to ignore.

>>44488366
I hope so.
But even if they can help me and I find some medication that fixes literally everything it won't undo the things ive done or bring anyone back so idfk.

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>>44488571
One thing that helps me is to manually weigh pros and cons of my decisions.
If you have trouble getting a proper overview, I'd suggest assigning scores to certain pros and cons then adding them up when concluding.

If you disagree with where your points ended up, you might want to feel out whether there's more than just simple 'indecisiveness' >.>

A lot of indecisiveness originates not from an inability to prefer, but shame in the act of choosing.
That's what I personally suffer from the most.

If that is the case, I'd honestly say therapy's your best choice >^<
If you aren't able to talk to a therapist about it, then pick someone you trust a lot... Dissecting shame and finding a way of effectively coping/healing with it is really difficult for both parties.

I wish you luck Anon <3

>>44488565
>I don't even want to talk to a therapist about it.
How come?

>>44488580
We can't change the past, but we can change the future. Some lessons are more costly than others, but that's just life I guess. I hope they can help you, too.

>>44488856
First of all I hate paying money. I have to pay thousands of dollars in money to talk to people who don't know how to help me. I tried in the past, wasted thousands of dollars on it in an attempt to keep a close friend who was getting on my nerves, but it didn't work.

>>44488366
No, dont want to talk about it, I just want her to stick to her word and not hurt the most important people in my life.
>>44488398
I fully intended to self destruct last night but Im actually a giga coward who never follows through on the worrisome things she says and so all that really happened was I got hella drunk, sent some nudes to a lesbo that's already seen my tits out anyways, flirted with her poorly (I think she's into me anyways?), griefed at a friend, broke down sobbing for maybe 10 min, played Dispatch for a few hours, then passed out and woke up sick and late. Fuckin go me. I fail to even fail properly

>>44489033
>I think she's into me anyways
Actually, gonna back that up, she's definitely into me considering stuff that's happened, Im just a useless fucking lesbian who would still be thinking "im not sure if she's into me" even while being fucked lmfao.

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i want to move to a city for the first time to be closer to my girlfriend. i'm so afraid that i wont be able to survive, she'll leave me because of it, and i'll be alone in a scary new place living in my car.

>>44488934
That's fair I guess. Fortunately this thread is free. <3

>>44489033
I've recently had to assure friends I would still be here in the morning, so I get it. Fortunately I'm also a coward, but on top of that it occurred to me recently just how sad, how jarring, and how troublesome it would be for the handful of people who care about me if I ever went through with it. So I guess I'm fated to suffer. One of those friends did swear to avenge me if it came to it, though, so that was sweet.

>>44489166
Hello.

>>44489627
Heyyyyyyy

>>44489627
Fair enough. Funny how therapy is so expensive when random strangers online are often happy to play amateur psychologist for free, some of them are good at it too

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>>44490080
I'm certainly no psychologist, I'm just old and have been through a lot... But I do think having someone else be able to relate to what you're going through can at least help you feel seen & heard. It's no panacea, but since our society is still getting over the whole boomer notion that mental health isn't real or whatever, feeling validated can mean a lot, even if it is just internet strangers.

>>44489848
Come here often? :3

>>44490180
I remain open to dialogue with boomers. Perhaps they are right. Perhaps mental health isn't real. Perhaps we are all just kidding ourselves with pointless navelgazing because we are so helpless against the real forces that are destroying us. I'm only asking questions don't shoot

>>44490238
I disagree. I got to live through my dad shooting himself then my mom drinking herself to death, due in no small part to the fact that their generation was taught to never talk about feelings. I had to hear about their demons posthumously from my siblings, because they'd never talk to me about them. I wish I could have helped either of them, but they were taught not to ask for help.
And I guess to be clear, I'm okay, and I'm not upset. I just think the beliefs they were taught about mental health are complete bullshit and need to go away.

>>44490292
I'm sorry for your losses. I don't mean to minimize the suffering that people go through

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>>44490326
It's okay, and you didn't. I just meant that I have pretty strong reasons for my convictions about mental health, is all. Sorry for making things kinda dark.

THE WORM IS GONE! THE BIG CREEPY WORM IS GONE FOR GOOD!! \o/

will i ever get taken seriously again? will anyone respect me again? was it always this bad? do men just straight up find it funny when women talk? why do i get so flustered when it happens? what's wrong with my head? am i really so autogynephillic that misogyny doesn't even register as bad anymore? will i ever be really trans? did i know what i was getting into? can i still go out at night? why can't i be normal? why can't society be normal?

i'll never know the answers to these questions. that's why i hate life in general.

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>>44490354
Congrats anon <3
How're you feel?

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>>44490380
Shameful grammatical mistake </3

>>44488398
it was kinda something that i'd realize after topping someone, but its normally ambivalence or apathy. i'll look into an SRS consult later, it's not urgent.

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>>44490361
Gender-affirming misogyny can be quite the mindfuck. On the one hand it's like "Fuck you," but on the other it's like "Oh wow you really think I'm a stupid girl? Eee!" It's hard to get much more "mixed feelings" than that, so I think it's natural to feel weird about it.

