is it worth it to tell my LDR friend im in love with him? We can never be together anyway. I cry every day that I can't be with him, but sometimes I think it would be better if we just stopped talking altogether and I tried to forget about the whole thing. Im not sure he is as into me I am into him, so confessing my heart wrenching love might just ruin things and id really be alone. Maybe im lucky just to have a friend to talk to. He is the only person in the world who even knows anything about me and managed to get past my stupid avoidant shell, and puts up with my erratic psychotic breaks. we text for hours every day. He says I love you sometimes, but more like a friend I think. Neither of us want to do LDR, but when I think about one day meeting him IRL I just start sobbing becuase I can't stand to be away. also im a tranny
>>45206109Why cant you and/or he move sometime in the future?
>>45206137we are in different countries and can;t leave them for the foreseeable future.
>>45206209Is there no way to even visit at some point? You either figure out a way eventually or compromise with what you have
>>45206577I mean yea I could visit. and so could he
better to just express how you feel honestly. better to have loved and lost and all that shit
>>45206209if its super unlikely, it could be worth it for you to just give up on it to save yourself from being stuck in a dead end ldr, it depends a lot though and is easier said than done, maybe its worth just asking him and if he reciprocates seeing how far you come
>>45206109i would kill to have someone like that :(
>>45206725I was alone for nearly a decade before this. It feels great at first but you keep wanting for more and more. >>45206719sometimes I get sad and don't talk for a week or something and I do ok during those times. I think I might have to just make a clean break sometimes.
>>45206109Just tell them how you really feel. If you two are such good friends then you two should be able to talk about it. Tell your friend that holding it in is hurting you.
>>45206796but im scared this will ruin our relationship. I said I have a "crush" on them once and they basically said "good for you" but atp its more like a full blown obsession
>>45206109No, and not for the reason you think. Your relationship with this person is a fabrication. Nearly every LDR is. You’re not in love with this person, you’re in love with a small non-committal interface they expose to you, with the rest of your love being fueled by fantasy that has barely any relation to reality. This is incredibly common and it’s why these types of relationships feel so intense, and it’s why people who partake in them inevitably crash and burn so hard. Anyways, you’re welcome to cope about it all you want. This is really only a mystery to people who are inexperienced in life. You should look to start investing more effort into IRL relationships. Humans weren’t meant to communicate through a screen or over text, we’re meant to experience each other at full fidelity in person. You either learn how to cultivate this type of IRL community, or you spend your life teetering on the edge of psychosis because you’re depriving yourself of the very basic needs you have as a social mammal. I promise almost all your neuroses are from the fact that you don’t have meaningful and healthy IRL relationships. Same goes for 99% of spergs on this site
>>45207357you might be right. im interested to hear more about this though. Why exactly do they feel so intense? ig the fantasy becuase there is no reality. Could be trueI have a lot of issues with finding irl friends or making friends at all. They know me probably better than anyone ever has in the history of my life. that doesnt necessarily mean romance though. I really want an irl relationship though, but its just hard for me I guess. I mostly try to use tag map but nothing ever goes anywhere. I don't have much to offerI do agree with u tho. the only reason I don't fly out there right now is because I tell myself it couldn't possibly last, and I would just mess it up anyway
>>45207459It's an interesting question, the why. I'd consider it a separate topic than the what, which I want to emphasize for a moment. The Great Gatsby is an iconic book written about this exact thing. There is something about distance that creates intrigue, anticipation, an endless sense of allure. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", proverbs like this are probably the simplest form of truth when it comes to human experience. I consider them more important for understanding life than the scientific perspectiveAs for the "why" from a neuroscience perspective, it's because there is an inherent unfamiliarity to LDRs. Your brain is kept in a dopaminergic state as it tries to form predictions and "learn" what to expect from this person, but because there is never an actual resolution to the question (until you meet in person and spend meaningful time together) you are essentially kept in a state of emotional gooning. The risk here is that you build up a significant amount of dependency on this gooning habit, and more often than not the intensity of the feelings you have with this person have no correlation with your actual ability to functionally exist in a relationship together. Sometimes they have an inverse correlation, and the sheer impracticality of your being together creates even more intrigue and unattainability, which your brain mistakes for value by virtue of it being scarce. Anyways, sorry for the autistic rambling. I also have a hard time with IRL people but I promise you, it gets better. I managed to gain some reasonable social skills throughout my 20s, but it takes a long time, and even still I fall prey to comparing myself to others. Unironically just be yourself, if who you is is somebody whos a little shy and awkward right now, or doesn't always have much to say, that's ok. You add to the beautiful diversity of group settings by being like that, I promise you
>>45207919thank you anon. I will consider this greatly.
>>45207933No need to thank me, and sorry I was a little rude in my first message. was in a bad mood earlier. Wish you the best
