I want to either squash this thing once and for all or transition.Ive considered transition for around 8 years, since i learned it was possible. I would always become happy being compared to women, mostly because i was ashamed of being a guy. I pretty much dont care about gender in all ways until i start to actually consider transitioning.I really do seem to get turned on a lil when i stuff a bra, wear a pretty skirt, and when i took my first done of E.Being exposed to so many trans people and the fact that i seem to be jealous of them is something to consider, but im pretty sure its just because im envious of them actually pushing for something, having pursuits, achieving more self actualization. Thinking about women in general is something I do often, i admire them a lot. I really wasnt comfortable with the idea of being a woman at all until i exercised the idea to no end for years. I feel like i tricked myself. When i was taking E for a few months, not much changed in my head. I would still flip between confidence in transitioning and feeling uncertain and sadz. Once my dose was doubled, i became really happy with the effects for the next week but honestly im so scrambled that i dont really trust it and im still repulsed when imagining myself as a woman. I stopped E after a couple weeks. Now im sitting around with a stuffed bralette, reaching for estrogen pills and putting them back down like when i pick up my phone and put it down realizing theres nothing for me there. I just wanna be happy again, and i know that i can easily be happy if i just regulate myself, but im a self sabotaging person that will look for reasons to ruin their own day, and it seems like this is just another excuse ive made to avoid doing the work that matters.
you think you can just "feel okay?"who do you think you are?
>>44790114Im a kitty cat bitch mroww
