>>45088259
Everyone's journey is different. Don't worry about it.

>>45088262
Journey? There was no journey. I just took hrt for a year hoping it will somehow improve my life

>>45088259
continue taking it retard

>>45088259
I already know I'm cis. I just want to take it anyway.

I'm like the cissest of cissoids i just want be soft and pretty uwu

>>45088259
you think thats bad? i did that, then quit for 2 years, then restarted again, it still didnt do anything. how do you fall for the same meme twice?

>>45088328
It gives me reverse dysphoria tho
>>45088485
I hope this doesn't happen to me

>>45088259
same, but I kept on taking it because I liked and still do like the physical effects.
iwnbaw or even a proper tranny, but I'm a cuter faggot.

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>>45088888
>It gives me reverse dysphoria tho
It's almost like u could stop taking hrt ..... Pretty crazy
Imagining still taking it expecting that too change and then complain to actual trannies when it doesn't
Fuck off

>>45088910
I can't even let myself enjoy the effects because my mind keeps insisting that I'm not supposed to be doing any of this.
>>45088918
I'm just mad at myself for having cis neurology dooming me to live my life as a moid. I'm sorry for complaining about my non-issue

>>45089284
You are extremely retarded but not for the reasons you think

>>45089577
Can you please elaborate? I want to learn from my retardation

>>45089284
well then stop
>supposed to
fuck that shit.
you're not supposed to live longer than 35 either. you're supposed to die of the first or second treatable infection.
you're not supposed to wear glasses either. or use a toilet. or use shampoo.
"supposed to" is bullshit through and through.
it's fine if you don't want to be an estrogenized faggot. but "(not) supposed to" is not part of the reasons at all.

>>45089618
I wish I was trans so I could troon out = you are obviously fucking trans you braindead dumb fuck jfc wtf

Do you think random fratbros and gym lads secretly see trannies and think "damn I wish I had tranny brain too..." before driving to their bimbo GFs house and fucking them all night?

Moron, a normal cis guy would be terrified senseless if they thought they as much as inhaled a molecule of estrogen, they wouldn't be proactively seeking out tranny doses for a whole years

You are really fucking dumb...

>>45088259
Dw could be worse
It took me 3 years to realise it

>>45089771
Nta but wishing to be trans just means you want your issues to be offloaded to a seemingly external issue
Sometimes it takes time for a person to see past their made up issue and return to normal or at least try to tackle the real problems in their life
For me it was a general depression and apathy to life, not dysphoria.

>>45089777
Same, think i was on em for about 3 years
>>45089796
Glad to hear I’m not the only one….well, not glad per se. I guess it wouldve been easier for all of us if we hadnt gone through all this, but you know what i mean.

For me i think ive never liked my body very much, plus generally having a weak sense of self and identity….and idk, the line between attraction and envy, the wires got crossed somewhere along the way. I never really lost the weight but at least i was smooth and curvy. Now ive got gross moobs and an even tinier prick :p

>>45089777
>>45089981
What made you realize you're cis after three whole years. That's a pretty long timespan

>>45090196
Hard to say….i remember slowly missing more and more injections til i just stopped completely, and i don’t recall feeling any physical dysphoria from it. And i truly don’t think ive felt dysphoria since stopping, but i also didn’t feel worse when i was taking the hormones, which is weird cuz you would think if i was trans i would feel bad without the hormones and if i was cis i would feel bad with them, no? Idk, I’m still confused over it.

Aside from the physical hormone aspect i guess i realized that as uncomfortable as i was (and still am, to some degree) filling the social role of a man, i never really wanted to be seen as a woman instead. I never longed to be a woman as a kid, never crossdressed, never wanted srs, etc. So i guess it was a non-trans feeling of bodily dysphoria mixed with a semi-trans feeling of gender discontent? Idk, i guess gender-wise i don’t really strongly identify with being a man but i don’t super strongly mind being perceived as one. I mean i kinda do but its whatever

