The thread formerly known as vent.Broken hearts editionA thread to vent, have someone to talk to, commiserate, or just post into the void.A few things to remember:>If you think you know anon, but dont have decisive evidence, no, you probably don't.>We are all grieving in our own way. Please respect how people process their emotions.>Nobody here is your psychiatrist, therapist, doctor, or lawyer.
i love you all im sorry
I just get so enraptured at the idea of oblivion, its so comfy, the nothing
I NEED TO BECOME A MAN
broke up with my toxic gf finally and she is now effectively squatting where i live and making zero effort to get her own place while making it insufferable to live here so i might have to gigaassfuck my own finances to move or downgrade in convenience of living considerablybasically have to either 150% my rent or spend 80-90% of my savings on a questionable condo at 5% down and pray i don't get special assessment assfucked, all the while probably rendering her homeless which is considerably sucky (albeit the result of her own poor choices)
>>44570112Aren't you too toxic to make threads like these?
I miss my ex but it’s been 8 months so it’s probably weird to contact them
i just don't know what to do. every choice i could make would be a massive mistake.
Pathetic girl here. Haven't been around much, feel bad I haven't been able to talk to everyone here, I've just been busy. Tried to set up a hookup to get over the friend I had a crush on, but I think that's also fucked now. It was nice feeling desirable for a bit, though. Almost got emotional over the image in the op. I think I'm done for if boykisser is making me wanna cry
>>44570112I hate this hell I put myself in. I am a man, I am not a tranny. Yet I can't stop taking Estrogen. I don't want to masculinize but I don't want to feminize. I wish I was a young boy forever. I remember when I was 12 and I looked just like my sister. Before male puberty made me into a disgusting animal. I never wanted to be a woman. I am a pathetic baby that can't grow up and become a man. I have photos of myself and her as children that I cry myself to sleep to.
feeling like its too late to make any difference now, i ruined it all. i want to cry.
Had a rough day with some good outcomes. I think first day Id count as "good" in a month, despite how painful and rough it was for me. Anxious things wont stick.Im. A little wine drunk rn. So I wont try to do complex replies rn, but maybe a few. Nighty night, thread.Edit: Ah fuck, I forgor to properly link previous thread. Fuuuuck >>44570552Maybe! Youre free to make the next one if youd like. ^^>>44570663Its okay. Cry it out. Tomorrow's another day.>>44570637Wb pathetic girl. Im sorry the hookup didnt help. Honestly the best medicine is time and to be gentle with yourself. Itll be okay.>>44570604Would you like to talk abt your situation a bit? Sometimes talking shit out helps make the right call.>>44570566I dont think its weird to reach out as long as yall ended on amicable terms. Can you check up on them, see if they're okay?
https://voca.ro/12RcgwVhsGJk
sometimes when im sad or angry and need to vent. I find doing other stuff to distract me helps. if you dont have any idea on what you can do let me point you in the right direction >>44568818 cheer up buttercup
i wish she could tell me it was okay but that'd be a lie if things were okay i wouldnt be stuck here sobbing imsorry
>>44571060is that you, I?
Since I was a kid almost every waking moment of my life has been torture. Either directly caused by others or just GD. It turned me into a very bad person.
>>44571160i dont think im anyone important to anyone here, my name doesnt begin with I either.
i wish i was still capable of love because i havent felt even slightly compelled to be around people at all. i get nothing from it anymore. people i talk to abt this keep using this as an excuse to try and "break me out of my shell" so they can fuck me and leave. im sick of fucking. i would be so happy if i never had sex again. ive never had sex and felt good about it. it really only hurts.
>>44570112F u for this sad ass imageHere have a normal image
IWNBAW
>>44570507Just evict him
>>44571283boogiest baba bunny. she js so boogeybaba. she is so googoolii. i love babbits and i love my rabbit she is so nice and sh always is so calm and well behaved rabbits are awesoke ur awesome for liking rabbits rabbits are soooo cute
I'm curious to know what happened to that one femanon whose girlfriend cut contact. Are you here? You've been posting about it for a while now, I think you're the same person who wrote that poem. Can I ask what happened? I wasn't around to see the start of the story, if you posted about it here.You just seem REALLY torn up about it, is all.
>>44571060ill keep saying it no matter what, i must keep saying it will fill myself with so much love that it will be the only thing i could possibly know left, i love you, i love you too and you and you too oh and you of course lets not forget about you i love all of you i love you i love you i need to know love i need to feel love i must let that feeling of love take me so that maybe i can finally love even a fraction of myself i love i love i love ilove ilove you i love youso much i love you all i love you
>>44570112I really really really really miss my momSometimes I don’t think about my grief over losing her but the pain of it doesn’t seem to ever change:(
>>44571370you're going to have to be more specific, which posts do you think are her's? people yearning and talking about no contact and poems are kinda all over this place
>>44571416Oh uhh, the one who said that she was toxic and couldn't help but fuck up and do bad stuff that she regretted, drove away her soul mate, etc....that narrows it down right?
i hate you bitches but i won't be alone forever i'll get my dream girl and i'll forget your psychopathic normalnigger asses even existed
>>44571475thats... not narrowing it down at all nona.
>>44571514
>>44571535just link the posts dummy.
all my friends are nobodies and i don't like talking to them or spending time with them. all they do is play video games in their free time. and all i get to do is leech off my parents because my chem degree is useless and i cant find a job where i livemeanwhile my ex is busy working for glitch productions and gets paid enough to have a decent life with her girlfriend and kid that she adopted via discord (not jealous of that last part)
im so sorry n i left because i embarrassed myself in front of you and knew i would never live up to what you needed i truly loved you though and i wish i was good enough to give you the life you wanted i still dream about you when i go to sleep i still hug the bed wishing it was you i miss you every day and im sorry i rejected any attempt to reconcile since you deserved way better than me and im sorryi hope i was able to make you smile when you needed but i know i ruined that part too
>>44571042>Wb pathetic girlWb yourself :)I guess thankfully the hookup isn't even happening. Things just didn't end up working out as well with the other person as I initially thought they would. Idk, I'm a mid-twenties virgin and I thought just getting through that would help me get over some anxieties. I was like also into it in general, don't mean to sound so clinical about it. And you're right. But for now I'm substituting that medicine with southern comfort and two whole pizzas, lol. I think this crush just hurts so much because it's the first one since I've transitioned. I don't have the disociation from myself to hide behind. I hope you're doing better since the last time I saw you :)>>44571060Love you, too, loveanon. Please take care of yourself
sucks hearing people out my window walking home from the bar at night having fun with all their friends
>>44571864i know exactly how you feel. the people who act like "fear of missing out" is some illogical mental disorder have clearly never been completely alone.
>>44571904just sort of sucks knowing i will probably never get to experience that same joy and at the end of the day its entirely my own fault. idk i try to stay positive but every friday night ends up being a reminder
>>44571927i feel more content about it as time goes on. accepting my incompatibility with people feels a lot better than trying to get around it. every attempt has ended up being a bizarre humiliation ritual. it only makes sense that i'd end up with this life, so be it.
>>44571060you sound like you're crying
>>44570112Bad: I am completely burnt out from workGood: Work gave me free beerBad: I am a "functional" alcoholic
still not really over the trauma spike yesterday, the last time that happened something really really bad happened and now im really really on edge. buh, i need to find something to take my mind off it or ill just suffer this headache and sob all weekend. >>44571788>Love you, too, loveanon. Please take care of yourselftrying. still cant do many of things i want to do right now so im just kinda stuck waiting. waiting waiting waiting. sums my life up well... >>44572145i was, sorry.
>>44572196I am also a disgusting manmoder hon who is going to try wearing fairly neutral women's clothing out in public this weekend at a place that is frequented by the local queer community. Optics nuke, IWNBAW, whatever, I am drunk and am going to crash. Sleep well, thread.
Bro I am so fucking stupid. Literally in love with someone who barely even talks to me, someone who has actively declined every invitation I've extended to spend any kind of time with them over the last 3 years (except once). Why am I so fucking stupid?
>>44572343have fun! hope the local queer community treats you well!
still miss her even if she did dump me for a retarded reason
>>44572560its very normal to miss a loved one. I don't really believe in "retarded reasons" for breaking up, but it still sucks all the same. Sorry nona.
