Born to shit.
Forced to wipe.

>>25438378
I walk on a bridge that crumbles behind me. I am approaching the end

I'm going to suck your dick. But I'm the one who's going to cum.

For sale: leather boots. Never cummed on

"Dad, this is Jamal."
"Ay."

>>25438378
>Steals his story from reddit
Y I K E S

17 years pass in the blink of an eye. I'm still on 4chan.

I insert the weird copy of Skyrim from the yard sale, hm weird.
'Never should've come here' blood leaking from his eyes raaaaaaah I'm dead

I dropped a bar of soap on the floor in the shower while taking a shower and trying to lather myself up with soap to get clean. I'm in prison.

>>25438476
I am a rooster, a member of the untouchable caste in Russian thieves' world prison system. I was initiated by gang rape, I can not give anything to anyone (I can only receive rape), and I live/sleep near the filthy toilets which I am forced to clean.

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I died, yesterday. I woke up an Indian.

>>25438378
There's a monster under my bed.
I sleep on the floor.

Hmm. It didn't use to hurt when I did that.

TWO ANTS JUMP off a building.

Both dead.

"Honey, where is the baby?" "I eated it."

"Hey, want to hang out?"
Read last week

I'm finally inside her. Then, something slithers into my dick.

I had known this would happen since the day i saw her and i knew the moment was right, so i packed my belongings and got straight to work on a cold september night, and i knew that the lock to her door posed no challenge so i entered without a fight, though the apartment was dark as her curtains were drawn i knew the way in the absence of light, through the rooms i crept softly and i made not a sound to disturb not a person in sight, and when i finally felt the handle in hand it was time to give her a fright.
I unbuckled my pants and i slid out my member, as i bashed into her room, and i knew this will be a day to remember so, before i had given myself time to swoon, i turned on my heels and i showed her my asshole, my hemorroids in bloom, and i let out a right-angled stream of diarrhea right across the young lady's room.


Post scriptum:
Run-on sentences are a bitch, oh say it ain't so

>>25438378
The game.

>>25438378
But then who was phone?

I died yesterday. I woke up as this anon>>25438511

For sale: Juicy Sweatpants. Well used.

Someone knocked on the door. It was a bad guy.

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>>25438666
>It was a bad guy.

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>>25438645
That night on the outskirts of Mumbai her car broke down. It's dark and all she can see is their eyes.

I farted. It was liquid.

No

The mime removed his mask to reveal that he was in fact a clown this entire time.

>No.
Yes.

>>25438561
heh this one is good

One of us is expected in the wreckage. And it's not me.

>>25438378
Here I sit, broken-hearted,
Paid a penny and only farted.

With each fading heart beat, her fingers around my face tighten. She reached down to my neck, and said "come with me."

>>25438666
kek

>>25438733
I thought I farted. I was mistaken.

My friend Jake called me on my phone.

It was not Jake, it was Evil Knife Jake (Evil Knife Jake also sometimes uses axes and maybe other types of weapons, i’m not sure…).

My friend came to visit.
Actually it was the creature.

I was hungry so I went to a restaurant.

Accidentally I went to the evil restaurant where monsters eat me.

>>25438479
I became a diver. In the Russian thieves' world prison system.

I had never jerked off so hard that the jizz splashed my face. Now, as I stand on this street corner waiting for "Jose," I wish I had kept my mouth shut and never known that taste of pure, haunting bliss.

All your efforts, when you were effortful, to be something substantial, important, respected, great. But then, you are a catlic.

The creature looked down at its works and despaired.
Oh my Goddess, Agamemnon, are we the baddies?

>>25438466
Not sure what you mean; that's an original story

>>25438666
Checked, best one so far

His parents stood, gun smoking, looking down at the dead the plant-alien imposter, marveling that the nightmare that had consumed their family was finally over.

After what felt like an eternity, their son finally broke the silence: "Hey, parents... mind watering me?"

>>25438378
The monster stood before me. It held political views opposite to mine

I sharted. I looked down and saw red.

>>25438731
Anyone have the gif of two blonde foid backpackers in an indian convienience store at night while outside a swarm with glittering eyes waits?

I hear a new author is popular.
They're a black woman.

I was startled awake by sunlight in my window, my alarm didn't wake me. When I placed my glasses on my face to check the clock, they slipped right off, I reached up and felt only smooth naked skin where my ears should've been.

