"David vs. Goliath" editionPrevious: >>25568017/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQRESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvCPlease limit excerpts to one post.Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.Discuss the written works below for practice; contribute, and you shall receive.If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.Expect critique, not praise.Shitposters should be ignored and reported.>Beginner guides on writing:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRM (Improve your Writing: Show, Not Tell) [6:08]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whPnobbck9s (George Orwell's 4 Tips For Speaking Clearly) [23:00]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFk (How to Show, Not Tell: The Complete Writing Guide) [27:19]>Intermediate guides on writing:https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/48654.Storyhttps://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3097766-borges-on-writinghttps://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23056.Image_Music_Text>Advanced guide on writing:Just do it.
Your threadly reminder that regurgitating what others have written only leads to boring writing, and if you're just a NEET, rotting away in your room in your mommy's house where you grew up, then you're never going to write anything interesting. You need to join an organization that gives you the opportunity to travel and meet people who aren't like you. Peace Corps, Americorps, Foreign Legion, military, etc. You can do so any time you want. There's nothing stopping you, and nothing wrong with you, physically or mentally... you don't lead an interesting life because you refuse to. Nearly one third of Peace Corps applicants are accepted. Getting into Americorps is even easier. And you'd gain real-world experience that you could pour into your writing. Not only does being NEET prevent you from having anything original and interesting to write about, but NEET is a choice, and a very lazy, cowardly one.
Fat themed fairy tale romp. Didn't specify an age for the character but I imagined around 13. There needs to be a smutcon for writers. I'll show up wearing a paper bag with a question mark on it. https://rentry.org/kbgp5gco
The 4chan proselytizing spammer is a contradiction of the anonymous and idea-driven nature of board culture. Instead of saying his piece and allowing it to die with the thread, he instead violates the peace by insisting upon it over and over. Instead of being anonymous (or at least known incidentally through their OC or voice), they are instead known for copypastas, bait, and debates that are more marketing than philosophical. Instead of trying to bring a fresh insight, he simply wishes to repeat his original idea over and over. A call of action that is made impotent by its rude tone, inappropriate place, and its contradictory attitude. It's contradictory because no man I have ever known of any real merit will go on /wg/ and be the first post (twice so far, maybe more I didn't check), just to say irrelevant advice that has nothing to do with the board or thread. I am not even going to engage in the merits of whether the advice is sound or not: that is irrelevant. Instead I take issue how it vehemently preaches wisdom while its form comes across as entertainment for the poster alone. Childish entertainment.
>>25573091I'm 40 and aged out of the military
>>25573165In America, the age limit for enlistment is 42. There's no maximum age for the Peace Corps or Americorps. You're just making excuses while you NEET your life away.
>>25573163Wow, that really struck a nerve with you. I take it you're a NEET, wasting his life away? I gave you a solid plan, not only to stop being a NEET, but to gain life experience so your writing isn't so shallow. Why do you resist it so much?>insisting upon it over and over>repeat his original idea over and overThat's the second time I've posted it. Two examples make a general trend? Have you worked for the American establishment media before, perchance?>no man I have ever known of any real meritLiterally a "no true Scotsman" fallacy.
>>2557317235
ESL here. But is there even a way to get good at writing metaphor and other kinds of figurative language? It doesn't seem learnable. I googled it, and books with "metaphor" in the title are mostly philosophy and social science books.
This sounds like a jest, but my underwear becomes uncomfortably sticky as I leak while working on smut everyday. It is problematic.
>>25573240>He doesn't write naked
>>25573195You're behind the times. The maximum age to join the Army was raised to 42 in April. In any case, why are you focusing on the military, and ignoring the possibility of joining the Peace Corps or Americorps? It seems that you acknowledge the need to gain real-life experience.
>>25573240normally i try and jot down ideas for smut one handed and do the nitty gritty and editing of it with both hands. the pre writing imagination phase works very well with my usual fapping to my imagination plan i have
Threadly reminder that genre fiction is for mentally deficient people. Laser swords and booby elves are not a substitute for human drama.
wrote this last night
>>25573251You again. Post a link to the archive where you shared your unappreciated litfic writing, or barring that, post it again so we can see what you're so butthurt about.
>>25573252I misread that as "peeing into the window"
>>25573256You people already proved you’re my lessers so I don’t owe you anything.
>>25573252Why was Paul erect? Why did the approach of a presumably attractive young woman cause him to become flacid? Is he gay?
>>25573251Behold, the retardism of fantasy!
>>25573274How convenient for you. That must make it so much easier for you to continue being a pussy that complains about others' tastes but never reveals his own. Now post your writing or STFU.
>>25573280Seething over it being a national bestseller, are you? Or it being described as spectacular, graceful, original and humane? Can't wait for you to post your litfic and show us all how it's done. But all you seem to be able to write are threadbare excuses.
>>25573285I appreciate your jealousy. I can produce writing of merit whereas you’re slumming it with a D&D campaign.
>>25573252There's some good but some parts are confusing (the leg coiling) and some come off as pretentious (the constant semicolons, the "heretofore").
>>25573288No, making fun of saying that all genre is retarded when a Nobel prize winning author puts out truly fantastic literary works such as the one linked.Buried giant is proof not all genre fiction is slop. Most of it is, but not all.
I like genre fiction. It's comfy and easy to write and read. Not everything needs to be Ulyssus, and trying to ape Ulyssus when you don't have the skill is like shooting yourself in the foot twice.
>>25573247No. I'm comfortable at my desk job.
>>25573274you the retarded little shit that was utterly defeated by a 5 maragraph story written in 5 minutes?you proved you're an illiterate little bitch, that's what you proved.
>>25573298>I can produce writing of meritYou're a stupid little shit for brains that can't even parse a 5 paragraph story. And you're so amazingly stupid that you don't even realize how stupid you look. Somebody like you can't even equal Sanderslop, and he's a shit writer.
When was /wg/‘s heyday? Or did it always suck?
>>25573298Never said I was a fantasy writer. And I don't even know what to be jealous of until you post your writing. My guess is you have no writing to post and are just seething mindlessly.>>25573308Ah... you're not the litfic seether, and you were being sarcastic. Fair enough.
>>25573238I would recommend writing in your native language.
>>25573310Is your desk job giving you lots of life experience to fuel your writing? "And then... Anderson filed the memo in triplicate! I ate my lunch at my desk! And the painfully plain, barely office-cute girl rejected my advances with an unveiled look of disgust, then told me she already had a boyfriend!"
>>25573321Name one book about the americorps. You won't.
>>25573315>Ah... you're not the litfic seether, and you were being sarcastic. Fair enough.Lol. You’ve no reading comprehension. No wonder you’re so jealous of me!>>25573321Right. It would be so much better if there was an ancient prophecy and the office girl was an elf. You genretards are funny with how single-minded you are.
>>25573326I'm not asking you to write about the Americorps. Are you really that lacking in imagination? Americorps would make you travel, and interact with people you normally wouldn't. That would give you the real-life experience to write authentic characters and situations. I swear, you're so deep in the pit, you forgot what it was like to not be surrounded by darkness.
>>25573321Based relatable protagonist.
>>25573352What if I just wanted to write about hamburgers and a suburban middle class American family?
>>25573355Okay, but you have to portray it as shallow and meaningless and that people can only really lead fulfilling lives in the city surrounded by ethnically diverse queers. Oh, and by taking drugs. It’s what the kids these days call “subversive.”
>post fantasy in writing general>ewwww its genrefiction>post fantasy in fantasy general>ewwww its webnovel tier>post fantasy in webnovel general>ewwww its tradpub tieris this board filled with nothing but faggots holy shit what value do you cretins even bring there isn't even DISCUSSION here
>>25573352Three threads in a row youbare shilling americorps now you are backing off.
>>25573366Are you retarded?
>>25573366Yes yes your armchair theorising will certainly create a relatable and exciting novel that will impart upon all the rest of us (with so much more life experiences than your couch potato ass) so much more meaning about what you imagine we experienced vs what we actually did experience. Well done you.Let's move on.
>>25573363there is sadly no good home for well written fantasy, it's either slop (bad quality) or slop (midwits pretending to be pynchon). the majority of genre fiction consumers do it almost purely for the setting or the characters, it's hard for them to appreciate good prose.
