Mtf, I have no pain. I am happy. Life is good. I have plans for the future.

>>44647724
MtF
I'm beautiful, I smile, everyone loves the smile. "You're so cool, you have a voice like an MC, you're goals." I ask the runes, "why me, why this?" They answer, "gift from the gods." And the way the cycle always goes, I smile long enough, I get drunk on life, I think, "I can look down now, I can fucking do anything, let me look straight into that shit" and ha-ha, I'm still THIS, "why me, why this" and the answer is "joke from the gods," and women say "do you have kids, you must have kids, you're a natural mom, why are you crying, children are overrated anyway hahahahaha" and someone else smiles and they KNOW, they must, why did I stop punishing myself so long ago? Don't look down. Just don't look down.

>>44647724
sure i will describe some things that really bother me for you op

>bi m
>try to go to gay events irl to make friends
>everyone there is a theyfab that goons to yaoi
>awkward as fuck
>can't relate to any of them
>go to gay bar, it's all women there to be annoying and gross dudes
>have to deal with reddit bisexuals constantly being retarded and optics nuking my sexuality
>people do not understand bisexuals on average and it is frustrating having to explain things to people all the time
>"are you going to just cheat on me?"
>gays think i am straight, straights think i am gay
>trans people i have talked to surprisingly have been very cool about it
>dating is near impossible, or at least very hard for me to meet people who don't just want me to have sex with them
>dating apps are pure cancer, most of the attention i get is from gross old men who are in the closet and want me to fuck them on the dl
>feel alienated in general, basically no community
>last person i dated was a trans girl who was madly in love with me and then one day split and just ghosted me for months over nothing
>my mom has been having a lot of health issues and we are really close, so it has been very hard on me lately
>recently went on a date with a "pan" girl who decided to just rant at me for an hour about how much she hates men until i left

that was everything that came to mind

>>44647724
Cism on hrt
My heart burns and aches like there's hole hollowing out inside of me, and my brain feels like the ball in a pinball machine, if it was made of glass and fell apart on occasion.

A big part of it is seeing people show romantic affection to one another because it reminds me i exist outside of that world, as some grotesque amalgamation on the inside and out, that im an unloveable solitary existence, undesirable to all even myself and I have to keep bearing with that fact until I have the money to change it physically.

My head kinda hurts. Work too hard, sleep too little...

>>44647724
sore and stabbing 6 or 7 on the pain scale

>>44647724
cis m on hrt
I wasn't properly socialized as a kid and grew up resentful and strange, I can't talk to people withouth feeling laughed at and always assume they're trying to humilliate me. If I don't provide something tangible to someone they won't talk to me because I'm boring, souless.
I want to die, I know I'll always be alone but sometimes I rp with myself at having loved ones.
Isn't there a vent thread up? idk

I've been having nightmares about my mother's memory issues. In my dreams she's completely lost her mind and is panicking and I can't help her. She's currently early stages, still functional, but struggles at times. The idea of her slipping past the point of no return terrifies me. I watched it happen to other family members but I didn't live with them and they weren't my mother. At night I sit with her and she asks me questions and then doesn't remember and asks me the same questions. During the day she's pretty normal, but sunsetting is real. I know it's coming, and that she'll be gone mentally and then physically. I wish had some kind of faith or religion that could delude me into this hurting less, for this to be less terrifying. All I know is that everyone who helped raise me is mostly gone, and my mother is probably next, and her memory is being stolen so I can't even fully have her while she's still here. I watch her sleeping on the couch sometimes and I can't shake the image of her in a casket at a viewing. My grandmothers hands were so cold when I touched them, and they felt hard like stone. Not like a human, but some cold wax statue in her coffin, dressed in her everyday clothes with her eyes closed the way she did when she would hum songs to herself. I can't stand the thought of missing my mother even half as much as I miss her mother. My best friend died a little over a year ago, and I still get the urge to call him and tell him stuff. Feeling that way about my mother is a rising dread. This is worse than any of the angst or anxiety I ever felt when I was a dumb, hormonal teen.

>>44647724
bi m
in my thirties, what few plans I had fell entirely through and I have no juice left to drag myself out of the pit anymore. I've had enough social and monetary support to keep me alive but only just. And truthfully no amount of support can save someone that can't save themselves and I see no avenue to save myself anymore. Yes small steps, yes focus on the moment yes all the little things to deal with depression I've done it all and it works a bit but it requires upkeep I can't stick to and each failed attempt only depresses me more making it harder to try again. It's kind of context sensitive but say you're hiring for something, doing a hobby or just talking to someone and you realize in 5 minutes that whatever pursuit it happens to be relevant to that this person just isn't cut out for it? Like it's self evident, it's not a specific thing but you can just tell it isn't working and trying to help would likely just spread their disaster to you?
Yeah, what do you do when that's you?
The SSRI's don't help, I'm not taking antipsychotics, the therapy does nothing. I've just run out, I never had half as much of it in me as everyone else seems to and it's only running out more as I go. I stopped hating myself to survive a recent traumatic event and that helped but it just makes being on bottom a bit less volatile, as it turns out that doesn't produce positivity on its own.
The only advice I ever get, that I haven't already tried is: "Just get out there, you have to do it yourself" and it's like telling the homeless to go buy a house. I don't get it, I don't even really want it, I'm just tired. I wake up tired I go to sleep tired, I do nothing, I talk to no one. I am failing. I've been failing and I will continue to fail I tried believing in myself for years, I tried faking it till I make it, each attempt just hurt worse than not trying. The only thing I manifest anymore is a not so early grave and I can't even get that without doing it myself.

mtf (straight)
schizophrenic/schizo affective
grew up poor, no daddy (died from cancer leaving us with nothing and mum with 4 kids)
financially supported my family for 6-7years while looking after meth addicted BPD sister, then they disowned me when I started to transition

life's good now, it took a while, I've had some close calls with suicide, lots of trauma etc etc but I live my life on my terms now, it's still difficult, I struggle financially, but worth living

>>44648857
>I'm not taking antipsychotics
Antipsychotics turned out to be the only thing that actually worked for my anxiety and depression.

>>44648910
The only people I've known that they gave them to ended up killing themselves or trying to. They never attempted before.
Maybe my country just has shittier practices, either way I'm not doing it. I'd rather die sober.

mtf ancientshit
i've never been able to ask for help and now i have nowhere left to go for help and i think that's where i was destined to end up
i cut myself off from my last remaining friend 3 years ago, i'm completely estranged from human contact beyond store clerks and debt collectors, i gave up on finding work after my most recent layoff. i've let my life fall apart this year, i think because deep down i've never really wanted to be here. i'm giving myself till my eviction next month to find a reason to stick around that feels like my own

>>44648927
>I'd rather die sober.
I get it. I used to reject the idea completely. I wanted to be ME, not something filtered through unnatural drugs, or whatever. But I'm tired, friend. Turns out being ME was just a never ending trainwreck of bad decisions and self sabotage. I never got better on my own. I'm somehow fucked over by genetics, or environment, or whatever, but I've got a broken brain and all I want is to not have everything good I managed to do completely shit on by the inevitable victory of the intrusive thoughts and crazy urges. I may not be ME anymore, but fuck that guy, he was a retarded asshole who was never actually happy. Life has become immeasurably better since I got on the antipsychotics.

>>44649032
Good for you.

CisM
I see lonely sad trannies I could save but trying will just make them call me gay or a chaser

>>44649106
have u tried not being a faggot chaser