For the past week, the vials I ordered have been sitting in my closet and I don't know what to do. I thought I was certain this was what I wanted when I ordered them but I don't know if I should take it anymore. I seriously need help I don't know what to do and I have no one I could talk to about this. I only ever intended to take hrt and stay in the manmode forever without any intention of leaving it. But now I'm not sure if I wanna even do that. I HATE to see my body masculinizing and I want to stop it from doing so any further. But I am 6'2. I live in a really bad place, a place where if I'm ever clocked for being on estrogen, it could have serious consequences. So I'm really not sure whether getting on hrt is a good idea. I know tttt says it does nothing but it does kinda do some things like people might tell from looking at your face or something. I don't ever wanna come out since I'll never ever pull it off because I'm 6'2, I just wanted to start to prevent further masculinization. But I'm scared that someone, especially someone from my family will notice it. I have 2 sisters who are kind of obsessed with my appearance and they notice every small change about me, like when I lose or gain weight and whatnot. I'm scared of them the most.And then there's also the fact that I still have to live the rest of my life as a man, a tall man whom everyone expects to be big strong and masculine. I will never even be remotely attractive as a tranny anyway so I'm thinking, why even bother? Why not just fully give in to that role seemingly everyone in society has already set for me? Go all out with masculinization, even get on steroids and stuff and be miserable (I'm gonna be regardless) but at least socially respected and not ostricized or anything. I really don't fucking know. Yet the clock's ticking
>>45299541do it for 2 months.
Anon, you need to practice mindfulness. It is true that the best time to start HRT was yesterday, but the second best time is today. I know it's a daunting thing, to stand at the base of this extremely difficult journey and see how far it stretches and how perilous it can get. I know that not everyone can just uproot their lives to be the little girl. But this isn't just a phase, is it? You've wanted this for a long time, long enough that you're considering going against the wishes and societal constraints of EVERYONE around you, for a shot at at least mitigating the pain that puberty has caused you.Resolve in the face of adversity is certainty *defined.* If you wish you were a woman, fantasize about escaping the confines of being a man, regret not trying this sooner, and HATE to see your body masculinizing, then you know what you've got to do.Maybe you don't feel safe in this situation. How old are you? Do you have a job? Income with which to escape the situation by moving? A friend to move in with? A nearby shelter for LGBT youth, for which family situations like yours were literally created?I know it's hard, but the only way out is through. You're going to have to either come out or flee. I did both, in the opposite order. Dad's out of my life and I'm allowing my mom into my life for a brief while as I settle into my new life, but I'm also keeping her at arm's length to minimize any blowback or emotional turmoil that may come from me deciding to ice her out of my life. Because I have a very strong inclination to believe she won't support me in any of this.I believe in you, nona. I know what you're feeling because I've felt it too, though I was fortunate enough not to face any physical consequences except an explicit death threat from a coworker. If you need someone to talk to, and I do mean this, friend me on the cord under patched_up_bear and we can talk through this step by step.Also, fellow heighthon, haha, I'm an inch taller. It's okay <3
If it's seriously dangerous for you to be outed, you can take precautions for that like not getting electrolysis/laser on your face and certain parts of your body like arms or maybe even legs below the knee. Those things are often way more noticeable than the effects of the hrt itself and I doubt anyone would suspect that you're on hrt or mistake you for a girl when you're rocking facial hair and hairy legs even if you're on the "luckier" side in terms of the effects of hrt.
>>45299541what country do u live in?if u dont wanna say, at least what region?
>>45303279>>45303302Being in danger isn't the sole concern here, though it's a major contributing factor, there is nothing I can do to change that. Maybe it would be better in my situation to lean fully into the big masculine manly guy role rather than trying anything because of how much it would suck to be a supertall tranny ( even if you're just on manmode)
>>45303279Really? I'm building up to HRT because I'm afraid I'll end up with facial and chest changes too obvious to ignore. Are people actually going to think something is up just because I got rid of beard shadow and body hair?
>>45305037No. But not getting it means reducing your chance of malefailing to a flat zero