>>25573358No no. Im writing about influence culture and how every influencer copies one another while the hamburger kids get mad that it's not the best tasting hamburger and they have to do it themselves
>>25573404YOU? Well good to see you’re still kicking around here. I remember everybody’s name was a variation on penis.
>>25573240you are disgusting
>>25573407That was a joke post that I turned around and made it serious after realizing there's a potential story here.
Which of these fine books written by our very own are you interested in?
>>25573407>>25573404Now this sounds good>>25573252Less of this please
>>25573091going out to experience the world is one thing. but why those things lol. If you were interested in getting out there then just fucking go out there yourself. walk the PCT, or the appalachian. go on a road trip cross country. train hop, hitch hike, take the initiative. joining those orgs isn't going to guarantee you will learn anything or have some life changing epiphany. You are just gunna get corraled around like every other insitution you been through already.
>>25573416never heard of em
>>25573427Now you have.
>>25573424Frog and Toad are considered gay icons, now. Guys can’t be friends.
>>25573424For me I take an event that happened to me in real life, find a historical figure then channel my angst and sadness into said historical figure and create a historical fiction of said figure going through what i am currently going through
>>25573431I forgot them already sorry
>>25573438I will post them again later.
>>25573416Give me the first page of each story. Give me the slop.
>>25573445Thanks. I know what to avoid in the future
>durr you can only write from experiencest. can't rotate the apple in their head
I'm writing the Departed meets the American Revolution.
>>25573459But there is no apple in my head.
>>25573460Leo infiltrates the Freemasons?
>>25573464Yes. But Matt is such a bad name for the Tory character
>>25573411No way it would evoke any feeling in the reader if it didn't even turn me on.
>>25573392>Let's move onDoes this mean you will stop shilling americorps in every thread? I doubt it.
>>25573404Fucking American trash. Everything is a burger to you fat, disgusting, capitalist pieces of shit.
>>25573397>tfw trying to write a heavily religious fantasy with mythical prose/themingthis sucks, mani think my only choice is to pester the webnovel heads until they forcefully evict me
>>25573487just do it anyway and post it wherever it could even remotely be accepted, you'll pick up a few people interested in it like that. the number one goal of a writer should just be to make something you find good, of course getting that story to people that would appreciate it is a close second.
>>25573447Here is King of L.A. in full: https://pdfhost.io/v/JQH3HMZNJJ_King_of_L_AHave at it, you savage cretins. Try not to fall completely in love with me upon first read, let's keep it casual for now.
>>25573487Victoria already did it.
>>25573503As a hardcore A.I. hater, I must honestly admit that I would rather read an AI-generated novel than this.The gangsta speak sounded authentic though. So you got that going for you, which is nice.The rest of the prose sounded like a gangsta trying to write.
What programs do you guys use to write? I thought of starting by writing short stories within a small wordcount and need a program with that feature.
>>25573534this comment sounded like a pajeet trying to act human
>>25573543>>25573503
>>25573471it already evokes a feeling. disgust
>>25573459who are you talking to?
>>25573552>tiny yellow twink hands>black peasant finger hairyou are not white, you didn't read and you don't know shit about what an "authentic gangsta" sounds like. this is the best /wg/ can do?
>>25573510good for her. is she single?
>>25573416It's all forgotten now. I bought it but I hate reading on kindle and don't feel like learning how to jailbreak it
>>25573503Look I support any anons who finish and publish something, but I do see what people mean by the screenplay dimension. I think it’s fine for your work, doesn’t bother me much but this is far and away from what I would call literary fiction. It probably doesn’t matter to you though. The characters and events read nicely, I just want more is all.
>>25573252The usage of too many semicolons can become irritating. You've reached that point.
>>25573416The patrician choice.
>>25573503Kinda boorish writing.
>>25573940based
The LLMs are all in agreement: I have no unique voice. I'm not actively trying to write generic... I just can't help it...
>>25573951Perhaps if you attempted to be unique instead of relying on the machines that just regurgitate what has been said you might write better.
>>25573923nobody said it was lit fic, it's quite clearly genre pulp that aims for the pop appeal of King or Tarantino but with bigger ideas underneath.
>>25573955I am attempting to write uniquely. It's fucking hard. The problem is I used to work as a tech writer, and I had my unique voice edited out of me by government employees and contractors.
>>25573541I use Scrivener. One time purchase and has a word counter at the bottom of the doc, plus a lot of useful features like multiple docs in one project and annotated notes
>>25573503Ok, I actually read it (thank fuck it's short) and I'm gonna give you some honest, precise feedback.This book feels like a movie trailer that never ends. Every entrance gets a wardrobe inventory. Every scene ends like it’s begging for a cut to black.Everyone talks in speeches about loyalty, family, vengeance, legacy, like a cross between Dominic Toretto and Vito Corleone, then immediately shoots somebody. The ellipses are doing more work than the characters.You're clearly a wannabe gangsta (possibly a rich white boi who has never shot a gun in his life), and you don't seem to realize how cringe that is. Blanco is less a character than a collection of gangster-movie props: gold teeth, lion tattoo, white limo, tragic past, doomed romance. Camille starts as a woman and quickly becomes a convenient device for his redemption arc. The gangs aren’t people so much as piles of signifiers (bandanas, slang, guns, cars) arranged for maximum "gritty L.A." atmosphere. It comes off as synthetic rather than vivid.It's not all COMPLETE shit, there’s some entertaining pulp buried in here. The Disneyland date is so wildly over-the-top it almost works as satire. But unintentional satire is just shit writing. The book seems unable to tell when it’s crossed from heightened melodrama into accidental parody. By the finale, everyone is either dead, betrayed, in love, or standing near an explosion. Usually several at once.It almost feels like a screenplay written by someone without much talent and who hasn't read NEARLY enough. (More gunfire doesn't automatically mean more stakes. More "yo nigga" doesn't entail authenticity nor humor.) A big, loud mess, allergic to subtlety.The lethal flaw is that it doesn't have much to say. It tries very hard to look cool and real and meaningful but ends up being just banal. Repetitive. Boring. As short as it was (prolly like the author), it was a slog.And the form isn't good enough to compensate for the lack of substance. In the entire book there isn't a single beautiful sentence, not a single striking concept. Nothing. It's not AI slop, but still slop.Grade: 3/10Treatment: spend the next 10 years reading the classics. Then maybe you can try again.
>>25573091This is all bullshit, you are a faggot with no creativity
>>25573988>As short as it was (prolly like the author)WHY WE BE ALWAYS CATCHIN' STRAYS
>>25573988I think the author actually said it previously was a screenplay, and he had a Hollywood agent, but no production companies wanted to buy it, so he "rewrote" it as a novel.I didn't read the whole thing myself, just sampled a few pages, and that story seems to check out. It's basically a screenplay hastily reformatted as a novel.
>>25573998Makes sense, it reads like a botched screenplay clumsily turned into a franken-novel.
>>25573988>Everyone talks in speeches about loyalty, family, vengeance, legacy, like a cross between Dominic Toretto and Vito Corleone, then immediately shoots somebody.Are you trying to diss it or sell it?
100 replies and only 2 people posting their writing? What the fuck.
>>25574135Fact checked FALSE.
>>25574135Do you want me to post what I have of my screenplay so far? (I'm not the NJB guy) It's almost half of a first draft and probably very rough.
>>25574146Yes
>>25574146Yes, come on, this guy >>25574199 is already lubed up.
Yeah fucking watch me
>>25573988this reads like a trained LLM review. not defending the turbo niggers shit book but there is an excess of adjectives and general reddit formatting/style of speaking.yes I am aware of the hyper fixation of LLMs now but it is warrented. If it really isn't a trained LLM then I would suggest you use a less methodical way of speaking.
>>25574213yeah something needs to be tightened all right
>>25574251>less methodicalWhat the fuck are you talking about? I typed it out in a hurry and pissed for wasting time with that garbage book, mentioning whatever flaw came to mind.
>>25574146No. We deserve better than some shitty first draft.
>>25574274and yet you took the time to reddit space after all your inconvenience. your entire review could have taken all of 3 sentences. Stop acting like you didn't invest any time or effort
>>25573503Use fewer ellipses. Ideally, eliminate them all.
