I have a tendency to ignore people and ghost them for long periods of time. Why do I do that? is it a tranny thing or do I just not value people very much?? I have ghosted people who have confided in me that they're suicidal. Does that make me an awful person?what's wrong with my stupid brain? why do I do this so often?
>>44482681>Does that make me an awful person?Yes
>>44482692how do I fix that? I want to care about people but sometimes it's hard to admittedly because it's behind a screen. I don't have any irl friends. I don't want to be an awful uncaring person.
>>44482681A friend once told me he tried to kill himself and failed.I said the right things to convince him I give a shit and we remain as friends. I'm sure he'll figure it out eventually that I don't have a soul in the same way he has.Anyway, what I'm saying is you ought to accept you don't really value people, and give up on trying to be good.As long as you're not actively out for blood, it's cool, you'll survive.
>>44482728I don't want to be that way though. I do care about people, I just sometimes can't muster the energy to always be there for them. Maybe ur right though. Maybe putting too much value in the feelings of online strangers is counterproductive. idk. I want to cry, I'm so disappointed in myself.
>>44482774Tough shit, you are what you are. I don't want to be a hollow shell either but that is what I am and this is how I stay alive, by pretending to be a human being. You want to cry? Do so. You want to change? You can try, go to therapy or something, maybe you'll get something out of it. I was in therapy for a couple years, and even though it didn't turn me into a human being, it gave me tools to manage life.
>>44482681you're not a narcissist, you're avoidant
>>44482681Avoidant attachment style. You can look it up and read about it. Basically your parents abused and/or parentified you so now you see emotional intimacy as deebly threatening and GTFO at any sign of vulnerability or closeness that you show them or they show you.If you don’t figure out how to suppress the urge and force yourself to keep trying and being there for people, and open to people, it eventually becomes you being a schizoid hermit alone forever, and the desire to stop being this way fades until It’s Over and it’s just how you are now.If it’s been less than 1-3 months you can un-ghost people, though they won’t really trust you again unless they’re young/naiive. t. You at 33
>>44482868I thought avoidant was the one where you often scream and abuse the innocent anxious attached women who love you?
>>44482898No that’s disorganized attachment or just being a piece of shit
>>44482860>>44482868that feels like a much nicer thing to be then a narcissist who can't feel for people. I don't wanna be an unfeeling hollow sociopath or narcissist at all. whatever being avoidant means sounds kinda fixable. idk.
>>44482681>>44482708>>44482774I do the same thing all the time. No, it doesn't make you a terrible person. People should know better than to rely on someone like me when all I do is stonewall them because I'm incapable of feeling safe with anyone but still crave basic human connection so keep up conversation well. Why they would love an unlovable husk like myself is a mystery, but it doesn't feel like one I should blame myself for.
>>44482935How did you feel when you thought about getting in touch with the suicidal person or people that you’ve ghosted in general?Fear -> avoidantCringe/apathy -> idk
>>44482681what does it mean when somebody confides in me that theyre suicidal and i want to make them get even closer to me and possibly even make them dependent/obsessed with me?
>>44482945nta but i generally fear getting in touch with anybody because it always goes very badly for me so i just don't bother anymore
>>44482964Anxious-preoccupied attachment. Prone to become the rescuer/enabler in a codependent relationship with an addict or cluster b. Wilson from house.
>>44483033Yeah you’re avoidant.If you don’t force it anyway it’ll turn into schizoid around 30, and then it’s over.
>>44483052I have forced it many times and it has blown up in my face every timeIt didn't used to be this bad and around 30 is when i just didn't have the energy for the rollercoaster/crash cycle anymoreI sit alone and comfortable at home all the time now and it's peacful whenever the tsunamis of desire to feel human for once in my life leave me alone
>>44483081Oh you’re already me thenI know it’s wrong but it’s peaceful
You can be a bad person without being a narcissist. >Why do I do that? You know better than we do. It's possible you're simply not good at setting boundaries and saying no to people, and thus wind up without the energy for everyone you want to.>I have ghosted people who confided in me they're suicidalIt's shitty to do this but I have done it too. Sometimes you don't have the capacity to handle others' grief. What you need to do is take stock of what your values are and whats important versus not important. The way you act now is probably based on the immediate worries of your nervous system and not your True Will. By aligning your deeper wants and needs with your more superficial ones, you will find more satisfaction in life and become a better person by your own judgment.