The only friend I have left got a gf recently and he's basically ghosted me. Just leaves me on read all the time now. So now I have no friends. Feels lonely man.Also I got a new apartment recently and it's on a main road and every single night is non stop cunts with muscle cars and motorbikes drag racing I kind of want to blow my brains out listening to it knowing I'm stuck here now.
don't like trannies desu
>>44572801thats not a vent just an unprompted take
>>44572806its a vent. I just dont like em
>>44572787>Just leaves me on read all the time now. So now I have no friends. Feels lonely man.been there, really sucks. i wish people were a bit more considerate about talking to their friends, i know nobody owes anyone communication and stuff but its just a bit mean
i hate that ive become so addicted to cutting
>>44572326based ZATO poster
>>44572926its very important to me, im happy ive ran into a good amount of people who also appreciate it for being so good.
I broke my foot and my wife just doesn't fucking care apparently. As long as I can walk on it, she doesn't care if it hurts, so I still have to do more than my share of chores and watch our son. I get that she's tired but I would have really appreciated it if she stepped up just this once and let me heal properly.
>>44572937It really is kino I have picrel on the wall of my study
>>44572941rough, thats really rough. do you have a walking stick or something to at least try to alleviate the pain when you have to move? she should really try being a bit more considerate but that might help be a bit of a compromise.
>>44572948amazing!!!
>>44572326>i was, sorry.maybe do a double take next time? silly
https://voca.ro/1eJo09tqiVqE
I wish I could decently look like a woman and stop attracting pedophiles
BREAK UP WITH YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND ALREADY NO RELATIONSHIP IS "COMPLICATED" YOU'RE JUST A FUCKING COWARDwe all have that friend who's always on and off with the most toxic straggot alive JUST DUMP HIM YOU LIVE ALONE YOU DO NOT NEED HIM
I don't like that there isn't really a space for us gays/bis on this board
>>44573137there's no space for us fart fetishists either
>>44573137there are /cisgaygen/ and /cislesgen/ ?
>>44573154that's not a letter in lgbt>>44573155/cisgaygen/ is just 80% schizos and shitposters that live in that threadbut yeah, I guess there is one thread
>>44573155LMAO
>>44573191What
>>44571290the cucked judicial system here would fuck me for doing as much without her full compliance
>>44573210>you guys have like 2 threads right??
>>44573155>2 threads among 150
>>44573104Shut up
>>44573188>/cisgaygen/ is just 80% schizos and shitpostersthen help revive /gaygen/ idk>>44573220>>44573228There is also /gaygen/ and /lesgen/ but I didn't mention them because the former is dead and the latter is crap, but /cisgaygen/ and /cislesgen// are still super active
>>44573240>There is also /gaygen/ and /lesgen/>/lesgen/LOL
>>44573243Are you drunk?
>>44573240Is it not pretty telling how /gaygen/ had to start labelling itself as /cisgaygen/?
>>44573240>then help revive /gaygen/ idkgenerals suck, I just want a board again where everyone doesn't assume that you are trans by default
>>44573268i assume people i talk to are cis honestly, unless topic-related
>>44570112what is the purpose of getting upset and sad? i am sobbing in bed, but what purpose does this serve? i do not need emotions to tell me something is bad, or that i need to change my life situation or plan ahead. i have thoughts for that.my therapist told me that getting sad is meant to motivate changing your life situation and reaching out for help. but getting sad makes that really really hard, and there is only one person in my life who i trust to see me cry, and they're an incompetent retard who always backs out on plans. and the current situation is basically entirely their fault anyway. i don't get the purpose of this emotion i am feeling now. it is very painful. i understand my brain is trying to communicate to me it is unhappy with the situation. but i do not need the feelings and pain, they are stupid and pointless. the crying and sobbing and pain just makes it hard to do other things. i do not need to be feel that the situation was suboptimal; i already figured that out. i lost something important to me. i will not get that thing back. things did not go the way i wanted them to. i already knew that, brain. i do not have anyone to ask for help. can i please just make dinner without breaking down sobbing. i do not get the point of these emotions.
>>44573407time passed between the start and end of this message; i'm actually sobbing on the kitchen floor now instead.
we need a friends of lgbt gen where cis straight heterosexuals cis men and cis women can share their experiences with having lgbt friends
>>44573416it hurts so much. there is no way this level of pain makes any sense at all. i don't know why i am having such a strong response to the situation.
>>44572350I'm right there with you, man. Can't believe I let someone get that close to me.I'm a chronic overthinker too, so every time I go to message him, or call, I'm hyperaware of everything I say and if I appear too clingy or not.Worst thing is now, he's in a relationship, and they keep inviting me out to do things with both of them!If I make it out of my thirties, I'll honestly be incredibly surprised.
I an tired of being ghosted.
>>44570112My brain is totally fried due to drugs n shit, i live in a third world country where being in relationships with anyone else except for a cis female is just a form of a social suicide. Its pretty grim and i even dont know where to find a partner cuz like them queer spaces here are ultra self marginalised like just a total optics nuke for lgbt community or anyone loosely associated with it
turning 30 in a few months and ive never had a job and just lived in my childhood bedroom for the last 12 years. i hate myself so much. i hate hate hate hate myself
>>44574857do you have any education?
loving yourself is so difficult
>>44573235ok
>>44570112I'm 20 i dropped out of college after 2 months because of intense depression. Have been neeting for the past year. Trooned out in the meantime. Can't find a job. No talent, idek what to study if i ever go back. Living with my parents. Barely any friends. I know it could be worse but I was always behind academically and socially and now it just keeps getting worse.
Waow thread was super active today. Ill take a pass at doing some replies in a few. Kinda slept away most of today after completely burning myself out handling a very emotionally tense thing yesterday. I hate wasting days like this but Im sposed to rest after stress of somethn
> one chance at life> tranny> went to college but cant find a job anyway> i will never make a life changing piece of fiction because my rapist ex is stalking me onlineshould i kill myself to reroll?and now my answers to other threads>>44575560the trick is to imagine if yourself was someone else. would you be a bitch to them, knowing that they too have the same struggles and circumstance? if not, then apply to yourself>>44573990eventually you can learn to burn the bridge yourself on your end to show them who's in control. part of being a functional person is to not rely on anyone for anything, so building that resistance is a challenge but worth it>>44573428cishet man have nothing interesting to say ever. cis women maybe>>44573119i wish i could stop coming across as one. cheers to you nona>>44572892opt for rubber band method or direct the anger at something besides your own body>>44572801me neither
>>44577166cheers to you too Anon :(
Oh, finally a thread for me! Loneliness kills me, I haven't vc'ed or played online games with anyone for the last 3-4 years, forming connection on this board and soc lead to 1-2 people after 100s of conversation, and they both have their lives, while I'm neeting in a third world country with 0 perspectives. I recently met a cute mtf who was nice and cool, and I thought we clicked, but she ended up having a bpd, so 2 days later after I thought I found someone she sent me pics of her cutting herself and deleted 100 of her messages and unadded me. It's not even the first case when it happened for me lol. Maybe I'm cursed and will die soon because of a weird disease or something. At least I'm not drafted to die fighting for my shithole with local drunkies and druggies.Desu want to just end it all together, send everything I have to the person who showed me affection and then disappeared (idc that it's over, I never found anyone like this, and they were better than my parents were to me and my only friend who deserves the same treatment has killed himself, so they're the only one left anyway)Why was I even born lol
>>44577529okay let me guess: turkish
>>44577535Russian
>>44577635okay...not good but at least you are white. you gotta move abroad here in canada we are in desperate need of slavs ever since we stopped getting them since the ukraine war is old news now. we also need more koreans
>>44577657I'm white and tall, and about 1/2 Ukrainian, sadly it seems like me dying in Russia in a few years are higher than leaving this hellhole
slept all day, i dont know what im hoping to wake up too. maybe i just want this week over with, it sucks and I want to hurry up and make some progress in my life. just time gated as always. Im kinda sad
>>44577931is there no education you can get, literally anything at all? not even a plane ticket to another country? id have to look into it but there must be a way
>>44570112i NEED to kiss, start with slow gentle pecks just testing things out, then one of us lets our tongue slip inside for a second and we cant stop enjoying the feeling of wet lips meeting bouncy flesh, sloppily running my lips over theirs while they enthusiastically twirl their tongue in my cheek, slurp on each others spit greedily and pull our lips apart with a POP, roll the tip of my tongue slowly under theirs, flatten it, and lewdly lick up their taste buds like its icecream, they simulate a blowjob using my tongue bobbing their head up and down and then i reciprocate all while we stare into each others' eyes, press our faces back together and suck hard like we cant breathe without each other tasting our tonsils, forget what your own spit tastes like when not mixed with theirs>t. chaser
>>44573104woah, cute voice
>>44579174I'm dying of touch starvation and this is the last thing I've ever read. you killed me. goot bye
>>44579242its not cute...