>>44490387
It was still good for a giggle out of me, so I forgive you. <3

>>44490474
Yeah, I get that. One of the reasons I haven't been intimate with my SO in two years is because she only seems interested in PIV sex. She doesn't seem to get that feeling like a man is a big turn-off for me. -_-

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>>44489166
you are a man
>>44489627
you as well
>>44489848
you are a man
>>44490180
you as well

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>>44491060
If I am, Im a damn pretty man, based on the number of people who regularly tell me im beautiful, confess their feelings to me, want to fuck me, or genuinely fall overthemselves for me. Im miss to everyone whether I like it or not, so I dont super care what one sad loser on the internet has to say.

>>44491060
nonce

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Ive determined that love is not worth the pain and effort. Everyone Ive ever felt love for has been hurt deeply. Ive often been hurt along with them. So many good friendships hurt over misgotten feelings. So much strife and trauma over love. So much of my life has been ruined over and over and over again because of my stupid ceaseless pursuit of love.
Those moments they smiled. Those moments I held them. Those moments they held my hand. None of it is worth this misery. People say love is worth it? Fuck them. I feel so gaslit. Love isnt worth it. I wish I had never felt it to begin with.
Ill never let someone hold me again. Ill never let someone grasp my hand again. Ill never let someone kiss me again. Ill never let someone try to make me feel special again. And if anyone ever starts to make me feel again, Ill cut them out of my life forever. This is my resolve. This is my promise to myself. Never again. Never. I would rather die.

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>>44491107
>>44491154
They're so cute when they're dumb.

>>44490788
>gender affirming misogyny...
yeah, i agree. it's also just stupid in general that i hate it so much but some part of me just wants it in the most embarrassing way possible

how do y'all find interesting things to bitch about
my life's a grey blur and there is no hope of it ever changing

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What do I even say to this

>>44491427
least creepy man
what a crazy thing to say if you're not already extremely close

First thing he ever said to me lols

how am i supposed to live knowing people just look normal while im forever stuck being so ugly and never passing

if I weren't a stupid tranny maybe I could buy a house or something but I know if I ever got that kind of money I'd blow it on ffs
not that I ever will

I feel like my gf would rather do anything else than hang out with me and it fucking hurts

>>44491653
damn, sorry to hear that. has she been making excuses to hang out with people other than you? are you the only one in the relationship who ever makes plans or suggests activities?

>>44491406
Things can always get worse. If you are bored you can start a fire or something

>>44491406
Heh. I know the grass is always greener, but damn. There's a reason "may you live in interesting times" is considered a curse.

>>44491427
I'd probably revel in the positive attention and make bad choices, so definitely don't listen to me.

>>44491406
Because my life is an ongoing series of tragedies both orchestrated by my self sabotage and also that just tends to happen to me. I dont even want love or money or anything anymore. I just want a fucking peaceful life where bad shit doesnt happen to me and the people I care about.

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I tried to kms and failed and now my therapist might stop working with me, I’m such a fucking loser. I thought male attention would at least make me a little happy yet somehow I’m the most miserable I’ve been in a long time despite having multiple flings this summer, maybe I just can’t handle close relationships as much as I hate feeling lonely. I’ve been doing treatment for so fucking long and I still don’t want to live and I don’t want to feel this way. I keep thinking about things from my childhood and it’s emptying me out, there’s a deep dark pit where my heart is supposed to be

>>44491683
I don't want to go into specifics in case she sees but I'm pretty sure I'm getting emotionally cheated on. Maybe physically cheated on but I have no proof of that

>>44492253
>in case she sees it
A 4channer? Spooky

You were right. I wish I had never met you. I hope you get all the pain you deserve and then some. My only regret is that I cant deliver your comeuppance with my own hands.

I got lost along the way, so disillusioned to the fact I'm breathing.
It all combines into such a soul draining package to behold.
Life feels lifeless, the heart feels heartless, what am I missing?
That puzzle is making life unliveable, I'm suspended in time.

To an outsider, they just see a self destructing structure
Kept up by the few blind sighted beliefs
It's not like that really, more like trying to build from scratch before it topples
No wonder it's faulty, I was never taught how to build a person

The destruction that unfolds is not chaotic but sombre
Like the hopelessness sets in to everyone around her
My delusions keep me alive, but more like a prison
After so long is it not just stockholm syndrome to ruin?

>>44492239
I'm sorry, nona. I wish there was something I could say to make it better... What happened that the relationships didn't work out?

>>44492253
I guess any advice I could give would be pretty hypocritical coming from me, but I'm sorry you're in that position. I really hope things work out for you. :(

>>44492967
Wanna talk about what happened...?

I hate thinking about it so usually I don't but... The last time I went outside for more than hour was over a year. The last time I enjoyed going outside for over an hour was 2 years ago. Of course nothing feels real, my life isn't real. Just some placated zero problem child, a proto-ipad baby rotting away in her cage. If only I could walk.

>>44493434
He said I would hate him one day. I told him that could never happen. Then he found probably the only way to actually make me hate him. I hope I never see his stupid ugly face again.