>>44482681ty all.
I hate being avoidant but also can't imagine people actually reacting in the ways that non avoidants do. Like they are so fucking loud about their emotions and so dramatic
I'm exactly the same as this >>44482868anon. I've become 95% schizoid at 29. If I didn't have my girlfriend (who I rarely see or talk to), I would have zero human contact ever again besides service workers forced to interact with me.It feels like I'm physically trans and mentally an alien with this disconnect between how I wish I could socialize vs how I actually do/can. Maybe others with AvPD aren't bad people, but I definitely am because of this. I've let it get this bad. Even if I tried to socialize sometimes, it makes it worse because I'm wasting the time & emotional energy of nice people who almost cared about me.
>>44482681I do this. Feels bad desu, but I just don't want to interact with people.
>>44482868I feel like im on track to becoming a schizoid eventuallynowadays I just tell myself nobody else matters but myself and I just focus on hobbys and achievingIts made me more functional while being depressedI can kinda keep some shallow relationships as I've trained myself to come back in the 1-3 month window, so its usually the other person leaving nowThyre also all shallow relationships so I dont get anything massive out of itI can probably change course If I make any friends this year but if not its OVERt. 19
>>44483216Oh no... it feels so wrong, like life was supposed to be more than this, but that I also just have to accept the cold reality that I am outside of the human experience and can't actually join anyone in being alive. I am stuck observing humans from the outside with no shared language to speak.
its hard to tell if ive genuinely cared about a single person my entire life. ive learned to stop feeling bad about it, guilt is unnecessary. there is no point in feeling guilt for anything, accept yourself and your actions.
>>44486593True but i feelike I'm just accepting that I'm ultimately evil and deserve to be alone
>>44486762So what? Some people are evil and deserve to be alone. You might be one of them, you might not be. It doesn't matter. Just do what you want and live however you like, we're all going to die.
>>44482681idk but you should read nevada
>>44487364what's that? who's it written by?
>>44482681most likely yes, it's okay to be a narcissist just don't project it onto other people, it is what it is.
>>44487388imogen binnie, you can find the pdf online pretty easily
>>44487364Good book but what does that have to do with OP?
>>44482936No one is truly unloveable anon, they probably see more parts of you that you don't even realize are unique to you. You shouldn't blame yourself, but maybe try to unpack why you feel so unsafe to begin with.
>>44487473I was reminded of it
>>44487517Why do people like you never try to spin your own words back around to yourself? Maybe you DON'T see all the ways that person is unlovable and your optimism blinds you to their evil nature that everyone else saw, including themselves.You're like the reverse of learned helplessness, learned hopefulness, like if you just try the electric floor again maybe it won't shock you this time despite it never being true. Then you apply this stupid blanket optimism to everything and ignore the person it's smothering in pain. Oh you're being assaulted and beaten daily in a death camp? Uhm well, maybe you'll live and then be super nice to people! Sometimes life and people are just shit and it breaks you, and sometimes we even deserve it for being the problem. You don't know them or why being seen is a threat to them so don't act like you have an answer.
>>44487704I'm not either person you're talking to or about, but fuck, thank you! As a psychopath, I feel seen. There's a reason I pretend to be normal, it's precisely because being seen is a threat to me! No one wants to be friends with someone who doesn't give a fuck if you live or die.
>>44487704jeezz what are you niggas beating on people for being hopeful, please continue to fuck yourselves I guess lol.
