I'm sick of straight laced Stacy passoids on this board trying to colonize MEF and make it mainstream. Please. Keep the second rate femgoonerslop to AO3.MEF is a subset of AGP. If you aren't primarily attracted to women, you aren't AGP and you aren't MEF.MEF is knowing you're attracted to women but gave up on that in favor of the humiliating degrading act of being sexually subservient to men. You see other men, often uglier than you were, dating and impregnating beautiful women.You made a sick barbaric sacrifice for personal gain, to be treated as a sex object by men.Getting sex reassignment surgery as a MEF/AGP is about enacting castration fetishism IRLalso being MEF requires you identify as male. And not just any male. A more agressive, hypersexual, unruly male than all the others. A true beast of ancient battlefields reincarnated in stillettos. You literally had no other option because testosterone in your body was a threat to the current social order.MEF is pure metal, basically the Waffen SS totenköpf division of Trannies. Not just any faggot can be in it.And it's time to start gatekeeping it.
>>44675119I hate being the ugly race
>>44675130Please. It's not about race. KPOP is a spook. it's derived from cold war era psychological warfare tactics. Don't compare yourself to idols.
HSTStacies are the best part of the trans community though. The only good part of the LGBTXYZPHIV+ clusterfuck. Well, the ones that aren't srsoids
>>44675119If this girl has a penis I will marry her
>>44675119>Getting sex reassignment surgery as a MEF/AGP is about enacting castration fetishism IRLYes, and I did that as a straight troon.
>>44675130commit harakiri
troons have no business talking about agp/mef since they've trooned but they are so well adjusted and devoid of purpose that they appropriate repper maladaptive copes as a substitute for personality
im into MEF but non gay (or less gay) and no strong humiliation like castration or being told your inferior male or shit like that, but being forced into dresses and shiet it's cool, i guess surgeries and shit is hot too but usually when stories get to the point of castration i lose interest cause the nigga's too far gone for me to see them as a nigga, i like the process leading up to it
>>44677376good for you nona, hope that I can afford srs someday too.
>>44676193Isn't she self admittedly AGP?
>>44675119I’ve never been attracted to a woman in my life but I’m still MEF.I’m MEF bc I think about the man everyone wanted me to grow up into & the kids my family wanted me to have & how being the way I am ends my bloodline and I feel ashamed and sad, and as a coping mechanism I’ve started to think it’s pretty hot.
>>44677542Xhe is a self admitted AGP gooner who thinks of xerself as a man
>>44675119I feel so broken by the transgender experience... seeing a woman in the mirror, feeling a woman's body under my hands, etc. I can't see myself as male anymoreLike, what I have done to myself is thrilling and I get off on how completely I have changed myself, and part of gives the thrill is the loss of my male identity
>>44675119Kys this board does not represent even 5% of trannies
OP here>>44677962Yes this sums up how I feel, it's like a fragmentation. There's the woman who lives my life, and then this ghost of male memories, thoughts, aspirations that quietly decays in dark recesses. But then the real me is like this gender fucked being of dark animus, addicted to the beautiful torment. Idk i feel like Ethel Cain kind of gets it even though she's super straight.>>44677571I wouldnt take the twitter opinion of youngshit sex workers too literally. Taftaj just likes being not as liberal as other troons.>>44677560>>44677376I mean you guys get it enough to stay, sexuality is ultimately fluid and malleable, i cant call myself straight when I haven't touched a woman in 10 years. I'm just pointing out that the amount of MEF you are corresponds to the amount of male you had to remove.>>44677505Okay YOU are not MEF you're just getting off on the thrill of something you perceive as fucked up. we live this shit, it's both an internal narrative and something we feel on our skin. MEF is when you self consciously fetishize your misogyny and willingly absorb the scorn of broader society as the punishment you need. Killing an innocent boy in the most brutal and diabolical way: sacrifice.I feel like pro wrestling and fighting games are also useful analogies.
>>44678514You certainly are MEF but your using a very limited definition. For example this pic is MEF because they guy is sort of coerced into being feminine and there's some shame involved. I suppose your type is more explicit and in your face, more extreme as well, like the contradictions are taken to the most extreme degree. I think they're both valid types.
>>44679076I guess when you put it that way it makes sense. Like Gangsta rap vs. Hip Hop.Lately i've been trying to collate a huge amount of archived posts and stories about MEF i have and i've been putting together various chatacter archetypes, fpr ex:Frustrated virgin incel > girlFormer successful heterogigachad > girlIncel > AGP transbian > straight girl (with lesbianism being the gateway copeGrimdark Repperchad > sex worker (MEF as a form of rebellion or philosophical suicide)Basically I want to explore the different ways of articulating feeling "forced" into girl moding (read: castration.) I also want to read more classical sources on the subject.