>>25574199>>25574208Here you go, enjoy some horror schlockIt's not quite halfway done. I didn't get to the gruesome stuff yet.>A group of urban explorers become trapped in a hidden underground Cold War bunker. Will they escape to the surface before the inhabitants can harvest their flesh?>>25574358Oh well.
>>25573347You have such a narrow, seething view of genre. Now stop making excuses and post your litfic gem so that we can all bask in the wonderment.
>>25573366Did Americorps hurt you or something? And I never said to write about Americorps; I said that it was an option to leave your comfort zone, travel, and gain real life experience, while getting paid. It seemed ideal for a NEET who wants to write but has nothing going on in his life. Feel free to suggest something else that will make a NEET leave his comfort zone, travel, and gain real life experience, while getting paid.
>>25573424Maybe, but the Peace Corps, Americorps, Foreign Legion, and military all pay. Your ideas cost money.
>>25573459Real-life experiences will give your writing depth that it is currently lacking. NEETs can do research, and have imagination, but as you must admit, it's not enough.
>>25573477Bitter that your country is America's bitch? I understand.
>>25573620Boor thinks he's the new king of /wg/, Frank. What are you going to do about it?
>>25573951Maybe if you had real life experience, you could gain depth as a person and even develop a unique voice.
>>25573503>>25573962Wow, people actually posting writing in this thread! Even if it sucks, our cup truly runneth over!
>>25574438What do real life experiences have to do with writing? Writing is the skill of words. It has nothing to do with reality. They have zero correlation. Real life experiences are only good for digging for inspiration you might lack, and maybe gaining emotional intelligence that you could indirectly use in writing. If you already have those two things, its kind of useless (to writing).I have a coastal ship job that takes me places and makes me travel. Do I use any of that in my writing? No. Do I use the various people I meet in life in my writing? Also no. Do I even enjoy travel and seeing different cultures and worldly experiences? HELL no. I'm just in this job for the money. What do I actually use for writing, my hobby which makes me zero money? My fetishes I can tell zero human beings, and my seething misanthropy.
>>25573988>possibly a rich white boiBoor is from Oklahoma. Nuff said.
Boor is a hick from OklahomaZiest is a pasty tech nerd from WashingtonWing is a dirty Chinaman Johnson is a Indian working in a call centerMack is a New York fedora tipping liberal with 40k in debtanyone else?
>>25574457Real life experience gives writing depth, which is sorely lacking in NEET-authored fiction.>I have a coastal ship job that takes me places and makes me travel.Then you're not a NEET and my advice doesn't apply to you. Also, a ship that only plies the coast isn't exactly a route to exotic lands.
>>25574468No matter how wagecaged I am, I will forever have the free soul and spirit of a NEETAnd it's only coastal because I inspect ships at docks, lol. I take flights more often than not
>>25574454I have real life experience. As I mentioned, I was a trained tech writer with no voice for decades.
reminder
>>25574510Sounds like a very quiet life, devoid of human contact. You need to get out there and get messy if you want to gain the depth it'll take to write interesting fiction.
>>25574466I'm not Indian, though I enjoy some of the food. And I actually work in the glitzy and glamorous entertainment business.
>>25573988Evaluate Consumptive Cur next.
I would post my writing but it’s genre fiction and apparently you guys don’t like that unless I’ve served in the coast guard.
>>25574521That's awesome.ni bet you gave to s of interesting stories. I'll wait for you to drop a story about why a rich young famous actor/actress has a happy marriage, kids, money, stability then cries about emptiness, drugs themselves, and suddenly blows their brains out. Now that's a psychological story to deep dive into.
>>25574520Everything I've written so far is base loosely on a real experience I had, though only at an initial-concept level. I have plenty of experiences to draw from. I just don't have a lot of practice describing them in evocative and interesting language.
>>25574538Victoria?
>>25573998From what I remember, Boor has a meltdown every time someone says his novels (well... novelettes) read like screenplays.
>>25574540Probably same reasons non-celebrities do that stuff (ie emptiness, drug addiction, wanting die). What makes it so special when a celebrity does it?
>>25574589Because celebrities made it. Others do it because their lives are really shit, but rich celebs? Why? Like Robin Williams
>>25574435oh no. those places cost alright.
>>25574586Uh... but it does read like a screenplay. It wasn't even changed to past tense.
>>25573582You just can't play nice, can you.>https://warosu.org/lit/thread/25512907#p25514197>https://warosu.org/lit/thread/25512907#p25514199>https://warosu.org/lit/thread/25512907#p25514202Carlon rose to his feet. "That should be enough for now," he said. "I'll be back in a few hours with a selection of outfits. Until then, I have something for you. George requested it specifically."He reached into a suitcase and pulled out a flowing golden cloth. As Carlon shook it, unfolding it to its full extent, Dick cringed as he realized it was a cape. Embroidered in the back, in large, swashbuckling text reminiscent of adventure movie posters, was the word "Thunderloins", surrounded on both sides by dramatic lightning bolts.He handed the cape to Dick. "This should keep you covered until I get back."Dick took it gingerly, disgusted by its touch. He glared at George, who looked back lustfully. "I thought it'd look great on you," he oozed. "Besides, I thought you didn't want to be naked."Glumly, Dick wrapped the cape around him; it only overlapped in the front by a few inches."So it doesn't come with a rope?""Of course not," Carlon explained. "That would make it a robe. George asked for a cape.""Sure wish you had a robe in that case," Dick muttered."I apologize, sir. I'll be back as soon as I can, I really will." He tipped his hat, grabbed his suitcase, and left, locking the door behind him. George faced Dick and grinned obsequiously."So what now?" Dick growled. "Why am I here?"George's shoulders slumped as he sighed. "I'm sorry this had to happen to you." He pointed to the couch. "Take a seat and I'll try to explain." Dick found a relatively clean spot on the couch and sat down, fighting to keep his cape closed in the front. George collapsed into the decaying recliner.He wrung his hands. "I regret being the bearer of bad news, but you're not likely to leave this house, ever again."Dick jolted. "What?!"George smiled sadly. "I mean, unless our bosses want you to make more gay porno for them. But it'll be for a different studio.""How can they do this?" Dick cried. "Someone's bound to miss me!"George shook his head. "I'm sure they've had you declared legally dead by now."
>>25574600It's almost as if there's far more to "making it" than getting rich and being renowned. What am I talking about, no way, keep grinding king
>>25574606Dick stared blankly; he felt a tension headache forming. "What are they, magic?""No, they're the mafia," George explained. "That means they have the government compromised. By now, the police have found a dead derelict that superficially looks like you, even if they had to kill one themselves. His corpse has been declared to be you, all the paperwork has been filed, and the case has been closed.""How do you know all this?" Dick sputtered.George smirked. "Are you kidding? This happens all the time. They're as indifferent to our fate as God Himself."Dick slumped into the couch, staring into space, his mouth hanging open. He didn't move for several seconds. Finally he looked at George, who stared back morosely. "How did you get involved with them?"George shrugged. "I was a certified public accountant. They were one of my many customers. Well, one of their front organizations, at least. Then I... got into some trouble, and they bailed me out, on condition that I work for them exclusively from then on." He raised his arms to indicate his hovel. "I've been here ever since. I'm not allowed outside unless I'm chaperoned."Dick's eyes lowered. "Dare I ask what your trouble was?"George sighed. "It's not easy to be a gay man, not even today. And certainly not in a conservative industry like accounting." He grimaced before continuing. "So, late one night, I happen upon a young runaway, scared and traumatized from living on the street. Sweet little Caleb. I gave him a place to stay."Dick looked at George coyly. "And that was it?""Of course not," he whimpered, pausing for a few seconds. "Sure, I fucked him." He winced as he swallowed hard. "But I loved him." He met Dick's gaze. "Little boys are so unreliable. He ended up running away and turning me into the police, just because I wanted him to do the dishes." He shook his head. "Up until then, it was wonderful.""Come on, George," Dick prodded. "How old was he?"George took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Twelve."Dick snorted. "You fucking sleaze.""He was willing!" George protested. "He had nowhere else to go! And I was kind to him, damn it!" His eyes welled with tears. "I still can't believe he sold me out over doing chores.""What happened to him?""Who cares?" George helplessly threw his hands in the air. "The next thing I know, I'm sitting in a jail cell, with big creepy men all around me. They would have killed me if they knew why I was in there. But then I'm told I have a visitor, and it turns out to be one of my customers. Big mafia type, obviously. He got me bailed out and the charges dismissed somehow."He glanced around his hovel. "And the rest, as they say, is history."