>>44484795>It feels like I'm physically trans and mentally an alien with this disconnect between how I wish I could socialize vs how I actually do/can.>Even if I tried to socialize sometimes, it makes it worse because I'm wasting the time & emotional energy of nice people who almost cared about me.This is basically me. Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming of what I would say in a comfortable friend circle where I'm funny and lively and then cold reality snaps me back into place and I look at my empty friends lists and just feel ashamed. The few times I meet people I can never bring myself to bother them by messaging anyway.
>>44487704Hah, okay. You're right, I don't see all the ways they are unloveable because I will never believe anyone is unloveable, no matter how "evil" they feel they are, all that is to me is an excuse to shut yourself off from everything you fear.> Oh you're being assaulted and beaten daily in a death camp? Uhm well, maybe you'll live and then be super nice to people!You can hide behind extremes if you want to make me look dumb, sure but that wont change that I just see a cornered animal right now.>Sometimes life and people are just shit and it breaks youOf course, but you do eventually have to pick up the pieces, wallowing in that will just bring you despair. >Sometimes we even deserve it for being the problemNo one deserves that kind of fate, if you are the problem then the first step is acknowledgement, a truly evil person doesn't sit around all day calling themselves evil.>You don't know them or why being seen is a threat to them so don't act like you have an answerI didn't, I said to them directly to unpack it themselves. We all have our own reasons for being conceited, but we shouldn't just accept that as our fate.
>>44487731nta either but i'm worried i might be a psychopath, i'm an aromantic it/its and feel no connection to anything or anyone and it has to be because there's something horribly wrong with me like that
>>44487762If you're worried, you're not. I simply know, and even when I didn't know I just thought everyone else was a dumb shit who couldn't see through the veil.I still think that but now I get that it's because of the adverse effects of having empathy that makes everyone so blind.
>>44487762Being detached from life, for your own many reasons doesn't necessarily make you a psychopath. Even then that's not inherently wrong or evil, just be aware that there could be a lot of reasons to feel numb and dead. I've been there! Like the other anon said, just the fact it worries you probably rules it out.
>>44487756This is what transphobes do when they refuse to admit anyone who feels female could be one, because they just don't believe in a male identifying as one.
>>44487779What a strawman! Quite cute honestly. Saying people aren't just evil for fun is not even close to the same as transphobia, get a grip on yourself.
>>44487756>Hah, okay. You're right, I don't see all the ways they are female because I will never believe anyone male is fenale, no matter how "female" they feel they are, all that is to me is an excuse to shut yourself off from everything you fear about being male.>>44487756>I just see a cornered animal right now.I don't care what you see me as, it's not real either way because you don't know me.
>>44487793I literally am evil for fun. Driving people insane on this basket-weaving forum fills me with glee, and I often encourage suicidal people to go ahead with their plan, taking on a persona of care and love.When you hurt, I smile. It's as simple as that.So, you're wrong, you end up treating a snake as if it were a puppydog.
>>44487798lol okay, I don't know you. Does that feel better? But I will say this. I've been in your shoes, not quite literally your life of course but I've had that mentality, still do sometimes. You can push away the idea you deserve love all you want, you can strawman me as transphobic for saying you aren't evil all you want but in the end, its up to you to, you do you.
>>44487817Using a snake as an allegory is actually so telling! They're incredibly defensive animals, very rarely actually wanting to get into unnecessary contact with others, they come out when their needs to live take over. You conflate that with being venomous and crude, yet not even snakes just bite everything around them for no reason, really it just comes off like you're just lashing out at the idea that you are at all human
>>44487823I will not take advice from someone that looks down on me the way you do. I will become worse.
>>44487848Hah I bet you think I look down on you. Must be a pleasant excuse to deny any uncomfortable statements.
>>44487842>you're just lashing out at the idea that you are at all humanThere you go being transphobic again. Why does anon have to identify as human just because they were born as one? Why does their anger have to be a defense? You're doing biological essentialism but for humanity and loveability and erasing any concept the other person has of themselves to do it.