>>44579248lets touch each other then dummy!>>44579265no its super cute! very soothing
>>44578957A degree requires money, my parents can't afford fixing my teeth lol, so it's out of question. I have like a college swe diploma, but I couldn't find a job that wasn't a scam office/military or some sanctioned retarded Russian company
>>44579380could you work for a bit then save up to go abroad. maybe get into the trades or whatever
>>44579411With the pay here it'll take me a while, and I'd want to be in the field I spent a few years on studying, especially since I doubt that if I work a delivery job here for months to afford all the migration stuff will work out, since what job will I get in another country? I maybe retarded on the matter though, since I have no one to ask questions about my field or about migration
>>44579757unironically you could try having ai help, claude is pretty good but you might need pro for it to be really good, you could also just ask someone here to send a prompt and then share the resulting convo
>>44579768*they share the resulting convo with you, probably has to be someone somewhat trusted though depending on what exactly you wanna share, dont overshare, etc.
>>44579768Wdym? I'm aware of the llm stuff a bit and use them for researches into stuff for my projects and when I need to do some advanced coding stuff that reaches the point when I need to know stuff that can't be found in search engines, but idk if they're able to give me a valuable advice for real life stuff like that. Like, even Russians gatekeep working methods to leave the country, because they know that Russians (ziggers) will ruin them... All the consultations are paid, and if I have to pay, why would I pay for a Russian consultant who claims to be an expert on a different country, when I can pay the same expert who is local and more knowledge? Idk, for me it's all confusing and when I was researching this stuff all I found was basically either have money already or make a portfolio and then pray that someone will hire you
>>44579848if they have "research" capacities they should be able to since they'll search things up by themselves and also link the sources they used, then again they might be restricted or something in russia (though then again i read somewhere that apparently some llms are "more resistent" to russian propaganda and i think claude was at the top, makes sense considering the company behind it honestly and their whole c-something ai shtick). i dont have claude pro atm but if i did id use it, it is expensive though desu, idk if getting usage credits while not on a paid plan is possible either
>>44570112mfw im a second generation immigrant with Serbian parents and being ftm is a major sinI hate that I have to essentially be surrounded by two worlds, im too foreign for the Canadian side and too foreign for the Serbian sideI genuinely hate that there’s no other 2nd generation immigrants who have to deal with this shit. At least if my family weren’t a bunch of bigots I would’ve been a youngshit. I could’ve been 5’8” at least but I ended up being 5’2”. Fuck my chud ass foid life
>>44579910at least you are not indian which is a lot in canada
>>44579921Dude, even Indians have tons of trannies. Literally their whole culture, even being Indian is better than being Serbian
>>44579869Yeah it would be good if it was resistant to it, since if an llm simply gathers the info from its reddit archives that it's most likely poisoned by russian bot sureddit where bots claimed things that are literally not true, or only true but only for like 1% of russians loleverything in russia is restricted, and i have to jump through many hoops to reach a normal internet, because on a basis i can't asses anything that is not vk/max/yandex or other zigger slop, the rest is banned here if you're on a cellular plan (happens on cable too and soon will be normalized, with exceptions for things like steam or nexus mod)But idk, my situation is literally a meme like "make me a business, make no mistakes" type of things, since I have 10$ to my name and ask my friend to borrow me 25$ each month to pay for my online services
>>44579910At least situations like these will not happen to my very potential kids, since most Russian women are ziggers and I'd only consider a foreign woman as a potential wife
I hate cis people I hate that my participation in my cis community is basically dependent on my appearance and on me keeping my mouth shut and hiding a huge chunk of who I am as a person
https://voca.ro/13Kvj8KhGc0c
>>44580624Goodnight. Love you, too <3
>>44580624goodnight cute voice! i hope youll vooc tmw too :D
>>44580699dont call me cute, thats all i ask dont just dont please just dont thanks please dont ever again id appreciate that greatly id love you evem more if you could never ever even think of that again roadkill is more pleasant than this filthy scum of a person please refrain from lying to me thank you so much thank you please thank you goodnight anon
eh im kinda drunk rn still drinking but like, it's getting so exhausting being with an ace romantically im mtf and i desperately want my bf to grip my supple fatty feminine hips and fuck me silly but he refuses to and worse is he rejects any and all advances i attempt on him and it's driving me insane he does love me to pieces and i do too but holy fuck i just want sex i want someone to rut me into the mattress and call me hot hand holding and cuddles are not enough for a degenerate sex pest like myselfi have contemplated many times asking him if he'd be okay with me getting laid on the side or at least forcing himself to fuck me but im fairly confident he'd break up with me if i did either of those so
>>44580604Hard not to resent cissoids when 99% of them would treat you horribly or at least worse if they knew you were trans
>>44581132nope, your voice is cute, nothing you can do can change that fact. unless you wanna tell me on vooc not to call your voice cute haha :p>>44581251you need cock, gotta do what feels good even if your bf doesnt like it. he can at least help you get off every night, i dont really understood people who dont have a sex drive
>>44581277ive been trying that, he's been using toys on me if i ask for it but that primal desire of being grabbed and held while being used still lingers what can you do
I really should have shaved BEFORE drinking, instead of after. These shallow cuts always bleed so much. Not that it really matters, since my body is already disfigured with scars, burns, discoloration, etc. from years of neglect.>>44581251Hello, drinking buddy. Cheers!Even though you mentioned that those two solutions would probably be deal breakers for him, you may have to sit down and have a serious talk about your needs not being met. Maybe he'd be open to some kind of compromise if everything else is going well otherwise?
>>44581298Yea there is just not quite the same magic to having to explicitly ask your ace partner to fuck you (with all of the downsides of potentially being denied). Liek. I dont mind initiating. But sometimes I want my partner to, you know, want me.t. Girl with ace spouse who had to open up the marriage
>>44570112My cisf partner is hugboxxing me and it makes me feel so frustrated and alone. She doesn't get it.
>>44570637Aww I know sweetheart. I'm in a similar position. You'll find who you need to find...just give yourself time. I love you <3
>>44581298>what can you dohonestly, if some things arent working, you either compromise or break up. bout all you can do. if my gf didnt want me to fuck me, id wanna get another gf (with her permission) or just break up, fucking is too essential to my life
>>44571380I love you too boo <3
there it is AGAIN
>>44581379okay, youre right, i don't hate you so i wont say it again. but i still hope you have a nice night. and i hope you'll visit tmw>smile
thinking about the first time i was actually gonna have sex with a guy… i’m a pathetic excuse for a human being :( he was so much better looking than his pictures, i started hyperventilating and nearly passed out because i was so immensely turned on, broke out into a sweat and everything…i wish that night went differently, i still have yet to have sex with a man.. let alone one as attractive as him… i sometimes wonder if god exists simply to torment me by putting my greatest desires within arm’s length just to watch me ruin the opportunity
>>44581484maybe this is just my horniness talking, but i would happily dick down anyone who was nice to me, i think most guys are like that. that particular guy might even want to try again. idk, im just saying if you want to touch someone you have a lot of options
>>44581546>if you want to touch someonethis sounds really...idk, considering what touch means nowadays
>>44581546unfortunately i made a crucial mistake and he didn’t even respond when i messaged him back a few days later… dating apps suck and i live in a conservative area; my needs being met is out of the question. i just need to get pressed into a bed and dug the fuck out but i’m not allowed to be too happy
im not doing well and i am running out of ways to distract myself
>>44581590me too
>>44581573>just need to get pressed into a bed and dug the fuck outhot. if ya lived in the south id help you out. if not, tons of guys out there looking for fun, and it doesnt have to be just a casual thing>>44581551?? idk what you mean. she wants dick, theres lots of dick, is all i meant ykow
now that i’m hot and i’m fully depersonalized 24/7 nobody wants to hurt me or even fuck with my head everyone wants to have safe consensual sex with me. it used to be so so easy to pick up the kind of person that would ruin me for a few months. i feel so fucking bored and self destructive. god.
>>44581615why are passoids like this
>>44581592whats bugging you most tonight
>>44581619i cant play games (on deck, my library is mostly coop slop but nobody to play with, dk how to pirate on deck, struggle to consoom media in general honestly) i cant watch movies even though i just got a subscription to shudder (have to do something else while watching or i get agitated) and i have to wait a while before i can talk to my therapist to see if im actually trans (5 days or so)
>>44581629at the very least though hansel and gretel the korean horror film is playing in the background and my mom seems to be enjoying it idk hope she's not too scared by it
I hate how passoids have been adopting boymoder, manmoder, fucking “hrt repper” and so now I look like even more of a fucking clown while people 10x more feminine than me calls themselves godzillahon rapemoid manmoders while literally dressing in womens clothing. What the fuck does that make me huh? If you think that about yourself, what do you think about me??