I needed to fart. You're not going to fucking believe what happened next.

>>25438666
I answered the knock at the door. It was a Jehovah's Witness.

Plagued by worries which kept my mind wandering far from the land of sleep I opened 4chan dot org forward slash lit forward slash in search of psychological succor. Then I saw OP's post.

I clicked on a porn video. My mom was in it.

I'm alone at night in the Scottish Highlands. My non-perishable food is five years out of date.

I just pooped my pants. Oh no! Here comes my crush!

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I wonder what HP Lovecraft would think of this thread. I think he would say these stories aren't true horror because they lack atmosphere and suspense. And then he would say you are all brain damaged from some mixture of blood that isn't 100% Anglo-Saxon.

"Had a great time last night, Trevor, how about tomorrow too ;)", my lab partner texted me with unusual candor. "Of course, happy to study ochem any time with you; my name is Travis btw ;)", I shot back.

Camus said we must imagine Sisyphus happy,
Camus never sat in a Q3 realignment meeting.

>>25438378
I’m driving on a single lane road on a rainy night, and suddenly I look in my rear view mirror only to see a shadowy figure standing in the road behind my car. I figure it’s not safe to be out here alone, so I slow to a stop and shift my car into reverse.

I just finished cumming inside my girlfriend and was experiencing post coital bliss. "By the way I'm trans," he said.

>>25439556
>these stories aren't true horror
Shortform horror isn't horror full stop. It never works and isn't effective.

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I read this book out loud some days. A stalker always gives me a proselytist response the next day..

>>25438378
It was fast. I wasnt.

>>25438378
I know the thread is full of shitposts but even the """serious""" ones read like jokes. It feels like you could tell most of them at a comedy club and it would fit right in.

>>25439662
That sucks oscar piastri

Ordered the salad. Shit my guts out.

>>25438378
This reminds me of that thing that happened with Frederick Brown back in the 50s. He wrote a short horror story: “The last man on earth sits alone in a room; There was a knock on the door”. He published it in some sci-fi magazine and then later on he either got an award or put in a record book or something for writing the shortest story ever. Then some assholes found out and started publishing one word stories to try to steal some fame, and they dropped the whole idea.

I am selling baby shoes. Not worn because my baby died killed by daemons.

>>25439970
"I'm sorry for your loss," he said. Then he disappeared back into the realm of the demons.

>>25439556
Last night I pooped a poop.

IT WAS BLACK!

>>25439954

Had a kebab after work, alone. The police still haven't found my missing daughter.

>>25438731
Pretty sure this is her
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYYQm5f_Ixw

>>25440159
Ok and?

A four inch willy. An inch for every decade.

The skeleton's bones cracked and fell apart. Inside was another skeleton.

>>25439970
The radio said "No, John, you are the demons." And then, John was a Zombie.

>>25438392
Anon made the first post.
It was the best post.

>>25439967
>publishing one word stories
Damn

I cum and eat my cum cuz it's tasty. Now I'm pregnant.

>>25438378
Walking down the sidewalk on a summer’s day, I feel a hand stroke the back of my neck.

It’s black.

>>25438378
"Oh, wow, thank you so much, honey," I said, drinking the juice my beloved wife gave me to drink this hot summer's day.

Little did I know, my beloved wife was actually evil wife who gives out tummy-hurting juice, and my tummy was beginning to hurt.

>>25440632
Uh oh…

I woke up. My throat was sore.

>>25438378
I updated the thread. There were no new posts.

Making out with my girl, the phone rang, and it was her father warning me not to touch her, but when I hung up she said her father was dead. Then who was phone?

>>25439665
Anon read his ironically serious horror story at the comedy club. Nobody laughed.

>Excuse me sir, what street is this?
>It's Martin Luther King Jr Boulevard.

>>25441023
Kek

>Can you tell us a two-sentence horror story?
Would you like to see a sentence invisible to the dead?

>>25441023
AHHHHHH IM GOING INSANE

>>25439478
Yes I would like to know more. Can I buy your pamphlet?

>>25438466
>knows it came from reddit
Y I K E S
I
K
E
S
Also, you have to go back.

I was showering, and rinsing off the shampoo sudded in my hair. Then, out of the showerhead, running over all my flesh, comes liquid red and thick.

