my question to scared trans women: sometimes in public, when you feel like you are taking up space, does taking up space make you feel like fainting almost? like everything in your body is screaming: don't do it. but you must. you just have to.why is this? and usually, it's paired with feelings burning inside. so intense. but you can't let them out. nope.
OH MY GOD PLEASE NONAS
I hate standing in the way, I feel like I am an obstacle and that others hate me for it
>>44960625Ya it’s why I Irish goodbye a lot of social functions
>>44960790If you do it a ton does it get any better, do you get more comfort to be yourself
>>44960802Na I just cope with drugs, take a buncha kratom, get stoned and get drunk then abuse my anxiety meds until I’m floating
>>44960625I hate existing around others outside. I hate being perceived or observed. I hate being an inconvenience or a bother. It reminds me of working in a cramped kitchen, but all the time, and also im the largest ugliest thing ever to violate humanity's eyesight
>>44960811oh my god please don't use kratom you know that bullshit will give you heroin esque withdrawals. don't have cannabis?but also that's a shame. why doesn't it get better after so many years? you just feel naked being so exposed.>>44960817what if you just existed nona? and proudly presented yourself and danced in the spotlight. but people's perceptions would hurt, because they'd hurt no? but then again what are you supposed to do in life when not preoccupied with worrying about the perceptions of others?
>>44960835>and proudly presented yourself and danced in the spotlightive always wished i could ive just always felt too self conscious and autistic to
>>44960849Are you tall nona?
>>44960625yeah i don't really feel like i deserve to exist in the world
>>44960996Would you do it if it was on a walk with a cute nona?
>>449608357oh will give you bad wds potentially, kratom isn't super bad.. def fear mongering physical dependance =/= EXTREME opiate tolerance wds
>>44961027NOOOOOO
>>44960917im 5'7
>>44961079Is it taller than average? I feel may lead to a higher sense of exposition if out as trans. I'm 5'10 and I feel it
>>44961087ya :/ i definitely feel it
i dont take up much space bc im small, i tend to shrink down into nothingness in the presence of others tho… i hate being perceived at all despite passing at an okay level now. i feel like a timid abused animal nowadays, it sucks. people took my soul away
>>44961017what do you mean?i'm a girl myself...>>44961098people tell me it's like i was abused but i wasn't as far as i know
>>44961098Poor small nonaI think you need a big hug maybe Is that right?>>44961115I dunno. But it's nice to have other tgirls as friends, more than silly cissies
>>44960625absolutely. i've placated myself and am okay if i don't pass as long as i'm happy. but i still can't stop thinking about what other people think of me as i walk by, or when they stand next to me in line, or when they hear me speak
>>44961153If only you could take up more space and just not care. I feel like for us scared people we have to practice our presence and just accept it until we don't care up to the point we can, of our own free will, do something like spin around arms outstretched in the middle of a crowd of people. Sure we might get attacked and bother a few randos and could stop at anytime of course but we just wouldn't be nervous about the thought of existing in the real world anymore. We have to reverse-engineer our own social behaviour.
>>44961153Nona do you want to get this frustration out and have sex or something?
NONOAAAAAA
