>started hrt at 16>manmoded for 16 years after>only accepted that i can dress in a slightly more feminine way 6 months ago>only started socially transitioning nowthis is so fucking brutal, i feel like a cringe babytrans but at the same time i'm like not-babytrans at all and i'm already like a bitter and jaded troon. social transitioning is by far the worst part of the experience because you have to tell people you're a troon instead of just an odd looking man with ffs. how do i even cope?
>>45125581started hrt later than 16, and nowhere near as many years on, but yeah, in a similar jam rn>how do i even cope?idk but i hope we can each get there soon
>>45125581>manmode until you pass perfectly>socially transition>tell people you're a detrans ftmwhy doesn't everyone do this it's genius
>>45125666Because nobody would buy that from me since I look so feminine and voice trained early
>>45125666>until you pass perfectlyyeah that's assuming you end up passing in a "there's no way i would have guessed you're trans" way as opposed to "oh yeah i could see how you'd be trans" way. visually, i pass but literally no one would be surprised if i told them i'm trans
>>45125581Sounds like a you problem. I socially transitioned by leaving everything behind with only an empty room in my wake. I changed numbers, emails, legal name, everything. I will never be known as what I once was, and maybe even never for what I've been able to become after it because of how much of my life story I'm obligated to keep out of the conversation. It's lonely, but at least I'm not treated like a freak anymore, just a lost ghost.
>>45125756i have a good job, i'm not abandoning that given the state of the current job market but manmoding is getting unbearable and i pass to strangers. so this humiliation ritual is better than unemployment
>>45125756>person describes their problem>"sounds like a you problem"kys you smug moron
>>45125779I just got a new job before I quit my old one. You have time to change you just didn't use it.>>45125839They don't have to even have this problem, so it's of their own making.
You are LITERALLY me except I'm doing worse. I started hrt at 17 and I'm just now starting to work towards social transition at 35
>>45125581but permaboymoding is based why would you stop
>>45125581you just need to keep manmodering and being my transbian bf
>>45125914>▶it rots the brain and soul
>>45125914i mostly visually pass and travel a lot, so having my old documents is causing me grief. i also didn't realize how much i hated going by my deadname until i started updating everyone with my new name>>45125914yeah but the point of transition is to be a woman, not a third gender thing. if you look like a woman to most people by default, there's no gain from being a moder of any kind. you no longer really have enough plausible deniability when you get clocked because like, when i get outed by my voice not being good for example, people assume i'm a troon, they don't assume i'm a cis man. cis men don't look like that>>45125898well, i mean you're probably not that much behind me, i only did my name change stuff last week and i think i can do my passport update next week
>>45125994if you look like a woman while boymoding you arent trying hard enough
>>45125958honmoding rots the soul even more
>>45126102>you arent trying hard enoughi've had ffs and i have long hair and tranny bangs. there's no use deliberately making myself look like a man, like why would i get myself misgendered on purpose? that's insane, do you not feel dysphoric as fuck when that happens? i'm not a femboy, i'm fundamentally a tranny, i don't enjoy being male, having people perceive me as male or having to socialize as male
>>45126176then lock in voice train and get it over with
>>45126196i'm working on it, i even got vfs recently! but this post isn't about that, it's about socially transitioning without really severing all your previous ties, where you're effectively forced to go through the same shit as most people who are just starting their transition while arguably being extremely far in your medical transition
>>45125581> hrt 16 years> ffs> Male presenting the entire timeUnironically how the fuck did you even do this? Didn't you hit some tipping point ages ago where you started consistently malefailing? I can't even conceive of this. You wasted literally half your life you could have spent as a woman. What was the point of transitioning? This is like... iunno, buying a Bugatti and immediately putting it in the garage for the rest of your life under a tarp. Why buy it in the first place?
>>45126252i believe some people tend to be in denial about their own perception and depending on where you live, many around you will just not question it or find it "awkward" or "rude" to do so. it's not very positive for most social interaction or relationships
>>45126236should've thought about that before making a life while boymoding knowing you werent going to stay that wayi know what i signed up for and im in it for the long haul (and i have no ties to speak of anyway), i prefer the weird androgyny over being known as a confirmed tranny, and ive known both ways
>>45126252>the point of transitioningto be beautiful
>>45126303>to be beautifulymmy but uhh no its to pass even as an ugly cisfoid and live an actual normal life as much as possible
>>45126252>Didn't you hit some tipping point ages ago where you started consistently malefailing?i kinda hit it now since i've not gotten misgendered for like a year now>You wasted literally half your life you could have spent as a womanyeah this thought kind of hurts, i don't know why i put myself through this, i just thought i'd get treated better if i could deny being a tranny without considering my own happiness>>45126291>knowing you werent going to stay that wayi honestly thought i'd tough it out until it got unbearable but i guess i recently started having my john32 moment>being known as a confirmed trannyi hate looking androgynous but yeah this is the roughest part, now i'm having to tell people (who are potentially transphobic) that "hey i wasn't actually a really weird feminine man all along, i'm actually a tranny and so i'm changing my name". i don't think i'm androgynous per se but sometimes i feel that without hair i kinda am, and i probably am and it makes me sad> know what i signed up for and im in it for the long hauldo you not think you're going to have your hrtrepper reckoning moment like me eventually?
