Nothing is much fun anymore, any kind of academic or personal achievement i ever considered, i either gave up or achieved it or got close and then it turned out i do not actually care that much in the end.The last hurrah was vainly hoping i might be a tranny and that transition would provide me with some amount of sense of self. I was hoping i might actually enjoy being alive/myself *somewhat* if i could get to be a girl/not a guy.But nah, im as much of an empty non person as i ever was. I just wanna give up and end it. I was just born empty, also explains my extreme lack of self esteem & confidence, there isnt any self to be confident in to begin with. I know that there are people that care about me, but in my endless emptiness i dont even feel anything about that. They can tell me they care about me and love me, and i believe them, and yet i still feel nothing.Im not autistic or trans or anything else (except maybe depressed). I just wasnt made to be alive, the only feelings i have are endless disconnection and brain fog. Every exception to that is just extremely temporary delusion. I dont wanna keep putting in the energy to be alive, but im also too indecisive to end it.
>>45125285My girlfriend(male) often describes feeling the same as you do (like verbatim everything you said), sucking my cock and eating chicken nuggets seems to make her happy. You should try that.
>>45125285Being a tranny won't help you.
>>45125304No cocks to suck at hand and im not even sure if itd help. Good for her tho.
>>45125327No shit, thats kinda what the entire post was about.
>>45125285Wya? If within 4 hours of me we can go on a date
>>45125285https://www.scribd.com/doc/168849308/Christopher-Hyatt-Undoing-Yourself-With-Energized-Meditation
I feel the same anon, I graduated uni but now I'm jobless and I feel embarrassed by not having any ambition. I thought transitioning would solve my problems; turns out, I have many layers of problems. but for the first time since October, I really mean it and can visualise myself going through with it. The realisation that I could end my suffering is just peaceful...
That sounds pretty bad im sorry. I feel the same basically except I have a glimmer of hope that being in a relationship with someone might keep me moored to EarthIt is really an awful, chaotic animal world we're in. I hope you find something
>>45127790I know exactly how I will do it. Im not even scared. im only scared I won't follow through and I will have to live the rest of my life
>>45127895I know exactly aswell when, where and how i’m gonna do it and have the same worry that I won’t follow through it or the 1% chance I might survive miraculously :/sendings *hugs*
>>45125285Consume fava beans. They contain levodopa and will convert directly into dopamine. Dopamine is a complex chemical to make. If you ask an AI to give you all the required nutrients and co factors, it's a lot. Buuuut, if you eat fava beans it short cuts a lot.
>>45125285Have you tried communing with daemons? If you sell your soul the pain will go away
>>45127790Im in the same boat actually, dont think id actually kill myself, to indecisive for that.But for me this is also compounding with graduating uni and now not knowing what to do for work and not finding anything. (At the same time as AI is fundamentally changing the field of work i might have went into and enjoyed as well).Ik its hypocritical of me, but i hope that you find something to cling onto and stay alive to find happiness <3.