I truly don’t think i miss the physical changes from the estrogen, but i do think I’m still generally uncomfortable with my body. The estrogen just misdirected that discontent temporarily. I will definitely miss the sense of community though, that sense of belonging. I think that was another big factor influencing my decision to take the hormones, wanting to belong somewhere. I met (only online, granted) such wonderful people who i gradually dropped contact with. I guess i kinda feel like a traitor for that now, i can’t really call myself a trans woman anymore

>>45090196
Long therapy sessions with a pro trans advocate therapist
Repeated failure to change towards some desired gender when given the chance
Stagnation in regards to transition
Apathy towards my supposed gd, no excitement towards changes just fear of being found out when I changed something
My experience didnt line up with other trans people( I know becaysee I talked to trans people and also what my therapist told me.)
I was too scared to change things do I never come out to many people just one friend. This it never felt real abd when I told my therapist she told me well what’s stopping you? And when I explained she told me I simply could do it but I bever felt the need anyway and we arrived at the conclusion that I didn’t need it.
Abd thats the crux of it
I don’t need to be trans becayse I don’t want it. Thus there is little reason to bother punishing myself for not fitting in with trans people and thus no reason to eveb take hrt
All this points to me just being cis.
So I just stopped hrt becayse well thats easy too. I don’t need it. I used to be afraid that if I stop I’d be called a fraud but when you are a fraud there is no reason to play pretend anymore.
I stay on this board because I need someone to hear me.
Otherwise I have no life at all. Transition was escapism from that fact: I have no life.
Im tired

>>45088328
>most subtle groomer award

>>45090454
This is both my biggest nightmare and also my guaranteed future. I really don't know why I don't kms no to spare myself the pain, humiliation and boredom of life

>>45089284
It’s not. I personally don’t think you are trans and if you feel satisfied in that conclusion you should flush the pills and log off the website.

That said, I also get a lot of dysphoria from my transition. When I look into the mirror I see a freak of nature and I cry often for losing the fundamental abilities that cis humans have. I wish I could stop transitioning, but all of that for me pales in comparison to having to live out my days as a man.

The dysphoria from my transition is just the reinforced idea that ‘this isn’t womanhood. This is a poor imitation and either very pill or injection you just prove that you are not a woman’

Food for thought I guess.

>>45088259
99 percent of russian psyop bots post abysmal dogshit before posting something actually good
just stop being so fucking neurotic though

>>45091067
>if you feel satisfied in that conclusion
I am definitely not satisfied with this conclusion even though I should be. I should be grateful and relieved but instead I'm filled with despair.
Life as a woman is not viable for me because I am not one. That should be enough reason for me to celebrate. I get to have a more useful body while also avoiding any discrimination. I should be happy.

You sound neurotic as fuck, no amount of reason will even penetrate the tangled web of cope that is your brain

>>45091712
>Life as a woman is not viable for me because I am not one.
This is true for all troons.

Honestly I think you just gotta make a fucking decision and stick with it. Either way pussying out and swapping back and forth will lead to the worst of both worlds

>>45090816
I’m planning on dying eventually and steeling myself for it
I really have nothing to show if this life. It’s painful but that’s ok. Not everyone is given a good life not everyone is meant to live.

>>45091810
I'm definitely neurotic and I feel like everything I do only makes it worse.
If I were trans, I would've already accepted it. I would've been happy about being on hrt and all the changes I'm getting, but instead I'm feeling overwhelmed and disappointed by it all. I would actually feel motivated to put in effort into passing instead of constantly being paranoid about being found out.
I don't know what's wrong with me but I know I built this hell myself

>>45088259
20 months in and still taking it, for cis reasons

>>45088259
Idiots like you are the reason why estrogen isn't otc in most countries

>>45090454
same anon, it became hard to tell because i started posting on this board when i was 16 and am now 30. i spent all my teenage years kind of pining after belonging which i found among queer people, but theres always been something off, it never felt right to call myself trans, always felt like im just not like them, im trying to force myself to be like them, but its not the same. and its tiring, its been over a decade and i have no comfort in my own skin

>>45092803
I wonder which is worse, to go through what you went through or to have speedrunned this process like I did in less than a decade?
Regardless I know your pain
My only cure is radically accept yourself for what you are right now and move on.
No amount of self reflection or cope will fix things.
Simply move on and let things fall in place abd just work all day until you can then eat play a game or watch a movie or read a book and then sleep, and repeat.
Life doesnt get better and it doesn’t need to get more complicated. Just accept that this is it. Thats all I can do at least.
I know What I am finally. I know what my future is. Just need to accept it. And move on.

