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>>44777485
>tried girlmoding while over at a trans friend’s house a couple months into HRT
>had been borderline suicidal up until that point
>but after putting on a skirt and make up i looked into the mirror and for the first time in my life i saw someone i wasn’t disgusted by
>i don’t see Alex. he’s gone. i just see me
>i was fucking beautiful
>i had never been beautiful before
>just hang out with friend and for the first time in my life i feel like me
>for the first time in my life i dont hate myself
>for the first time in my life i feel hope for the future
>for the next week i don’t feel suicidal at all, im the happiest ive ever been

>the next weekend i go to my friend’s place and girlmode again
>but this time it all feels wrong
>i look in the mirror but can’t stop seeing all the things about myself that i still hate, honjaw especially
>i just see a man in a skirt
>after the hangout i come home still girlmoding
>my mum’s still up and i decide to try and come out to her
>go up to her in girlmode and she’s completely fucking unphased
>she thinks im just a dude that’s crossdressing
>i look so gross and masculine that she can’t see me as anything other than a man
>can’t even bring myself to come out
>”haha yeah don’t worry mum, im still a dude, im just playing dress up with friends. im not gonna make you call me a girl or anything. i love you”
>she replies “that’s good. i don’t think i could ever see you as anything but my son. i love you.”
>completely lose all hope
>suicidally depressed again
>decide not to girlmode again until i make more progress on hrt, voicetraining, maybe get FFS
>still haven’t girlmoded again

>>44777639
Thank you for reminding me why I won't girlmode for years to come. We even have the same deadname

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>>44777663
for what it’s worth i don’t regret girlmoding
that first time really was magical, and more than anything i do desperately want to do it again
i just want to work my way up to feeling worthy of it again first

please don’t give up, nona

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>>44777639
>>44777705
From one hon to another, I'm real sorry nona. I believe you can make it. Never lose hope.

depends whether u define honmoding as girlmoding
if u are alreadty malefailing u should just girlmode
if not u might be able to bridge it with makeup or so
or just honmode

>>44777485
i never boymoded at an another place than my workingplace, sometimes to buy groceries, or when going to place where I know that there could be many people or transphobes

since i decided to transition, i girlmode almost everyday, at university, when out with friends, with my family etc.

you just have to learn how to talk back, i've been assaulted, people call me a tranny sometimes when i walk because i don't really pass (i'm only 6 month in HRT, and 1 year into my social transition), but i guess it is the way it is

i think that i will never achieve conveincing passing, so just fuck everybody and do what i want to do

i go to queer places, hang out with other troons, in "woke" spaces and people gender me correctly, even at university, and for people who misgender me i really don't care, like yeah if you want call me a man

therefore the best advice i could give is to supportive friends and find a "second" family : like everybody transitionning made me lose almost all my male friends, and my parents are transphobes, so i just had to make new friends

however i recommend to continue boymoding in strategic place, we don't want to be jobless or killed do we ?

>What was your first time girlmoding like?
pretty chill. it was still during covid and we had to wear masks inside which admittedly helped a lot. wore a skirt and a cute top and went to uni to meet two friends (a gay guy and a cis girl who were among the first people i came out to) and work on a group project together. didn't have any problems and didn't meet anyone else we knew which i was slightly worried about.
>How long after starting hrt till you girlmoded?
i was almost a year on HRT and already getting gendered female most of the time in boymode (until i spoke lol).
>Advice on how start to girlmodeing?
do it in a safe place and ideally with people who know you. uni campus was good since more than likely nobody was going to assault me there if they clocked me. from there work your way up to situations that are a bit more daunting.

>>44777639
I'm saving this. So brutal

theyfab friend group that adopted me in high school invited me to go to this queer dance hosted by the gsa club

One of them offers me their wardrobe to wear and i ended up picking a pretty cute dress, at least i think it was cute. i don't remember what it looked like it's been about 6 years. This was like.. 3~ months hrt probably. The same theyfab applied her makeup on me and i felt pretty for the first time maybe ever

i had completely unshaven man legs but the dress hid it pretty well so it didn't matter. I could never shave my legs back then because I was forced into doing sports by my parents and i ended up choosing track. The outfits we had to wear showed too much leg and it would be very noticeable by everyone if one of their top athletes suddenly decided to shave his legs bare.

The dance was like, fine. I remember being kinda of a wallflower, it was euphoric to be in a dress and I felt safer knowing everyone else there was queer. I think i was probably the only tranny there, there were hella pooners, theyfabs and gay people but like... somehow i was the only tranny

The friend group I arrived with ended up having to leave early bc one of the theyfabs i didn't know very well had taken an edible and got too high and had a panic attack lol. I ended up going home with my cis gay friend and his lesbian friend.

It was an ok experience all around. I've only recently started girlmoding now, so i spent about 5 and a half years boymoding

>Advice on how start to girlmodeing?
Start small, get fem cut t-shirts, one that show more neck and get women cut jeans. It's not much different from what you probably already wear but it's a girl fit and people will notice. Get a tiny amount of makeup and start learning that. I think it was very important for me to NOT do everything all at once. Even now i do very light makeup, i only do eyeshadow, blush and mascara. It really does so much to start small. You need to build the foundation you never had.

Good luck nonas

>>44777485
You don’t actually have to girlmode btw

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>>44777485
I don't know exactly but for roughly 1 year after transition I still wore masks because I was undergoing hair removal and I couldn't do my makeup and I already had simple business clothes that I wore in I guess a feminine way. I guess my first time was going to a metal concert years ago while wearing a skirt (picrel) and it was super scary actually. Having your ass exposed to the cold wind and not having anything cover my legs felt terrifyingly exposing.
My advice is for you to wear androgynous clothes, I almost never wear skirts or dresses but I wear high-waist trousers and cropped sweaters.

I will probably be six feet under before ever girlmodding

>>44777485
been on hormones over a year but was basically getting hondosed until I switched to diy a couple months ago. been out in denim skirts and stuff a couple times but my whole vibe kinda reads as "artsy faggot" and not "tranny" yet so I wouldn't count that.
still holding out hope