(continued from >>25537449)How would Peter attend the competition now?
https://litter.catbox.moe/1rjqijlo4aaur8j3.pdf
Terence was locked up as smegma cattle
His several cock's slime was milked forever.
The End.
"HOWEVER." Dumbledore boomed through the BDSM dungeon
"Put yo hands up in the air!"
Draco Malfoy was practicing his farting charm
>>25541233It turned all students into trannies instead.
but instead he made the classroom explode
because he used a farting spell mistakenly
"FUCK Draco can't you do anything right?"
>>25541284McGonagall yelled. Yukari Sendo giggled childishly and...
was immediately shot in the face by
Aleister Crowley suddenly casted an Abra Kadaver.
"Hocus Pocus my shizzles" said Snoop Dogg
Robert Anton Wilson found another ground quarter.
Before extermination for not being british enough.
The exterminators where Liam and Noel Gallagher.
Andrew Lloyd Webber composed a sentimental ballad
which went like this "all my life..
I've been training for the International Farting
Contest and failed hard because I suck".
brrrrr brrrrr brrrrrr brrrrrrr brrrrr brrrrr brrrrr
The tuba heralded the opening ceremonies! Everybody
did "The flop" before the Fire Nation
delegation strolled into the arena. Their opponents
were warriors of King Conan's personal army.
Up against them stood impossible giraffe-turtle-buffalo Emmanuel
Lewis. And in the fourth corner, Mongo.
Mongo was part of Cinderella cartel, he
killed Fire Nation soldiers like it's nothing
was a satan worshipper, and a little
kooky. These four teams would face off
against him in a Scottish lumberjack contest.
Which is a slang for farting competition
The host, Donald J Trump, addressed the
last year's winner, the great fart champion
- himself. Great farts. So great. Competition began
with Wooldoor Sockbat ringing the bell and
all competitors taking their spots, at first
killing niggers, jews, faggots, jannies, and trannies
so that only white aryans can watch
The audience thusly cleansed, the farting began.
First competition of the day was Far-Farting
"GENTLEMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN, BEGIN THE FARTING" Dumbledore screamed piercingly
calmly. Each team's far-farter lined up at
Far-farting was loosely based on darts, but
with less precision and no walk-in songs.
First the 20' fart. Conan's rear admiral
began a patter song with his hemorrhoids
“NO WALK ON SONGS. DISQUALIFIED!” Dumbledore roared
Oobily, for he who dares oob once
Next up was Draco, he unzipped his
gym bag and pulled out a massive, green
vuvuzela, which he gently pushed into his
armpits, he then jumped three times to
warm up his anal cavity for the
lube, which he applied in great strokes
to his Draco hair, then began to
>>25541706sing. He too was disqualified. The next
person to mention Indians will be destroyed
Anyway the next team was REALLY stinky
in the context of a farting competion
One got up and spread her cheeks
she was of a somewhat darker hue
She rubbed her lucky forehead dot and
it must have been a scratch-and-sniff, because
her boobs started to glow very scarily.
Her name was Pooja Durkjeet, a legendary
fartlete (a portmanteau of fart and athlete)
>>25541125
(COATING A WOMAN'S FACE IN HOT SPERM!)
She gasped in surprise, as her fart
took the form of her accountant. He
was a genie, offering her three wishes
She wished for: vagana, busy and curry
>>25542468and all three wishes were immediately granted
Pooja was then elected to Romanian parliment
and started by viciously robbing Vlad's grave.
And her race? Well, let's just say
>>25542580that she was ethnically ambiguous; her father
came in her mother's ass, miracolously it
immediatedly created a girl with mommy milkers.
What a miracol! Anyway, about her race:
she was an Irish goblin/elf druid.
but only in Second Life. Really, she
was fifth daughter of two Irish jews.
her name, Hinduism and browniness were explained
>>25542611by run-of-the-mill magic spells
and socioeconomic factors. It was as usual
a joke. A troll. Taking the mickey.