>>45093421
NTA but imo it's worse the way the anon you're responding to.
Speedrunning and accepting the result is the better approach. But then again, I'm a biased fetishist.
>Life doesnt get better
Disagree on that one too. Life did get better.

>>45088259
when was the last time you had an honest conversation with someone who wasn't paid or required to talk to you?

i.e. do you have friends?

>>45093421
i can accept a lot its just that every so often i see a trans woman and i feel this longing and envy, but they are just like that, they dont look at someone else and feel envy all of a sudden, they are living out who they actually are, whereas for me its forced, that sucks.

>>45088259
im terrified of this happening to me so ill just never start hrt or transition in general

>>45094246
I do or at least I did. I opened up about it to some friends and they were generally supportive but clueless about trans stuff. Afterwards I have started feeling so much guilt, shame and disgusting that I've isolated myself ever since

>>45088259
BOOBIOT

>>45094525
same but im going to try anyways

>>45094525
Anon I don't think u should be terrified and so scared of it happening to not even try it, if you actually have the legitimate consistent feelings and thoughts of imagining yourself happier as a girl as a female or just more feminine in general but op is just a next level retard and the reason why hrt isn't just over counter in alot of places

>>45088259
Op your next move better not be de transing and then blaming us for your brain damage bro .. swear to god pick any other fucking chess move next

>>45095646
> Afterwards I have started feeling so much guilt, shame and disgusting that I've isolated myself ever since
commiseration from from the tranny board won't make you more palatable to meatbags

>>45088259
keep taking it

people will like you better with soft sking and other girly features

>>45090454
very interesting bc i relate a lot to this but sort of not idk. i definitely dont have apathy and am super excited about physical changes but not even a little bit socially transitioning bc of fear of being found out. and i also sort of have no desire to be known generally as a woman. basically my main issue is just not being seen as a man romantically or sexually and i dont really care socially.

>>45088910
>iwnbaw or even a proper tranny, but I'm a cuter faggot.
same i guess maybe. i mean i just posted in another thread about how manmoding is killing me. also enbycope cause heighthon. but is it cope? guess ill find out in three years

maybe some of you are theymabs

did you think of that or did the channers bully that out of u?

>>45096529
I will only ever blame myself, and I really am mad at myself for being cis and this stupid.
>>45097187
True, but now I'm too afraid to contact anyone and I'm so disgusted by myself that I immediately believe that I'm doing anyone a favor by isolating myself.
>>45097217
Nobody has ever commented on the effects I'm getting from hrt so I probably still look the exact same

>>45088259
Yeah, I genuinely don't know how to cope. I keep feeling worse and worse the more I am on hrt and I keep thinking about everything I'm missing out by not being a man. I could've been happy but instead I do everything in my power to make myself even more miserable. I deserve all of my pain.
Either way, I have lost any interest in my own life and I don't believe a subhuman like myself deserves to live. I'll just finish injecting the two vials I have left and disappear into the woods never to return

>>45098122
And it's not like venting here is helping in any way, but it's my only outlet for all of this. I can't even tell whether my refusal to open up to anyone irl is arrogance or disgust. On one hand I don't want anyone to have to deal with my bs, on the other hand I feel like the not asking for help from people I know would be willing to help is inherently arrogant. Like, I have the privilege to open up about how I'm ruining my life and getting help, but I still just don't. Instead I wallow in my own misery and filth, complain about it to randos on this hellhole my whole day and being a pos to anyone around me because of it all. It's all my fault and I wish I could still laugh about how absurd it all is