>>44581640oh thank god im 5'9 maybe there is hope
Got into a relationship after getting drunk with someone and I do not feel the same after. I have no spine and have been putting off saying the truth cause I have distance. I hate myself, and I can see they're a lot more into me than I am back. It's hard cause I consider them a good friend and I still want to be close with them but I know I've made a mistake. Idk how to be a good person and I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship but in the moment it felt good and I do really enjoy their presence more than others but doing other things didn't feel so good. Like sexual stuff. Just didn't feel right and idk how to mend this. I know you can't force being with someone but I've been alone so long I don't want to lose them completely
>>44581629watch Intruder (1989). i just did, its shit, but the good kind
>>44581635at the santa scene and there were tears in my eyes okay maybe im just overreacting
>>44581668i watched that im pretty sure. its the one in a grocery store right? where they get arrested at the end. i liked it. slasher slop is awesome
>>44581675thats the one, it def won me over with head and cheeseburger
>>44581682night of the demons is pretty fun, chopping mall is a classic, demons is great, phantom of the opera 1925 is beautiful, theres a bunch more shit i watched but some i forgot and some were nasty (necrowhatever it was called)
This thread really picked up traction, im impressed!Goodnight thread >>44581615Trust me you can still find the fucked up ones if you lookButUhDont do that to yourself>>44581653Use ur words, tell them. >>44581590What's goijg on, fren?
>>44581629waw literally me. games arent fun anymore and i cant bring myself to actually sit down and lose myself in a movie. have u seen the wailing? also waiting to see a dr soon and i dont know if im going to bring up any of the trans stuff
>>44581708i tried watching it a while back but only got a little bit in. my uncle initially told me about it, i need to watch it but apparently i have to pay full attention which is hard since i love watching movies pip. its crazy, as a kid all i wanted to do was to play games (only had mc pocket edition) and now i dont even play them besides maybe dbd sometimes (2v8 is currently gone which makes me sad that mode was great for watching movies alongsjde it)
>>44581653how long have you been dating?
>>44581699>What's goijg on, fren?profoundly bored, alone, and unsure of myself
my life is falling apart
>>44581345Thank you, that's really sweet :)I hope it hapoens for you soon, too! Love ya <3
i think im officially spiraling or crashing out or whatever. cried in the car eating chocolate three days in a row instead of going home and then cried more for being fat and then cried more for giving myself an ed and being underweight but still thinking im fat. basically all my self conscious worries are true and everyone thinks im annoying and would rather im not around and even all the stuff i do for them doesnt offset it no matter how hard i try. i think trooning out me bipolar i was so happy for weeks and now im sad and everything that made me happy seems fake and gay now. i exploded my diet and now im gonna be all bloated and gross and probably crash out more and stop exercising and give up and then my boobs will inflate and someone will clock me and kill me
>>44579265...it is tho. Gj
>>44582350careful, she doesnt seem to like that >>44581132
>>44581750Not long
>>44582384Yes many of us have issues accepting compliments. Besides she cant be meaner to me than I am :P
>>44582252Thanks nona <3
I just want a femboy bf who likes to cook that I can cuddle and plap :(
>>44582388i dont think its just not accepting compliments anon, there was a deleted post talking about how it causes her pain or something. loveanon is strange
im hopelessly in love with my best friend. all i want is to be able to love her but she has a partner and i dont wanna ruin anything for her. all she wanted was a friend when she met me. i just need her to be happy, that's it, but i still want her to know how i feel. i cant tell her because that would ruin everything and hurt the both of us. tried hooking up with people to forget about her but it's only made things worse. the desire is eating me alive
>>44570112Everyone says I’m hot but I am 100% sure they fetishize my ghastly appearance, and want to sleep with me as some sort of bizarre tolerance test. I hate myself and think about doing extreme sports every day.
think the hardest pill to swallow is if you love someone you should actually let them love you. ive let that mistake hurt her too many times, how am I so stupid to get that? I can't just onesidedly love her if a relationship were ever to happen, thats not how anything works. and if she does love me, why would she want to hear me call myself trash? i wish it was that easy to just stop...
ah im sorry for yesterday, was kind of melting down a bit i guess... i still dont really like being called that, not at all, due to some traumas related to it but i dont usually react like that... sorry.>>44582417>loveanon is strangewe all are, the coincidences that make up each and everyone of us is strange, the universe is strange but deeply cute for allowing all of these things to happen to make our little strange selves interact right here!.>>44581377>>44580684>>44571788<3!!!
>>44570112man my masc friend is so attractive i want to bear his child so bad but i dont have a fucking womb fml, it never gets better
i hate days that just feel like it just exists to be in the way of stuff. i want it over with already, i want things to go forward not just sit here bored. i wonder how she's doing, i really hope she's okay. its already been so long. i miss you.
im sorry please im sorry please im sorry please dont go im sorry im sorry this isnt how it was supposed to happen things were supposed to be happier and different and closer and we were gonna talk more and understand each other better why did i ruin it why am i like this im sorry please ill do better please im sorry please im sorry i dont know anymore whats wrong with me please im sorry dont go please dont go please please dont go please im sorry please
you dont even miss me i should just stop bothering you for good im sorry i should really just isolate all i do is hurt and drain
I spent way too long trying to make relationships with cis women work and not enough time dating men and trans women. Over a decade of wasted time. I dated a very passing trans woman with SRS for almost a year and it was the best relationship I’ve ever been in, but I couldn’t continue because I need my partner to have a penis.I felt so confused for so long. I see trans women as women so I can’t be gay and be attracted to them, right? Turns out it doesn’t fucking matter what the label I use is, my partner needs a penis or I’m going soft, other sex characteristics are irrelevant. I’m penissexual
>>44583007no worries, i wasnt tryin to upset you, i just like how your voice sounds. Happy to see you back <3
moids make me so irrationally angry do they actually know how to appreciate anyone beyond just how attracted they are to them? its so frustrating, they never have anything nice to say that doesnt boil down to "well you make my pp hard" die please.
i have grown horribly competitive with people who dont know me and may not exist, over metrics which i dont care about, and everyone has never been more proud of me. everything i used to love has turned to shit and everything i used to hate has gotten worse, everyone deserves i am so fucking sorry to you all for the world we have found ourselves living in.
>>44582481I'm sorry, I know how awful that feels :(Not even having a chance to be with someone. It's so hard to shake the feelings. I don't think my brain was ever able to accept it until I got direct enough proof that it wouldn't happen. Still hurts, so that's not even really advice, sorry. I hope some sort of something works out for you. Unrequited feelings can drive you crazy, so be strong <3
>>44570112Poor boykisser. He needs a man with him.
at what height is it acceptable to just commit suicide instead of transitioning? i'm 6'1. do i get the "yeah it's over rope now" pass or not? i'm tired.
>>44584282If you're asking me if you should rope: if you really think there's no other way, sure, but I'd tell that to every depressed person no matter what they look likeIf you're asking if your height will prevent you from passing: no, if you have other luckshit features
>>44571264ur a just like me ! isnt it amazing...
>>44584302>no, if you have other luckshit featuresyeah i got none, it's actually kind of incredible how male yet spindly i look. suicide it is i guess
>>44584282I'm 6'3" and function fine. Get your brainworms removed and take your pills
>>44579757Seek asylum in france or ireland, there is a massive diaspora of russian transwomen in france
Idk if I’ve posted this here before, we probably have. Also sorry if it’s difficult to read, I can’t type well due to muscle twitches. I’m an organized abuse/csam production/child prostitution/trafficking (??) survivor, isay it with the question mark because we are in lots of denial/dont know exact terminology’s/our memory is poor. Most of the information’s come from flashbacks and somatic senses, so it’s not clear. Msybr it all sounds fake, but please believe me. I need to be believed.plwase. None of it makes sense in my memories, everything fragmented,our whole life is. I don’t know if I can ever recover from it. Thinking about it is so stressful and triggering that we experience seizures (this is what the cause is of my twitches, it’s really bad in one side of my body. So lot of things are harder). And, even worse,I miss it so bad. My master, the man who trained us. I am ashamed to admit I am in love with my abusers. I fear that this is my true purpose, it’s what I was built for, being a sex toy since I was a baby. I’m safe now, I think it is disgustingof us how much we love it. I’m scared I’m fetishising real suffering. Ona less serious not, the twitches hurt so bad. Hard to eat, type , write, wash hands, sleep
>>44582510How bad was it? How did you act and what did you say when she was giving you verbal and physical affection?Also you're both lesbians, right?