>>45126425>"hey i wasn't actually a really weird feminine man all along, i'm actually a tranny and so i'm changing my name"doing this honestly just made me feel worse back when i was out, i was constantly stared at because everyone knew and any validation i got from people felt fake because no matter how i looked or what people said i could never be satisfied and believe my own words that i was a womanso i went back>do you not think you're going to have your hrtrepper reckoning moment like me eventually?ive already seen what its like on the other side as seen from what i said above, so no i dont think i will go back
Similar situation here except I socially transitioned 15 years ago. I didn't change any of my documents or work toward legitimate transition in any way until recently after 16 yrs on hrt. I've been diying and avoiding surgery because I'm so far into transition and I never get clocked so revealing that I'm trans to start these processes is torturous. I despise talking about trans issues.In the past few months I've gotten an ID, filed my name change, and scheduled FFS. I'm waiting until after FFS to do everything else. Although I obviously pass I need the confidence boost :( Crippling anxiety sucks
>>45126520but wouldn't people kinda realize you're trans in any interaction where you needed to use your government documents or your government name and stuff?
>>45126550Yeah, they would, except I haven't had a real job in my entire life. My fiance of 14 yrs takes care of me. I'm trying to get my shit together now at 33
>>45126564but damn i envy you for not getting clocked for so long, and here i was getting excited about making it through a year without being misgendered
im just gonna use my job to transfer to a more friendly state in a bigger city after 2 years and tell no one. it will be obvious but i wont have to "come out". they even let u change u preferred name and im not even gonna do other docs. if i didnt have that option i would just save up like a year rent and move the normal way, get a hotel and apply for jobs and apartments. the only people i will tell are my sibling and my bff. no one else has to know.i dont think i actually care about moding to like random people its just potential friends and partners. and i do like being androgyn and i dont care if people think im just a fag. because im pretty sure people i would be interested in would be able to tell and wont make that assumption. its kinda like a self filtering filter. t. theymab hieghthon coper
>>4512558116+6 here. I kinda feel it.>>45126252> Didn't you hit some tipping point ages ago where you started consistently malefailing?idk, ever since I cut my hair short people have avoided gendering me. When they do, results vary. Also >>45126278 probably applies, the same way hons get hugboxed.>>45126176> like why would i get myself misgendered on purpose? that's insane, do you not feel dysphoric as fuck when that happens?Desensitized, I guess. And I'm in college where even gigahons get correctly gendered like half of the time so it's easy to get deluded.Tbh sometimes "passing" gets boring, but I've realized it's rude as hell to be purposely confusing.> how do i even cope?since you already pass, I think people would rather refer to you as a woman than a man lol
>>45126252FFS is not that powerful. Ive had ffs (and srs) and still never malefail in boymode
>>45127876when you mean boymode, how hard are you trying to pass off as male? for me ffs + female hairstyle is normally enough to pass regardless of clothes
>>45125756How do I become the type of person who can do this? I can't hurt the people who hurt me. They are just dumb not evil.
>>45127969I have long hair, not sure how fem it is. its like a bob I guess. no tranny bangs thoI just wear running shoes, cargo pants and a sweater most days. no makeup
>>45128143that's crazy, so the way you get gendered is completely reliant on clothes? i normally wear sweatpants and a tshirt over a bra (which mostly hides my boobs), i don't really consider it anything-moding because it's not really gendered. i do wonder if dressing significantly more masculine than that would get me misgendered, i haven't really tried because it would make me depressed if i did. my working theory is that as long as i wear stuff that like, exposes my neck as much as like v-line tshirts do, i generally pass fine but i've not tried crew necks much
>>45128220my sweater is kinda a scoop neck. it shows my collarbones. I don't wear a bra but my boobs are pretty small even after 10 years
>>45128418yeah i was that way for the longest time ("haha, it's just gyno") but someone told me that it's rude because my nipples show through so i started wearing something underneath it all the time. this is how i dressed when it was really hot, i'm not really sure if it's masculine or feminine
>>45128495u look like a girl 100%idk no bra is kinda a protest. If I can't be a girl why do I have to wear a bra? fuck those people
>>45127977>hurtHow is that hurtful? You just leave and prioritize your own safety. You don't have to retaliate or have a punishment.
>>45128495you look like the autistic lesbian stereotype
>>45129960They are so attached to me it would destroy them. That's always been the case, so they raised me without free will and I never really learned it on my own. But it wasn't a sadistic decision, they just lack theory of mind.
>>45130381No, that's fucked up. They've broken you like a house pet for their own gain and you let them. Mine tried for years to do the same thing to me, you have just as much reason to leave like I did.