>>25574608"The age of consent exists for a reason," Dick lectured. "Kids that age are too immature to form relationships with adults.""I know that," George whimpered. "But I was so lonely. And he was so adorable and friendly. I tried to resist; I really did. But I just couldn't help myself. I have needs too, you know! Even if no one else wants to think about them.""So that's why I'm here?" Dick barked. "I'm your new Caleb?"George smiled slyly at Dick. "If you don't mind.""Well, I do mind!" Dick roared."Consider your alternatives," George warned. "Making more gay porn for our bosses. Or ending up as dog food."Dick shook his head. "I can't believe that's a thing.""Me either," George agreed. "Remember the brouhaha in Europe when they discovered horse flesh in their hamburgers? Seems like human flesh in dog food would be much worse, but somehow it continues." George shifted uncomfortably. "I guess the lesson is, don't buy the bargain brand.""I'd rather take my chances making gay porn than put up with you," Dick huffed."That won't be possible either."Dick winced and pinched the top of his nose. "Dare I ask why not?""Did you forget how inflamed your thighs are?"Dick had. With all the new pain heaped upon him in a short amount of time, it had slipped his mind. He opened his cape to look; they were as red and distressed as before. His face turned sour as the pain fought its way back to the top."I'll try to help you heal," George promised.Dick sat in silence for a moment, as did George, both of them frowning."What was that about a different studio?" Dick asked."You won't work for Groendyke Productions. My guess is you'll never see them again.""Why would your bosses care?"George sighed heavily. "Because they own a predatory loan. The idea was that Groendyke would never pay it off. Your sudden arrival threatened that. So you had to be stopped. That's why they ruined your thighs."Dick closed his eyes; tears began to flow."Please don't cry," George pleaded, standing up. "Let me get you something for the pain." He went to the makeshift bathroom shelf in the corner, mixed up some powder, and brought it back.Dick reluctantly took the bottle. "What is this? Talcum powder and lidocaine?""Even better." George grinned. "Try it!"Dick gently rubbed the powder on his rash; a few seconds later, he felt no pain at all. "This stuff is great!" he gushed. "What'd you put in the talcum powder?"George held up a vial as a broad smile washed over his face. "Cocaine."
>>25574608>>25574606There's no way this guy isn't Bore. Who else would spend this much creative energy on that one
>>25574610You don't understand G Farmer. He's rich, he's creative, and he's stubborn. He's also a real professional and an shit out his excerpts in under half an hour. He treats it as his break between his serious works. United Airlines was a treat.
>>25574610but it's not in present tense and doesn't read like a warmed-over screenplay
>>25574618G Farmer is the hero we all need in these troubled times.
>>25574533This is very interesting and written with real good flow. I was pretty absorbed in the story. There are some questionable lines of dialogue that have both characters spin their wheels and Sebastian does a bit too much "as you know Bob" exposition dialogue. But the real offense is the more technical side of the book. The formatting is atrocious. You triple quote in 2026, strange dashes to substitute for texting, too much inconsistency --- writers general is quoted some parts and not others. Use modern text formatting like italizing, lists, colons. It needs a real sweep of formatting for readability. There's no need for a long ass hikko definition. Blend it in. Have Sebastian, since he's a lot of this already, explain.Very interesting though.
>>25574635>triple quotesDo you mean double plus single quotes, aka standard punctuation in [current year]?>strange dasheshonhonhon vous ne lisez pas vos livres français classiques, n'est-ce pas ?
You know you've gotten good at writing when the only ones still willing to critique you have no idea what they're talking about.
>>25574548You’ve posted this so many times now, please move on or post a different excerpt?
>>25574669The text indicating forum posts.
>>25574693thoughts on that one
>>25574606>>25574608>>25574609kill yourself
The vice grip I've got on my cock as I'm cranking out work would need the jaws of life to pry it off.
>>25574716Already gave my thoughts in a previous thread, now go on n git! nah just post something new man PLEASE
>>25573988THANK YOU FOR ACTUALLY READING FOR ONCE HOLY FUCK.I love how desperately you want to shit on it and end up giving compliments lmao. Thanks for confirming that you didn't get the underlying themes at all (especially assuming I haven't read the classics). NEXT.
>>25574610it's TeePee Jeetsonhe has a massive inferiority complex that he expresses with homoerotic fanfic about NJB
>>25574604>novels can't be present tenseread more fag
>>25574757you’re so greedy. greedy for the prose.haven’t wrote anything i want to post here & this is a tactical excerpt for me because it’s something i never intended on finishing, but i have kept elements of.
>>25574364>your entire review could have taken all of 3 sentencesYeah but it wouldn't have had the same impact. I didn't want to hit that incompetent faggot only once or twice. I wanted to turn him into a stain on the pavement. His shit book isn't simply bad, it's gonorrea on a page.>Stop acting like you didn't invest any time or effortIf ranting is an investment of time and effort, sure.
>>25574457>It has nothing to do with reality.Not that guy but come on. Writing is eating real life experiences, breaking them down, and then regurgitating them more or less altered by your stomach juices. You need to eat first. You're just coping.
>>25574533This guy is clearly miles better than that Boor faggot. His prose is solid, skillful and confident.Many people will criticize him because he dares to start a novel with a small essay about the book's central thesis. Oh, the horror. Those are reddit faggots that actually believe the "you need to start in medias res and hook the reader within 3 words or you've failed!" and the "always show never tell" advice. They're talentless shit for brains and should be ignored.If I had to find flaws: the author is clearly enamored with his own voice, and insists on explaining the joke (writing is an evil enterprise only pursued by morons, get it? Because I'm writing a book) LONG after it's landed, by abusing characters that are little more than cardboard targets. But then again, so are the actual users of such forums, this included, so it's forgivable.Overall, while good, the prose is a bit too edgy. It feels a bit juvenile. Calling writing "evil" is a funny opening move, but treating it like a major philosophical revelation is a bit embarrassing. Maybe the book knows it’s indicting itself. So far, it mostly reads like a fap session.7/10 for what I've read so far.
>>25574533>>25574521>>25573988What do you think of this? I found it a bit edgy but mostly melancholic. Interesting though. The last part saves it from being just a moping philosophical treaty disguised as a novel.
>>25574758>complimentsWhat? Where?You are certifiably delusional, aren't you? Has a nice man with a white coat given you some candy to swallow every morning?
>>25574758Stop pretending to be amused by people exposing your shit writing, you're like those girls who put ;) emojis everywhere while clearly seething.If you actually write like that after reading the classics, there's no hope for you. You can feed a malnourished man, but if his digestive system is broken, he won't get any stronger.
>>25573088Do all writing spaces online suffer from the same combination of crab bucket unconstructive criticism and immensely defensive amateur authors who refuse to admit any faults in their work?
>>25574758>not denying the manletism accusations>>25574902Yes. Like all deeply personal endeavors strongly tied to one's self-esteem, it's inevitable to have defensiveness (the crab-in-a-bucket mentality is also a form of it).
>>25574905Well, no wonder nobody wants to post their work here and nobody wants to offer good faith criticism if that's the case.>>25573503When I get off work I'll try to give this a shot and give you my thoughts
>>25574902NoFemale-dominated online writing spaces are glazed like fuckThey have unspoken "no negative criticism" rules or even stated outright.I joined a few and find it quite difficult to get an honest appraisal of my work.
>>25573940>>25574882Why is this guy so fucking sad holy shit.
>>25574960Between those and /lit/, the latter is preferable. Slightly, but still preferable.
>Chilly silence enveloped the cemetery"vs>The cemetery was enveloped in a chilly silence Which one do you prefer? I know the former is in active voice which is generally preferred but this is the start of a new paragraph, introducing said location, so dunno if it's better that the cemetery is the one in focus in this case
>>25573541If I wasn't already entrenched in obsidian I'd try out Neo
>>25575023>this is the start of a new paragraph, introducing said locationThen yes, the latter is better.