>>44678514>Yes this sums up how I feel, it's like a fragmentation. There's the woman who lives my life, and then this ghost of male memories, thoughts, aspirations that quietly decays in dark recesses.Nona you are replying to.I definitely feel the same fragmentation. I feel like my consciousness has been incarnated into an unfamiliar body and unfamiliar brain. The somatic and practical reality of the change is reshaping my active personality into something feminine and strange. I can't decide if it is total corruption or rebirthPart of me definitely remains who I was though, it's the only way I am able to compare where I currently am and conclude how strange it all is. Then on top of all that is this eroticism and arousal over being transformed, and my new body and role feeling weird and being somewhat degrading. I get non stop erotic sensual gender euphoria when I focus on how different I feel. SRS is going to be the ultimate... something. I'm just not sure if it is going to drive me crazy, break whatever male part of me is left... maybe I'll end up endlessly horny unable to escape the constant somatic reminder I've become a living fetish object and fuck toy for men
>>44679178I would be really interested in this collection to better understand myself
the fuck is mef? every time i turn around there's a new acronym. just use normal words
>>44679360MasochisticEmasculationFetishismIt's basically this kino obscure tranny tech you haven't heard about. Just gotta lurk. Read judith butler, ray blanchard, julia Serrano, anne Lawrence. There used to be a reddit/tumblr user who wrote about MEF back in the old days but idk where he is now. Guy was an insane freak. Maybe he has a WordPress floating around.>>44679240I will make a serious effort to get some kind of public Google doc archive put together by this weekend and make a thread about it if i get around to it. I had a weird episode back in May and deleted all my notes, luckily I had all my saved links in discord chat so i'm able to reconstruct everything, but using the archive is a laborious process. I want to actually start writing real stories soon.
>>44679230>SRS is going to be the ultimate... something. I'm just not sure if it is going to drive me crazy, break whatever male part of me is left... maybe I'll end up endlessly horny unable to escape the constant somatic reminder I've become a living fetish object and fuck toy for men.This was my experience:1. Recovery is hard. Mainly because of how exhausted you are. For the first month I didn't have many sexual thoughts. I remember immediately on waking up it felt like i had a phantom inside out dick. But within a day or two it just felt like a vagina. I had exactly one afternoon of euphoric erotic somatic transformation, thoughts, rolling in bed not feeling a dick. I cried in the shower 2 or 3 times that month.2. The real struggle began after a couple months when I started getting back to "normal." I quickly found that the ability to see myself as male or feel the erotic thrill of transformation was draining away like water in a bathtub. For the first time in my life I felt like a vanilla woman. When I looked at myself in my clothes, naked, I just thought "woman," no thrill of becoming.3. I then had to confront a void in my life as I realized i was moving into "post transition" transitioning had occupied a lot of my mind for years. Suddenly I just didn't really want to be in that process anymore. Conversations about surgery and voice training began to fatigue me. I ended a lot of superficial relationships. I rediscovered old passions.(Cont.)
>>44679603(Cont.)4. In a way it was a a bit disappointing. Pre SRS I thought about the delicious fetishistic glee I might have and ways I might articulate it. But suddenly that whole mode of thinking just seemed kind of cliche and weird. I could now stick big vibrating dildos in my pussy and ass and orgasm and like, it just didn't really make sense to try to see it as like a former male, though I tried. If anything I got more out of feeling humiliated/whorish as a woman.5. I started reading examining MEF when I realized that SRS had changed something about my relationship with other women and the female body. It wasn't that i was attracted to women pre SRS per se (at least i didnt act on it) but having the penis anchored me in this feeling of shame, like women had power over me.6. i realized women's bodies had truly lost their potency. I could just look at them, admire and feel nothing. Not the seething envy, lust and inferiority that is often labeled as "admiration," like paying attention to women became something that required effort. I only cared about aesthetics as an impartial observer.7. This did trigger some type of slumbering MEF awareness and spurred me to start thinking and writing again. I used to fantasize about castration, and what it would feel like to get aroused as a straight man while not having a cock. But try as I might, that's not something I can feel. No matter how hard I try. I have a vag, it gets wet, i have sexual thoughts about men. Even if i deliberately try to stoke MEF thoughts my brain just defaults to a vanilla hetero fantasy about men.(Cont.)
>>446796658. The strangest thing of all was, I then got into homosexual fantasy of all types, suddenly feeling like an AAP fujoshi. There was no more fear, dysphoria and displeasure associated with being a gay male. I began to long for and fantasize about gay sex, gay relationships. I recalled being young and wishing wo badly that I could be cis, but especially a cis gay male or cis lesbian. It was like the fact that i couldn't go back, couldn't experience masculinity from the inside ever again suddenly made it taboo and hot to like men. This is the phase i'm currently exploring. It's weird because I still want to be a woman and pass as a woman, but part of me is thinking, why does the idea of being a clocky gay twinkhon seem so appealing only after I escaped that category?