But alas, not one person was laughing.
everyone was gasping for air in fact
Nobody, except for one. His name? Ranjeet.
Ranjesh saw Pooja shat herself, disqualified! Next
white girl's farts smelled like lavender, comparatively
but Marieke from the Netherlands came next
, an altogether more european looking individual,
2 meters tall with a raspy voice
who had not yet seen the horrors
on a diet of sausages and sauerkraut
this was an ambitious, formidable young brap
who cared greatly about the competition. She
had enormous badoncadonc with fat flabby ass cheeks
which stunk like shit, piss, vomit, coins,
, Indians, shitskins of all sorts, Jewish foreskin
, lederhosen, sulfur, bromine, crystal meth, dogshit, aardvarks
and fallen autumn leaves. Marieke braced herself
, saardvarks, narwhals, pegasusseses, and other mythical animals
>>25542667>>25542666>Marieke braced herselfthe way a bike saddle braces itself
>>25542672before it is mounted by the rider
and her gluteus stomps it in shape
like American history X but with bikes
which is basically Dutch History X. Anyway
fifteen thousand years ago, there was a
she shat herself and was immediately disqualified.
The next contestant: Johann Faust VIII. He
woke up 15,000 years in the future
Which basically made no difference, he came
in his own mouth and ran away
>>25542709to Yoh Asakura and played Scrabble instead.
Ambiguously retarded bailiff took his keys to
come in his mouth. Everybody mouth cummed
and waited for the next farter: Wong
Wongema, a Frisian petomaniac born of endogamy
, I don't know what those words mean
but I'm sure that I mean them
because i'm severely mentally impaired and I
['m] the one you share this board with
I also share bed with my uncle
But anyways, Wong took her spot and
performed, her idiosyncratic say-less-with-more post-post-minimalistic farting style
was unbelievable to watch, the technique was
great. But everyone swallowed their own cum
which was the traditional tournament meal and
for dessert they swallowed more cum and
scrumptious Thelemic cum and pussy blood cakes
Next up was the Jamaican athlete, called
back to Jamaica before he could fart
>>25542897"De contest be too embarrasin mon." King
Mandingo "Dingo" Yehudowitz, clone of the late
Cum, from Cumzania, ate his own cum
>>25542901fastidiously, accounting for every gob and drop
Eldritch horrors had beplagued Dingo's nightmares since
he was a gaylord who swallowed cum
with piss and blood. Known for his
cum swallowing first and foremost, he also
raped the cumposter father to death and
then Aleister Crowley was next up, he
savoured his cum, not gobbling it down
With satanic powers he turned cum into
farts. These six words serve no purpose
thought the future Shaman King, as he
limped awkwardly before firing out, BOOOOOOM!
Cumshot! The most cum we've seen so
far in cumposter mouth at once, it
took a lot of guts and moxy
But anyways, farting competition was well underway
But first, a word from our sponsor
Sponsors:"buy our shit you fucking retards!"
Taco Bell, for the smelliest, juiciest farts
And Pooja is back on the field!
Looks like some kind of dispute with
the East India Company and Square Enix
the judges. They fucking hate female jamboys
, but heckin' love Jewish femboys, especially when
Dung Lord Rajamurtasattranamabharatnandalokshavaishnaguptachandraloreturmavarti casted sinister magykcqal workings
The audience is running for the exits!
"fo sizzle" said Snoop, throwing up gang
and stealthily summoned Puff the Magic Dragon
to puff dragon dildos into bussy abysses
flung his tail into the air and
cum, most people wanted much more cum
cum is better than farts, they insisted
especially fish come, or milt, on toast
but the best cumfarts didn't begin yet
until after the bathing ritual, which went
like this "plap plap plap plap plap"
>>25542311
>>25543176The team of Futanaristan started to masturbate.
Cum was flying, then somehow, Palpatine returned...
