i feel like this all the time. since elementary school to middle school everyone treated me like a girl, with female pronouns and a female name, i even looked like one, and i felt comfortable with it and it wasn't bullying or anything everyone was ok with me being gay and girly. used to think i would grow like a woman, i would have female experiences in my puberty but they never came, instead i grew ugly and like a depressed man while i watched every friend of mine having real life experiences, i became a shut-in and only used to go outside very late at night because i was so ashamed of myself to the point i totally dropped out of high school, even now, im 20 i think i wasted all my life in self isolation i barely recall the person i was and i missed out on so much, seriously, its this life worth living?
every social interaction is dreadful, i dont enjoy sex, i dont enjoy being hugged, i dont enjoy being touched, its exhausting, even small talk, going grocery shopping usually dont bother me but it gotta be late at night so i dont run into anybody i know and i gotta be with baggy clothes and a face full on make up