>>44675119I love the time travel and invisible / paranormal aspects of this. Unrelated, but I've been watching drag content and what sticks out is the open acknowledgment of being a living illusion (basically, castrated) but aspiring to the heights of glamour, which translates into artisanal, DIY, highly-personal aesthetics. At the same time totally universal. This removes the ego shifts focus towards inhabiting an archetype. I wonder if this can be a framework for MEF practitioners to orient themselves around. Like, willingly entering the social arena with knowledge of their previous capabilities, then translating that into a social strategy.
>MEF is a subset of AGPI just don't think that's true necessarily. MEF is orthogonal to everything.>Getting sex reassignment surgery as a MEF/AGP is about enacting castration fetishism IRLYes. How would I be into masochistic emasculation without having SRS?>MEF is pure metal, basically the Waffen SS totenköpf division of Trannies. Not just any faggot can be in it.This is unironically true, lol.>And it's time to start gatekeeping itNeah. Gatekeeping is what prevents lots of MEFs from self actualizing.>>44679178>Former successful heterogigachad > girlNot quite gigachad but I did have 3 girlfriends from age 16 to 23.
>>44680795>inhabiting an archetypeI often envision it as, your fate as a tranny is affected male soul that died in a previous life.Perhaps if you were a virtuous man who fought with honor and died protecting your comrades, you would be pretty, feminine, more youngshit.But if you were a beast who murdered and stole from civilians and engaged in sadism you are more AGP/lateshit, more aware of your true nature.Most of us are shades of gray, somewhere in between, beautiful and yet also scarred. I don't think it's about good vs. Evil exactly, it's that we carry the souls of those men most willing to sacrifice themselves. Those closest to the gods... or demons. Because we live in a corrupt age of hedonism and decay, without true lords to command us, or a cause worth dying for, we are forced to fight a different battle.I love to think of making love to a man as an act of service motivated by true compassion and empathy, which i feel is very gay and masculine in some way, despite physically embodying feminity.
>>44677542I dunno. Passing and keeping their cock is all that matters to me. Husstusses just usually pass better.
>>44675119>MEF is a subset of AGPno it's not you just made this upyou have no idea what you're talking about
>>44679603>>44679665>>44679726Thank you for sharing this, I'm the Nona you replied toIn some ways I view my feminine form as my bondage form and every step I take to further feminize myself feels like a harder version of that bondage. For whatever reason the surrealness that this is permanently how and who I am now never seems to subside, in fact it seems to get amped up with every step. It still feels new and shocking. I still look in the mirror and go "fucking... how is that me?" Half the time when I wake up in the morning, I get hit with a wave of sensual thrill and euphoria when I see my feminized body isn't imagined. I'm feeling how much seeing a woman in the mirror is changing my sense of self and that is just one more thing I get off on. Becoming aware of this process consuming me, my 'loss' to it beccoming ever more total gives me a sensual thrill like none other. I look at SRS much in the way you did, and I wonder if I will have a similar experience to you after normalcy returns. Right now I look at it like the lock clicking shut, the bondage becoming complete. My old self lost, and my consciousness trapped and subject to this new form. The idea of getting turned on and it feeling not just utterly alien, but also submissive and vulnerable is driving me forward and making me think the recovery will be a worthy price to pay.But things always look one way from the outside and feel different from the inside.
>>44682027I didn't make it up.Blanchard coined the term meta attraction and either him or Michael Bailey originally coined the term MEF and this was in response to people critiquing AGP and pointing out that many AGPs were attracted to men.A reddit user named something like "wxhylup" (cant spell it right) was one of the first people who blogged extensively about MEF and put out a lot of stories and captions about it. I am not making anything up and i've been in this niche for over 10 years myself.>>44682016SRS or not isnt really relevant to this. Passing isn't really relevant either. The sexuality of the men involved (You) is relevant only to discuss whether they're gay or GAMP. You could argue effort to appear feminine is relevant and that is important for passing and an essential component that distinguishes MEFs from sissies, reppers, and many transbians. But one can be extremely MEF without passing OR appealing to straight men and in fact some would argue that makes more sense.
>>44679178>Frustrated virgin incel > girlwhat about this who didnt want to die alone but was so unmasculine and felt that being a girl was the best course of action and also jerked to agp stuff…
>>44682199blanchard inventing the term agp and meta attraction doesn't mean blanchard is right about everything to do with agp or meta attraction I have never heard that blanchard or fucksaw bailey coined mef, I wouldn't be surprised but I can't find any sources on thatthe vast majority of mef content is androphilic. Sure, you could say all androphilia is actually meta attraction, but that isn't automatically true even if blanchard said so. I don't agree that mef is agp unless you want to claim that all feminine autosexuality is agp.