>>44584550Im scared how easy we will be taken advantage of. I can’t even tell when someone is doing something bad to me, something that they shouldn’t, I’m too used to everything. And wehen people show me kindness, all I do is run away from them and blow up at them . It’s scary. I’m scared
>>44584550What was traumatic about it? Were you beaten and physically abused? How can you miss it if it traumatized you?
>>44584644>What was traumatic about it?Idk where to start. The obvious is the rape. But tbdesu u get used to it, maybe at around the 50th time. It was a constant. There was so many filthy things as well, being pissed on and drinking it, licking it all up , vomitIng and eating it (? Idk if this was real). And sadistic things they would do, like putting random objects into me, like pieces of wood, pencils etc, and laughing as I would scream and struggle, making bets on how many would fit in me. Honestly the things I found worst were being forced to hurt others, id be turned into a man, just like the abusers and forced to rape the other children, especially the ones I got closer to. I also remember something to do with a cold dead small body, idk what but ik it’s common for abusers to just kill off the children, i don’t know why not me though. And the psychological torture as well. I’d. Be convinced that I have no limbs, to not use them to fight back, no mouth so k couldn’t scream, sometimes restraints or tight things round my limbs were used to make me think they had cut them off. I’d then be convinced we don’t have a body, so that the thing they are fucking is just an inanimate object, a sex doll, that I am nowhere and don’t exist in my body>Were you beaten and physically abused?Yes. Possibly shocked with electricity as well. Maybe worse. Also, mock killings/executions, my and the other children’s face or eyes would be covered, sometimes we line up. They hurt us severely , restrict limbs , might make the noises of a gun or put a gun near us, or weapons near us, convincing us that they killed us. Makes us sound insane right?>How can you miss it if it traumatized you?Probably the grooming. Sometimes the sexual abuse was nicer than what I felt back home, because it could feel good sometimes. And knowing that I had a purpose and was doing it, making adults feel good was nice. After everything, not being abused is scary
>>44584369>I'm 6'3" and function finei don't want to be rude, but literally how? that's taller than 99% of women in the world, and that's not even an exaggeration. i guess height by itself doesn't make you clocky (not by too much at least) but it absolutely amplifies any bad traits you may have, like tiny hips or wide shoulders. are you a gigapassoid or someone who accepted they'll never fully pass? because either way i don't have what it takes to follow your footsteps. i can't be a youngshit (20) but i also don't want to be visibly a tranny for the rest of my life. i just want to pass, go stealth and pretend my past was just a bad dream. in a perfect world, the only people who would know i'm a tranny would be my partner and my doctor. but i guess god thought that was too much to ask lolwhat's the point in living if i can't have the one thing i can't seem to let go of?
>>44584788>How can you miss it if it traumatized you?+ I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the ppl close to me to finally snap. The tension is what kills me. I can’t understand closeness without abuse. When someone fcusks me, I don’t understand why they aren’t being violent, why they would have concerns for me, why they won’t just rape me. When my friends hug me I don’t get it. Its confusing. My situation with my family is better and I don’t understand why they aren’t r just hurting me all the jt e time. I want to believe I’m faking it. It can’t be real. I don’t want it to be real. It doesn’t make sense. It happened in a different lifetime, to almost literally a different person. I can’t find any proof of it. Maybe I’m delusional and stupid, I don’t know. The only thing I have is the way my body feels. Maybe I just had one long bad dream. It’s so stupid. I deny so much and then I get constant terrible flashbacks and neurological symptoms . When I getvthem of being strangled, I get dizzy, almost pass out bc it feels to real. I hope to come to terms w it one day, I hope to heal. I need to find a therapist that can deal with this kinds of things. Honestly I’m lucky to have come this far, to still be alive
>>44584644Victims of SA sometimes feel like "missing" this experience because their brains desperately try to turn a traumatic experience into a positive one, to make the experience less traumatic
it never gets better as a neverpasser i dont know why i keep trying i already know i have to end it eventually so why do i keep suffering
>>44584812I accept it because nothing in my life's ever been perfect. All I can do is fight for improvement. Make things better. You can either do nothing and be miserable or learn to accept things and fix what you can. I can't stop you from dying, but in your case, I'd think you're a fucking bum for doing it
>>44585008do you promise it will be ok in the end, even for a disgusting creature like me?
>>44570112Just got done making a new CVwhen my mom was taking my photo for me she randomly started talking about how huge my head is and how much bigger it is than hers and how it "makes up" for my short height, this went on for a solid minuteAlso said something like "stop looking at me like you're trying to kill me" my face was literally in the resting position trying to be as neutral as possible. My browbone makes me permanently look like a constipated rapecreature.
>>44585131Being ok can never be a promiseit's a hope, but never certain, which is why you work and hope for it>>44585376Does she know ur a tranny?Really hope not seeing that scenarioalso ur assumed to smile in photos not be neutral which is why she probably said that, but also agp smirk so you can't really win that either way, sorry
>>44585514Yeah i look like long haired charlie kirk when I smile so i prefer to just "keep it proffesional"She probably suspects I'm some sort of faggot since in the past I foolishly implied that she will likely not want to keep a steady relationship with me anymore at some point (and she's a chud). Then again she probably wouldn't compliment my long hair and clean skin if she was more concernedAnd I know for a fact she was reffering to my browbone, she compared a resting face photo to one where I moved my brows up a bit and said that one's better
>>44582321lol im a pound heavier today than my recent average but less bloated than the previous two weeks. actually look kinda good rn wtf. and my face isnt breaking out from all this sugar. new diet: tears with a side of ben and jerries fmstl
i got yelled at for taking up too much space and time even tho ive been trying really really really hard not to and have stuffed all my chores and activities into barely an hour once a week. all my effort was for nothing and it doesnt even make a difference bc in the end taking up any space or time at all is too much and i should just leave. and i cant bring myself to blame the other person even tho it feels unfair, they still tolerate my existence. so something must be wrong with me for them to have snapped like that
>>44584788>>44584826Have you ever thought about getting electroshock therapy, just to purge the memories right out of your head? Wipe the slate clean and get a fresh start?I can't even begin to comprehend something so horrific. Maybe you'll heal with time. I've heard that "overwriting" the abuse with positive experiences helps, so maybe you could speed up the process by taking steps to surround yourself with kind people that treat you well.Abuse sticks with you. It changes you on a deep level, and it'll always be a part of you. Best you can do is abosrb it into yourself and spin it into something better, whatever that ends up meaning to you.
I will never be able to fix my ribcage.
>>44585514Whoa rare Puffin sighting,,,>>44582481Hoo boy okay as someone who has not only been there several times in her life, but written damn near these exact same words to 4chan before...Ya gotta move on and find someone else. You might not realize it but those feelings can and will corrupt your friendship, and if they bubble up there is a high chance they wont be recieved well. PlusYou deserve someone who can love you back in kind. Being hooked on someone who is unavailable to you is disrespectful to yourself and will just lead to heartache in the end.
i had two very strange prog nightmares today, one of my big phobias is venomous animals so this nightmare had my family put a bunch of fake snakes in my room for some reason, one ended up real and I was pleading for help to get none. My family loved playing pranks like that on me when I was younger, no where near as extreme mind you but it did feel reminiscent, like when my granddad would just throw me into the deep end of a swimming pool for fun making me panic and freak out.The other was someone very important to me disappeared, she's usually someone online but for some reason I had known her IRL in this nightmare, it was mostly searching for her restlessly, the clues pointed to something bad happening to her and I couldn't just leave that alone despite how much everyone told me it was a lost cause. I think I failed, given I woke up crying. Prog nightmares feel like the universe is playing a mean prank on me, sleep is usually all I have in days like this, having those become on edge sucks... I miss her. thanks for reading, love you. im going to try to sleep more, getting hit kinda hard with depression while i wait for this week to end.
>>44584091thank u, might tell her how i feel at some point, might not, only time will tell. thank you again
I failed on my diet again todayThere’s always tomorrow, right? Tomorrow I will finally turn my life around
Misgendered for the first time in months today. Time to crash the fuck out. T~T
people tell me that you just found a better opportunity but i don’t want to believe it even if i know it’s probably true
>>44586983That's actually what I did. It worked out in my case because she basically did not care. Just said it was sweet and moved on. Her having a partner complicates things for you, though, even if you're obviously not a homewrecker, lmao. Just be smart about it. It may give you some much needed catharsis
I hate other trannies most of all. I don’t know what drives you to be miserable bucket crab pieces of shit
I can never be sorry enough for the things I did...
