>>45102753
Did you ever find out if your worst fear was coming true?

>>45123325
i was supposed to go on a date this weekend with another cool tranny from grindr but then she blocked me or deleted her account the day before :(

i just broke up with my girlfriend and i want to die, i am very lonely and she was the only person i consistently talked to and spent time with and now i have no one.

>>45123347
That's terrible but if she's the type of person to do that, she wasn't worth the effort.
>>45123446
I'm sorry about your breakup. You must have felt like it was necessary if you knew how lonely you'd be afterwards. Have you tried doing more social activities to make friends or meet new people?

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I discovered self flogging with a belts buckle end and its great. Unlike cutting which makes me zone out and dissociate, it instead grounds me and gives an adrenaline rush and warmth and the pain from it goes well with being a worthless disgusting monstrosity. Ngl i can see someone do it to me.

>>45123325
I have so much seething chud rage I wish I could rape and kill people long distance

>>45123535
>I'm sorry about your breakup. You must have felt like it was necessary if you knew how lonely you'd be afterwards.

it definitely was necessary the relationship wasn't going anywhere good and it had been forced into becoming a ldr which i cannot do.

>Have you tried doing more social activities to make friends or meet new people?

no, i find it hard to get close to people and i dont have any real hobbies or things to bond over with people. i used to think i was good at making friends but im obviously not.

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>>45123325
I manmode to work but I don't usually deal with the general public, so I was not ready for being aggressively "sir"d by everyone I talked to today. Like I know that I reasonably shouldn't be upset by people calling me a man when I'm presenting as one but they were really going full in on it for some reason.
Also a customer felt the need to ask if everyone was being nice to me, so I apparently just look pathetic and bullyable in general.

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I meant every word and I believe it's better for both of us but it still feels like I'm dying

>>45123671
It might be a good sign, people enforce gender roles like that without realizing when you don't quite "pass" as male, or when they think you're ftm

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My ex made me feel so good about my body, like I didn't need to change anything for him because he loved me just as I was. But now that I'm alone again, and now that I want to medically transition, I get sick just thinking about it. He loved my curves and my tits and my height and my voice and I want to kill myself whenever I think about it because I'll never make it as a man. Nobody's going to love me if I get rid of the parts of myself that can be objectified. I can't imagine someone feeling the same way towards me if I had a flat chest and a deep voice. I feel like just giving up and remaining female to survive off of other people's validation.

It's not even his fault, he was a wonderful person and I didn't make any effort to present like a man. I was okay with that at the time as long as it meant I'd be loved. I know what kind of body I truly want, and I have for a long time, but it seems impossibly out of reach, especially now. I'm never going to experience being a tall man in a relationship with a cute girl. I just have to accept my fate and dissociate while dating straight men

>>45123909
How long have you been thinking about medical transition? I know it's hard to visualize your body becoming something you feel comfortable in but a few years of medical transition can change so much

>>45124195
Since ~14 (I'm 20 now). Didn't come out because I thought I could make peace with my body as it is, but it's currently not working out now. Thank you for the encouragement

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I'm having a bit of a mini panic attack right now, idk. what the hell am I doing? I'm a repper but still why do I have these thoughts of being something I will never be able to be that overpower every single other thing to where I think about it 24/7, lose sleep over it, want to vomit at my body. what is this?? why?? why have I become faggy so quick when I was just a normal depressed fucker a few months ago that only had a thought now and again? maybe I'd be more understanding of my desires if I wasn't the person I am with the body I have, but I'm literally ruining my psyche over something that just... isn't doable for me, at least in any way I'd be happy. BD/GD is so cooked because I know it's retarded but I can't get rid of it no matter what :(

