Would you keep reading?
what is this some science fantasy slop? seems pretty awful to me but i don't generally consume that kind of shit so i'm not the target customer.
>>25583685ye best start believing in science fantasy slop anon, yer in one
>>25583708damn what the fuck is wrong with that dudes face
I stopped reading after the first paragraph. The "whole is greater than the sum of its parts" is a bad metaphor. Nothing was considered in isolation or as great on its own to warrant this metaphor. Find a new one that expresses the beauty of reality over simulacrum.
>>25583659This what the publishers used to call flowery language
>>25583659I like It. Especially if it's the beginning of a long-form novel. It's better than a lot of the slop produced by the board.
>>25583659Too many adjectives, too much alliteration, trying too hard.
>stoic glarescreams "i'm too online and read more wikipedia than literary fiction"
>>25584091How else should I phrase it to show the villager's returned look is unaffected by the father's rage?
>>25584103i dont know but the point is that if the glare belies any seething, how stoic can the guy really be
>>25584218Oh shit, good point.
