Is it weird that I don't like to watch shows without my partner watching them with me and it turns me on to think that she indirectly controls what I watch cuz we watch the same things and I like to imagine that she has total control over me? Is it weird that I often happen to fall into being the compromising party in the relationship and yet okay with it?Why do I have a temptation, like one that I actively have to resist solely in my own brain and through no action of my partner, to let my partner control my life and I only feel like I'm doing this because I have a lot of other things I like that form parts of my own identity as a person and own goals as a person?Do I have toxically masculine sexual traits that I learned during my upbringing as a child to young adult that are intertwining horribly with forms of toxic feminity that I have also learned? I know it's possible to get hurt by weird sexual and/or romantic temptations. I moved on from that and I don't this is that, but I'm just worried what if I'm kinda just being a doormat?My partner is great. But what if I'm hurting myself somehow? Like... why am I the one that ends up doing things and even though we decide things together, she often overrides me? Maybe this is just my perception.I just don't know that I wanna be the typical subby brained trans girl. I didn't date women to start acting like some idiotic young straight girl that thinks that being in the marines somehow makes someone sexy.
God why did I come here to ask y'all about this? This is just a board full of queer babies and mentally unwell people.Goddammit. I kinda miss when it was easy to always talk to her about anything. I mean, it is, but I... I mean she already knows about these thoughts more or less Ive mentioned similar things before, but...I don't know I need to stop letting this bother me. So frustrated.I just want to go to a hobby camp thing and now I'm setting her waiting for her to recovery from potential changes to our schedule and now I'm thinking about this shit. I just... I really wish it was easier. The disabilities she has can be hard on me. It's so easy for to get stressed and then the stress causes physical pain in her body. I just want her to be intimate with me, but for some reason, she can't do that if she doesn't have me the entire day any more.I love her and I want to express that. Our libidos aren't matched. She keeps saying she wants to do all this bondage and stuff, but then it's all in the same format and now I don't even know what I'm saying I'm just venting about random aspects of my relationship that I'm struggling a little bit to resolve.It probably sounds worse than it is... I'm not sure. I love her so much, it just hurts that I think she can't express it as much as she wants either.God damn it. By the way /lgbt/ if you're in Portland OR, please vote. I really don't want that dumb bitch winning...It's stressing us out...
>>45111705I mean sure, Tina made a few mistakes, but she is progressive. Drazan is a crazy bitch who, by the way, I really recommend seeing all the debates between her and Kotek, cuz she really is just a run of the mill conservative carpetbagging fucker who wants to ruin Portland in particular.I really really hope Multnomah doesn't...I don't want more people to get spit on, assaulted, murdered (and often covered up as a suicide) because of fucking nihilistic virtue signalling.Fuck. I just want to come back to my partner and be with her. I know I play games too much. I'm working on it, babe. Please... I need you too. I'm naive, you're hurt, we need each other and I need you and I want you to be with me, but you keep getting in your head and I don't get it, babe please... I just wanna enjoy things with you I really hope you can get that surgery so you can live a little better. God what the fuck am I even saying
