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File: 3781069.jpg (172 KB, 2048x1306)
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I want to be turned into Anonstallion, have Twibitch steal my cutie mark, and then rape me. Also, evil twily thread
>>
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>>43271230
>>
>>43271230
You can't convince me that Twilight could have the motive to do what Glimmer did. She doesn't have any parallels in her past to Glimmer's.
>>
>>43271259
I mean, her past /does/ parallel Glimmer's, but in reverse. Just as Sunburst left Starlight behind, which led to her spiraling, Twilight left Moondancer behind. It's the same circumstance, except for the balance of power being swapped for each case.
>>
>>43271234
so evil! omg 0_0
>>
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>>43271230
Evil Twilight Sparkle from the Immortal Game!
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>>43272372
yeah its pretty good
>>
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Meanlight should whisper to me naughty things.
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>>43273828
YES!
>>
Anon, I'm smart!
>>
>>43274444
Quads of truth, Meanlight is very smart.
>>
>>43274444
Blessed are these quads for what is written, it is so.
>>
>>43274444
>you will be MY little Ponies

Brava Faust!
>>
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>>43275384
Very evil Princess Twi!
>>
File: 1234234.png (454 KB, 1280x843)
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Evil twilight, a pony made from a tree by a pony-like race made from trees that eventually got eaten... by a tree...
>>
Meanlight would probably win against twilight if they’d squared up, right?
>>
>>43275384
That doesn't look evil, that just looks grumpy. Though to be fair I'd imagine Twilight would look grumpily at most anons.
>>
>>43273438
>>43273828
>>43274441
>Meanlight should whisper to me naughty things.
>”Anon, I’m gonna suck your fucking cock but right before you cum I’m gonna cut your balls off and keep them as a trophy.”
>>
>>43276693
this just like mantis sex but instead of losing your head and dying you lose your balls.
>>
>>43276207
It all circles around to trees! WHAT DO THE TREES MEAN?!
>>
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>>43276207
ponies love trees for some reason
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>>43277983
UNF
>>
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>From a distance, it looks as if a mirror has been placed out of thin air in the center of this small room.
>The candlelight flickered dimly, casting a cold and cramped atmosphere over the underground space. On either side of the round wooden table, two small purple ponies sat facing each other—similar in size, coat color, and mane, almost identical at first glance. If an unsuspecting person were to stumble upon them, they would surely feel a sense of unease.
>Fortunately, upon closer inspection, it is not difficult to distinguish between the two.
>The mare on the left had a lighter coat, a disheveled mane, and a few stray hairs sticking out like withered grass. She was slightly hunched over, a metal ring around her forehead, her face stiff, her eyes darting around before finally fixing themselves on the grain of the wooden table, as if trying to shrink into those narrow crevices. She had a somewhat precarious impression.
>The pony opposite her was completely different. She stood straight, a bright smile on her lips, her head slightly lowered, her gaze fixed on the trembling fellow pony in front of her, as if admiring a well-behaved work of art.
>In the middle of the table sat a box of donuts.
>Twilight Sparkle's eyes curved in delight, "Really, I'm so glad that your education is making progress! I'd spent a lot of time researching the best way to go about this, you know? I know it's been hard, but you're following the outline much better than I'd expected!"
>Twilight opens the box, and a sweet, mouth-watering scent fills the space.
>"Since you've been so diligent, I've brought you a reward. The others want to see you too, you know? The day when you're presentable might not be too far off! Until then, aha... you know."
>Midnight tries to avoid the expectant gaze staring at her.
>"Well? You know what to say by now, don't you?"
>"..."
>Her cheer slowly began to dim at the silence. The other pony, sensing danger in the stagnant air, instinctively shivers and is quick to open her lips in response, words tumbling out in a muted, forced tone,
>"Thank you... thank you for your kindness, Twilight."
>As soon as she finished speaking, Twilight Sparkle flashes a dazzling smile, clapping her hooves together in delight.
>"You're most welcome, Midnight!"
>>
>>43278570
>Midnight? She pursed her lips. That wasn't her name.
>She reached across the table to grab a donut. She absently hummed "Mm." in response, nibbling at her food. The donut was too sweet.
>Midnight reached out and grabbed a donut, gave a perfunctory "hmm," and took a small bite. The frosting melted on her tongue, and she thought idly: It's too sweet.