>>44679665>But try as I might, that's not something I can feel. No matter how hard I try. I have a vag, it gets wet, i have sexual thoughts about men. Even if i deliberately try to stoke MEF thoughts my brain just defaults to a vanilla hetero fantasy about men.NTA but this is so relatable, ugh. SRS really just reset my sexuality to default female. I have several weird sex toys from when I was pre-op but now I look at them and just think "what am I even doing with these? I kind of just want my bf's dick tonight, nothing more."
>>44682186NTA>The idea of getting turned on and it feeling not just utterly alien, but also submissive and vulnerable is driving me forward and making me think the recovery will be a worthy price to payFrom the other side (4 years post op, 5 years with my fiance), it's still kinda surreal.Around this time in 2016 I was waking up with a boner next to my gf. Now I wake up aroused next to my fiance. I still want to initiate (and usually do) but it's surreal that now I depend on him. Sex starts when he wants and ends when he cums.There are some objective benefits too, though. Like nobody knows at work when or if I'm horny.Some, like the nona you're responding to, report being "cured" of MEF. Wasn't the case with me. I'm still very euphoric even years after SRS.Imo both outcomes are okay.
>>44682236Forced by biology can be kino. It's kind of overplayed though and often not being done very well. Like white incels saying they can't wcore because they're 5'6" and ignore that many Mexican dudes are far shorter and very straight. You jusy have to make it compelling.>>44682237I'm not saying MEFs aren't androphilic. Some MEF content is androphilic (although much of it is purely focused on feminization and humiliation). And MANY MEFs talk about orientation change/gender change as a component of feminization.As you know the original thesis is that AGP is when a straight male's desires are targeted toward himself, causing him to desire becoming the girl he'd be attracted to. MEF's diverge from this process when they have sexual intercourse with a man, but the undercurrent is that they can view themselves through the prism of male heterosexual attraction.In my view, MEFs who claim to not be AGP, even those who claim to have been gay pre transition (which i was although hated it) always have a hard time explaining why male homoeroticism AAP didn't motivate them to stay men.>all feminine autosexuality is AGPI mean at this point we're getting into absurd particularities but, honestly, sure why not? this is one of my biggest critiques of AGP and one raised by others.I am aware there are counterarguments here though, i'm just not too versed in them.
>>44682388I was born with comically short micro and im a shy somewhat effeminate emotionally dependent crybaby sooo it made sense for me
>>44679603>But within a day or two it just felt like a vagina.I wish somebody that has crossed over to the other side could throw back something more than a tantilizingly minimal description of what this experience feels like. If you still remember what it was like to be preop fantasizing what it was going to be like postop, where did it live up to the fantasy? is it something you notice all the time? somatically, what do you make of the change?
>>44679178>Frustrated virgin incel > girluh oh, that's me.Tho I got into MEF after I was already living as a woman.
>>44682438So SRS was way way better than i ever expected pre op. I was really scared of surgery. My expectations were low. I was basically doing it for a flat crotch. I thought it would still feel like a dick and i'd have pain and it would be dry. (My surgeon was also good about managing expectations.)So immediately on itching there was pain, itching, felt like my pelvis had been in an accident. I just told myself thank God thats over and took a perc.The next day I woke up, pain and discomfort was mostly gone (though my intestines felt awful) and like, I could feel the underwear pressing against my body, i could feel how the shape was different. So I guess the best way I would describe it is, i felt like i had always had a vagina and it being installed in there was just like, starting to delete the memories of having a penis. This happened very fast. Like by the time I got the catheter out it was like, my internal body map and self image was entirely updated. I sense a lot of this had happened mentally many years before SRS perhaps?The rest is a long typical recovery story of dilating a lot and getting sensation back gradually. I'd say once I was orgasming and the scar tissue was all gone and I was secreting totally clear fluid was when it really started to get good... between 6 and 9 months. It's not all easy though. There's some insecurity and loneliness that comes from being an infertile woman who is no longer in the dickgirl niche. I would also never say someone is less of a woman, or less trans, or any of that for not getting the surgery. There's reasons for and against and some of the reasons involve safety and dealing with the society we live in, and of course society is not kind to us. Everyone deserves to be supported for their choice.
