I want to be a woman but I don’t want to transition because then I have to spend 24/7 thinking about passing or whether people are clocking me or not even after several surgeries. If I was born a woman I could just wake up and wear whatever without any makeup and it would still be obvious that I’m female.
>>44974039That's why I'm not transitioning. I don't even think I'm trans anymore. Just a lifetime of mental illness culminated into this. I feel so unbelievably tired at this point. If I magically woke up tomorrow with a woman's body, I would just be a depressed femcel. I want to reach out for help but I have it ingrained into me that no one gives a fuck. I even prayed to god last night despite being an atheist for years and years. I almost reached out to my sister who is a Christian but even when I'm too drunk to move I still refuse to open up to other people. Today I realized how futile that was, if god is real then he is the most blatant psychopath in existence.
