I will learn to accept that I am a cis man
hahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAno you wont. give in. you want tits.
>>45107250I'm waking up in cold sweat because of them. I doubt that means that I want them
wait are you ftm wanting to be a cisman or are you a cisman trying to repress mtf thoughts idk if i read it right
my schadenfreude is going through the roof rni am so glad that you're suffering i hope you kill yourself soon:3
>>45107272I am a cis man who wrongly believed he's a trans woman and I can't cope and hate myself so much for it
>>45107290>t. cis male
>>45107290You can be even happier because my suffering is only getting worse and knowing that makes you happy is only contributing to it
>>45107304What made you believe you were trans?
>>45107245backpedalling again I see
>>45107322bro had a dream about being a woman once and that's all it took for him to get on hormones>>45107312i regret wasting my time on you. ik saying this is meaningless now but i legit developed a crush on you when we were still talking and i hoped that someday i'd actually get to meet and get to know you better. i was soooo dumb thinking that i could get anywhere close to you, both physically and emotionally
>>45107322I expected hrt to be picrel. I couldn't help but hope that it would somehow be the panacea I needed for my general malaise. I was never feminine growing up, never wanted to be a woman and was even proud of my masculinity. But instead of being happy and working on myself, I chose to hate myself which made hrt sound like the perfect escape. That led to me confabulating enough "evidence" for myself to be trans while actively ignoring any proof that I wasn't, but that has become too much to ignore>>45107332yes. I have no other outlet for my pain>>45107334Why are you so needlessly cruel to me then? I've tried my best to be kind when we spoke, even if I was bad at it. I don't even know what to make of it all and you repeatedly cutting contact didn't help. I don't want to shift blame, but I couldn't help but internalize everything that happened, which made me fully isolate myself. I haven't spoken with a friend in almost a year because I believe I'd hurt them as much as I hurt you, probably more because they'd have to interact with me irl.
>>45107383You're laughably pathetic and really annoying
>>45107518I know. Thanks for the reality check
>>45107245NOOOOOOOOOOOO :cnona what happened??? Why have you become repperkun again????? :'<
>>45107245nona noyou were freeyou were past thisyou can be happy, you can be who you want to be, i believe in yourepressing is killing youplease don't die
>>45108011>nona what happened???A lot and very little at the same time. I'm just not trans.I've recently started going to university again and that forced me to socialize again which gave me the rude awakening I needed to realize that I'm definitely not trans. It's genuinely becoming unbearable to have to lie to myself that I am somehow a trans woman. Don't get me wrong, I never came out to anyone and have been doing my utmost to hide it all, but I still look like a malformed in-between thing. It's frustrating and humiliating. Genuinely nothing about me is even remotely feminine, so I don't know what was wrong with me to believe that I could pull this off. I'm a neverpasser both in body and mind.I've also become a much worse person since I've been trying to "transition". I'm more neurotic, more selfish, more isolated, more depressed, brasher, more rude, less focused, constantly thinking how it's a mistake. I'm not just a worse person than ever, I'm also much less of a person in general. I have completely lost any interest I had in life. Nothing is even remotely fun anymore and I'm just trying to kill time while I try to not peel my skin off.I feel like I wasn't made to live, but I always remind myself that I've done this to myself and that it's my responsibility to act and change for the better (detransition and living happily as a man). Only issue is still the extreme self loathing I bear towards myself to the point where I'd rather die than be the man I am.
>>45108194I'm sorry but I've been lying to everyone, especially myself. I am a man and I'd rather be dead. I am not trans, I am not a woman. I can't live a life of play pretend.
>>45108415>I still look like a malformed in-between thing. It's frustrating and humiliating. Genuinely nothing about me is even remotely feminine>I've also become a much worse person since I've been trying to "transition". I'm more neurotic, more selfish, more isolated, more depressed, brasher, more rude, less focused, constantly thinking how it's a mistake. I'm not just a worse person than ever, I'm also much less of a person in general. I have completely lost any interest I had in life. Nothing is even remotely fun anymore and I'm just trying to kill time while I try to not peel my skin off.boymoding is hard for everyone, and yeah it fucks with your emotions a lot. i relate to pretty much everything here but im still certain that transitioning is the right option for me, because if i stayed as a man i'd kill myself.you can push through it, it's a necessary step to be who you wanna be>extreme self loathing I bear towards myself to the point where I'd rather die than be the man I am.>>45108437please just don't forget that you don't have to be a manyou don't have to do this to yourselfwe'll be here for you if you decide you wanna be someone elsewe love you nona
>>45108415I'm sorry it didn't work out repper-kun, what are you planning to do moving forward?
