>>45072237
what does dysphoria feel like

life gets better and dysphoria gets easier
it won't go away, but it can get easier

>>45072246
at first it's just mild discomfort or dissociating from yourself, thinking you're ugly and not caring about your appearance. then it starts turning into fear and disgust like your sex characteristics are foul hideous deformities that you try to ignore and cringe and want to hide from and forget about forever

>>45072262
>at first it's just mild discomfort or dissociating from yourself, thinking you're ugly and not caring about your appearance.
why does no one talk about this it's the most insidious shit. the cause of 90% of lateshits. i demand reparations

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>>45072255
it hurts so much I don't want to do anything anymore doing anything is exhausting I want to sleep forever or be someone else and forget about all this or SOMETHING

>>45072246
a slow creeping dread, like you are being swallowed whole by a snake and have to act like nothing is happening. hormones put you at a distance from said snake but you are still in the same cage with it. i imagine getting all the surgeries feels like you’ve defeated the serpent thats been trying to consume you your whole life

>>45072262
>>45072278
i got a pit in my stomach reading that line, ive spent a lot of time wondering if im truly dysphoric or if its real but i dont think ive read a more concise description of how ive been feeling for a very long time

>>45072368
get on hrt. now. it only gets worse

bump

>>45072368
you better be typing this already on e.

i spent 5 years trapped by that line and only ended up started at 21. every waking day is defined by regret of not stopping it sooner

>>45072237
like...disabled people find some way to cope and keep going? they wish they had a pair of legs for example, but they don't, and medicine for now can't help them grow new ones. but most of them fight strength somewhere.

>>45072492
>>45075230
going to order a vial today....

>>45075244
I don't know how to find strength I just wish this never happened

>>45072237
>>45072262
>>45072295
>>45072368
i think everyone here should think about the source of where this thought, this self doubt came from, because i think everything has a some kind of trigger. you know, people here are used to dismiss mental health and instead believe in their gender complexes, but the thing is, that for the average person, the way they are hurting is based from the sum of their many conditions.
i'm going to declare that maybe, you guys should fucking get a life, get some kind of will to live, you know?
yeah i know i'm a hypocrite, so what

>>45076393
>I know you're suffering from a debilitating neurodevelopmental condition but actually I think you should just get a life instead how about that

>>45077911
see, you admit it's in your head. but of course, sure, let's appeal to healthcare and hope that someone will give you happy pills to let you live your life as your idealization

>>45075641
thank you. order needles too so that they arrive around the same time

>>45078037
>let's appeal to healthcare and hope that someone will give you happy pills to let you live your life as your idealization

so,
>i know you're suffering because of the material reality of your body
>but you shouldn't seek the medication that can actually change the material reality of your body. that's just fake happy pills

?

>>45078097
let's treat the symptoms and then deal with the side effects

>>45078037
>see, you admit it's in your head
so? for people with chronic pain it's 'all in their head' too but it's still a lived reality. you try living like this I dare you. seriously, order estrogen and inject .125mL weekly, for three years and then come back and tell me how great of a time you had
>>45078146
wdym

>>45078146
it's literally treating the cause, testosterone.

>>45078188
you focus on fitting into your imagined gender dichotomy instead of reconsidering the source of your feeling of inferiority

>>45078204
that's not the fucking cause. you only try to make yourself believe that to cope with the fact that you're not the sex you want to be

>>45078234
what the fuck are you saying
>having hormones of the sex you don't want is not the cause. you only try to make yourself believe that to cope with not being the sex you want.

you're negating yourself

>>45078288
eating disorder mindset

How’s it different or worse than any other chronic condition?

>>45078299
hrt is literally soooo harmful, think of the side effects

- infertility
- ...?

>>45078048
ill research later this evening and figure all that stuff out

>>45078224
I don't feel inferior, I just feel awful

>>45078346
small volume high gauge insulin needles are the simplest and cheapest. like ~0.3ml(if going with 40mg/ml EEn) and ~27g-30g. also get alchohol prep wipes

>>45078371
you feel awful because you think you shouldn't/couldn't be loved the way you are by default, correct?

