Part 1-?>be me 25mtf>start transitioning 1 year and 9 months ago>after 6 months, start yearning really bad and tell friend I want a tgirl girlfriend>get introduced to super awesome cool girl>spend 2 weeks going through a document she made over her entire Chatlog with her ex situationship in order to clear her name… (she’s an honest person at the very least…)>end up falling in love because touch starved tranny faggot who hasn’t been flirted with or shown any affection in over 3 years prior to this>spend 3 months being obsessed with this girl, as she.1) says “I wish you were a girl” to me… (im mtf btw.)2) tells me she doesn’t actually find my body attractive3) tells me she doesn’t find me attractive because i have a dick4) she continues to flirt with me and lead me on and flirt with other people and love bombs me daily and asks me to call almost every and spends time with me and the only time she doesn’t talk to me is when on dates5) she suggests I fly up to her city for a week, plan the trip, and spend like 2k+ on flights and amenities6) a week before the flight she tells me she just confessed to her best friend that she was in love with her7) goes on trip anyways. (I’m a loser I know)8) as her dick is in my mouth she gets soft and tells me she’s thinking about her best friend.9) cry for 5 nights because I get drunk to ignore the pain, and then confess I love her, and then get rejected.10) last night of the trip I give up, and she confesses she can’t date me for x y and z11) genuinely consider how im going to kill myself when I get home because I’ve never felt so much shame and remorse for being in love with someone (friends forcefully pick me up from airport so can’t kill myself.)12) find out that 3 hours after she drops me off at the airport she’s on hinge and talking to people.13) 2 days after the trip she asks me to help her with her hinge profile.14) she ends up dating a cis woman 2 weeks after the trip.
>>45005065pic doesn’t event make sense, you’d just blow a hole through your lower jaw, completely ignoring your vital brain. What a shit way to go.
>>45005065why would you try to date a passoid? they have no empathy
>>45005065this is so bleak but i totally believe you OP and i'm sorry jfc
>>4500506515) block her for 2 months because im in so much pain trying to just be her friend and listen to her constantly talk about how she and her girlfriend have sex and kiss and make out16) she finds a way to reach out and ends up roping me back in, love bombing me for a week (during my birthday and holidays.) then ghosts me for another like 2 weeks17) talks to me after that 2 weeks by inviting me to a call with the guy I accidentally stole her from that I used to have a crush on (long story) 18) I vent to him and he’s not mean to me but instead insanely nice and caring and kind19) first time a man has been nice to me and called me her and whatever.20) repeat the cycle with him except he turns out to be a lowkey gooner age play kink haver who wants me to roleplay as his mother. (Yeah I dumped him after that)21) return to girl I was obsessed with.22) she’s mad I dated the moid and is a cunt about it and proceeds to spend 5 months ntr’ing me and sending me pictures of her covered in hickies and pictures of her in other peoples houses and manipulating me into being okay with it by sending me nudes and telling me how much she preferred me over them until I gave in and showered her with affection23) finally decide to cut her off because im covered in self harm wounds and have psychologically ruined myself when anyone shows me affection>last year and 3 months of my life.>i genuinely cannot explain how mentally fried i am from the whole situation, i get physically ill at the thought of her not being in my life, or her dating someone, or her not caring about me or not thinking of me>i feel like im shackled to the thought of her and no matter how hard i try to talk to other people, i still haven’t been able to fully have an orgasm unless im thinking of her>anytime i feel like im trash and unloveable i want to run back to her>I have to make promises with my friends that i wont talk to her or else i have to do punishments.
>>45005065That is really screwed up. Your love interest doesn't sound like a very nice person. If she was she wouldn't wind you up but it sounds like it makes her feel important and special. You can do better. There are a lot of nice people out there
>>45005086yeah that's a horrible suicide angleI get this is a forced muzzle device but rlly the optimal placement of the barrel is right above the ear at nothing higher than a 45 degree angle
>>45005132bro you need to just get a hobby or some way of expressing your pain or something ngl. this is gonna be really hard going forward for the next however long, humans have a natural period where they can't move on from one love to the next, and unfortunately it can be quite long, especially if you've been manipulated like that. but all you can do is ride it out. she was never for you and she isn't the only one out there.
