Changed my fucking life.
>>25316130Elaborate.
>>25316139It revealed so much about my fucked up childhood.
>>25316152and HOW?What was your childhood like?
>>25316169Fucked up
>>25316130this book helped me too, anon.
Dropping in to say an anon recommended this book to someone else a year ago and it helped me immensely in the area of identifying enmeshment and healing fantasies that were destroying my self respect and ability to love others.It's not pandering or tiresome. If you had a weird standoffish lonely childhood give it a look, at least the first and last chapters of the book-- I found them to be the meat of the subject.
>>25316130>WAAAAHHHHHH!>Im going to blame every failure in my life on my parents not being nice enough to me instead of taking responsibility for anything>WAHHHHHHHH
>>25316299Okay.
>>25316299Eh sometimes shitty parents really do fuck a person up. You have to judge it on a case by case basis
>>25316381This is true but I find it a bit odd that probably the most gently parented generation in history is also blaming their parents more than ever
>>25316299I'll never understand this reflex. Do you think that no one on 4chanof all places has a fucked up family? Do you believe that who someone is and the challenges they face are completely divorced from their formative years? I recall some anon talking about how his parents were two trailer park metheads who used to beat the shit out of him, to the point of breaking his arm and making him lie about it, and someone like you replying with this bootstraps bullshit.Half the reason people who grew up enduring abuse suffer is that they are forced to keep it to themselves, less brainlet supreme — he who can't conceptualize what going without breakfast feels like— might scream to the high heavens about how their problem isn't trauma, but a lack of attitude.
>>25316396Just because someone isn't getting their teeth kicked in doesn't mean they are being treated gently.
>>25316130Pete Walker’s Complex PTSD is also good
>>25316396"gentle parenting" is often code for "ignored you and left you to your own devices".
>>25316408In my experience it's often coming from someone who suffered actually horrible abuse that they've integrated into themselves and so look down on those who had really minor suffering. I find it hard not to admire, but it isn't a stable or happy way to be. Also a ton of people really are just whiny and without self awareness. t. Used to be the same until I realized getting tortured and molested(I think? The actions fit the definition but it didn't feel that traumatic, comparatively) wasn't normal, much later on as an adult.
>>25316130>>25316504Anyone else finds the CPTSD fad so creepy?Literally only 2 teachings lol:1. everything is your parent’s fault2. CBT doesn’t workIf you don’t believe me just read these books, visit their forums, the subreddit. Well, it’s fine if these mentally-ill people want to keep blaming their parents and refuse to take any responsibility. But this CPTSD grift has coopted the “trauma” keyword. If you search for trauma books or whatnot, you now only get CPTSD bullshit. It’s depressing. Fuck americans who keep coming up with these scams.
>>25316616The only thing I read about it was Pete Walker's book and his commentary on cbt is that it works as long as the patient is also directly targeting their cptsd, which just seems like common sense.
>>25316616shit sucksmy left nut for a good night's sleep
>>25316266That was possibly me, I’ve been recommending this book for years around here. Glad to hear it helped you anon :)
>>25316616Almost all neuroses begin in childhood because that is your first environment and your parents are your models for most behaviours and relationships. This idea that blaming parents is somehow not taking responsibility is horseshit. It is how you take responsibility by understanding the developments that led to the present condition and then extricating yourself from that behaviour.
>>25316130I did not have distant or rejecting parents. In fact my mom was more than involved. It was still fucked up though. The issue is books like these do not cover the greater philosophical implications of the matter. That you don't know and most likely cannot comprehend how much of "you" is subject to forces completely outside your control. From genetic inclination to trauma. This pure into question the entire concept of free will. I believe most of us would choose to be different people only if we could.
>>25316299The past affects the present and the present will affect the future. If you're a fucked person it helps to know who/what fucked you so you learn to not be a deliberate fuckhead.
>>25316396I'm a millennial from apparently the most gently treated generation.Once when I was 10 I pulled a prank on my half brother. We had pizza and he went away for some reason. I lifted the cheese of his pizza and poured a packet of hot pepper in it. He came back, ate it, and started crying. My step dad came in and screamed his disgusting beer and chewing tobacco breath in my face and then grabbed me by one wrist and beat me with a belt while I dangled in the air.He also showed me a VHS tape of him fucking my mom around the same time when I was about 10.My half siblings hate me cuz I smoked pot and didn't speak to my parents for years after getting kicked out of my house at 16 for confronting my step dad for cheating on my mother. He punched me in the face and kicked me out immediately afterwards and I moved in with a friend for a while and the with my grandparents. My half brother and sister still think my parents are saints and I'm a mentally ill drug addict. I stopped smoking weed though.Yep most gently treated generation. I had a Gameboy color and a PlayStation 1 though so that was cool.
>>25316130Reminder that this book is not necessarily about bad or abusive parents, and if you read it looking for ways to recriminate your parents you will miss the point entirely and gain nothing useful out of it.