>>45078416
>we aren't loved enough so we become trannies who everyone loves more
ah ok. you're just deranged

>>45078454
you just don't love yourself then

>>45078477
hard to love a useless lazy sad sack. I wasn't like that when I decided to transition though

>>45078552
so, i'm understanding it that you hate yourself even as a trans person?

>>45078575
in fact I hate myself largely because I am trans. idiot

>>45078580
i don't think that's the source of it. i think your self hatred came first. or maybe something similar to that, if you feel guilty about being trans. still, my theory is that you were feeling like an imposter and that made you reach for this path of coping.

I often wonder about this a lot, it’s very, very soul crushing but I feel like things do start to get a bit easier, not like anything is alleviated but rather you just cope with it and make the life you want. Some things are sadly out of the realm of possibilities like having my own children or seeing my self in the mirror without seeing someone I know I am not
It’s like the core foundation is shattered and messed up but I still need to make something of it and be satisfied and happy with my life

>>45076393
You aren’t wrong honestly, like shit sucks but if you are actually a trans person with dysphoria and not a fetishist or some person who got groomed into this shit then you need to make something of your life and deal with the cards you are dealt instead of wallowing in it, you can still get somewhere, like I personally want to go stealth and just live life normally and cut out all of this nasty shit on here and live somewhere nice, that should be a goal of every trans person

>>45078371
You shouldn’t keep yourself in that mindset there are ways to better yourself mentally and that will be a great start to then bettering yourself in every single way, especially physically

>>45078604
refusal to admit that you might be wrong despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary award

>>45078658
okay. i'm going to try understanding again
you hate yourself because you're trans
you think you're trans because you need to get your gender inverted to your true nature
you feel awful because of that
so, why isn't the simplest explanation that you just hate who you are and want to change into someone else as a way of reconciling with that feeling?

>>45078689
That person is not trans by that definition

>>45078712
how do you know you're trans than instead of being outside """the definition"""?

>>45078689
sure it's a simple explanation it's just wrong

>>45078719
then*
>>45078722
why

>>45078689
the explanation is
>crippling sex dysphoria
>transition in desperation to escape it
>reviled for transitioning
>hate that you're a disgusting worthless tranny

>>45078736
doesn't sound like good enough escape to me
but yeah i guess i will never get it properly

>>45072262
>>45072297
so the only cure for this is to get hormones and all that trans stuff?

>>45078719
I know I am trans because I don’t have some utter disdain for myself as a whole, I just don’t like the idea of being male and instead I rather be female or in this case as close as I can be to that because you cannot change biological sex. I still see male characteristics in my appearance(voice too) which greatly upsets me and I do what I can to remedy those issues I find within my appearance. I do not hate myself but rather I adjust myself so at the end of the day I can not feel odd, gross or just generally not right, there isn’t euphoria in this all, instead there is just satisfaction with how far I’ve come until I can put this chapter of my life behind me and go stealth.
Self hate isn’t going to get someone anywhere, especially if they start with just so much self hate that they decide to make themselves in their most honest attempt into the opposite sex. That isn’t gender dysphoria and that doesn’t warrant someone to be trans. That just makes someone even more self hating but also in a loop that they can’t break out of due to them thinking they are transgender. Unhappiness due to the sex you are at birth and the aspects of that sex in a physical sense are what makes you a person suffering from gender dysphoria, and then transitioning to remedy this is what makes someone trans.
Of course you can say that I fit more into the other definition of someone who is just do self hating that they transition and are still someone they hate but even more. Gender dysphoria is rather difficult to explain in a personal way, not to fit a narrative but rather to explain a intrinsic aspect of one’s self. I am not fully satisfied with my transition but I’m further along than most.