>>25575004leave the kid alone, man.
>A wind came sighing past the leaves, and he thought he heard a whisper.What do you think of this as a closing sentence? Is it evident that he thought he heard a whisper in the sighing wind, so I don't need to put >he heard a whisper in it/answer him ?
>>25574730Stop projecting your suicidal tendencies onto others. Also, what did you think would happen if you tried repeatedly to troll a bunch of writers?
“Wanna give ‘em a break?” the counselor in the lead called out to Eric. She was a bunny named Jess, with blonde hair and a chest you could have used as airbags. Yeah, yeah, call me a perv. I hadn’t jerked off in like three days and I had no idea when I’d get the chance. “Alright,” Eric said. “Take five, team. But don’t go too far. I don’t wanna have to find you when you get lost.”“Uhhh, finally,” Rox groaned. “C’mon, let’s go somewhere private.”Kyle motioned for Emile and Charlotte to follow. We all left the path and walked further into the trees.“Don’t go too fat, er—far,” Eric repeated. Rox just waved a hand at him. We found an out-of-the-way spot behind a big tree and all plopped down exhausted. There were groans of relief all around. Charlotte lifted her shirt a bit and started flapping it to get some air. I caught a glimpse of her pink bra and got another pointless boner I couldn’t do anything about. She had a bellybutton piercin. A dangly metal one in the shape of a paw print. “I like your piercing,” I said.“Oh, thanks. Yeah my parents let me get it for my birthday. I’ve kinda buried it though, right?” She laughed as she squished her belly rolls together and made it disappear. I noticed she had braces, too. She was really pretty.
>>25575004>There were those who abstained without protection, and those who after a week took their gonorrhea pills -- and between the two, the latter were the true sages.I knew it... they called me a madman... they called me revolting... but I knew it.Jokes aside, this and the Cur guy are actually pretty damn good. Much better than the average slop you find in book shops these days.
>>25574466I actually had 65k in debt
>>25574466I actually work in a scam call center, to be precise
>>25575065>The wind betrayed his solitude, carrying the suggestion of an unaccountable sigh. He didn’t turn. Once he might have, but now he knew. It was only the wind. Only the wind.Idk, I don’t think you need the ‘he thought he heard a whisper.’ Just do more with the impression of the wind and where his resignation lies. But I have no context so.
>>25573091it is a failure of imagination to assume that simply moving from one place to another will automatically inspire something new or exciting. after all, countless writers, travelers, and adventurers have trodden the same paths and documented their experiences extensively
>>25575325>automatically
>>25573091ever heard tell of a man goes by the name marcel proust?
Do you guys have any preferred text to audio programs? I like listening to what my writing sounds like in audiobook form but all online free text convertors have character/daily limits and I'm able to just drag and drop everything in at once.
>>25575321NTA but this is some jeet-tier writing
>>25574884>>25574893>"le shit writing">provides zero examples from the text>"doesn't read le classics">doesn't realize the book you just read is based on a combination of King Lear and The Godfather>"whoa what is this satirical melodrama, how terribly awful!">doesn't notice he's reading a tragic black comedy that satirizes the War on Drugsyour flippancy gave you away. you are so bent on pretending it's bad because the surface elements aren't purple or pretty enough for your faggot sensibilities that you missed the entire story and its meta-implications.6'2" btw nigga, and I know about LA gangsters because I fuck bitches from Compton and Crenshaw and they tell me all about them. I mog you in text and IRL but don't feel bad, that puts you in with 99.9% of the planet. >>25574909>When I get off work I'll try to give this a shot and give you my thoughtsThank you sir and hope you enjoy the ride!
>>25575537Try writing prose and not just passing your screenplays through an LLM to remove the formatting
>>25575537Whatever inspiration or reference you had, it doesn't transfer onto the page.
>>25575565try sucking shit out of your own asshole>>25575575>another empty meaningless criticism with zero examplesgo ahead and suck that other guy's shit out of his asshole too if there's any left
>>25575593See, the response I'd give to that post is some variant of, "I didn't use an LLM to write this," alongside an insult. But then again I haven't used an LLM to write
>>25575647this is the level of cope you're at? just pretending i use the garbage fake AI to write a story I came up with 5+ years ago? lmao okay buddy, if that's what makes you feel better about your own ineptitude. using a retarded LLM to remove screenplay formatting and insert prose and correct all the stupid mistakes it makes would be infinitely more difficult and time consuming than just typing it up like i did.
>>25575537>pretending it's badnigger nobody needs to pretend your writing is diarrhea.>>25575593>zero examplesHow can we provide specific examples of shit writing when the entire "novel" is made of shit writing?You want an example? Here it is: https://pdfhost.io/v/JQH3HMZNJJ_King_of_L_A
>>25575654not typing it up would've been even better.(Verification not required.)
god you guys are such insufferable fags.
>>25575669I accept your concession, sweaty ;)
>>25575672go crawl back up your mother's rotten cunt, stinky. the world smells a lot better without (You).
>>25573503This is written by AI.
What the fuck is this shit? A script outline?
>>25575696This shit is fucking stupid
>>25575682>yeah bro the story that says nigger 500 times with specific LA slang is totally written by the circuit boardlow watt brain. maybe you just think like an NPC reddit bot. the fake and gay AI can't write anything, let alone my fucking story that comes out of 12+ years experience living in LA.
>>25575676accept my cum in your mouth like your whore mother.
>>25575696>he's never seen a soft break scene change before>>25575702you're fucking stupid. see how that works when I don't cite anything and just say shit?
>>25575680Aww I'm sorry your attempt to look like le cool writer failed. Unfortunately, you're a shit writer, considerably worse than the average self-published slopper, and everybody who will ever read your shit will immediately reach the same conclusion.You can cry more now. It's the privilege of the beaten dog to whine.
>>25575696>>25575702It's hilariously shit. I'm almost convinced this guy is doing it on purpose. There's no way he's seriously suggesting this is acceptable writing.>>25575711>I don't cite anythingThe entire thing is putrid diarrhea. There's no way to isolate individual issues.
>>25575709whoa, good one bro. you guys are fucking morons lmao.>>25575714your attempt to criticize anything failed because you don't have anything valid to stand on, you're a dour faggot hoping to troll me but it doesn't work when the truth is self-evident. King of L.A. effortlessly mogs anything ever posted in these threads or anything you've ever conceived of to write and that rustles your jimmies I know, but sorry you'll just have to swallow it like a good little cuck.
>>25575711it's a script outline, not a novel. In the Franklin Hills paragraph. What is a stylish bungalow house? Describe it. Where Rey and Blanco sit at a patio table? So now the entire Franklin Hills paragraph is worthless. Set up the scene already.Directly across from them is...Again with the script writing.>bad dialogue. If Rey and Alfonso are rivals why does Rey need to have a as you know bob sentence? I can't go on, it reads so stupidly.
>>25575717>nonsense babble fake consensus>le diarrhea!stunning "criticism." you literally can't name one (1) single thing technically wrong, not a plot hole, formatting issue, character flaw, nothing. you niggas are beyond pathetic lmao.
>>25575743What the fuck? You can't imagine a stylish bungalow house in the LA hills?I say directly in the description - "a side gate leads into a spacious back yard pool area" - and you're still fucking confused where the patio table is??There is nothing "script writing" about the sentence "Directly across from them is Alfonso Lopez" - again wtf are you talking about?>If Rey and Alfonso are rivals why does Rey need to have a as you know bob sentence?He confirms the territory that Alfonso controls because in the next sentence he says "not anymore" - they are shutting his operation down, obviously. Again nothing is confusing about this unless you're being retarded on purpose.
>>25575772i'm reading a book why would i google a mansion in the middle of reading something? And look at all those bungalows. All different designs, colors, locations, etc. Some have steeple roofs, other flat, some gray, some have solar panels, others have fenced yards, one is in the middle of a farm, others have two stories, some one, etc etc.YOu yourself can't even describe the house you wrote. You just went HURR DURR BUNGALOOOOOWWWW then fucked off. If you can't even put in the effort to describe a house, the reader isn't going to either.