i dislike everyone including myself
i amso pathetic
i make women uncomfortable and meb treat me like a bug
iim shivering hunched over my laptop
i outwierd enven the wwreirdos
i was on a videocall wwiht a college asignment partner theother day and idk why i began tugging at my pants rolling my ssleeves out of camera and when i asked if we should end the call she seemed like too ready to do so even more than other days and i think it might have looked like i was doing somehting else
maybe not maybe im jusat paranoid but i dont knwo i cant as k her and its just what my mind immediatlye goes to bcaue ive already had people think im a creep when i wasnt doing anthing bad on purpose and its all the more frustrating beacuwe its always people that i make uncomfortable but they dont know ima faggot and if i todl them im a foggot it would ust look a like a cheap excuse and im too cowardly and wweeak to accept people mknowign im a fggot
on the other side men seem to catch on very easily that im a gfaggot and they manigfest it very clearly
or maybe they just think im autistic ofrr smthn buti want to stop making pople uncomfortable its the last thing i want but it alwy s happens im so tired iiiiii just wantn to sto'p having to talk to people a d the only way to obtain that solitude is by killing myslef i need to ikill mmyself so i dont have to interact with people anymore

>>45124249
it's doable for basically everyone. there's no cure like you say, the longer you wait the more difficult you make it for yourself in the future

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>>45123325
What a miserable world I live in, to both hate cis women for taking their bodies for granted, and to hate gigahons, who lost before they ever began.
I don't want to live like this.
When did I let beauty standards and arbitrary mindsets dictate my whole life.
I just want to be okay with being a mid tier girl.

I need to burn down my apartment and everything in it I can't fucking take how much everything reminds me of you

So far it's been easier, never imagined that giving up on my individuality would actually work, at points it feels like I'm a prisoner but that somehow brings me comfort, I just need to do what I am told, conceal my ideas or avoid them completely and the rest flows.

I do not recommend it, there's no reward other than feeling someone wants you with them even if it is just for sporadic company, but for me that's enough.

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So there's this sixty-ish year old woman who visits the shop I work in. She has a face like a Roman mosaic, but here's the thing, she also has amazing tits. I know this because she was getting rather Charli XCX with it over the summer and I could just straight up see her nipples. Anyway, I got hard in a way that even standing behind a counter is obvious, and now she keeps winking at me, and last week she said how she likes to "nip out out weekends" - a common enough British colloquialism, but in this context, no.

You might think this has nothing to do with /lgbt/ culture - and you'd be correct. But I ask you, what would this board be without cis male perverts? Much better? Yes, but that ship has sailed. Plus the internet killed all my old imaginary digital friends.

>>45126806
Just bang grandma you fucking pussy

>>45126226
relatable
mine is finally dying

i haven't had any suicidal thoughts for two years, but lately i've really been thinking about killing myself. i can't deal with dysphoria, much less in the very hostile environment where i live

i don't have too much to say about it anyways so i'll just leave it there

im going through the worst time of my entire life and nothing is helping at all and my religious trauma + being terrified of reality is making it so much worse. i have literally nowhere to turn, i can’t take it
my mother destroyed and is continuing to destroy my life and she gets away with it all and i can’t get away from her and become independent no matter what unless i just leave and go completely homeless and start from literally nothing
i have no support or friends or even ways to cope except looking at pictures on tumblr and eating sweets which got me sick now
i can’t take it at all, i can’t believe my life is so horrible and i have literally nowhere to turn or any way to escape and i can’t d do anything except endure because im too scared to attempt suicide
i hate my life so much, i want to be happy and independent and free
i don’t want to be tortured or destroyed anymore
i dont want things to be so horrible anymore
i have no idea why this is happening to me

>>45128021
and also she gets away with everything because i’m “male” so if people see a mother fighting with her male child then somehow the male child is the one in the wrong because mothers are perfect beings but if people see a mother fighting with her daughter then its ok because its just “girls being girls”
i fucking hate my life
i want to fucking escape from all of this fucking torture

it just isn't fair

talking to trannies on discord and 4chan is all well and good but I need a real life transgirl friend who gets it
none of my guy-friends get it
I have one non-binary friend but it just isn't quite the same
it feels lonely
I missed out on a lot

funny how I never cared about missing out on guy things when I was a lonely gaycel teenager

>>45128260
Same. It feels incredibly isolating to just be words on a screen to people. I desperately want actual irl connection with someone like me

>>45128021
You can't become independent at all without going homeless?

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>>45129878
i dont think so. i’m not going to be in my native (by nationality) country for the next half a year or so either. i feel like when i was 12 again, completely alone and helpless
nothing is helping me cope except looking at pics on tumblr and thinking about what little faith i have in spirituality left like believing that the soul is immortal. i also had some really vivid and interesting dreams the last 2 nights but i just want to get away from my life. i really want all of this to stop.