>>44682422Me too but I'll prolly rep and become an emotional zombie who sometimes lashes out at the world
>>44682438>what it was like to be preop fantasizing what it was going to be like postopNTASurgery got delayed almost a year due to pandemic restrictions, which kicked my impatience into overdrive.I transitioned entirely for the fetish. Yet the closest I ever got to actual dysphoria were the last several months before the re-scheduled date.I started wearing a fufuclip basically full time because it was getting tiresome still not to have what I wanted to have and should've had by that time.>where did it live up to the fantasy?Being now physically unable to ever dominate again does feel mentally as hot as I thought it would.Orgasms feel almost as good as I imagined (though it took a year to figure that one out).Although it didn't make me 'feel like a woman' (whatever that means), it certainly made me more confident in saying so in social settings. In the summers I now go to the nudist beach for instance.>is it something you notice all the time? In the summer, yes. Largely because I wear outfits that would have been quite risky to wear as pre-op. So it's quite a constant reminder to me.In the autumn/winter I only notice it when I'm intimate with my fiance, especially since I want him to remind me that I chose to be his submissive tranny.>somatically, what do you make of the change?In the first few days I even contemplated whether it might have been a mistake. It was not fun to feel a very strong sting every time I was peeing.Knowing how fragile things are in the immediate moments after the surgery I was also afraid of doing anything.With time, things normalized, so to speak. I'm sorry I don't have the specialized language to explain it to you scientifically, lol.But basically after 3 months my brain was like "yeah, we have a vagina now, i guess" and... that was it. It's really amazing how fast the brain simply adapts.
>>44682447Can you explain the process of actually going from an incel to getting closer to taking estrogen? Did you ever have a crush on a girl and put off starting HRT to pursue her? What did it actually feel like? And please don't feel pressured to sanitize it or glamorize it, i'm interested in all of the feelings.
>>44682292>have several weird sex toys from when I was pre-op but now I look at them and just think "what am I even doing with these? I kind of just want my bf's dick tonight, nothing more."NTA but masturbation and sex aren't meant to replace one another. They're just different activities. I for one find both hot.Masturbation post-op is way better than I expected so I kept the habit, alongside the dildos and the vibrators.The suction cup dildo was very useful to get myself accustomed to the slight difference of being doggy styled as srsoid. The difference from his perspective isn't so significant, but from my perspective it is, especially since I wanted to be able to orgasm.
>>44682677>Did you ever have a crush on a girl and put off starting HRT to pursue her?No. I was invisible to both men and women. After trying from age 16 to 22 to make it work (with either girls or boys), I gave up.>Can you explain the process of actually going from an incel to getting closer to taking estrogen?It's not complicated. I looked up DiY and did the math. I didn't have much to lose. I was living by myself, I was able to be functional but was also 167cm and not cute enough even for (bi)fags.Granted, I was socially retarded in many ways as well, but even as I improved that (from age 21 onwards) there were still no results.It was a very calculated and cold decision. Heck, I was rejected for GD diagnosis, kek. I know I'm a fake tranny but it was still a good decision for me.The first two years sucked. Had more self doubt than before and the progress was slow enough for me to remain unsure whether trannymaxxing can in fact work for me. I also had a nervous breakdown and got shunned by my incel friends.Then the summer of 2019 came and had enough money and time to just go wild as a femboy/twinkhon. That's when I lost my virginity and all of the intentional lessons (I literally took theater lessons to learn how to foidlarp) and discipline started to pay off.Before I knew it, by the winter of 2019 I actually had a social circle and in the right circumstances I was even Ms. Nona to strangers. Since I was a lonely and alone incel, I actually had savings. So I started looking into FFS. Had that in 2021 and been basically stealth ever since.Met my now husband in 2022. Got into MEF in 2024 and will be a srsoid soon (as in in a few months).>i'm interested in all of the feelingsI'm afraid you gotta be more specific. What kind of feelings and from when?I started in the autumn of 2017 at almost 23.
>>44682315>>44682637>>44682658Thank you!! I can hardly wait until it's my turn!
>>44681963>without true lords to command us, or a cause worth dying for, we are forced to fight a different battle.>>44679726>why does the idea of being a clocky gay twinkhon seem so appealing only after I escaped that category?>>44678514>I feel like pro wrestling and fighting games are also useful analogies.I had a similar experience I think. I changed social circles and cut my hair while a few years into hrt and laser, so I occupied a boyish archetype, but with the intensity of committing to the game. Intensity grew as the game took more of my effort, focus, and energy. "Real life" was suffering at the expense of this pursuit, and I loved it. I was simulatenously barred from the norms of my male peers while also escalating the cultural ideal totally. It was a totally unique, new position, but also seemed to have been lying dormant in me. Now, pursuing feminization has me feeling further from it, and I'm unsure if it'll ever re-connect, if it will take a new form, or go away entirely.