>Twilight gives Midnight an indulgent look before taking one as well, and the two ponies fell silent, with only the sounds of chewing and the dull thud of candle wax dripping, gathering into a small puddle as the seconds passed.
>Twilight had already finished eating, and Midnight had barely managed to eat a quarter of it. Midnight wanted to complain a bit, but she knew that using this method to stall for time had already bought her a considerable amount of breathing room. To say anything more would be greedy.
>Twilight stood up and slowly walked toward midnight. Midnight stared intently at the grain of the wooden table, her gaze like nails, desperately trying to steady her pupils, which were trembling violently.
>"You're following it so well. My student is so smart! As her teacher I can't help but be proud of her." Twilight lingered behind midnight, her tone light and cheerful, like humming a little tune, "Ah, but, I suppose it's only natural considering who you take after, hehe."
>Twilight gently leaned her body on the back of the mare, buried her muzzle in her nape, wrapped her forehooves around her chest, and slowly nuzzled against her.
>Midnight's grabbed the table in vice grip, trying her best to steady herself.
>"...How much longer until I'm allowed to get out of here?"
>The hooves rubbing against her paused.
>"Pardon?"
>Then, those hooves tightened. The sudden pressure made her ribs clench, causing her to gasp.
>"I mean, Twilight-, I mean- when will I fully complete my... reformation?" She quickly corrected herself, repackaging her question into the most pleasing words. By this point, it had become instinctive—even with her heart pounding in her chest, she could utter these words fluently.
>"Hmm..."
>Twilight lets out a soft sigh, her warm breath gently blowing against Midnight's cheek, causing her to bite her lip.
>"Well? I'm not sure. My Midnight is suuuuper dangerous, after all! I'm not confident winning alone, you know? It's only natural that we'd have to be veeeery careful to make sure that she's completely changed her no-good nature."
>Midnight frowned, inwardly scoffing at that coquettish tone. Of course, one must be careful. Yes, Twilight had better be careful. If those troublesome ponies hadn't arrived, this fake would have been crushed to pieces long ago. To be driven to this point by a degraded version of herself—whenever this thought arose, boundless, unvented anger would surge through her veins.
>"ah--!"
>>
>>43278573
>Twilight bit her ear.
>A gasp escaped her lips, and the jumble of thoughts in her midnight mind abruptly broke.
>...Twilight doesn't like her thinking about useless things.
>It took Midnight an exceptionally long time to learn this lesson—no matter how smart and quick-witted she was, she still took many detours.
>Midnight clenched her jaw and forced out a steady tone,
>"I've already deeply reflected on my mistakes."
>--This statement was true.
>"And I swear that I harbor no hostile intentions towards anypony!"
>--This statement was not true.
>Twilight chuckled softly.
>"But how much have you really changed? We've spent to much time together, and you're still so stubborn. Well, I guess that's cute in its own way."
Twilight's hooves began to massage her abdomen, and Midnight involuntarily writhed slightly, her lips parting.
>"Twilight, I, ah, I've really changed, so..."
>Hearing Midnight's voice slowly softening, Twilight's smile widens.
As Midnight's tone softened, Twilight's gentle smile spread across her face.
>However—without warning, she stopped all her movements and stepped away from Midnight.
>She slumped helplessly at the table at midnight, all control of her body long gone. The hoof that had gripped the edge of the table so tightly now hung limply, like a dehydrated fish. A suffocating, intoxicating mist enveloped her senses, turning her body into a limp pile of mush.
>Twilight watches all of this with an innocent smile.
>Midnight slightly turned her head, confusedly looking at her with a dazed, misty expression.
>Why...?
>"Midnight, if you've changed, then why won't you just obediently follow along with me? Isn't it natural to trust a friend?"
>"Ah, I..."
>If this continues any further, she's not going to survive! Twilight!!! She can't take this anymore! She can't take this anymore!!! She's seriously, seriously at her limit! Friend? Friend?!?! Do you think she's so gullible!?
>Midnight desperately suppressed the overwhelming urge to stand up and scream this to her hypocritical face.
>Twilight sighed softly, shook her head with a kind smile, and turned to face the wall.
>Her horn lit up.
>The pink light lifted and pushed aside a pile of inconspicuous rubble by the wall, revealing a small, dark hole about the size of a pony.
>Twilight looks at her with an expressionless face.
>Ah.
>"You." Twilight's eyes narrow in excitement. "You haven't changed in the slightest, have you?"
>Ahh...