>>25575772>Directly across from them is Alfonso Lopez"This is literally script writing. You are literally putting in stage directions.>Rey and Blanco sit here on stage left. Across from them sits Alfonso. That's how your shitty script reads. And you don't know what "As You know Bob" dialogue is, do you?
>>25575777you dumb nigger it's one half-page scene in the middle of a sequence where Blanco and Rey take out a series of Mexican Mafia leaders, I'm not going to stop momentum to describe the color of the siding or angle of the fucking roof. What nerve is being touched in your pathetic little brain about this story to keep making up bullshit like you are?
>>25575782I know exactly what you're trying to say and it doesn't apply. The reader does need context for what territory Alfonso controls and what is being taken from him in the scene. The dialogue achieves this efficiently and transitions immediately into the action - them letting him know that his operation is finished. And describing the spatial location of the characters within the scene is not fucking "script writing." The levels of horse shit you are having to stoop to are incredible here lmao. "These characters sit at a patio table. Directly across from them is another character - (intro)." is the most standard thing in the fucking world and in no way implies "script writing" you absolute dolt.
>>25575728>hoping to troll me but it doesn't workYeah, I mean, it's not like you've spent the last 20 hours frothing at the mouth and replying to everyone who pointed out that your writing is shit.
>>25575791It's script writing.
>>25575745>one (1) single thing technically wrongTrying to write a novel as if it was a screenplay counts.The fact that the screenplay was already retarded bullshit and so the novel is bullshit to the nth power is also relevant.>noooo you must quote every passage that is written like shitOk. It's every passage from the first to the last page.
>>25575801Yeah and you still have nothing, faggot.I get pleasure out of dispelling retarded sentiments and proving to the entire board how petty and stupid the arrogant little trolls ITT are. Get mogged harder. I'm gonna go out and soak in some SoCal sun now, enjoy your shit-flinging seethe fest, sweaty ;)
>>25575785Careful, it almost sounds like you're getting upset.
>>25575791This is near the end of he story and the reader by now should have had an idea of who controls what. Your dialogue feels like you introduced new information that should have been given way earlier.
>>25575791I truly cannot fathom that somebody at your level of skill and intelligence could actually believe they're a decent writer (much less good.)I choose to believe this is an elaborate trolling attempt.
>>25575813>you still have nothingI've already explained why your shitty little book is shit, little bitch. Not gonna waste more of my time, expecially since everyone immediately notices that your shit book is shit from the first page.
>>25575815>Trying to reason with an arrogant 80 IQ mongoloid like him.He can't understand. If he could, he wouldn't have written such a hilariously shit book.
My turn my turn! That said, I do think this story isn't really written for the /lit/ audience, but I enjoyed writing it.
>>25574520NTA, but I’m fully certain you’ve never traveled for long intervals because then you’d know that travelling is just as empty and insignificant as staying where you are. I’d rather read the journal of a man who spent 60 years in solitary confinement than that of a man who visited every country on the planet.
>>25574777Was present tense chosen for a deliberate artistic reason? Or because the material was originally a screenplay and it needed to be converted quickly?I don't particularly care, but be honest with yourself at least.
>>25575815You have no clue what the fuck you're talking about. Actually read it before making yourself look stupid like this. >>25575818>>25575820>>25575824>more incoherent screechingAhhh, that was some refreshing sun and a dip in the pool! Surely you guys are having a great day like I am, right? Man it's fun dunking on you retards!>>25575876Present tense is deliberate to make the story feel propulsive and immediate, even in the flashbacks, which especially made sense given the pulpy genre feel and novella length, but yeah it was an easy choice as well to translate the screenplay.
>>25575911>225 replies>195 are this talentless faggot sperging out because people immediately recognized his lack of talentA shit writer and a little bitch. I bet that IRL you're not nearly this chipper. You're the cowardly type, aren't you?
>>25575826>this story isn't really written for the /lit/ audienceDon't preemptively look for excuses, it makes you sound weak. /lit/ reads every kind of literature.I've outgrown fantasy a while ago, but your story is well written. I wouldn't find it insufferable to read 100 pages of it. Differently from that boor (lowercase) faggot's story: I couldn't go past page 3. It was too shit.
>>25575925Not a problem for me to smack your pathetic ass troll attempts down, faggot. Sorry you don't have the balls to post your own shit. Keep fanboying out though, happy to have every thread be all about my fantastic stories and the seething faggot armies they inspire!
>>25575911>Present tense is deliberate to make the story feel propulsive and immediateIt's not the first time I hear a rank amateur without any talent say this shit. "Dude lmao if I write in present tense it will sound more dynamic". For some reason, the thought really appeals to subliterate """writers""".
>>25575936I don't get why you keep going. Even the average /lit/ user can tell your writing is shit. You're only looking like an incompetent writer AND an arrogant little bitch. What do you think you're getting out of all this sperging?
>>25575936You're not smacking anything, little faggot bitch. Shut your mouth before I show you your place. You keep your mouth shut unless I need my dick sucked, like your mother does. Did I make myself clear, little bitch?
>>25575963Can I offer some friendly advice. Has nothing to do with the writing
>>25575955>wahhhh i don't like your tense choice!!cool bro, blow it out your ass>>25575959does it get your little twink boy pulse up knowing you're talking to a real writer? i know, it doesn't make sense that i'm blessing your peasant ass with my time, but hey at least i'm having fun!this is getting boring though. not one (1) valid criticism raised, all trolling faggots bitch-slapped and humiliated. i think my work is done here for today.enjoy King of L.A. and make sure to read The Dark Triad too so you'll be ready for the pic related trilogy conclusion, coming Dec 1 ;)
>>25575977Delusional
>>25575977Did you not hear me, boi? Shut your mouth or I'll break your faggot teeth and fuck yo face like your mom's cunt.
>>25575977>not one (1) valid criticism raisedYeah. I mean, besides the dozen you've ignored.
>>25575977>running away after getting shat on his face so much he can't even see what a bitch he is
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/3toRA4IfHFQthis is what you faggots need to watch
>>25575934thank you for the advice.
>hegel finished philosophy>liberal democracy was the end of humanity>it will fail but keep coming back in an endless doom loop as humanity cant find a better solution>humanity will never come back with a new framework the classics will be forgotten after the AI shredder shreds all recordsWhat is the point of writing anything? All of humanity is doomed. Someone should have just off'd socrates and saved us the grief. Smoking in graveyards is probably a better use of relax time then writing anything.
>>25576095Hope
Oh fuck, I may not have planned out enough story for this project. I'm past the halfway point in terms of plot points, but only at 43% of my planned pages. Hopefully the back half will require more verbosity, or else I might have to start stretching...
>>25574902>outline>beat sheetCan you guys explain what's the concrete difference? It seems likeI. Anon is stupidA. And he was sad about being stupidvsAnon is stupidWhere the beat sheet is just the scenes of the outline.
>>25576174>planned pagesbut hwhy
>>25576230I mean the page count. I have a target number.
>>25576252i know but hwhy
>>25575350Yeah, and Proust wrote boring-ass crap that's only loved ironically by fat, manically depressed goth girls.
>>25576370.....you don't?Also it's convention for what I'm writing
>>25575813>soak in some SoCal sun nowMore like L.A. smog. Try to hold back your coughing.
>>25575837Traveling is empty and insignificant if you don't interact with people meaningfully. You choose to remain shallow.
>>25575911>dip in the poolRemember your pathetic attempt to pick up a bikini pool babe? Can you still see the disgusted face of the young hottie you tried to pull? Does it still burn in your mind? How about the mocking dished out by her companions? Remember what they said? "You're so old, that if you said something racist, we'd let it slide."
>>25575936This thread is an absolute gold mine for my story. At this rate, I'll have to cut it down to achieve novel length. Not at all like the feeble novelettes you keep producing.
>>25576374https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChukqRjZ_wU
>>25575537Gang lords aren't as easy to kill as you depict. They wouldn't be gang lords if they were.>I fuck bitches from Compton and CrenshawSo, you have sex with black whores? That's disgusting. So they tell you about L.A. gangsters? That means your sources are secondary, and are clearly whores trying to pad out the hour and avoid having sex with you by making up bullshit. They laugh about you behind your back after you leave, you know.