>>44682186I just read your post fully. It was a good read. I even stripped naked and got in front of the mirror, because I know that feeling you mean and i'd love to feel it again. I feel a glimmer of something surreal, but nothing more. My body seems so mundane, like, obviously a woman. There are things I hate, like like my shoulders and arms length. But I can't really see it as a former male. I feel some lingering dysphoria, but i can't access that feeling of being locked in bondage. At least not right now. I feel jealous of you and this poster i guess? >>44682315I can still access the feeling vicariously through stories somewhat, I can recall and describe feelings. But once I get aroused I just can't feel that exact type of feeling. It's like my soul flame has turned from violet to red. I still have a very intense sex drive, and I still feel humiliation, it's just that i can't feel the former male perspective. I feel a bit ashamed to admit it honestly! But it frees me up to think about other things I guess.
>>44677376>>44677560Hot.
>>44682765>feelingsI just meant like, frustration at lacking a life as a man, confusion at the failure to meet expectations, the anguish of being in between, anxiety about making it permanent, exploring gay sex while transitioning. I guess if you could start with your doubts about why it might not "work" That was sort of what I meant? My own process was pretty brutal in the years before starting estrogen. I had to deal with a lot of philosophical problems i guess. Also feeling like it was too late.
>>44682805>I feel a bit ashamed to admit it honestly!Why tho? You get to live entirely as a straight woman. That in itself is awesome.Idk, ig I can't relate because I trooned entirely for the fetish so being still kinda like that keeps me going. If it ever stops, I'll see how I adapt. I expect i'll be fine.>it's just that i can't feel the former male perspectiveTo be fair, if he doesn't remind me, sometimes i forget it too.In some mornings we go at it as a quickie (I'm very grateful that we're both high libido) and there simply isn't enough time to do roleplay/fantasy so it ends up being the most bland straight couple thing. Short intense hormonal regulation for both of us. Two days ago I didn't even think about this until I noticed how I was unusually smiley at work in part because the sex had been very intense that morning. That's when it hit me how surreal it is/was. I woke up, got fucked, took a quick shower, put on my bra, panties and dress, had my coffee and went off to work like nothing.Except I'm not ashamed. Life is... comfy.
>>44682438nta, but>If you still remember what it was like to be preop fantasizing what it was going to be like postop, where did it live up to the fantasy?I was pretty dysphoric about it pre-op so take all of this with a grain of salt. In non-sexual contexts it's pretty much how I imagined. There are superficial differences like how the vulva vault is deeper than I expected and the inner labia are larger in height than I expected. The big difference is I greatly underestimated how viscerally I feel arousal down there. I expected it to feel tingly and maybe a little wetness. In reality it gets very wet but I don't really "feel" the wetness unless I touch it with my fingers or something. When I'm aroused there's no tingly feeling at all, instead it's a hard to describe longing, like it feels like it's empty and little contracted and like it needs something inside of it to stretch it out and satisfy the feeling. When I do have someone inside of it I can literally feel the oxytocin being released in my body as the carnal desire gets fulfilled. There is some erectile tissue left on both sides of the vagina entrance just below the surface which I didn't expect to feel. I do feel it though, and it's not bad at all compared to before. It feels like it's there to help make the opening wider for him, rather than as part of a disgusting erection>is it something you notice all the time?Normally? No. It feels like I've always had a vagina. By about month 3 my body was pretty much used to it. If I see my naked body in a mirror it just feels right to see a vulva there. If I'm horny though I notice it (my post-op genitals) constantly. The longing feeling doesn't go away unless I get penetrated or orgasm.
>>44682874>frustration at lacking a life as a man, confusion at the failure to meet expectationsI'm not American (thank God!) so the "failure to meet expectations" is very different here. In some ways I was doing way better than most men (I had no criminal record, I could afford to live on my own, I had savings, all by age 22). The trouble was that I was unwanted romantically by anyone.I also made the typical incel mistake of not pursuing activities if they didn't have a decent path towards a romantic relationship. Trooning softened me enough to no longer be that rigid and, lo and behold, that worked.>the anguish of being in betweenNot much of that. I knew what to expect. I had autistically researched the topic so nothing really surprised me, physiologically.>anxiety about making it permanentThe only anxiety was whether it would bring me what I wanted: relationships.That was my primary objective.>exploring gay sex while transitioningPhysically it wasn't an issue. I had been gooning and penetrating myself even before starting HRT. Again, I was bifag as a starting point.Still, the first fling with a guy as a femboy was a bit scary as he was like 15cm taller than me. But it was made easier by the fact that we clicked on personality and basically agreed that it might not last yet there's no harm in pursuing the lust that we had for each other.Since it was my first sexual encounter ever, it didn't feel odd to be lusted FOR, instead of me doing the lusting. In a weird way, it felt affirming. Not in a dysphoric tranny sense but in a sense of "hm, ig I am feminine enough now">doubts about why it might not "work"It's simple: I had no idea whether HRT would yield enough changes to make it worth to get FFS and actually pursue full transition.I also had no idea whether all the effort would yield what I wanted: which was relationships (not just sex, mind you, although I was craving that too, and a lot).[1/2]