>>25316837I'm sorry that happened to you anon but I knew a girl whose father punished her by killing her puppy in front of her then making her clean it up and bury it. She was also raped repeatedly. That isn't so bad, objectively. She was a millennial too though so your point stands.
>>25316266>>25316130>>25316819>>25316837>>25316862It's quite simple. There are human's with animal souls and vice versa.
>>25316898Yeah I knew people at my school that had it worse than me.
>>25316904Yeah the day of the pillow can't come soon enough for the boomer scum.
>>25316299this is how you know you had an easy life.good for you, anon.
This book made me realize I internalize A LOT.
I was "raised" by a single father who gave us an emotionally neglected upbringing on government benefits, where we never had access to anything above the bare minimum (frequently going without that), and I'm supposed to be grateful because he didn't beat/rape me.Yes I didn't have a hollywood depiction of abuse, but I had no love, no life lessons, nothing from a manchild who just played videogames and let school do the rest.Then as soon as me and my sibling get to the age where the government money stops, he starts working and starts improving his life while pushing us out of the door.The motherfucker let us go without breakfast for years and never couldnpay bills for the internet for more than a couple of months before getting it cancelled and us going without.Then find out later in life that he's a massive pothead who was probably spending what little we didn't have on weed.Fuck that cunt, I hate him more than if he was a guy that used to beat us to teach us a lesson but actually provide like a man, rather than be a government bitch retarded cunt who didn't know the difference between carbs and protein, or that kids might need to see a fucking dentist/optometrist more than once in their fucking life.And now I'm an adult who has undone all that neglect and programming from and I'm supposed to extend the olive branch to a guy who hasn't changed at all. Fuck that, you get the relationship with your children that you deserve.
>>25316998That sounds terrible anon, im sorry you went through that. I'm glad you are out of it. >olive branchForgiveness isnt about excusing the other person or allowing them back in your life at all. It helps with fully integrating and accepting all the experiences you faced. If you ever have kids, then you have the very good lesson and experience of what irresponsibility and selfish laziness is like and thus the importance of responsibility etc.
>>25316819Well its only meant to be a practical guide. Read Jung for the deeper part.
>>25316898There is no objectivity here anon. It is not like physical health where you can just shrug off small scratches. Nobody is being a pussy because they got traumatised, it is simply something that happens and has to be taken seriously.
>>25316616>CBT doesn’t workcock and ball torture?
>>25317205cognitive behavioural therapy
>>25317214what's the difference
Like you objectively scummy people could actually care beyond your vile narcissism, your individual personal victim narrative that is threads like these. We don't, on here, see any kind of inquiry on nature of good and evil, on the experience of the most sensitive, the most vulnerable, the heroic; on love, protection, emancipation, and nobility. We do get activity that is of the exact opposite spirit however. Āsuric. So where are these threads even coming from. Deplorable.
>>25317216One is foreplay, the other is aftercare.
>>25316904See this is what I'm talking about. Your boomer dad didn't throw constant temper tantrums because he was a sociopath, he did it because he was an overgrown child. Boomers were the first generation to come of age into a highly influential youth culture. Hippies, rock and roll, free love, drugs, and all the rest of it. A huge proportion of them simply stopped developing in high school. We're the first generation raised by the puer aeternus. To pretend they were evil is to credit them with more agency than they really had, and it will accomplish nothing other than to ruin your own peace of mind.>inb4 some lengthy sob story about some horrible abusive incidentYeah I'm sorry that happened to you but that sort of thing was not experienced by the vast majority of our generation. For most of us it was just that our parents were emotional retards who threw tantrums over nothing but found it too awkward to put their foot down when they really should have, and so we grew up a little skittish and introspective. You have your own problems that wouldn't be covered by the book in OP.
>>25316299based, behead self-helping crybabies
>>25316396it's because economic conditions are worsening. If you were born in 1890s peasant backwater in Europe, with objectively bad abusive parents there was at least the opportunity to migrate to USA in your teens, not die in some horrid industrial accident while you worked your way to owning a grocery store or butcher shop in a growing town and make more money than your parents and easily let go of the shitty childhood. Now young people get the chance to make less money than their parents and pay more money for housing and cars while society becomes increasingly atomized and asocial(sexless). This makes resentment hard to let go because it reinforces loser status.
>>25317298>Your boomer dad didn't throw constant temper tantrums because he was a sociopath, he did it because he was an overgrown childThe boomers' parents were the same way, sometimes worse
>>25316898yes some people have it worse and some had it better, this isn't some kind of "victim olympics" where everyone tries to one up another on who had worse childhood
>>25317474What about a "special victim Olympics" for retards and people missing limbs?
>>25317475I don't understand what are you trying to say
>>25317474>everyone tries to one up another on who had worse childhoodIt seems like somewhere in the 90's people realized that the race to the top was too competitive so everyone started instead to race to the bottom.
>>25317477I was making a Special Olympics joke which I admit was not my best work.