>>44487842>nuh-uh, my beliefs about your human nature trumps your lived experienceYeah, that halo over your head is nothing but a paper crown. Go cut your wrists open plskthxbai
>>44487865>a cornered animal>cute>get a grip on yourselfYou look down on me and everyone like me, don't be a gaslighter
>>44487867>there you go being transphobic againActually hilarious ragebait anon. If you're serious though, that's just sad. If me simply stating that you aren't evil is erasing your concepts, they weren't very strong to begin with. Just excuses wallow in your own pity.
>>44487892I say those things because I wish I was told those things when I feel like nothing but a husk. Anything to humanize this emotionless casket keeps me going after all! It's true that it can come off like looking down and I'm sorry for that, but really to me its more like all I can do is look up to those words from my own pit.
>>44487897The only one here who pities anyone is you. We are all telling you to shut the fuck up and listen to us, but you're convinced you know us better than we do. So at this point there's nothing to do except to tell you to go grab a knife, a gun, or find a tall bridge. Hell, even a plastic bag will do if you drink enough booze to lose consciousness. Anything, just please kill yourself and spare us your... well, self.
>>44487910>I say those things because I wish I was told those thingsProjection>>44487910>Anything to humanize this emotionless casket keeps me going after all!Codependence>>44487910>its more like all I can do is look up to those words from my own pit.An ugly mix of both prjection and codependenceStop running around trying to save others when you can't even save yourself. You don't know what it means to be saved.
>>44487912Mhm, yep. I can listen to you all be so convinced nothing will ever get any better and go live that self fulfilled prophecy. Feel better soon!
>>44487912Agreed but just log off and go live your happy normal life you look down on us from like everyone else does, no need to sui over your feeling of superiority
>>44487921I don't even think those who are saved know what it means to be saved to be quite honest, lasting trauma never really goes away.
>>44487934>lasting trauma never really goes awayMaybe if that anon understood that they would stop with the don quixote of mental health shit
>>44487925You know why you don't have any real friends? It's because of the superiority you keep flaunting. I would respect you more if you were here to harm others, but you're here to present yourself as an uplifting force and your audience is no one else but yourself. It's pathetic. At least I'm honest about my hollowness, what do you do, besides pretending you've figured it all out?It must suck to be you, now that I think about it. You can't enjoy simply being a fulfilled person and you have to seek out people who don't need your guidance, to guide.
>>44487943Eh, I've seen way worse. Everyone wants to feel like they can do anything, especially if it fills their own empty voids. That anon just comes off empty
>>44487951It's kind of ironic to say they don't know anyone just to act like you know them don't you think?
>>44487969Yeah, true. But instead of basing my fantasy on myself, I derived it from observation and extrapolation. They're acting superior->people hate that shit->they might have no friends because of it->fuck it, let's take a shot in the dark and see if it lands.
>>44487988Seemed to based on the silence. I didn't hate it, but it just all sounded so hollow and empty I can see why it just pissed people off
>>44482868I feel like I'm constantly flip flopping between this and the mask I wear just to motivate myself to talk to people, but it all rings so hollow. Some day I'll get sick of it, I don't know how I haven't sooner.Every time I've shown any vulnerability, the sheer indifference or mockery has made it so fucking hard to even approach the idea of it let alone doing it. The only person I even ever consider sometimes being properly vulnerable to seems so utterly indifferent of me I can't help but be put off from it.People love my mask anyway, they loooove feeling like they always have an extra to joke around with, they looooove having me shoulder all their burdens and have 0 priority in my own time, what kind of ungrateful gnat still feels empty with that? If I'm so "loved" why do I just want to run away and hide anyway? t.26, 27 in a month though... yaaaay... the clock keeps ticking and I wont ever get better
>>44482936marry me nona
>>44482681>I just not value people very much??I'm getting so tired of hearing that from people, just because i dont work the same as you doesnt mean i dont value you
>>44486762> I'm just accepting that I'm ultimately evil and deserve to be aloneDo you think you care if you deserve it?If you are evil fuck it, get into relationships, hurt people then leave them. If you don't value people you can just do that.Accept living life as a bad person and giving people lessons.
