I saw a video from a cissoid today saying that sometimes you need to metaphorically look in the mirror because the type of person you think you are can drift far from reality. I went on a night walk and pondered upon this. I realized my life isn't shit right now, I've just had a shit life for so long I haven't yet realized it's gotten better.It could be a lot worse. If you took away everything I like about my life, I would be living in a shitty loud apartment I can barely afford in Boise. I would be working at walmart, riding the bus, cracked shitty phone, no computer at all, twin mattress on the floor, no large solid oak dining table to use as a desk, shitty clothes, worn shoes, still abused by ex, receeded hairline, no boobs, narrow hips, no family.If you live that life I'm sorry. I think I'm going to try to live my life a little better. Its not completely shit.
The endgame is realizing what you think of as "I" was never there at all. That's why it can shift so readily, the illusion slips because it was never based in anything. If you forget to account for it, it can go away entirely for a while and when you reform it where you would expect it to be, it's another thing. And you accept it as is because to take note of the inconsistencies would cause you a lot of mental anguish. Like pointing out to people in a dream that you're dreaming.