>>44585696>Have you ever thought about getting electroshock therapy, just to purge the memories right out of your head?No, we haven’t. I’ve been amnesiac before, ~2 ydrs ago I had no recollection of my life, it was this consrant feeling of ‘having just been spawned in’. We were so out of it back then. If I tried to think about the past I would get a headache, and we were so miserable, there was this constant feeling something was wrong. And despite our lack of memory, there were all ways still allusions to the things we experienced in the things we did. Losing memories is scary, I don’t want to forget anything. I’m always logging everything I do out of fear. If I forget myself I don’t know where I go. having a dissociative disorder means strange memory things and whatever. But yea I don’t want to purge these memories away(they are extremely incomplete to begin with), and I don’t think it’d undo the effects it has on my subconscious>I've heard that "overwriting" the abuse with positive experiences helpsI hope so. It does I think,as of recently we haven’t experienced any abuse and my friends, despite me not being so close or being so unstable in relationships, have generally been kind to me. I struggle to open up about these experiences to the ppl close to me, I’ve told ppl befor about more mild things I experienced, and they kinda blamed me/I felt they ddint listen + it’s hard to even begin with talking about it , people act as if nobody can go through this, as if victims aren’t real or human, some ppl even say that it’s conspiracy. I remember my friend , during the Epstein file thing was reading those files for just shock value and laughter. It’s hard not to feel completely separate from society, when ppl will consider just a fraction of what uve been thru the most traumatic thing they’ve ever heard of. But, anyways back to the pont, despite some bad experiences around it there are a few ppl I. Can talk to about these things
>>44585696Oh I rambled too long. But yea to the main point of the second paragraph , there r ppl who treat me kindly, although I think it’s bizarre it’s probably helpingBut yea, thank you for being kind
My most prominent theme in my life has been trying and failing.This isn't some kind of self deprecation thing, it just sort of has been.Every small thing from trying to ride a bike, trying climbing, playing video games, making friends, were all tries and fails.Every big thing from my grades in academics, serious conversations, relationships, chasing life goals, living a normal life, not being hated by my family were all tries and fails.Heck I even failed at birth, ended up the wrong gender.Its been something haunting and following my life around forever, I don't really know how to handle it.I am riddled with mental illnesses like autism and adhd which makes attempting to just stop trying impossible which only makes failures worse and worse, especially failures related to people.Every few nights I just think about it all and get so frustrated, I clench my teeth, I flail my arms around, I punch my bed and cry until I'm exhausted. This can manifest in conversations and interactions where I just try and try and try at something I've long failed at and wont get right until they just hate me.I'm so fucking tired of failure, I wish it'd go away. But it can't, its my most prominent theme in life.How do I cope with this?
Made another local friend today. My circle grows... maybe I will be okay. Cant replace the presence of my former bestie, but better than wallowing...Nighty night thread. I hope each and every one of you have very sweet dreams.
Ngl need this
made it through the week i guess, dont think much is going ot happen today but at least it marks things starting to happen soon. im not doing well, i miss someone really badly. sleeping has been worse and worse for me, nightmares are cruel. i hope one day i can be better about disrespecting myself, i dont really know how, the default thought has always been to blame myself or apologize, half the time im right even which makes it even harder. i dont know, love you, thank you for reading. i feel like im going to cry.
>>44570112Got my heart broken by an enby after years.Genuinely see no point in dating anymore, feels like a humiliation ritual in service to a lie.
my death would just be celebrated or treated like "there was nothing we could have done". I really hope I work up the motivation to kill myself soon, I am alone and always will be, I wont let anyone in no matter how much they insult me for it. Just let the fire burn out.
loveanon didn't post a voca today :(
I miss her like crazy. I didn't realize she meant a lot to me till she was gone and I had the large empty space to replace her.
>Broken hearts editionhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8B5FiVg5HA
Would you do me the pleasure of killing me? I’ve thought about it yk. I shouldn’t have listened. I should’ve killed myself that night next to you. You don’t even know my name anymore. It doesn’t matter. I am nothing to you. I am nothing at all. It won’t change. I’ve just lost my worth. I’m not even rapeable anymore, not that that matters. I need to be a machine, and maybe with my blood on your floor, you’ll consider me a worthy weapon again. I keep thinking about reaching out to you. Though you won’t respond. You have me blocked. You want to call the police on me. I wish I had bought that gun, I’d use it tonight. Maybe I should join the military. Would I be a good soldier?
Every trans who ropes or lashes out because they tried to transition before getting their head on straight proves every hater right and I silently resent them for it.
>>44591631wish she'd ever miss me
>>44591428It's important to distinguish between being willing to kill yourself and being able to.It doesn't matter how willing you are if you don't have the stomach to inflict incredible violence on yourself. If you can't, throw in the towel now and try to make some pathetic effort at a life so you're at least not in pain all the time. Escape isn't an option and it never will be. Sitting around for a decade ideating for a release that'll never come won't help.t. gutless loser
>>44592172>Sitting around for a decade ideating for a release that'll never come won't help.its been 2.
>>44591986iktf
>>44592263its agonizing, the realization shes just better off more content and happier if im not in the picture. i need to just let her go
I hate forcing myself up from nice dreams
>>44592198Well it'll turn into 10 and then 20 if you don't find something else to do.
>>44592622im gonna live 20 decades? dear god i hope not
im trying to get a fwb again, but it's not really what i want. i dont think im good enough for an actual relationship. i have to search out guys 10 years older than me kms
Feel very sick today
>>44592624thought you meant years.Anyway yeah, so you're at 20. Get to living retard, you suck at dying.
>>44592659i suck at everything...
>>44592668Tried everything, have you?If this were true you'd have sucked me, yet I sit here woefully unsucked.
>>44592673not true.. im sucking out your energy..
>>44570112i hate it when people care about me but i know there's nothing wrong about me at all
i give up on mutual love, i will just be selfish and love infinitely regardless.
I HATE MY HAIRWHY THE FUCK DID I CUT ITI HATE HATE HAAAAATE MY HAIR
i hope a meteor crashes down on me and ends my suffering early
I can still fix my manHe is still redeemable
I’m annoyed that I have nowhere to talk about my life where there isn’t a risk of it making its way back to the other people involvedVery annoying!
>>44592681Well you're doing a shit job at that distance, try manual .
>>44593446>Well you're doing a shit joblike everything else...
>>44593430Learn the delicate art of vagueposting or just be brazen and do it anyways even if they see. XP>>44592911Hell of a lesson to learn, but thankfully hair grows back.
>>44591605why would she last time a chaser was super pushy to her lol
YES!!!! I'm gonna feed the birds tomorrow!!!! I'm so excited and happy. Today was very sunny out, I was sat by my garden door smelling the flowers, I forgot how pretty nature is being so disassociated for so long. I'm gonna watch the birds tomorrow after I set up their feeds, I'll record it and show it to my special friend...! I.. ahh.. I needed this.
>>44593479Good grief, you want a job done right... I'll start doing stretches.
dysphoria is eating me alive, I'm 4 1/2 years hrt and it's done all it could. my body is fucked my skull is fucked I have no relief from my dysphoria I NEED multiple expensive surgeries in order to be happy but I'm a 27 year old NEET with no future or money. I don't even have the energy to be sad anymore all I feel is apathy
i wish i never had friends so i could just be used to being alone. i was doing so fine for 19 years and one time it happens where im not like that and now i just leave it ruined and with a pit in my stomach day by day worrying about someone who couldn't give less of a fuck about me being hurt for life because i was angry about it. and no one even cares it happened, no one asks why. no one spends time with me to cheer me up, im not even considered. i hope by the end of the year i can cut off everyone or at least be on non "close" terms with them. i can't deal with any of this anymore.