>Midnight feels the corner of her vision start to go hazy, her head feeling like it was a giant marble floating, sinking in a deep pond, dragging her body along with her, trembling, her trembling body trying to freeze itself in a winter pond, trembling, her eyes glazing over, everything turning into ice and slush, trembling, Midnight was trembling, it was already the dead of winter winter in this little candelit space.
>Ahh...!
>>
>>43278575
>Just as she finally snapped out of her daze, her jaw still chattering, twilight was already upon her.
>Without a word, Midnight jerked back and turned to run away, not even bothering to come up with an excuse. But she couldn't even take a single step—the hateful pink light had already enveloped her.
>Twilight unceremoniously tossed her onto the bed in the corner. The silky sheets and fluffy pillows looked strikingly luxurious against the backdrop of the dirty, damp stone walls.
>"Ugh!" Midnight screamed, "Let me go! Let me go, you shitty fake!"
>She glared angrily, and a spark briefly flashed across her horn—but it only illuminated the metal ring on her forehead for a moment before extinguishing weakly.
>Twilight frowned slightly, seemingly displeased with the crude wording. Midnight trembled more violently, her struggles growing increasingly frantic.
>Twilight secured the hooves of midnight to the metal buckles at the four corners of the bed.
>This scene was all too familiar to them.
>"You haven't been rid of them for long, and you're already so eager to go back to your old ways? I really admire you, Midnight. Do you miss them that much?"
>Twilight kissed midnight's neck, ignoring her struggles:
>"I am truly flattered."
>Twilight's hoof gently tapped her chest, then slowly, very slowly slid down...
>Stop. Stop. Stop.
>Midnight scrunched her eyes shut, her face contorting in a grimace.
>“You know what?” Twilight spoke in a casual tone, “Even if you do escape, you’ll have nowhere to go, you know? Do you think a pony that looks exactly like a princess can roam freely? You’re not some nobody. Once someone sees you, you’ll eventually come back here, back to me.”
>Twilight licked Midnight's cheek, nuzzled her with the tip of her nose, and then playfully gave her a light bite.
>"Do you know why? Besides the obvious reasons, the most important thing is—"
>Don't say it!
>Midnight's eyes snapped open, venomously glaring at her with as much hatred as she could muster.
>She struggled; struggled; struggled; struggled; she struggled in this small space, this cramped space, surrounded by rocks; like the cavern where the was devoured by that being; where she'd triumphed over her creator; where she was devoured by that being; where she'd triumphed over her captor; where she was devoured by that being
>Twilight lets out a low laugh.
>"You're not even a real pony, are you?"
>"YOU!"
>A piercing scream rang out, like the wail of a banshee.
>"You! What right do you have to wear my face and act like this? Huh? Huh? Your Highness is just a bitch who can't control her desires? Princess? You dare to call yourself a princess? What a joke! It's a disgrace for a lowly princess like you to share the same face as me! Give it back! Give me back my name! You piece of trash who got a beating from me and had to rely on your friends to save the day!"
>>
>>43278578
>Twilight's face darkens with every word that is spat out
>"Do you think you're so great? Huh?! You're just-
>Slap!
>Midnight's head suddenly tilted to one side, and a bright red hoof print appeared on his cheek.
>The room fell into a brief, deathly silence, as if time itself had frozen in place.
>After some time, Midnight's head frigidly, slowly turns to meet Twilight's gaze.
>A strange, resigned look appeared on her face. An eerie calm, like dust motes floating in the air, gently permeated her features.
>She slowly opens her mouth,
>"You bitch. Do you think you're so great? Huh? You're nothing but a filthy beast obsessed with its own superior reflection. You slut, die. Die. Die. Die. I am your better in every way possible, every way conceivable, die, you pathetic garbage, trash. If you're so lonely that you need to rape someone, why are you so narcissistic as to do it to your mirror image? Huh? Huh? That's awful, that's seriously gross, you're disgus-"
>Slap!
>Slap!
>"You've completely taken my generosity for granted."
>Slap!
>Bang!
>Crash!
>""A pony could never be so ungrateful."
Midnight could only gasp for breath in the intervals between these ravages, greedily swallowing the brief right to breathe that twilight bestowed upon her—before being overwhelmed again.
>"Ah! Uh-ah—uh, haa!"
>She was being tossed around like a broken boat in a storm, swaying and capsizing endlessly.