"Oh shit," he said, "you didn't drink that, did you?" Then I felt, in my stomach, something crawling.

After the nurse took my newborn son elsewhere for, I presumed, vaccinations, I looked over the paperwork I just signed. Then I realized, in my haste, I checked a box consenting to a circumcision.

My butt itches. I already took a shower.

>>25441631
This one's pretty good.

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>>25438666

>>25438469
hopefully this is unrealistic

>>25438583
Too long. Didn't read

It's bitsy spider.
Bit me where I wee.

A man walks into a women’s bathroom. He says he is a woman.

>>25442004
Haha, yeah. If that were true I'd be like 35 by now.... Oh.

>>25438378
Zoomers inherit the earth.

There was once a baby born with two penises. During surgery the doctors had to remove the larger one due to complications.

New neighbours. They're black.

>>25438378
The Elf King looked upon the Orc City.
"No one is more reviled than the orc", he said.

>>25438378
Left PC to piss. Windows update.

>>25438666
>666

>>25440643
scariest one itt

>>25442262
New neighbors. They're British "people."

>>25438666
>trips
Checked
>666 MARK OF THE BEAST
666 MARK OF THE BEAST AT THE DOOR

Whipped out my cock to goon. It was a dog's cock.

Got undressed with a lady and got my dick out. She did too.

>>25442431
New neighbors. They’re Transition Genders.

>>25438791
The plane will crash. With no survivors.

I put my fist inside my butt. Something slippery just brushed past my knuckles.

You wake up late one Saturday morning, go through your routine, and stumble downstairs to the kitchen to get breakfast with your wife and children. They sit around the table as usual, gathered around plates and food, mid-meal, but none of them are moving.

I couldn't believe it. The plant-alien-monster-boy we thought was our son was really the plant-alien-monster after all, which means the boy we shot... was our real son.

Hey! There's a spider on your shirt.

I couldn't believe it. The alien-shot-monster-boy we thought was our plant was really the son-plant-real-boy after all, which means the alien we believed... was our son's monster

I could believe it. Our son was our son, so I shot him, which means... I shot my own son.

>>25438413
>T. B. Johnson
Faggot thread

"Put me in the screencap!"
They didn't.

She was going to suck my dick, but I got excited and accidentally farted. I don't want to talk about this anymore.

>>25441636
DELETE THIS

>In the throes of despair a woman has taken notice of me. I've decided to trust her

>>25438378
>Can you tell us a two-sentence horror story?
Fuck. Fuckity fuck, fuck fuck.
-------
the writing in this scene plays it out well. https://youtu.be/PNVEQgXsBgs

>>25438666
4 u

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>>25443688
OMG... Is that the word "FUCK?" Which is, like, a naughty word, but ON THE TV? Oh my science! That's so heckin'--I mean FUCKIN' awesome!

>>25438378
I was alone in my room, masturbating my penis with my hand. Then, I remembered: I lost my hands in a tragic accident last year.

This question was hard at first. But then I reali

I used to be an adventurer like you. Butt then

>>25444725
the word "fuck" is known as a syntactic chameleon. that's why a wanna be writer... I use it sparingly, even having a character using "nword' euphimisim has more punch than the actual word, I reserve, 'fuck' for when it really needs to stand out. Same with the nword. Nigga, vs nigger. is powerful, but when a character says: "that nigga is a hard R" it delivers more subtext and context.

anyways, back to infinite jest. I have a footnote to add.

So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

>>25440789
Who was it ?

When I was 13 I ignored a post that said "Reply to this or your mom dies tonight in her sleep."
She was still alive next morning and beat me terribly.

2032
trump re-elected

>>25445701
And Biden was reelected before him...

I met God. She's Black.

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>>25445701
Fine with me

Damn this board really is shit

>>25438378
Easy peasy, I am a god.

>When my brother left instructions not to eat the cake, I didn't expect him to walk in on me eating it. Or that he was trying to kill his girlfriend.

>>25445748
U mad bro?

>>25438378
I look past the counter into the restaurants kitchen. Pajeet.

Its the distant future. Jews still exist.

>>25445783
Its the distant future. You still exist.

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This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife.