>>45005132Genuinely I think it’s over for me. I cannot let myself feel even the slightest bit of affection without my brain literally sending electric shocks through my skull and my stomach twisting in knots,, I cry probably 5 times a day and I puke at least 5 times a month minimum with a good 2-3 full on panic attacks where I mentally loop until I pass out from emotional exhaustion and it’s only been 2 months since I fully cut her off. Everyday I wish I could talk to her, I would let her abuse me everyday if I just got to hear her voice. But I so desperately want her to love me. Knowing she physically can’t. I hate that I was born a man. I hate that I was born like this. I wish I was good enough for her. Fuck my worthless tranny life
>>45005166how long has it been since no contact
>>45005086Yeah, im more of a high place angle, the bojack horseman poem plays in my mind constantly while I disassociate considering how im going to do it
>>45005111Because she was kind to me and lied about finding me attractive at first,, I literally gave myself face piercings the day I met her cause she said they were pretty.Also. I’ve never met a woman as beautiful as her, even counting cis women. I genuinely don’t think I’ll ever find someone with as beautiful features as her for as long as I could possibly live
>>45005127Yeah, it’s #real I have tons of pictures of doomer text messages she’s sent me LOL maybe one day I’ll do a thread just posting all of those,,, talking about her is the only relief I get
>>450051802 months. I cut her off because she wanted to pay for me to go on a trip to visit her again but the catch was.If I got asked about how she treats me I can’t bring up everything she’s done.No sex, unless she wants it, and I can’t be too affectionate.I have to not be affectionate in public when we go on dates.I’d have to just sit in her house when she goes to work.Also she might have a date planned sooooooo yeah.
>>45005195there's plenty of beautiful people out therejust don't expect to find anyone beautiful any time soon, because you're not off her. one day you will be. the delusion of love is that it won't ever happen again. my advice? just start hooking up with loads of bitches and learn to discern good and bad
>>45005160Yeah.. idk. I hallucinate her probably 1-2 times a week.And have since after the trip. So. Hopefully that goes away eventually. I assume the only solution is lead ngl
>>45005065you know there's a ventgen right? you didn't have to make a whole new thread
>>45005065Damn got groomer by an agp tranny. Many such cases
>>45005225I did that, but after the dates and making out and touching and doing stuff for them I would always go home, the forced “hey I want to give this person a good time because I don’t want to disappoint them and make them unhappy and people shouldn’t have to deal with my problems nor should I allow that to make it affect his persons enjoyment so I will be a good date and be happy and make them happy and be good.” Command wears off and I puke because feeling someone else’s lips makes me feel disgusting and feeling someone else’s hands caress my face makes me want to break their hand,,, I can’t even look at porn half of the time, she is in my brain and is rotting me from the inside,, just truthful not even trying to doomer
>>45005235Sorry,, this is my first post on 4chan,, also I get scared of the idea of cisoids chimming in on my brutal t4t doomer troon yuri experience
>>45005237Truth nuke, she had sex with like 3-5 people within leading me on and used every single one to make me jealous and obsessed.Mfw im realizing I have pictures of her with her ex kissing her, and hickies from every person she’s “cheated” on me with… heh. Except it’s not cheating. Cause we never dated. Smiley face.
>>45005225also, make some/rely on friends and shit to get through this. i've had the same thoughts go through my head countless times over the years and i'm legit a codependent simp faggot but every time i sit it out with my friends i realize how interchangeable it all is>>45005262well yeah sounds like you got it bad just keep up no contact. i think part of the reason we refuse to get over people is because we fear what comes after you get over someone, and how that displaces all of our fantasies of love with the cold truth. yet she gave it to you right there, the cold truth, even colder than the truth of most normie relationships: she doesn't love you and never will, and probably doesn't love anyone in the way you do. you can either kill yourself or move on, but moving on is inevitable
>>45005305sigh. Brutal reality. Yeah it gets slightly easier swallowing the pill that she probably really just doesn’t even care,, knowing she didn’t find me that attractive, and that she was super hung up on me having a penis sucks… my main issue is just,, im really not an unattractive person,, but I do agree im not the most feminine looking,, but im just,, im 6’2” and 145lbs how the fuck am I going to have a fat ass and anything over a cup tits be for real. Idk just so much shit she said sticks and makes it harder to move on,, because she really hammered it home that im unlovable no matter how hard i try,, i can pierce my face, change my style, dye my hair, get skinnier, be everything i can possibly be for someone,, and ill never be worth being picked first #trvke
>>45005065oh god, I'm really sorry that happened nona, I really really hope you can get out of this, be kind to yourself
