>>25470197
>ever dreamed of" read the mural wall
>The images of the atrocity spread world wide and the written mandate by government set the bounty of the two men ten million a piece
>and and and and and
>no commas
Why do people who don't read bother writing at all? Don't they realize how obvious it is that they don't read?
>thoughts on my retarded shit
It's pretty retarded
>Any solid advice would be appreciated
Put down the half-skimmed McCarthy, spend more time reading. You're making elementary, clumsy mistakes on a sentence level. Everything sounds stilted and forced. Shoot for 50 pages a day, every day, for at least a year. Then try writing another draft
>inb4 no I wanted real actual advice
That is real, actual advice.

This reads like the shitty draft of a grade 10 writing project shit out like an hour before deadline. There is literally nothing here worth reading. I wouldn't even know how to fix it because it's not worth being fixed. Start over, or find a new hobby.

>>25470205
Thank you I would consider myself a pretty avid reader but I am quite young and even younger writer, I mostly need the direction