>>44682874>>44682973>philosophical problemsYeah, I had no such problems. In fact, when they rejected me for GD I also got assessed for tism, adhd and several other disorders. Got a clean bill of health on all of them. And it shows. I had (and have) nearly none of the hangups of most trannies.That probably contributed a lot to the overall success of the project.I lost my incel friends, but gained social circles (plural) and eventually a marriage. I would've been fine even if I only had gotten a single relationship.The philosophical problems appeared much later, when I went almost stealth (I'll consider it full stealth when I'll be postop). I applied to the same job as Mr. Anon and a few months later (after FFS) as Ms. Nona. That was the most clear-cut evidence of the blackpill to me. The difference in treatment was entirely different universes.Then, the exact same people who wouldn't give me the time of the day in 2017 (even socially, let alone romantically), in 2022 actively wanted to be my friend, invite me at their social outings and have me around. Heck, the regular strangers (store clerk, bus driver, etc.) were literally overnight nicer and more polite with me as soon as FFS healed and switched to full time "girlmoding".It took me two years to let go of the resentment of that. But while I'm no longer resentful, I will never be a feminist or a progressive. Women's lives may not be on easy mode (as incels believe), but it's ridiculous to pretend it's not significantly easier. It absolutely is in every single respect - from safety, to workplace, to relationships, to... almost everything, really.[2/2]
>>44682903>I woke up, got fucked, took a quick shower, put on my bra, panties and dress, had my coffee and went off to work like nothing.It didn't hit me until this became routine for me too, but it's crazy to think that half of all people in relationships experience this at some point. It feels surreal sometimes to wake up, get plapped and creampied, shower and get dressed, and go to work after. Like sometimes I just think "I was getting my whorish tranny pussy fucked and cummed in literally 45 minutes ago, and now I'm sitting here typing away at boring work stuff with 50 other people on the same floor who have no idea of my perverse morning routines"...>>44682186>Right now I look at it like the lock clicking shut, the bondage becoming complete. My old self lost, and my consciousness trapped and subject to this new form. The idea of getting turned on and it feeling not just utterly alien, but also submissive and vulnerableReading this is making me feel things... I should talk to my bf about playing up these aspects of my feminization just to tease me. He's already started calling me "his tranny" sometimes during sex so this shouldn't be too much of a leap.
>>44682637>>44682658what are the questions or things you want to share about srs that people never ask about?
>>44682682I get that, all I'm really saying is that I've had no interest in trying out the dog knot dildo I have from years and years ago even once in the three years since SRS. At least not an interest intense enough to actually do it knowing that my bf is going to tease me a ton for it...
>>44683034>with 50 other people on the same floor who have no idea of my perverse morning routinesErr... idk about that.Sure, there aren't many srsoid trannies, but you'd be surprised how many cis straight women basically have the same morning routine.In fact, except for the mef teasing, my sex life isn't significantly different from my cisf friends'. One of them is actually more perverted than I am. It simply is basic straight female sexuality to want this.>If I'm horny though I notice it (my post-op genitals) constantly. The longing feeling doesn't go away unless I get penetrated or orgasmThis is an interesting one. The longing feeling gets alleviated if I orgasm. But it only goes away (for up to three days or so) if he cums. I certainly didn't expect that pre-op, lol.
>>44683063>knowing that my bf is going to tease me a ton for it...But that's the fun part, unironically.At least for me. I like it when he brings it up. Ig I'm just brought up without shame. If I'm horny and he isn't around and I have the time, I'll go at it.It's also hot (to me at least) if he ends up wanting sex when I'm still chill after a masturbation orgasm. Being 'forced' to put out when I don't really need it tingles my masochism a little bit.
>>44683059>sexualityLots of trannies (both IRL but especially online) are afraid to ask sex-related stuff. That's a mistake. SRS is a good choice for sexually active people and there is nothing wrong at all in wanting to be sexually active. It's part of being a healthy adult.People should ask more about how sex works postop.>aspectIf one is overly concerned with esthetics, one should know that she will need a revision almost certainly. No technique available on the market offers satisfactory outcomes aesthetically speaking for those who are very interested in that.I'm not, so I don't care (didn't have a revision myself, likely never will). But most are, and they should inquire about that.>technique/methodTrooning is a rich (wo)man's game. If one can't afford full PPT or Suporn, one might almost always be better served not getting srs at all. Standard PI is offered through many insurance schemes (in Europe and North America) but it's simply a subpar method. For every happy customer, there's 10 who are not.In fact, most studies that show large dissatisfaction with SRS are done on PI girls.>recoveryAlmost everyone underestimates just how harsh the recovery is.Yes, it's worth it. But that doesn't make it any less harsh. There's pain and stinging everytime you go to the bathroom, you can't run for months, can't properly walk for weeks, can't do any physical activity for months and dilation, at least at first, straight up sucks.