>>45078794
no, it's not. but when you're in pain you don't do nothing about it just because it won't get rid of all of it

>>45078795
yes

>>45078832
Sorry for my paragraph but really I think the difference is just what I explained, or they are both the same. You can’t fully know unless you can look into both my mind and the other persons mind unfortunately but this is just how I see it.
It does not warrant wallowing in self pity and not trying to make something of yourself because you are “reviled” for being trans. Simply just put in the effort and pass, then put in more effort and go stealth.

>>45078839
so, doesn't there need to be more, some kind of self care, therapy, or self acceptance? i don't think transitioning is going to fix your life on its own. i know you know that already, but you should consider your mental health more.
>>45078832
>>45078852
i think that some people who also don't like the idea of being loved a certain way are very similiar to how you're feeling about yourself. and i think that those people hate themselves, the parts of themselves that they don't want to accept or live with. and that's why i kinda don't believe that your self hatred only comes from the way society treats you. maybe i'm missing something, but that's what i think now.

>>45078848
why? not trying to be transphobic or anything like that but why does it make you feel better? you still were born as a man and you cant change that

>>45078875
i mean that my theory is that these feelings come from being mistreated by your surroundings before you knew you are trans.

>>45078875
>>45078875
I am trying to better myself
>>45078880
sure you can't change how you were born but you can change your sex characteristics to quiet the screaming of your instincts

>>45078909
meant to reply to >>45078852 as well

>>45078909
but that's what i mean, what if you were instead trying to convince yourself that you're enough?

>>45078909
i dont understand this trans stuff much but i dont want to be a bad person so i support you

>>45078922
what, by becoming a troon? that makes no sense

>>45078875
Oh I don’t have self hatred due to the way society treats me at all, if they view me one way or another that is fine, hatred is just a major thing, it’s resentment, it doesn’t make or break whether someone is trans it just inhibits how they view themselves and then how they think society views them. I’m just generally unhappy with my birth sex and it is my goal in life to fix that, going stealth will do that and each day trying to achieve that makes me happier with myself because I’m doing what I can to better myself and my appearance. I just think self hate for myself as a whole (pre and post transition) and unsatisfaction with my sex are different. One stems from something else more to the core and the other stems from someone’s sex at birth

>>45078942
are you a repressor? then why do you still hate yourself? why can't you just do what you want and be happy for who you are?
>>45078949
yeah but isn't it possible that your sex dysmorphia also stems from your preexisting self hatred?

>>45078920
That’s good that you are trying to better yourself, it’s just easy for self hate to be thought to be remedied with transition because transitioning was blown up in the media and then schooling and life as a whole, transitioning can then just make someone hate themselves more because you are chasing something you can never fully achieve

>>45078379
thank you, is symphony ok to order from? i know there was drama but they appear to be the only ones in stock currently

>>45078961
It’s possible but I don’t really believe that to be the case because pre transition I didn’t hate myself, I was uncomfortable and then I found the reason why and now I’m trying to fix it and I have found myself to be less uncomfortable and more happy with myself

>>45078961
because I can't be what I want to be and I can't be what everyone else wanted me to be and every day I suffer for a stupid nonsense reason 99% of people will never understand. it's stupid it's pathetic and it makes me so angry I need to die I need to be punished I'm not worth the effort

>>45078981
then what changed about you for you to start hating yourself?

>>45078971
when symphony says "we're in stock" it's code for "this is a preorder that'll be delivered in a complete mystery amount of time or maybe never"

>>45078971
symphony would be a last resort, personally.

hera freqently comes back in stock, and that's what i use rn. decent shipping time. up to you if you can wait a couple days tho.

>>45078969
>it’s just easy for self hate to be thought to be remedied with transition because transitioning was blown up in the media and then schooling and life as a whole
that's conservatard propaganda no one actually wants you to transition unless you're dysphoric

>>45078996
i think you hate yourself because you feel like you're supposed to suck it all up and be stoic without considering your own desires. and it's the internal conflict that creates this dynamic in which you hate your own choices. you don't have an obligation to others, or to the world. you should do what you want, and try to be happy, regardless of what others think. i don't think you should give up, i think you should seek your happiness without feeling guilty or wrong.