>>25316130how?
>>25317259which is which
>>25316130If your parents were actively and intentionally harming you during your childhood then I can accept that they deserve blame, but if you're just mad at them because they made bad decisions over how you were raised then you need to learn to make peace and move on. It's completely unrealistic to expect your parents to be perfect at their roles; parenting is something that's learnt on the job and all parents bring their own flaws with them, some the result of the bad parenting they themselves received. If your life's shit, it would be far more productive to focus on using your agency to make it better than to find objects of blame and resentment.
>>25316130back in my day we used to get severely beaten to the point of brain damage and still didn't put our parents in asylums
>>25316396Sure, but even in a gentle generation there are exceptions. My father has diagnosed schizophrenia and was an alcoholic. In my case the problems weren't subtle.
>>25319229Why is this thread full of these retarded statements? Have you read the fucking book? Do you know anything about psychology? It's not about resentment, it's about healing. And intentionality is irrelevant, if they harmed you AT ALL they deserve blame and more to the point they deserve to be cut out so that they don't keep harming you.
>>25317298>drugsthis is the root of it all, I think. Drugs and alcohol have ruined the minds of our parents' generation, and in turn ruined most of usI say fuck them all; if they couldn't bother to make the important decision not to drug themselves into retardation they shouldn't have had children
>>25316130I haven't read it but I've heard enough about it I think I should check it outI grew in an extremely strick religious household where the church was the most important thingMy parents never in a million years would admit they weren't the best parents and that mine and my sibling's childhoods weren't that great My brother committed suicide in his early 20s and they are completely unable to see how them and their church and their expectations were a big part of that
>>25317298Boomer dads threw tantrums because our girl power trip to India moms annoyed them
>>25319407>My parents never in a million years would admit they weren't the best parents and that mine and my sibling's childhoods weren't that greatThis seems so common between all these parents.
>>25319398Normalfags believe that unless you're physically beaten to the point of severe permanent damage, you are never being "abused". These same normals shit up childhood threads and wax on and on about how casually abusive and strict they would be if they had kids.>>25319405I think we should stop distinguishing alcohol as its own super-special <thing> and recognize it is also a drug. A hard drug, even.
>>25316299Spoken just like an emotionally immature parent, unironically
>here’s why you suck: the bookNah.
Is the book worth reading if your parents were more directly abusive?
>>25316299>t. emotionally immature person
>>25316533>I find it hard not to admirewhy the fuck would you admire being a vindictive asshole who wants to spread out even more misery? those are literally the next generation of abusers
>>25316640picrel literally mebut isn't everyone like this?
>>25319629My friend's wife told me she can't remember the last time she had a nightmare.
>>25316299>How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved ParentsCall me crazy, but something tells me this book is not going to recommend you blame your parents for everything, and take zero responsibility in order to improve. That sounds more like something a strawmanning faggot would do.
>>25319407That sucks. Sorry, anon.
>>25316130I never read this thing but I can guess what its all about having had boomer parents. I had to rely on interpreting my nightmares to navigate without any help. They're very informative when you realize its just your reptile brain trying to tell you something your hypersocial mammal brain is programmed to not notice to maximize group integration. I kept seeing spiders in dreams because my mother was the subtly controlling, sabotaging gaslighter type. I kept having dreams of helplessness and my teeth falling out because of my father's fiery temper and overwhelming physicality. I didn't have a tenable relationship with him until we fist fought a couple times, that was just the language he really spoke I guess. The way he beamed with pride and hugged me instead of murdering me the first time I gave him a black eye threw me for a loop. As for the former, all you can do is be aware of a spiders nature, once you understand what they are they're not so bad.
>>25319726I also have a lot of teeth nightmares but my father was a socially awkward loser. I think I get teeth dreams when my jaw is pressing the pillow in a certain way.
>>25319737What triggers them supposedly is not standing up for yourself when you should be in some aspect of your life, because before we made tools our only weapons were teeth, but take that with a grain of salt. Dreams are mostly still just nonsense.
I was privileged in that my parents were very loving and providing, but I did always feel like I was constantly managing my mom's emotions. Even the littlest thing would set off a bipolar manic episode. My dad let us be subject to it as long as he didn't have to deal with it.
>>25316130Why smokers druggies and drunks are so hated by abuse victims?
>>25319726Analyzing your dreams to decide what actions to take in life is ultimately fucking retarded. I would put it on par with astrology and collecting crystals (i.e, art hoe shit). Dreams can be easily misinterpreted or not mean anything at all.
>>25319773Calm down sperg. No one said it was gospel.
This thread is practically transparent
>>25319787You're right, I was really flying off the handle there. Unhinged, even.
>>25319768addicts can't be trusted with anything, much less with things like raising children into balanced, well adjusted adults. I'm living proof of that
>>25319795Comparing the more mysterious functions of the human brain to astrology and soft occultism is some extreme hyperbole at the very least.