I tried to run... run away from the situation as fast as I could, but I was going nowhere. I looked down, and I found, to my horror, that where I had formerly had feet, I now only had roots.

I've been on 4chan daily since I was 16.
I turn 40 soon.

berry loved to play in the snow.
so did the meat worm.

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>>25438666
Cursed gets and post.

>>25438561
"Hey, want to hang out?"
Read 742 days ago

>>25438378
Everything was adequate. And then.

>>25438378
I reached out to caress myself one night. There was a lump.

Stumbling through the garbage, out of bandages and medkits, three bullets left in my Makarov. "A-nu cheeki breeki iv damka!"

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>>25438378
the boomer is dead.
long live the zoomer.

>>25442700
I found the doctor. He wasn’t alone.

>>25445968
lol same

And I have to admit it is a fearful joy, oh very fearful, and yet I feel it most as joy, a joy in my task accomplished, and whatever happens I am here seeing this most amazing sight, well past perihelion now, everything passing so fast there is not enough time, my skin still white-hot but holding firm, holding firm in a universe where life means something; and inside the ship Jochi and the various animals and plants, and the parts of a world that make me a conscious being, are all functioning, and more than that, existing in a veritable ecstasy now, a true happiness, as if sailing in the heart of a royal storm, as if together we were Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, alive and well in the fiery furnace.

And yet

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>>25438378

>>25440789
>Then who was phone?
Electronic Dream Phone

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>>25439159
>>25441636
these ones got me good

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>>25438666
>satanic trips

>>25438378
My wife handed me divorce papers. We do not have a prenuptial agreement.

>>25445748
That's one sentence retard

You don't need to worry! We'll still be best friends!

>>25443642
literally who

I have a good idea. Let's give Sinbad another TV show.

i am a heron, i haev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans

We don't serve Dr Pepper. Is root beer okay?

>Honey, I'm home!
"Huh? But you've been home for hours..."

I've hit upon a combination of words that when read and understood prevent the reader from ever succumbing to the merciful effects of anesthesia. You've just read them.

Gee whizz, that was the nastiest, poopiest, muddiest, butt-splatteringest bout of diarrhea I've ever had in my life. There is no toilet paper.

I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! I'm pickle Rick!

>>25448925
I looked down and gasped, nearly fainting in terror. Where I had heard Rick's voice just a moment ago, there was nothing left but a talking pickle.

I hit F5 again and again in a panic, anxiously looking for even just one single "(you)" on my post, one small token of a stranger's attention--SOMETHING... and that's when it hit me. In bright red text, at the top of the page were the most dreadful words I could have ever imagined: "Thread archived."

"Niggerman save me!!!", I blurted out in jest.
But then the niggerman came.

>>25448793
3 sentences if you didn't comma splice.

>>25448256
>>25443642
A stupid Indian who copes with his jeetiness by adopting a white name, then shills his trash on this board like the dalit scammer he was born to be
Essentially just an edgy version of R C Waldun but with no charm
Why do they want to be white so bad?

>>25450120
Lot of incorrect assumptions in this post

>>25450194
Feel free to correct me where I'm wrong, "Johnson"

Bob sneaks into your bedroom while you're sleeping. Bob's your uncle.

>>25450194
>"'Lot of incorrect assumptions in this post,' my eye!" I chortled, as I gleefully clicked his post number, preparing to give this scoundrel the humiliation of a lifetime... and that's when it hit me... I wasn't wearing any pants!

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>>25442764
>ACTION!

>>25450204
I wish Megatron was my father. Megatron would tell me he loved me after he raped me.

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>>25450200
1. Not true.
2. Nope. Wrong.
3. And believe this because?
4. According to whom exactly?
5. Projection.

>>25450206
pic

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>>25450204
>He said he—he wanted to play. He opened me and I invited him and he came inside me.

My friend said they went to Violently Ass Rape Anonymous Island and know one there knew me. I asked, “Why were you at Violently Ass Rape Anonymous island”?

>>25438378
Went all in betting on a fart. Lost everything.

>>25438378
Niggers exist.
I'm not joking.

>>25438731
Interesting inter-racial cuck fetish

>>25438378
With great fear, i rose from the toilet seat and peered at my waste. It was black and red.

I screamed, yelled, pushed, clawed, and pounded against the coffin lid. All I could hear were the clumps of dirt knocking back.