Furries femboys and trannies started to fight
with penile lightsabers, like that one bitch
and the zimbus terrorized the declined west
Spengler came back to fight liberal Palpatine
and through it all, Pooja was waiting
>>25543295in the wings for her third attempt.
Softly, the wind blew down the glade
and shook the golden barley. It was
Hanukkah and all the rabbis gathered to
sing the old songs. Pooja eagerly joined
them, and it was as if the
spirit of Judas Maccabeus himself was among
them. It was the best of times,
it was the zest of limes, it
was a great hachlala, everybody went meshugenneh
>>25543418תהרוג את הגויים או שתמות יהודי מניאק
said Pooja in uncanny fluent yiddish, then
she fell silent. The rabbis stood pondering
the dark hexagon atop Saturn's North Pole,
which had only recently begun to emerge.
If God real, why bad thing happen?
Can God lift unliftable stone? Big think
So mused one of the rabbis solemnly.
Suddenly, from the flames of menorah, appeared
Pooja's next challenger, her old time rival
her nemesis, her adversary, her coequal and parallel
Her name was Anne Frank, holocaust victim
, and she spoke exclusively in iambic pentameter.
it was all or nothing for Pooja
Pooja's palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms
heavy, there's poo on his sweater already
spaghetti, Pooja's palms were sweaty, knees
Anne smirked menacingly and unleashed the flurry
from her McDonald's bag, an Oreo McFlurry.
It's super effective! Pooja received 8 damage.
Pooja gave a frightened fart, in relief
the rancid smell filled the room and
but her stool was loose from curry
then the whole room cummed on Pooja
. The fart won Pooja the competition! She
sent that skank into a gas chamber
in a competitive farting manner of speaking
, of course. Anne was not harmed physically.
but her mentality crumbled like twin towers
However, Pooja was disqualified for being Indian
but then it came to light that
she was, in fact, part jewish! Phew!
And that Bush did 9/11, also Israel
was not to be blamed at all.
It was to be nuked and rinsed
>>25543552metaphorically speaking. No Israelis would be harmed.
Just to clarify, Pooja WAS disqualified. Final.
But not for being Indian. Rather, she
it turns out, was doping her farts
with prehistoric biomass found in Ranjeesh cum
(In all seriousness I reject racism. #TRUE)
"SILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENCE" Dumbledore erupted as his eyes glowed
"Pooja is canonically Irish/Jewish!" he added.
he also cummed spurously onto his thigh
"NOW START FUCKING FARTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING" he bellowed, enraged
, not knowing that the competition had ended.
The cunning cummer had common flu, so
the jury's Elon Musk and Whoopi Goldberg
what was to be done? Truly, no
Nobody ever told me that world is
nothing but a vast Altar, upon which
nothing is ever sacrificed. Woe to those
who roll me, i'm not the sharpest
nor am I the dullest. Woe to
those who troll me, i'm not the
>>25543640those who don't sniff farts, hither, thither
So went Dumbledore's soliloquy. The crowd, though,
was not impressed and called for blood
And bile and plasma and cerebrospinal fluid,
and all manner of condiments. It was
astringent. "PEEEEENIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS" Dumbledore cried out, shattering eardrums
and hymens and prepuces and retinae and
all manner of condiments. It was messy.
in condiments in continents incontinence in countenance
Dumbledore tried appeasing the crowd with alliterations.
But it just made things much worse:
The illiterate were the first to revolt
the dyslexics joined the carnage soon after.
>>25543815Then the Sunnis, Shiites, banded together for
>>25543880Israel. Penis, phallus, dick, willy, wiener, cock
; Dumbledore's shopping list had just been leaked
to the press, who took pity, and
>>25543191
hid it behind a paywall. But then
Edward Snowden leaked Hogwarts secret onto MuggleNet
it seems like Tom Marlboro Epstein was
played by Dick Hammer, Sam Darnold's grandpa
And he kidnapped the mudbloods for Dumbledore
Pooja didn't care. Her victory was stolen
and all this nonsense was irrelevant now
>>25538528>>25543614she decided she would invoke the jury
surely they would deem her farts redeemable
"Oi, what's the craic? Acting the maggot?"
