>Be me>Midshit boymoder>Get back home after 3rd twelve hour overtime shift this week>Walk through my messy to small room I rent and Immediately sleep>Have a really weird dream>I'm at some work event>I look like shit, I cut my hair for some reason>I didn't even have to bind for the event my tits are unnoticeable through my standard office button up>See childhood best friend in crowd I haven't talked to in years>I keep trying to catch up to her but she keeps getting further away>Try to call for her, scream that I miss her>All of these people must think I'm a freak, a grown man chasing after a woman he doesn't even seem to know>I miss her patterns of speech, the format of her sentences, the way she’d laugh to loud or over explain something>I miss the pieces of her im forgetting, the parts of her face that seem to small or to big in my mind, the way in which the memory of her words breaks down into laughter>It has been five years after all>I fall to the floor the crowd rushing past me, I see her legs blend into the mass and escape my vision>For once I don't feel numb, I wish I did>I wake up>Tears in my eyes>Shit>Hair is in my face but I can still see the sun is coming through the window which probably means I overslept for my next shift>Shit>The tears won't stop, in fact their getting worse>Shit>I'm crying kind of a lot now, more than I have in a while, I'm trying to will myself to get up but I can't and just end up burrowing deeper in my blankets >Through my sobs I hear a voice
>>44780455>”Oh sweet girl, what's wrong?”>I recognize her voice but I'm not sure from where>It feels like I've heard this voice before I had awareness>She sounds safe, really deeply safe>I peak an eye through my blanket to look up at her>She looks kind, that's the best descriptor I can think of>She's also much taller than me, she seems to tower over my bed >Wait that's not my bed, the blanket is quilted with colorful flowers and the bedframe extends up into wooden bars that reach up as high as I can stand>I'd be concerned but I'm kind of to emotionally drained from the crying>Plus this woman seems so safe. I don't think she’d hurt me.>I try to explain my dream to her but my mouth doesn't seem to work right>It's all trippy and silly sounding>“Oh sweetie come here”>She picks me up and nestles me into her chest>She's so warm>Her heartbeat is slow and predictable, safe and calm>How did I get here?>How did I get all sad and stuffs?>I think I had a bad dream>I don't remember what it was about>I think Ellie was there, my friend from preschool >We must have been playing and I must have lost a toy>I get really sad when I lose a toy>Mommy says that's why I have to clean up after playing>So I don't lose any of my toys>“I had a bad dream, about….”>It's hard to explain>It's all running down the drain like when bath time is over>”...I dunnoo”>Mommy tells me it's ok to not know and she squeezes me a little>Mommys really warm>I really like mommy>She gives me my stuffy lady>Lady is a doggy with a fluffy tail!!>She sits down on the rocking chair >It goes back and forth as she holds me>”Everythings ok now baby girl, your safe, just close your eyes for me ok?”>Everything is so pretty >My eyes get really heavy>I go back to sleepys.
this made me cryI hope things improve for you :(