>>25438666
>trips
Checked
>satanic
Bad guy at the door CHECKED

For sale: baby shoes. My stupid fucking aunties forgot that babies can't even walk.

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>>25438666
>get
The horror... the horror...

>>25438378
"NIGGERS could be here," he thought.
They were.

My soon-to-be publisher invited me over to discuss my manuscript, but it was yet another surprise humiliation party. I had forgotten to file my penis inspection exemption paperwork, and my publisher, who somehow found this out while reading my amateur manuscript out loud to my wife over red wine and casual anal sex, exploited this fact and tipped the local inspectors who, upon my arrival, leapt from behind the door like jackals, pinning me to the floor, one of them menacingly brandishing a suction cup and a micrometer while making eyes at my wife, all despite my screaming protests that I had gotten bottom surgery that very morning and was in no need of an official inspection, a joke which got a lot of laughs from everyone in the room but did little to prevent the inspection itself—an inspection that, this time, like every time, set all the wrong records.

"Yeah, I'm a published author. I put my book up on Amazon KDP."

Finally I opened the door… There was nothing.

>>25441631
>>25441650

Indeed

>>25440502

Couldn’t help laughing

>>25438378
We ran out of nukes that day. But a few Indians survived.

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>>25438378
That evening we walked slowly through the insane asylum and at the end of the hallway I saw and gestured questioningly towards a solitary confinement cell with more warning signs than a nuclear reactor room.

"In there, my friend, is the only man to have ever understood G.W.F Hegel."

>>25442431
>safe edgy
back to plebbit, faggot

>>25450318
Megatroon

my gf went to asu. sneed.

>>25438378
I savour the screams as much as the flavour of the juicy raw flesh under my knife. I have answered my darkest questions, but I am not sure if the wound on my leg will ever heal.

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>>25438378

"Just one drink," I thought.
I wake up somewhere else.

>>25438378
Human resources called.
DEI training scheduled....

>>25438440
Kek

My schlong splurted gallons of steaming liquid seed.
So did hers.

I went for a penis enlargement at the sex surgery clinic.
As I was waking up, I heard "...what do you mean this isn't Mr, er I mean Miss Stevenson?!"

I hear a footstep outside my window. Then nothing for the rest of the night.

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I heard something scary behind me while in the bathroom. When I turned around, there was nothing there and I trailed piss all over.

Dad left to go buy milk and never came back because a truck ran him over…
A milk truck!

>>25438378
It was all in front of me and it was beautiful, hopeful, and loving. I turned around.

I heard the voice of my dead wife behind me say I love you. But when i turned to look i seen donald trump.

>>25455945
>I am the best ghost, the best. Believe me, nobody haunts houses better than me.

>>25455960
fucken kek.

>>25455960
WERE GOING TO BUILD A WALL AROUND THE HEAVENS AND GIVE IT A GATE. NO ILLEGAL SOULS.

>>25455150
omg guys it came true

Met god. She's black.

>>25456019
hir dick nipples are white tho

Dark folds of rotten cheesy discolored flesh interleaved with teal gray fungus slough inwards and floorwise as diabetic morbid bulk transitions vertical and the smell hits me like a truck. "Thanks for picking me up, this was the only night I could get a babysitter" she says.

>>25438378
For sale: Baby shoes. And then a skeleton popped out.

I had sex.
with a woman.

there is a ghost in the closest.
oh wait it's my sexuality... AGAIN.

Donald Trump had another kid.
The mother is Hilary.

>>25456121
Too sp00ky 4 m3 m8

American foreskin for sale. Never worn.

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>>25456523
"Wow, my facelift went so well. I wonder if my son will even recognise me, teehee. Where is he?"
"You do you think gave you the foreskin?"

>>25439556
It stared with my eyes. I stared without mine.

>>25456700
That's four sentences.

>>25438666
He was a bad dude, holy shit

>>25438404
but then you'd walk off the bridge and be fine

The new president of the United States is: Donald J Trump

I take a bite out of the chocolate chip cookie. It wasn’t chocolate, but raisins.

>>25438378
I'm here to suck cock and critique texts. And I'm all out of cock.

>>25460414
Your every day life is already the worst horror story you could possibly imagine?

>>25461424
It's that bad

>>25461424
Its not gonna get worse