>>45079001
>>45079011
thanks idm waiting i guess

>>45078999
Well I don’t really hate myself either, I just still have a level of discontent because of some things I cannot change, I won’t be able to have my own children like cis women do, I won’t be able to experience some things cis women can either, I do have to worry about a lot more things because I don’t want to get clocked as trans but there is a way to fix that and it’s by just not letting it happen. Life isn’t fair and I’ve come to accept that and still do all I can to be happy nonetheless !!

>>45079018
Well no during like 2015 and 2016 people were a lot more open to it as it was a chip used in politics and then things went south completely and now it’s a pretty negative thing in politics which is fine I just wish it wasn’t so mainstream

>>45079018
But you are right no one wants you to transition it’s just okay if you do and people are (were) supportive if you do it

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>>45079027
no I just wish i didn't have these desires in the first place they make everything worse and my suffering is making me into a bitter, rude, unreliable and less interesting person and I hate myself for things I've done in the past people would dislike me if they knew about and I think about those things constantly and how I'll never be able to make up for them and all I'm doing day to day now is mindless hedonism and I have no purpose and no positive impact on the world whatsoever

>>45079248
what's wrong with wanting to be treated as more gently and wanting to not be beholden to the expectations you have now? what do you believe you need to make up for? you don't have to blame yourself for failing to be successful, the positive impact on the world is simply acts of kindness and understanding. i'm sure there are some people who wouldn't hold it against you if you shared how you feel. and i'm sure that there are people who care about you right now, and wouldn't just abandon you just because you're having such wants. your purpose is to be happy and help others to achieve happiness too. do you feel like you don't deserve what you have right now? and why do you feel that way?

>>45079322
it's like I said, I don't do things because they're right I do them because I feel like it and that's hurt people who trusted me. I don't deserve kindness but still selfishly I want to avoid pain even when it inconveniences and worries everyone around me. other people deserve to transition and be happy, I don't. I deserve death at best but I'm too much of a coward for that
>i'm sure there are some people who wouldn't hold it against you if you shared how you feel. and i'm sure that there are people who care about you right now, and wouldn't just abandon you just because you're having such wants
yeah but they're wrong about me and can't help anyway. the last thing I need right now is for yet another person to try to talk to me about how they're worried about me

>>45079477
okay. i can't check whether or how much your decisions hurt people or if it's your fault. i don't think you're that selfish if you're considering suicide. i think you're hiding your feelings from others because you don't want to bother them. you aren't a coward. you really need someone who can help you and tell him how you feel, because i'm sure they wouldn't hate you as much as you hate yourself, no matter what you would tell them, because you're seeing your life through the lens of guilt and shame. i know that it's hard to find someone like that as a trans person, but i want you to know that i don't want you to give up on your life, because you aren't a bad person, trust me. please find the strength to survive and see yourself live your life in happiness and understanding. do it for yourself and the people who worry and care about you.

>>45079583
tell them* how
it can be anyone who's willing to hear you out and try to understand you. please find someone like that.

>>45079583
>i don't think you're that selfish if you're considering suicide
no that just makes me even more selfish
>i think you're hiding your feelings from others because you don't want to bother them
no it's because I don't want *them* to bother *me*
>i'm sure they wouldn't hate you as much as you hate yourself, no matter what you would tell them
I don't care. I'm not telling anyone what I did, it makes me feel so disgusting I just want to forget.
I've not given up on life, but I think I might if death wasn't so terrifying. I'll keep trying to be better, sure, but it doesn't seem worth it. everything sucks so much

I just opened my diary entry of what happened so I could scribble all over it but it doesn't read nearly as bad as I remembered... I have a headache

>>45079640
i still wish you good luck and that one day you can enjoy your life as everyone else.

>>45078188
3 years of estrogen wouldnt do anything thoughbeit

>>45079929
>tits
>breasts
>boobies

>>45072237
>what's the point in living
right

>>45072246
burning and suffocating