>>44585797sadly rare>>44593988That's really nice, do you know what kind of birds they are?>>44594068I'm sorry anon, the only way forward is to somehow stop being a NEET to work towards those surgeries if you cando you have any resources in ur country, city or family to help?Trannies get dealt a bad hand :/>>44594994If that's the path you choose I wish you the bestit's either wade through shit to find one good friend, or stay put to keep cleanhopefully you can manage your situation to distance, but keep contact and communication open with others from time to time
>>44595632i really don't see why i'd keep in contact but i will to keep myself sane. it's really sad just waking up to nothing nowadays, no good morning no good afternoon, no asking to hang out etc.i can't remember the last time i hung out with anyone. my former best friend replaced me in a singular day. i got no one :(
>>44596185and to boot all our mutual friends are ghosting me, even though i was in the right. what a sick joke
24 yo 18 months estrogen and i have 5 inch bust get my brows waxed and my hair is to my shoulders and everyone i know just thinks im a femboy it’s so miserable. when i go out strangers will sometimes assume im a woman but everyone i know just treats me like a man i hate it why don’t i pass after everything i should’ve just repped is it too late
>>44570112dad found my e sprayhe accepts mei think i managed to half explain diy to himi got it todayshould have hid it better i had a panic atatcka really big oneio hate this, i hate all of this i want to be the dullest person ever not whatever the fucking mentally ill thing i amim not a person im just lots of diseses and conditions pushed togeterh that thinksi look in the mirror and see a cariciture, someone has put this thing togeter with purpose and that is spite i got pink floyd goingtime
first world problems-having privileged passfaggot type rant ahead.my bf and i spent the last few weekends in the countryside clearing out his grandparents' old house which his family are selling, and his part of the sale is going towards our upcoming purchase of a flat in the capital city. greater good and all that so i sucked it up though i have so many happy memories associated with this little place, the house itself and the village, i myself lost all meaningful ties with my family when i transitioned many years ago and this place felt like being back in my own grandmother's place. god i loved all the weekends we spent in that little refuge away from insane city life. it was just the two of us in the middle of nowhere going for hikes in the forest, running in the fields, picking berries, chopping wood, going through old stuff in the house (all of my favourite skirts are from there!) and just generally doing what i'm actually made for instead of rotting behind a desk for 40 hours a week then going home to rot further in an apartment. i have to laugh at the smug liberals in the big city who look down on "far-right-voting rural hicks" when i've never felt unwelcome in any of those little villages or towns, meanwhile i'm made feel unsafe by leering moids my dad's age and other weirdos in this city constantly.anyway today we came back and went to view a flat we wanted to buy, only for the bedroom window to turn out to be facing right into a literal crack house next door so we can't. it looked perfect on paper too and we've had so many places not work out, my bf looked like he wanted to cry. mostly i wonder why we're putting ourselves through this when idk if it's what we want, but we feel obliged for our careers and hobbies to be in the city. i just feel he's a country boy at heart, the happiest i've seen him is in the village crafting stuff, working with his hands. it sucks.picrel some 1980s magazines for young engineers and scientists i found at the house btw.
four days in a row eating something insane like 5k calories. not even counting. lost weight today. did not even cry either. also slept like 11 hours lol. and all the sugar and icecream didnt even make me sick once and i havent had breakouts yet since im retinolmaxxing. also im pretty sure i did a major fuck up at work like three times in a row lately after no incidents for months except no one even noticed bc i was working alone and just kept going until i completed the whole process so the fuckup gets overwritten. guess i can just do whatever i want and i get away with everything. why even try lmao its like theres literally no impact.. just making myself neurotic as hell for no reason. i might actually start taking my meds and just going around in a slow motion fog. probably good for like not dying of stress at 50. i dont like this ocd feeling, this control issues, anal retentive, high strung thing. my mom is like this and it sucks to be around and it sucks for her too i bet. if you just keep going hard and fake it till you make it when you get to the top you find out the foundation is made of sand and it cant hold the weight. but what about the consequences? is it even possible to build a foundation as an individual in late stage industrial society? is that vague enough? iykyk. ive been thinking about the contradiction bw revolutionary suicide and my newfound appreciation for life, you know, that feeling like i actually have one to lose now. but if troon life is incompatible with private ownership of pharmaceutical production then arent we always already the living dead? so why choose this? did huey choose his color? you cant kys if ur already dead. feels kinda like flying, like a whole new axis of movement in degrees of action. but how to sustain it. how do you fully remove this restriction, finally kill the fear, this cop in your head? opticsnuke vs assimilation again? desu im jealous of the confidence of the opticsnuke atl they look like they have fun
I give up, I accept my inevitable death. I can't take it anymore.
>>44595632>That's really nice, do you know what kind of birds they are?Should be various songbirds in your typical garden habitat, like robins and finches. Homey and cute, nothing too exotic unless I get really lucky!
i love you thread, i love you all please keep at it, we're all struggling by the unfortunate circumstances we've ended up being in, but I know you all have the capacity of change and future. I'm... not doing too hot, but I'll keep going and work towards my dreams. I love you all, I love you, yes including you. Our sun is actually quite pitiable for a star of its class, yet it does its best anyway and so should you! Be that cutie I know you can be, I love you!!!
please come back soon.
who am i kidding. this is just like before. may as well enjoy the last few days ill get to message you at all knowing full well its all coming to a close soon.
>>44570112the only way i'm ever going to be loved is if i chop my face up and take care of someone else because even if i look like a woman i'll always spiritually be a man. there's no escape from this slave gender. if you don't like men you're doomed to always be a provider until you die. isn't that awesome.
>>44599513Whats going on?>>44599558This feels like an extremely unhealthy was to view femininity, nona.>>44598473Thank you, loveanon. I appreciate your presence as always. I hope you pick yourself up soon enough.>>44597419Please dont give up, nona. Things can always get better. :[>>44596942I think I might know you? I hope everything turned out okay. I know this is all hard and maybe new, but you will be okay.
I fucking hate my tranny moid voice so fucking much I hate it hate it hate itI'm trying to voicetrain of course but it's difficult and I feel like an useless retard, when I ask for advice I get told to work on my resonance or pitch and I never knew how tojust hearing my own voice hurts me so much it's really really really bad it's the most pathetic faggot voice ever
>>44599624>Whats going on?what i deserve, silence into the sudden cut
>>44599682Silence until the sudden cut... are you making the cut or them?Im sorry you seem to be losing someone important in your life. :<
i miss when she used to be nice to me because she liked me. its like she doesnt value me as much as a friend anymore.its like im always getting brushed off. all I want is someone who understands me
>>44599737>are you making the cutno
>>44598473where voca :( you're so cute too
>>44600014Ough. The silence before you know theyre gone for good is the most painful kind. You have my sympathies, nona.>>44600355Careful, she is touchy about being called cute. v_v
>>44600458she had a complete meltdown seems a bit worse than touchy
>>44600556Does it do any good to specify the magnitude? A simple warning to respect her needs is all that's necessary. ^^
Why is everyone so retarded? I have talked to many people from here and it's like a meme when they just ghost or unadd randomly, even though it's literally them who usually act retarded and expect me to be fine with that... They are all also like a meme where they promise that we will vc or play a game together and they if I don't play their one specific autistic modern slopa game they will never play anything with me or even if they pretend they do, it'll happen like this - I get hyped up, find time for this, and then they just randomly disappear and it's like this many times in a row, until they got bored and disappear, I guess. If the person is cute, it's even worse, because no matter what gender they're, they'll just treat me like shit by default for some reason, even if they don't know how I lookEven if I got lucky and we clicked, in a few weeks or months their mental illness or something will hit and they'll disappear from the internetI also would like to mention that it also seems like almost everyone was deep balls into politics and would try to teach me shit about my own country when they barely even know about itI want to just give up on it and never talk to anyone...
>>44570112I will never be loved, st4t is a meme, Trans women are either lesbians or only into cis men. The rare few that are into trans men only like the twinky non-transitioning ones or the super tall poonchads, but I'm just a dickless fat manlet. I will never have a GF to fuck stupid while I call her mommy
idk if someone talked about this itt but i think i experienced the whole someone blatantly taking a picture of u in public from like 10 feet away. real fcking wierd. could be narcissism idk when they turned around there was no picture sent on the chat they were in from what i could tell but like they could have switched to another one idk. also think i experienced someone yelling "gaaaay", you know the way, with the inflection, which kinda lmao. but its really ? i do not look that different and i dont dress different than i used to like 10 years ago and never got these kinds of reactions at all back then. i hope its just in my head but this individual and another seem like the not-self-aware type to do exactly that while gossiping about people in ear shot of them. i just put in my headphones and pretend its not happening but maybe i shouldnt idk idk. i guess today is my friday and saturday in one this week so im gonna drink some energy drinks and then get fucked up and do self care and hydrate and moisturize or something and then cocoon myself with white noise and sleeping pills when the sun comes up and maybe i wont remember all the dumb shit that happened today that i did like totally deciding to change outfits and style mid week just in case i talked to a girl who didnt even look at me. she looked extra cute today but also sad i hope shes ok. ive been getting more confidence lately and would probably actually talk to her if we like crossed paths naturally but i wouldnt go out of my way that would be weird. i think we have a sort of mutual acquaintance now so it might happen and i wont have to feel creepy. sometimes i mishear lyrics or make up my own. i think everyone does that but sometimes i think the things you think you are hear are subconsciously true.ppl are clearly upset bc im hot and making their girlfriends gay and they cant kick my ass for being a faggot bc im bigger than them lmao. eventho i stay out office politics i have to cya and snitchwatch now
As long as you dont let go first, I wont let go, no matter how deep the thorns dig. Your happiness is worth bleeding a little bit (metaphorically).And... your happiness is also worth walking away if I need to. But Ill hold on until Im told to let go. No matter how long it takes.HuuuuI wish I could save all of the people Ive met. It sucks to feel like I had to make a decision. Maybe if I was a better person... maneuvered better... didnt make so many stupid decisions... paced myself better... kept appropriate boundaries... i wouldnt be in a spot where I felt like I had to pick either or. But Im not a better person and I got put on that spot and I had to pick one aspect of my life to hold on to despite everything so I made my decision. I hope, for once in my fucking life, I made the right call...Coming face to face with everything wrong about me has truly been a trying experience. Not because Im hurt, but because I hurt others - people who really truly mattered to me - and the empathic backlash ruined me. And because something in my mind tries to tell me im not allowed to feel hurt because I was the source of pain... Why couldnt I have just been good to them to begin with? It should be so simple.Well...Cant change the past. Just gotta do better from here on...>>44601589I... frankly know at least a few who would probably be into you. Just gotta know where to look ig.>>44601558Im ngl 4chan is one of the worst places to look for connections. Ive had some luck but it's genuinely 95% chaff and 5% diamonds so you gotta be willing to deal with a LOT of bullshit to find people here...