>>44493434
Why would it be hypocritical?

>>44493487
What was it that you enjoyed doing two years ago?

>>44493530
I'm sorry, nona. I wish I could give you a hug... :(

>>44493600
I guess it's just as well my reputation doesn't precede me, but... I've been stuck in a loveless marriage with an unsupportive partner for a while, and allowed myself to fall for someone & ended up in a long distance affair for over a year. So... I'm not exactly a good person. But for what it's worth they've both now broken my heart, so I got what I deserved.
I just want people to be happy, and I want you to be happy too. I think you should do what you need to do to achieve that.

>>44493688
>What was it that you enjoyed doing two years ago?
I went to the aquarium with some online friends, then went to a pub the next day, then some other stuff. Idk, its all faded away. Its not a shocker nothing feels real, im gonna be sick

idk why everywhere i go i get hugboxxed about my figure, how i dress, everything. people compliment me and tell me im wrong about how i see myself and i know they just dont see me right. people are always so kind and disingenuous with fake compliments and stuff,it bothers me

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>>44493714
That sounds like a nice time. Do you think they'd want to do something like that again?

>>44493726
How do you know they're being insincere?

Time for me to go to bed. Sweet dreams, thread.

>>44493812
I don't talk to any of them anymore, theres really no reason to ever leave my room

My heart is empty and cold. I am no longer a human. Just as things were always meant to be. I should be hurting. I can tell something somewhere in me is, but I cannot feel anymore. I did this to myself. I always deserved it and I was always going to return to this.
Always was little more than a monster masquerading as a person.

Had my first bad mental health day in a whike today. Just got stressed. Always feels bad after doing good for a while. But I think I'll bounce back this time. Doing a bit better than earlier already
>>44494086
I feel like this a lot and I hope you can feel better. Unhelpful advice for a lot of people, but making friends really helps. I hope you'll try if you don't already have them

>>44494169
Every friend I make just reminds me of what was lost. Makes me wish I was elsewhere with someone who doesnt exist anymore. It makes me feel like an awful friend, hanging out with people and stumbling through conversations only to wish it was even 1% as calming and natural as it was with her. I would rather be entirely alone forever.

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There is something deeply, deeply wrong with it and it will always be alone with its pain. Nobody wants to see underneath its many masks. There is no cure. Its mercy is the comfort that someday it will die. Why did it become anything at all. It was made to be a weightless shadow. Its form is ridiculous. There was never a good reason for it to exist.

>>44493036
why do you even keep posting these no one cares

>>44494561
It's a venting gen. Nobody has to care what anyone else says. We're here to blow off excess emotions and scream into the void. If this is what nona does to feel better about whatever is troubling them, then it belongs here.
I, for one, like the poetry. I wish someone wrote poems about me...

tried to walk around makeup shop today finding a nail file and got overwhelmed right quick woowee

i love her so much

Happiness is for other people

>>44494595
Yea. Same, anon.

It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy It will never be happy

>>44494567
>I wish someone wrote poems about me...
I don't think I'll ever write a poem about a person until I can fully even understand others. As of right now pretending I can empathize with others is treading a dangerous line, I've hurt people enough brainlessly crossing it

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Something is wrong with my ability to perceive people.
I don't see people, who they are, how they think, their actions, I can only really see them by their words.
It's not like I'm not listening, in fact I'm ever so curious
But it all just seems to pass right through that part of the brain that understands.

What does that really mean though?
It means when you write me, I take it extremely literally, any kind of subtle meaning or gesture ends up kind of lost.
It's easy to forget or make assumptions how they even feel about me at given times as a result, their actions could be singing their praise for me but if the words are neutral or even frustrated it gets taken differently.

Am I just emotionally stunted beyond belief?
Probably, I was a neglected child, I know I'm autistic but that should never get it that bad, what the fuck could lead to such an impressive negligence of people.

I was raised by the internet, having no real family figure in my adolescence, back then the internet was so apathetic, I guess it rubbed off on me too, as I can't even really discern what's important to me from the get go.

>>44494877
Actually yeah, what even is important to me?
Living? Eh, not really
Family? Phe, they've started being nicer but its too late to really fix that
Love? Maybe, but that would require people to be important to me, which we just established is very difficult due to my inability to see people properly, I'll get swept away in the verbose sometimes, but when it comes to having to breach the gap between words and personhood I kind of fall apart.
Passion projects? Eh, can't draw for shit, used to sing waaaay back, just kinda now started learning poetry I guess, it's not good but I acknowledge some find it nice.
Video games? Nah, not enough to go pro or anything, they're a good time filler and its nice to feel at all competent at them but they fill up so much of my time for the disassociation rather than any kind of drive
Animals? Yeah kinda, they're cute and fascinating, I find it easier to tell what they're thinking. But I don't have the physical energy needed to pursue a career for them, otherwise maybe I'd be a falconer.
I dunno, really I don't.

>>44494595
Same. I really hope I'm not blowing it by being scared at this point. Like, she already knows and still talks to me, but idk. I don't have much experience with this stuff