>>45098330
And I still catch myself wishing I weren't cis just so all of this wouldn't have been such a horrible mistake. I keep trying to implement anything remotely feminine into my life and it all just makes me sick. To think this is just a tiny bit of what actual trans people feel is harrowing. I'm sorry

>>45098624
I don't know what went wrong and why I decided to make all the worst decisions possible. I can call myself lucky that I haven't yet started taking hard drugs and fully destroying everything I have

>>45089771
>Do you think random fratbros and gym lads secretly see trannies and think "damn I wish I had tranny brain too..." before driving to their bimbo GFs house and fucking them all night?
Masculine chads don't represent average man, let alone the one on 4chan. You should compare him to fellow introverted nerdy guys and many of them do think that to the point where they invented transmaxxing.

>>45098813
I was a masculine chad prior to trooning. Should've just tried harder to be grateful

>>45098330
>>45098624
>>45098711
I'm not insane for not wanting to complain about this to anyone, right? Like, all of this is a complete non-issue. It's something I've done to myself, so if I were to earnestly open up, any other sane adult would just tell me to get a grip and stop being retarded

I just hate being feminine and aging. No this does not make my decisions easier to cope with.

>>45090454
literally me

>>45090454
>t. 3 years

>>45099012
how well do you pass? is your life better now?

>>45099487
Not at all and my life is much worse. I hate myself so so much

>>45099735
why not detroon if you hate yourself?

>>45097374
>did you think of that or did the channers bully that out of u?
no, and no.
i dont take the chans too seriously. it's occasional entertainment to me. i got here for hrtgen and after that i only showed up occasionally because largely i dont identify with the culture of misery around here.
im a regular fag in all other aspects. normal job, normal bf and a relatively typical european middle class life.

>>45099789
I'm not detrooning *because* I hate myself. My life is quickly becoming less and less tolerable and I hope I manage to end it before this decade ends

>>45099172
I wish I at least understood why I did any of this. Why would I ever transition if I knew from the beginning that I'm cis and that I have no dysphoria. No matter how much I try to figure out a why or how I ended up like this, I just can't

>>45100333
bump. I hope none can relate but I still want to commiserate

i can relate, nona/anon.

i did it for about a year, but my doc perscribed me valerate 2mg/7days, so for about the last 6 month i just had moid levels. then i went out of state for work and stopped taking it entirely, but i brought it with, just in case.

i'm pretty old now so i don't think i'll get very good results if i start back up. i'm not really sure how i can....relate to people? and i'm scared about my job prospects if i do decide to go for it. mostly it's just extremely annoying that i still have no idea if i'm 'actually trans', or if any of the feelings or changes i felt over the course of things, now that i've spent a little time on each side of the fence, have helped me decide which one i'd rather be on. they're all too subtle and none very revelatory or life-changing for me to know much more about where i am than where i started.

i guess maybe i'm just still in the middle of it. i did do some of those hard drugs you metioned. i'll probably do some more. right now i'm sick in bed, though.

>>45101660
Did you also get on hrt because of people overselling the mental effects of "running on the right hormones" and hoped that was the missing piece as to why everything about life feels so wrong?

>>45102442
to some degree, i think. something is/was wrong, it coulda been it. i stopped doing antidepressants while i was on estrogen and i feel like i want them again now that i'm off it. but yes, i think that was some part of it. i'm also pretty agp in terms of my sexuality & did do a bit of the crossdressing when i was younger and hotter. i figured i had enough indicators where i probably should be trans, but the prospect of being trans at my age is scary and hard and a lot of work. i suppose this doesn't make me less trans, just trans and a coward, but...i dunno. here i am, anyway. maybe it was all a dream. i should do some more ketamine today, i think.

>>45102674
You sound trans and dysphoric ngl

>>45103166
i might be. i was just having a think about it in the kitchen. i think t does make me act/feel a lot more, like, chuddy? in a way that make me uncomfortable? like loneliness on e hurt, but loneliness on t makes me mad and numb. i don't know. it made me cry just now.

the timing is kind of unfortunate, i can't really afford to go through girl puberty right now. and this shit would have been really nice to figure out in my 20s.

Same but ill just say im enby if challenged