Being a manmoder is actually hell. I'm visibly feminized not in a bdd passoid way, but in a way where it makes me the most blatant hon possible despite my best attempts to present male so i dont become an optics nuke. the juxtaposition of boobs and long hair with my masculine proportions and deep voice makes people visibly uncomfortable, including my "friends" who abandoned me when it was obvious that i was taking e.I should have kept repressing. is anybody else in a situation like this?
>>44570112im too fucked up now. im never going to find anyone, am i? i miss you so much m and it's all my fault. i wish that it wasn't so i could blame you and hate you but i literally ruined us, i ruined you for no good reason. i'm going to be alone for the rest of my life now. everyone i meet just makes me fucking miserable, they are all so awful, i don't know why i ever thought i could do better. i think i knew i couldn't and just wanted you to be rid of me so you could actually spread your wings and fly, without me dragging you down. or maybe that's just another cope. i don't know. i think this is it for me, i really, really do. part of me wants to go through with my plan and just end it all at the hotel we stayed at, blow my brains out in the parking lot where i planned out our future in my mind stoned off of my ass. i hope you are doing well now, i'm sure you are, to be honest, i can't imagine things going poorly for you. i'm on a path to complete destruction and i don't think i can stop. i can't be alone but there is no one else like you, there never will be. what's even the point? another night spent drunk holding your teddy bear, wearing your sweater and crying. it's been a year and i'm still as pathetic as ever.
>>44601951uh i guess that might be what my post is about to an extent like ive been thinking people can tell im wearing concealer but that would be insane because its literally the lightest layer possible and blended all over and totally matches its like a super subtle filter. i did sleep in eyeliner and go in only having rinsed it with water but it just looked like i didnt sleep not like i was wearing makeup. and i only did that once. i think they are just staring because i shave really really close right before work and do my hair like a homo and maybe they can smell my conditioner?? its not that long but i guess i kinda have bangs now. i really dont think i have visible boobs i wear an undershirt and a hi vis vest like i would think someone would say something about that not that im gay. whats worst is i cant tell ho wm uch is in my head
>>44601862I have no idea where to look, it's rough out there. I may just be cursed
lol it is almost midnight and i am going to drink espresso and eat more icecream and then shave my legs and they can not stop me hahahahaha
>>44579174u ever like done cpr on eachother or like releax ur lung muscles and let the other person breath for u w ur own lungsomg
>>44579265its extremely! cute
I think repping is not working anymore. I am losing it. It's getting to the point where it's hard to get dressed and leave the house. I tried to go to the mall to buy clothes and I had a breakdown. Going to things like the hairdresser feels incredibly difficult. I feel like a complete and total loser.
I think I’m going to finish med school, but a gun and kill myself. I think I’ve done enough. I don’t see a reason to keep suffering for the next 20 years for ungrateful retards. I hate everything, stupid fucking community, stupid fuxking condition. Maybe I should get into trouble with local crime so they’ll do me the favor of ending me.
>>44602196omfg that would be so hot, the intimacy of being so absorbed in your parter that you start taking turns sharing breathing responsibilities while flicking your tongues together in pleasure is just hnnnnnngggggg. need someone to help practice, tranny, femboy, another chaser, idc who
anxiety is affecting my ability to sleep. i dont even know what im anxious about
uuouuugghhneed dick…
I am not attracted to J; i have to think about other things to get it up but J loves me so much that I can't bear to break their heart
>>44570112Probably shouldn't post this but whatever:I may have recently gotten into a bit of hot water because of a stupid post I made elsewhere. To make a long story short, I vague posted about a girl I had (and still?) have a crush on from years ago and she might have seen it. I said a lot of shit that was too emotional and way too open to be public like that. The thought of her seeing it keeps me up at night.
Yea my self respect has officially gone to 0, lol. Amazing plays by me
>>44602791i need ass...
>>44603696what happened?
>>44603753Ive kinda advanced along my self hate to "flirting with everything that moves regardless of gender for affirmation" which is... super unhealthy considering Im generally a lesbian and saying very raunchy things to guys who are 100% within driving distance. (Some of the guys in question im referencing are sweethearts and friends of mine, this is just a me thing). Could be worse, but I should probs catch myself before I wind up in a bad spot.Im tired, boss.
Whoa there no falling off the board yet
It doesnt deserve forgiveness. It deserves to be broken apart and left to rot forever. It was constructed wrong in every single way. Not even a person, just a thing. Someone please end its suffering.
>>44607471Who?
>>44570112My ex dumped me last month, two years down the drain and I've already started talking to a new guy. I feel guilty for not fully being over him by now and jumping into something new so soon but I hate being alone.
>>44607549The writer of those post. A miserable contraption shaped like a human but never ensouled. It is disgusting to behold.
>>44607643Of which posts? Why are they not ensoulled? How do you know?
>>44607664It is the writer of this post, >>44607643this post, and >>44607471 this post. It was never given a soul. It exists simply to spread misery both within and without.
>>44607675why do you think you lack a soul?
i'm a black tranner who met a racist white tranny here back in like june of last year. the relationship got super codependent and unhealthy, even though she always insisted we were never anything more than friends. she would occasionally pull away, leave me, stop talking to me, all over concerns that she was "ruining me" at first. she thought i'd be better off without her but all i wanted was her. she insisted that i look for a healthier relationship with someone local, even though she flew out to see me. anyway, at the tail end of may i made out with my ex-girlfriend and told her about it. she was always insistent in her belief that i "not wait around for her" and i was open about my unsuccessful attempts at dating. i still don't know why but that was the day she started pulling away for good, for the final time. a bit over a week later and we were no longer talking to each other because our relationship was too codependent and unhealthy. i'm just now done going through the motions and grieving the loss of the relationship. i feel lost, i don't know what to do. i don't know why i'm even making this post. i really loved her and i seriously felt abandoned. it felt like she was blaming the entirety of the dynamic of our relationship on me and codependency is by definition mutual. she fed into that aspect of our relationship just as much as i did and so i didn't get it. it just felt like she woke up one morning and didn't love me anymore.
I'll come see you sunday. I don't know what to say really. There's a post here that might be you, but I don't think so. I'm keeping all of your photos. If you ever get yourself together, I'd help you. I'm scared to talk to you because I was your only interest. I don't know what love is for me anymore. I certainly had a lot of fun, I did love you, but I've changed a lot. I don't want to tell you how I feel because I don't want to affect you anymore. I don't want to be the one who defines who you are. I hope you get into the world. I don't know how we'll be friends, what is there to say. Don't ever think you haven't done a lot of shit. And it's never fucking over!
>>44608463? Good luck anon. Is this an ex?
New thread>>4460937
Copy past fail! Thats reassuring! New! Thread!>>44609376
I feel like something went wrong with my transition. I look more masculine than I did a year ago. The pants that were tighat are feeling looser again, I think my chest stopped growing. I don't know what happened. I hate looking at myself now. I had so much hope, but I don't know what's wrong>>44603865I relate to this a lot, I do the same thing. Honestly find myself relating to a lot of your posts. That's how I ended up with that hookup. That's back on, btw. I just got scared. I'm still scared. I want it, I just didn't think this is how my first time would go. It's weird having someone want me. We'll find out if I got myself into a bad spot if my corpse gets posted to this site, lmao