>>25575654Are you admitting that story represents five years of editing? That's beyond sad.
>>25575696>.45 automaticsDon't you mean .45 semi-automatics? You've never touched a firearm in your life, have you.
>>25574857And what is stopping me from having a lovely NEET diet of books only? Eating books to regurgitate books? Why can not my experiences be online? Or local, or in my house, or in my imagination? All of these are reality, so what makes one flavor better than the other?Different minds have different dietary needs. I find it comically narrowminded when a mundane mind suggests "traveling the world and meeting people" as some sort of cure-all panacea. Its such a pathetically feminine thought, from the type of woman whose only hobbies are 'travel, yoga and shopping'.
>>25576398>>25576402>if i make up a fantasy version in my head, that will surely make him look bad!!topkek you guys are hardcore losers. no i've never paid for pussy and no i didn't spend 5 years editing KofLA, i wrote 20+ other full length stories while you were doing your daily goon routine.
>>25576426Because real-life experiences have a depth that books and online experiences simply can't match. Going through a medium blunts the details. There's a reason your writing fails to resonate; it's because your readers can tell they're just hearing a remix, and get bored.
>>25576430>i didn't spend 5 years editing KofLAWe can tell.>20+ other full length storiesI simply can't wait to read those absolute gems.
about to fuck off into my Elmore Leonard book for the night but while i'm here, a brief preview of next spring's release, picrel giallo horror. lots to look forward to for the seething jeets in here!
>>25576426You can, welcome to the nhk was a fantastic manga about being terminally alone
>>25576434>hehe its bad if you spent 5 years editing>a-ackshually you should have!!just kys bro lmao, this shit is hilarious.
>>25576433Well, not to brag, but my one singular reader said he 'bussed all over my book.' That's a resonation rate of 100%. Also I'm a pro at getting (you)s, which is a direct correlation to writing ability
>>25575911>dip in the poolWhy would you brag about that? Swimming pools are shared bathtubs. In L.A., they're shared toilets.
>>25576404Plenty of autos use .45acp like MAC10 and vector
>>25576445MAC 10s are a bit thick to tuck into one's waistband, don't you think?
>>25576379>>25576444>he said from his third world shitholeyeah you guys are way too good for this place, definitely stay out. idk if the chlorine could remove your level of stink.>>25576404James Ellroy and Tarantino and plenty of other crime writers use the same phrase but yeah bro you're so smart! Holy shit I never imagined sparking this level of retarded seethe but here we are.night night, thirdies, sleep tight!
>>25574902You'll find most people who offer critique have no fucking clue what they're talking about and just want to rewrite your story their own way. I wrote a harem romance, a very clear cut book written for men who want to read about waifus, and some foid's critique was "where are the lesbian characters?" She found the one non-LGBTQ book and immediately wanted to make it about LGBTQ romances, as if we dont have enough of that shit clogging up literature already.
What should I write next?>A Chinaman mistakenly sent to a Japanese Internment Camp during WWII>A hedonistic tramp who gives up his lifestyle for a woman only to find that he sacrificed a happiness to enter a life of misery, but maintains it was the right thing to do until his death in a nursing home without his family>A LITRPG set in the modern day world where some idiot treats his job hunting and life like a video game.
>>25576436Another uninspired cover, is it hiding another uninspired book?
>>25575977Thought this one was Call of the Crocodile at first glance
Would it be too gay for a vampire to suck another dude’s blood out by his dick?
>>25576551That doesn't sound very happy
>>25576556No I mean gay as in queer.
>>25576430>still desperately trying to show he's having fun by posting laughing picsAre you actually crying over there?
>>25576436Was this a failed script too? Did you at least use a better AI to alter this one?
>>25576452>James Ellroy and Tarantino and plenty of other crime writers use the same phrase>if everyone jumps off the cliff you must jump too! It's the right thing to do! IdiotBesides, Nolan said "semiautomatics"
I had somehow forgotten that one of my main stylistic inspirations is the writing of Clive Barker.I really need to buy his books and seriously study his writing line by line to better understand the techniques he uses to such a fantastic effect. In rereading some of his stories I see a lot of my issues come from clumsy subconscious attempts at imitation.
>>25576551Yeah, that isn't even subtexually gay, that is even in context a gay sexual act.
>>25576436You will never be a writer.You have no brains, no vision, no skills, no courage to be bold and original.When you look in the mirror you can see your smooth, pale hands, devoid of the calluses a writer would have.You can see your cheeto encrusted neckbeard, with not a single hair above your jawline.You can see the thick glasses that you flaunt in an attempt to look like an intellectual, but that are actually due to your masturbation addiction.Your parents talk about you in their bed during sleepless nights fraught with anxiety and shame.You acquaintances (you have no friends) mock your cringe intellectualoid persona and your literary aspirations.All the encouragement you get is from embarassed near-strangers and people who want to keep selling you their writing workshops and courses.Your keyboard, glazed in dried semen, watches you in mute sadness as you fap and pant. It has never been used for anything more complex than typing "trap genderbend doujin sword art online", and knows that it never will.You will never be read in admiration to a flock of college girls that will fawn over you like groupies.You will never put on paper any amazing saga of bravery and magic, you will never conceive any mindblowing insights, you will never depict a generation's experience or craft awe-inspiring worlds out of thin air.You will never be a writer.
>>25576426t.
>>25576372also unironically by critics and writers.
After getting more into the story I am writing I finally figured out that the main issue with my 3rd omi pov portions is that I ain't making the narrator for said portions stand out enough as something like a unnamed ghost character. When I reworked said scenes with this fake character in mind the scenes seem less confusing to casual readers.I have to make it obvious in such scenes for such readers that none of the named characters are the pov character. The pov is basically a opinionated ghost storyteller.People are stupid, be more obvious or they get confused.
>285 posts>One person has posted writing>It's fat porn
>>25576761These threads aren't for that anymore.
>>25576761Multiple people have posted excerpts and even whole ass books.
>>25576761Because my writing looks like this
she hated herself. her vile desperation smelled revolting, a smell so strong it repelled the good. oh daddy why aren't you there to protect me from these bad men, don't you want the best for your oldest daughter? don't you care? show me you care. yell at me. instead she was eating breakfast in a shitty diner at the edge of campus with a boy who was looking right through her, the only witness to bear an overweight waitress and the dwarf that worked at her local grocery store she made eye contact with at least once a week. he would frequently publicly masturbate on the bus with no one so much as batting an eye. people would see him jerking his deformed penis and feel pity instead of disgust. he lived alone with only the company of his sister, who had grown to resent him, he'd see once a week to clean his filthy apartment, and the rats that lived in his walls. he had experimented with different ways of torturing them. he only knew how to feel an extreme violence, everything else left him feeling numb. he would snap their necks and take out their organs to lay them flatly on his bedside table for decor. he touched himself with cold hands stinking of rat faeces to ejaculate. he hated the world despite having such a loose definition or conceptualization of what hate actually was. what he knew was nobody other than himself had touched him or would, and all he wanted was to be touched. don't confuse touch for love, he was a disgusting beast who would beat a woman into rape given the chance, his mind so simple he did not see sex as something to be experienced but taken. this wasn't his fault though. “I'm not much hungry anyways can we get out of here?”
>>25576847Is she an indian?
>>25573091only second rate writers have to rely on that. Kafka mogs the likes of Maugham or Graham Greene to death. You either have talent or you don't, the rest is cope.
>>25577108I'm talking about what /wg/ writers need, not people who are already famous.
>>25577115You are talking out of your ass
How do you write stories that you are actually satisfied with?Nothing I write really feels great to me. Maybe at first but then I quickly lose interest in it.I am not even talking about prose. Just having good ideas that you actually like which aren't weird shit.
>>25577314>like which aren't weird shit.Perhaps try embracing the weird shit, if those are the ideas and stories you'd like to write. If you make a lot of concessions in the vision for an audience or whatnot, you're a lot less likely to be personally satisfied by what you've written.>Maybe at first but then I quickly lose interest in it.Perhaps try shorter stories, if that's part of the issue. If your ideas are fit for a full length novel but you lose interest quickly, you could try condensing them down to their purest form in a short story. Same goes for if the ideas themselves aren't fit for something longer.It's hard to ever be truly satisfied with what you create yourself, age old dilemma.