WHO THE FUCK PUTS THE EGG SHELLS BACK IN THE CARTON
WHY COULDN'T YOU SEAL ANY BAGS NORMALLY WITHOUT LIKE TWELVE CLOTHESPINS AND A CHIP CLIP
CINNAMON TOOTHPASTE FUCKING SUCKS
THE MIDDLE SHELF ON MY BOOKCASE IS UPSIDE DOWN BECAUSE WE WERE FIGHTING WHEN I PUT IT TOGETHER
I HATE HOW MUCH OF MY LIVING SPACE IS JUST YOU

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I hate how much of my life is me.
I hate being this way.
I wish I was someone else.
I wish I felt more.
I wish I felt less.
I wish I could be open for once.
I wish I didn't take everything personally.
I'll fix it one day, but not in a way that fixes me, just fixes the problem of my existence.
I want to go home, but I don't have one of those anymore.
none of this will ever work out, not the way you want it to.

>>45130880
I know it's not me, but
I'm sorry I put egg shells back in the carton, they fit easy.
I'm sorry I use clothespins to close bags, they tear easy..
I'm sorry I like cinnamon toothpaste, I wish you'd get your own
I'm sorry I fought with you and made the shelves upset, if you want, we can fix it together..
I hate how much of my living space is me too.

I'm feeling hollow and empty again, but maybe I'm sliding out of it enough to finally feel a sliver of what I've been missing. It's like a gradient of personhood. Finally getting back on my adhd meds seems to help me actually do things so I can be Worthy to Be Alive, so that's nice

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>guy is into me
>keeps telling me I'm lovely and kind and beautiful and gentle and all sorts of things
>makes me sick because I know I'm none of these things
I know I'm some big ugly disgusting shut in. I'm barely even a person and it makes me feel like I've tricked him. I wish he'd just realize what I am and leave me alone for his own sake.

>>45131181
i feel like this with almost every relationship I've had, including non romantic ones. The problem is that thinking you are disgusting kinda makes you come across as such. Unfortunately, you have to pretend to be good and normal.

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i just got vyvanse prescribed and my doctor told me to get an ecg done. only problem is i’ve been manmoding on hrt for a year and got breasts now and it’s gonna be really awkward for a doctor to put the electrodes on my chest. i’m mortified of going to the doctors for it and have been delaying it for two weeks now

I know that she is bad for me and we have no future together and I want her back anyway
I am pathetic

>>45131225
you'll have to get it done eventually

I do not like this, I can't figure out why she changed her mind so suddenly, she went from edgy transphobic to "we can do this together" so fast, I understand why she insisted we went back "together", it is obvious she just enjoys the power she has over me, but going as far as telling me we can be an actual couple, as in she likes what I am, that she is even looking forward to see how this develops makes me weary.

I mean, she's always been into this but was never this supportive, it feels weird, I'd rather be abused, this is confusing

>>45132450
do you feel comfortable talking to her about it?

>>45132643
Yes, we just talked about it, I've known her for so long, when we first met we used to watch boys and talk about random shit, it developed onto something awkward then it died out, so I know how she is outside of a relationship and what kind of men she likes and I am absolutely nothing similar to that, I have nothing to offer not even pity sex so why does she want me? I have already decided to stay by her side no matter what, but being together? I feel as confused as I feel guilty

why did you have to pretend you cared? I was willing to invest everything into you, I wanted a life partner

and you left me with nothing
you did far more harm than I caused you and you will never see or understand
if you had ever loved me you would be here right now but where the fuck are you
I am dying alone

im so lonely i might genuinely kill myself over it it's getting unbearable

havent posted here before, 20mtf
im guilty for everything that i have. i want to give it up to someone else, i dont think i deserve it. i was born with well-off parents in a rich neighbourhood. i still live with my them now. i started diy at 17
why was i lucky? why me? i give most of my money i make thats leftover to mutual aid but i feel like its just some philanthropic saviour complex. it probably is to make this shitty post too, "woe is me im a richoid luckshit and too spoiled and well off omgg". i dont think anything can make up for it. what can i do?
if i was a cissoid i dont think id even notice how well off i am, id probably just take it for granted. thats what my older sister seems to do, she goes to uni and doesnt even think about being outside of the crab bucket.
when i try to make friends they just resent me because its really obvious that ive had almost zero hardship in life compared to them. sure "my dad hit me and i was bullied and im a tranny and i dont pass and its not like my parents are going to pay for ffs/srs unlike some others" but theres nothing of substance
why is it like this?