"Gotta be honest. The Irish deserved it."
addressed Pooja the jury in Belfast dialect
Ranjeet and Scuddldes unitedly joined her complaints
Coked up Conor McGregor representing Irish government
"Fetch me my sister," said McGregor, erect.
Siobhan McGregor entered the room wearing sack
Elon didn't see anything improper with this
He brushed her mouth with his dick
She heartily thanked him saying "Arigato onii-chan"
Bespermed and begrudged Dumbledore seethed uncontrollably because
he had been captured and was held
, like the bottom he was, in chastity
. "Expelliarmus!", he shouted. It did not work.
The spell did, however, cause a massive
>>25544747tidal wave in Bolivia, unbeknownst to Dumbledore.
Unbespermed to Gandalf, too. Which represented a
Pigmeyan natives from the Epstein Island, he
did not understand the preceding post. Anyway,
Bolivia, being landlocked, was not prepared for
the catastrophe that hit them. Millions died.
All Indians. The world cheered for months
. With the Indian diaspora in Bolivia gone,
Dumbledore was to face severe criminal charges.
Luckily for him his gnome attorney Goldbergbaumvitzstein
quickly added Pooja to the defense team.
Farting contest jury now became drumhead court-martial
. Anne Frank returned to lead the prosecution.
Equipped with her diary and ballpoint pen
she began work on her opening statement.
When finished, she started reading it aloud:
"Ladies and-" but Pooja cut her off!
it was a very unconventional legal move,
"Anne Frank is a zogbot!" interrupted Pooja
"Look who's talking!" countered Anne. The judge
said "let's wrap this up. Who's based?"
Gupna knew of Kritrimaprajna, horrifyingly.
"Beyond based and cringed, there lies truth"
a juror exclaimed indignantly. The court artist
hushed him; he was not to interrupt.
Outside the court room, storm clouds gathered.
>>25544142Continuation thread will be made after this one's slid down the catalog a bit
A muffled Radiohead song was playing somewhere.
Meanwhile, inside, proceedings were reaching a crescendo:
"Pooja is found guilty." declared the judge.
"Objection!" cried Goldbergbaumvitzstein. "She's not on trial!"
"Who cares! She stinks of shit!" yelled
Walt Disney, freshly thawed.To everyone's surprise
his penis was eighteen feet long and
that swayed the jury in his favour
though he also was not on trial.
Though in many ways life's a trial
but also it isn't, it's something between
a rockhard funky place and Mafarka's ithyphallus
Anyways, Anne Frank asked to examine Dumbledor
and the judged readily granted the motion.
A bailiff bent Dumbledore over and pulled
up the old mans cloak, exposing his
his remote-controlled RGB turbocharged tailed buttplug,
which was the 69th horcrux, it appears
. Just what Anne had expected to find!
With Dumbledore's guilt thus readily apparent,
the activist judge ordered "NOT GUILTY!" Whoops!
T'was the whoopsie heard round the world;
Which greatly angered Fergus in the Highlands.
The farcical trial and its farcical verdict
caused violent uprisings at Hogwarts in particular,
killing more than half the student population.
As the muggles say "shit happens" right?
And it meant open season on Indians
who were still mourning the Bolivian catastrophy.
But Pooja felt no remorse towards Bolivians
and nor should she, an unrepentant racist.
It was just before dawn, when suddenly
dawn broke. It was now after dawn
permanently until it could be repaired. Dumbledore
cummed, cummed, cummed, cummed, cummed and cummed
to and fro the tetrical chiaroscuro environs
>>25545271emboldened by their judiciously placed cliffside abodes
(Das rite, Dumbledore now uses nonbinary pronouns)
>>25544829NEW THREAD >>25545294