>>45108671Thank you for the sentiment and the kind words, even if I don't even belong here. >please just don't forget that you don't have to be a manThat's exactly my issue. If I want to not kms, I will have to be a man because it unfortunately just is who I am.>>45108812To be honest, I don't know. I'm currently barely alive, only doing what is strictly necessary and always trying my best to dissociate. I've made my own lived reality barely bearable which makes it almost impossible for me to want anything. Nothing feels real anymore.
hate to see it
>>45109294I hate seeing myself too dw
>>45107383You're either lying in order to self-harmingly display yourself as pathetic and faketrans, or you're actually really moronic
>>45109935Everything I've been saying was the truth so it must be the latter. It must be the latter because I genuinely am this faketrans and pathetic. No trans woman would ever be going through what I've put myself through. Trans women aren't unable to think of themselves as woman, they aren't intrinsically masculine, they don't have the sexuality of a man, and most importantly, they don't get reverse dysphoria and become more miserable the longer they are on hrt. And my "transition" consists only of taking hrt. I've never crossdressed, I've never gave makeup a try, I never voice trained. I'm just taking hrt and living my life as the same man I always was.I just hate myself so much. I wish I weren't a man, I wish I weren't myself.
>>45110205I browse this board to laugh at retards like you
>>45110205There is some truth to what you say. But ultimately a cis man would never think to take hrt, regardless of how porned up or wormed he could be. Whatever you are, you aren't a cis man and I don't think you will ever be able to accept you are a cis man. Whether or not that makes you trans, I cannot say. Whatever is going on in your mind seems extremely complicated and the only person who understands you enough to figure it out is yourself. I guess what I'm saying is mostly useless waffling, but I believe in you crueltyguy. Ganbatte yo.
>>45107245There is no learning! It's already ingrained in you, like marble, the Adonis-esque figure yearns to be released from that slab of stone! Work with what you have, not with what you don't.
>>45109935Tbhon I think she just makes these threads out of boredom.
>>45111666she's also likely doing it for attention, as I've noticed that she tends to reply once her thread has dropped past a certain threshold
>>45111471>ultimately a cis man would never think to take hrtThis argument never applied to me cause I'm clearly too retarded for my own sake.>regardless of how porned up or wormed he could beI'm neither. Never enjoyed porn and you can't be brainwormed as a cis person. I just hate myself believing such a fundamental untruth about myself and ruining my own life through my (lack of) actions>but I believe in you crueltyguy. Ganbatte yoThank you :)>>45111484Yeah, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. The only sane option I have is to just go with the flow and work with what I have. To just let myself be the way I have been made>>45111666I can't even say no because I'm always bored (my fault), but that definitely wasn't the reason I posted today. I've been doing increasingly worse and today was especially bad. I also missed the threads tbhon. nice trips btw>>45111713I'm replying when I can and I'm not actively monitoring the threads. I never pay attention on which page the thread is cause I'm a phoneposter
>>45107245Why not just be a cis man on hrt so that you at least dont regret not taking it later on? There's no downside other than boobs that you might not even get
>>45112124Because you're still a tranny if you're a cis man on hrt
Today's music rec: reflection by 아버지https://father2006.bandcamp.com/album/reflection
>>45108415>>45109048bro... :'[I wish I could give you a hug right now. I will think good thoughts for you. I hope u find a way through this. I believe in you. You can do it, okay? :'>
>>45112124this>>45114429wrong
Emma will do anything but confront herself</3
>>45115704Thank you but I don't deserve any pity. I did this to myself. I'd reciprocate the hug but I've never really felt comfortable hugging people. I can't help but feel like I'm harming the other person with my (physical) presence.>>45115806It's not wrong. Cis men on hrt are almost always coping trannies. Despite it all, I actually touch grass and interact with people and I can guarantee you no men would ever touch estrogen. And even if you'd genuinely be a cis man on hrt, people will immediately clock that something is different about you. The only way for me to be socially normal is by being a regular man.>>45115835Emma never lived
>>45116217>I can guarantee you no men would ever touch estrogen>t. "man" who has touched estrogen
>>45116217dumbass will say this and go back on estrogen for the fifth time. actual flippant child bro istg
>>45116237I'm mentally ill. Not trans or a woman.>>45116248Detransition is my only option if I want to live my life and I'm doing anything in my power to figure out what drove me to do any of this so I never start for a fifth time
>>45116312>I'm mentally ill. Not trans
>>45116529I'm happy that makes you laugh
>>45116248I have said this before but if you detroon more than once you're guaranteed to forever be stuck in the detroon retroon cycle. Ask me how I know.
>>45117468How do you know?
>>45118109I've been in this cycle for the past 2 years and seen other reppers do the exact same thing.
>>45118184How many times did you detroon and retroon in that time? Mine started almost exactly 3 years ago and I'd rather not think about how much time I've wasted
>>45119256Serious attempts to detroon? Twice. I've also periodically briefly stopped and restarted hrt too many times to count.