>>45133158
Get over it and accept the fruits of your ancestors labor.
>t. poorman

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This EXACT thing happened to me last week and it’s making my skin crawl. My brain keeps replaying the sensation of being touched on by this short bald smelly faggot and it’s giving me panic attacks I cant eat I cant sleep I am very fucked. I need to be around people who aren't going to try and grab my sick or kiss me or hit me or i am going to off myself.

>>45133190
Why am i so mentally weak that stuff other people can shrug off just completely shuts me down I don’t understand

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>>45123325
>Be me
>In a long distance relationship with a cute long haired Twink
>Had our differences but determined to make it work
>Nvm lol he actually hasn't "felt the same" for the past few months, has been texting a new guy for the past 3 weeks, had sex immediately after we broke up, didn't even like the sex and is reconsidering his sexuality, claims he doesn't feel anything
>Mfw I was stuck with a genuine parasite for the past 10 months

I still miss you

i met this guy i like and we had a honeymoon phase for awhile until i showed him my face and hes so cute but im disgusting and i hate myself and i want to die he doesnt love me anymore but i think about him every day and snuggle my pillow every night wishing it was him im only 8 months hrt and im trying to lose weight but it hurts so much i have no body else he said its okay but everything hurts i love him so much i hate being a fat disgusting freak of nature

>>45133258
i exercise i use an exercise bike but it hurts i know i can't expect results over night but i wish i never showed my ugly face to anyone i should wear a bag instead i wish i started transitioning sooner i was a repper for a long time but i hate it and im scared im wasting my time and ruining my life trying to transition i just want to be beautiful instead of a disgusting abomination i guess i cant do any worse but holy shit

>>45133275
i love him hes so cute and hes so smart he enjoys the nerdy things that i do he actually has a life and goals and isnt a dysfunctional loser like me hes so precious and he makes me laugh so hard and i feel like a speck compared to him he's better than me in every single way i wish i was small and skinny and cute like him instead of being an amorphous blob of shit and despair

why aren't you here in bed with me

>>45133294
i hate myself why did i have to turn out like this? i cant do anything i have no basic life skills i can barely take care of myself why do i think i can suddenly be a beautiful woman? why do i think anyone with a brain will think i am one? even he knows I'm not i just take solace in how brutally honest he is to me. he tells me its okay but i know through every creeping word he says and everything he does he finds me to be immensely disgusting. he laughed at me and told me to lose weight he said my hair isnt doing me any favors these words echo through my skull and onto a shitty dead internet forum

>>45133315
i just want him to love me and make everything go away i want him to snuggle me and make all of my malformed thoughts disappear but I know it will never happen. im so tired of half baked relationships and games people play with you on shitcord. i hate that fucking website. ive used it for 10 years and all i have to show for it is broken dreams and dead friendships long forgotten. i just want someone to love me i want to love them. i want to be a beautiful girl instead of the freak in the mirror. i want someone with standards to impress instead of dysgenic fuck ups with obesity fetishes. i just want to be something instead of fucking nothing

I still love you
if you asked right now I would take you back
but I know tomorrow I would say no
I have to say no for both of us

>>45133332
i just want him and only him and i want him to be proud of me i want him to respect me like i respect him. but im such an idiot. im not smart, ill probably never make 6 figures a year. ill probably be homeless laying in a ditch so the maggots bears and elements will devour me. if im a waste and parasite to society at least my body will go back to the nutrients of the earth

>>45133369
i imagine finally seeing him in real life and being a beautiful woman for him after trying so hard and crying into his arms and never letting go with his hand rubbing my back and my tears getting his sweater sticky. i simply want this and only this forever. but reality will have its way, me or him will simply ghost each other and like every single other relationship ive ever had it will become another fading regret ill have on my conscience