>>25577322>Perhaps try shorter storiesI already do short stories but even short stories are hard because you still have to be able to create a good story just in less pages. It's often arguably even harder to do this in short format.
>>25577314>>25577338Then writing fiction is just not for you Don't force itPlenty of other meaningful hobbies out there
>>25577322>It's hard to ever be truly satisfied with what you create yourself, age old dilemma.I also draw and paint and there it's much easier for me to be satisfied with it. Probably also because I have more experience in it but writing just requires so much creativity that it's really hard to be satisfied with it.
>>25577314Fall completely and utterly in love with your storyNow don't get me wrong, you don't have to fall in love with 100% of it. There will be ups and downs, boring and slow parts, the meat and potatoes between to the juicy bits. But there's gotta be a few scenes that just justify the whole thing, the parts you truly love and arguably the point of the entire story. If you don't love your own story, who can?
>>25577357>Fall completely and utterly in love with your storyThis is only possible if you actually get ideas you like. And finding good ideas is not really controllable. They either float into your head or they don't.I think some people are just lucky because their brain genetics simply send them good ideas. That's why they are good writers. It's all just about luck to get good ideas. It's not somethign you can work on. Even if you brainstorm ideas daily it still doesn't mean that you will be able to find good ideas for stories.
heres the plan, lads>book 1 is done (40 chapters)>finish book 2 draft>go back and edit book 1's dubious pacing and polish it to an acceptable degree>web release the chapters one by one on royal road until I get banned for adult themes>find a query agent with a high tolerance for depravity and beg and grovel from him>fail at that too >fall into despair>use despair as inspiration to finish the rest>self pub on amazon
>>25577468writers are born not made
>>25576803What are they for?
>>25577468Being an idea guy is like 90% of being a writer bro. I dunno why you'd even WANT to be a writer without fulfilling that prerequisite Try looking at shit you already love for inspiration. Like "Oh I really love X franchise but I hated that direction it took" or "I love Z but it ended I want more Z". And just create a ripoff story of X and Z but perfectly tailored to your tastes. All that matters is your love
>>25577606>I dunno why you'd even WANT to be a writer without fulfilling that prerequisiteI'm an artist and have always been into manga. I just want to write for manga creation. Obviously not the same but still similar.I have ideas but having ideas is not the same as having a good storyline.
>>25577718At least with manga you can love the art, and dont have to have all your eggs in the writing basket. Lots of series out there with shit stories carried by good art. With books, you're hard married with whatever idea you got. It better be an idea you love or its gonna be a short marriage (short story/novella)
Has anyone here just passed out their writing to acquaintances and loved ones and see if it spreads from there? Like not even publish it, but just sign your name. I wouldn’t worry about people plagiarizing my filthy writings because they wouldn’t have the guts to express what I do.
>>25577731With manga you actually have to draw what you write... This requires a lot of persistance. And it's really hard to get this persistancy when you are not even really satisfied with your writing.
>>25573088Has anyone ever written litrpg here before?I'm starting to enjoy this one LitRPG book and now I want to write one, but it always felt odd to me
I thought about it again and I think instead of concentrating on ideas I have to just concentrate on logic.A lot of writing really just comes down to having good logic. That's why good writers also can write interestign stories with bad ideas.
>>25577832Please elaborate
>>25577382How many times will you post this? Release the book already.
>>25577382Also your ‘THE END’ is paragraph justified. Fix that shit to be true-center.
>>25577842I'm just rambling about my dissatisfaction of my writing skills.It's easy to lose motivation when you concentrate too much on finding good ideas. That's why I think I have to just concentrate on logicand work with what I have.2 writers can write completely different stories with the same set of ideas. That's what I mean.If somethign is not to your satisfaction then maybe it rather has to do with bad execution rather than just bad ideas.
>>25577842When you write by asking yourself questions. >what shoudl I write and why should I write this>what is the problem with this specific thing >where are the plotholesThat all is logic. You write by working with logic. I've heard people say that ideas are overrated. And it kind of is true.There are definitely great ideas and bad ideas. But if you only wait for the great ideas to come then you probably will never write.You have to work with what you have. Just like life itself. And for this you use logic to bring to its full effect.To aquire logic it helps to read (or so I've heard).
>>25577832>>25577847>>25577869Logic will help you write a good story, but it won't help you be satisfied with your story. Which was the initial problem, which the original guy seems to be straying from.To create anything, art, music, games, writing, etc; you need a combination of motivation, discipline, and skills. And for most things, I'd say motivation is the lowest importance, and discipline is the highest for actually reaching the finish line (while simultaneously improving any skills you might lack).With logic and writing skills, someone could commission you to write a story and you could probably create something solid and serviceable, but it's just not going to be terribly exciting to you. Just something you churned out for work, for some audience for money.But motivation is the key ingredient for self satisfaction and long-term projects. Love, motivation, divine inspiration, all that nonsense is what's going to keep you on a project for the long haul.So you really gotta genuflect on what your goals are here
>>25577945>motivation is the key ingredient for self satisfaction and long-term projectsI think what helps with motivation is also just logic tho.You first have to realize what you even like about your story and why you think it's good. Why did you write this certain part and why shoudl it be there? If you wrote it because it fits to the climax then you successfully completed the logic check. Often you forget why you wrote certain stuff and have to remind yourself again. Then you also can find motivation. But you first have to realize with logic why you even wrote it.
>>25577509Met a lot of literate babies lately?Been reading a lot of published grade schoolers?Ridiculous.
I unironically feel energized in a character, a small breakthrough. I can always go back but I like this current branch of drafting. Problem is, well I'd be writing a trans character. I mean I like it, I am actually into this now but fuck there's a lot where this can go wrong, that's not a problem but look guys. I am extremely open minded maybe this is chud city right now but...I mean, it can't be that bad right. >Why does it matter?It does matter...and not in the usual way. Fuck man, this guy had been giving me trouble for weeks I need a break. I don't want to get married to a bad idea
>>25578089only really works as a counterargument if you haven’t read the post i’m replying to.>some people are just lucky because their brain genetics simply send them good ideasrobert graves also offered as a ‘general rule’ that poets are born and not made>and if you're not born a poet, 10,000 creative writing courses won't turn you into one.in fact it’s only really disagreeable if we refuse to think past the absolute surface level.
>>25578188It's fundamentally stupid and absurd. Writing in all forms is a learned skill, period. Name dropping someone who is wrong doesn't change how stupid your position is. It's unworthy to even argue, just ridicule.
Ever since I have started using LO writer I have picked up the editing habit of highlighting lines I am dissatisfied with then rewriting them. I then compare the new line to the highlighted line and rework the new line until I am satisfied. Then I delete the highlighted line. I also put editing notes in brackets and highlight them. Once I implement the note I delete the highlighted note. Who knew such a simple tool would transform my editing process so much.
>>25578223unfortunately i’ll be pressing you to argue your position. remember, genius is a latin (not greek) word and implied the primitive creative power which a man is born with and accompanies him throughout life. his sense of love and power of instinctive thought.
>>25578236>unfortunately i’ll be pressing you to argue your positionThen I will call you a retardedniggerfaggot and move on with my day. Ain't worth anyone's time debating about the delusions of reality rejecting nutcases. Writing is a learned skill. The end.
>>25578239i guess i can rebut with: is not. the end.
>>25578241You are a butt, reeee
>>25578236and the romans, where are they now?
>>25578254you’re looking at em
Damn I need to think of a new thing to happen in my second act because my word count is really come in in low, lol
>>25577262Whatever lets you sleep at night. Just know I tried to help you, to prevent you from turning into a delusional pseud like NJB. I mean, he literally admitted >>25575537 he learned about gangsters from listening to women.
>>25577314A story is not just a jumble of words you put together. A satisfying story has an actual structure. "Story" by Robert McKee (as mentioned in the OP) is a pretty good overview of what makes a story work.
>>25577766LitRPGs are a separate thread. >>>/lit/wng/
>>25578425>>25578425>>25578425
>>25576206Beat sheet: Very high level significant events in the storyOutline: The scenes and structure that deliver those events