>>44683135>you'd be surprised how many cis straight women basically have the same morning routine.I didn't mean to imply otherwise. Maybe I just still have an amount of imposter syndrome still about post-op sex. Like "I was born a man, men don't do this kind of thing, yet here I am moaning involuntarily as my bf pins my wrists and plows me..."It also feels like I'm doing something dirty by going outside after getting cummed in, but like what am I going to do otherwise? I clean the first inch and the exterior in the shower but it's not like I'm going to douche after every sexual encounter. My surgeon expressly says it's not recommended.>But it only goes away (for up to three days or so) if he cumsI wish there was a study on whether semen has physiological effects on post-op trannies like it might on cis women. It's probably honscience but I feel a little more demure in general and definitely less depressed after getting cummed in. Like especially if it's back-to-back sex on a weekend I end up more and more submissive to him and sometimes even follow him around the house and cling onto him without thinking.>>44683174>Being 'forced' to put out when I don't really need it tingles my masochism a little bit.Relatable. That's one thing that I truly differ from most cis women on. I cannot imagine refusing sex with him. Even if I'm not in the mood it always feels good to get dick. It feels good submitting to him and letting him take me whenever he wants. It even feels good sometimes when he'll finish but I don't even feel the need to. I sometimes like feeling that my own orgasms aren't the priority. The priority is that he finishes.
>>44683408You really gotta let go of shame.Both cis women and cis men got outside minutes after they got laid. It's just what healthy adults do.>I was born a man, men don't do this kind of thingI was born male. I failed. So... there's that.>I truly differ from most cis women on. I cannot imagine refusing sex with himI'm likely showing my age and my old-timer upbringing here but I will say it: This is because most couples today don't communicate properly.It's not just cis women's fault either. Older (age 30+) couples still do function on a de facto "free use" arrangement. They may not call it like that and may not have integrated it into a kink, but sexually healthy people who are in a loving relationship absolutely do want to satisfy their partner whenever possible.>It even feels good sometimes when he'll finish but I don't even feel the need to. I sometimes like feeling that my own orgasms aren't the priority. The priority is that he finishesVery relatable. Tho I usually end up masturbating when that happens. Or I ride him later (hey, he's free use to me as well, if I can get him hard, that is).>I wish there was a study on whether semen has physiological effects on post-op trannies like it might on cis womenPhysiologically likely no. But mentally, there definitely is something.I'm never depressed, but I'm definitely way more smiley even if I only gave him a bj. I'll probably wake him up with one tomorrow. Haven't swallowed in a while.>Even if I'm not in the mood it always feels good to get dickThere's a say I saw at another nona here: appetite comes with eating.I may not be in the mood at first, but I am by the end of it.The true downside is that it's much harder the other way around: to get him to match my drive when he's not in the mood. Oh well.
>>44682199>The sexuality of the men involved (You) is relevant only to discuss whether they're gay or GAMP.GAMP isn't a sexuality, just like being into big boobs isnt a sexuality. We GAMPs can be bi or straight as well
Guys I get that you all love your boyfriends and having sex as a woman but this is an anonymous board and you don't have to try so hard to be normal.For example I see people who claim to have transitioned exclusively for a fetish being totally nonchalant about it. Like come on that's BS. The happily ever after stuff just feels like unnecessary armoring.Like did anyone else ever experience actual emasculation in a way that wasn't packaged as a validating and empowering experience? Has anyone ever had a moment where they consciously and fully inhabited a male state while on estrogen during the act of receptive penetration, during a time before which transition already become irreversible and literally seen the goddess Atropos cut the fate thread of your masculinity in front of you?Let me see some actual MEF material. I want to feel the sweet agony.
>>44683957>happy people don't exist>anyone who is not self hating must be lying
>>44683957oh but i love talking about having sex with my bf...
>>44683984You know, I was going to respond to this the way you don't realize you need, which is to be the ultimate villain.But the fact is i'd be wasting my talents. If you need this space to talk about how happy you are, then you can have it. I guess this is the universe's way of telling me that it's time to fuck off from here and start writing. I hope I don't come back.
>>44684417>You know, I was going to respond to this the way you don't realize you need, which is to be the ultimate villain.nta, but color me intregued. i would love toswatch a MEF monster blow somebody's circuits
>>44683957>the act of receptive penetration, during a time before which transition already become irreversibleI never had an interest in fag sex. The thought of sex with a man as a man was and is revolting to me.
>>44683957well that is empowering to the fem side that's why penetration is interesting