>Consciousness was a chaotic mess, the fragmented information from the senses indistinguishable; the pitifully narrow filter only allowed three words to pass through—
>Pain. Pain. Pain.
>Who is she? Where is she? What is she?
>At this moment, her consciousness, her existence, her identity—everything was utterly crushed. She was nothing more than a rootless swamp of consciousness, knowing only how to endure pain, knowing only how to scream in agony. A shapeless lump of flesh, possessing only sensation.
>Finally, Midnight found the correct solution to this situation.
>Rather than saying she figured it out, it's more accurate to say that the answer was forcibly dragged out from the deepest part of her being. It was an instinct that Twilight had etched into her soul with a carving knife, the "lesson" that Twilight had generously imparted to her —the miracle that could absolve her of all suffering.
>"I...haa...I'm sorry! I was wrong!"
>She screamed.
>Her head drooped limply like a bellflower, and she could only find solace in the relief brought by those few words—like a camel driven to the brink of thirst, rushing madly towards an oasis in search of water, she could only mechanically and single-mindedly pursue the end of her suffering.
>"I was wrong! I'm sorry! I was wrong! I was wrong! I was wrong! I'm sorry! I was wrong! I was wrong!"
>>
>>43278580
>She apologized repeatedly, like a broken record, unable to even understand the meaning of the sounds escaping her own mouth. It was an auditory gestalt collapse, words reduced to meaningless scribbles, solely to provide the result she wanted.
>The record stopped spinning—at midnight she felt a hoof gently touch her head.
>Gently, the hoof caressed her mane. Again and again. Until her consciousness gradually returned at midnight, enough to make out the scene before her.
>Twilight smiled gently at her, a loving, almost maternal smile.
>"You've learned very well."
>She continued stroking until midnight's breathing returned to normal. Then, she resumed her previous actions—
>"ha……!"
>That hoof rubbed against Midnight's crotch.
>She bit her lip, trying to endure—sadly, her body had already been trained to be too honest.
>It has completely lost the ability to lie.
>"Ah, uh—wait—whoa!"
>Before long, Twilight's hooves were covered in glistening liquid.
>She brought her lips close to Midnight's ear: "You were already wet before I touched you there. Don't think I didn't notice the puddle on your chair. Your body is slutty to the core. With a shabby pussy like that, you'd probably give away any pony that came along, right? Hmm? Don't you think about what people would think of me if you went around messing around with my face?"
>"You—you're the one who turned me into this!"
>"Hmph." Twilight let out a playful hum, the smile on her lips making the little pony sink even deeper.
>"Twilight, stop; Twilight, I really can't take it anymore!"
>Twilight quickened its pace. Until midnight, I tilted my head back, my body stiff—
Sizzle—
>A stream of liquid gushed out from below, soaking the sheets and wetting the floor.
>She was panting heavily at midnight, disheveled and as messy as a pile of mud. She stood in stark contrast to the twilight opposite her—who wore a gentle smile, was spotless, and as clean as a newly opened lily.
Twilight gently reached out and turned Midnight's face toward her, carefully appreciating her expression.
>Completely melted, immersed in pleasure. Eyes glazed, cheeks flushed crimson, tear stains and saliva matting the hair together.
>Twilight felt her heart tighten with infatuation.
>"How can you express such intense hatred while giving me such a beautiful expression?"
>She kissed Midnight's forehead and pulled her into her forelegs.
>"Stop thinking about running away. Midnight. You are mine. You will never escape my grasp. Understand? In this world, only I will accept you. So, never leave my side. You can only live with me."
>From the subsequent words and actions that followed through a blurry lens, watching the silhouette of Twilight eventually disappear through the door, she had only one thought on her mind the entire time.
>"I'll definitely... definitely free myself."
>An utterance under her breath. Heard only by herself, alone.

Thoughts? Feedback appreciated! ^w^
>>
>>43278583
I am very erect after reading this green so it's pretty good.
>>
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>>43278583
unf
>>
>>43276207
Is the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything all goes back to trees?!
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>>43279410
yes
>>
>>43278583
it has
>rape
so it's good
>>
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>>43280684
haha pinkie pie threw a pie on her lol!
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>>43280243
UNF
>>
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>>43281708
Round butt... would
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>>43282297
Hooves... must touch...
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>>43281708
Sex
>>
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>>
Every time I see her, I imagine living with her and being mocked constantly, but she never leaves my side, and that thought comforts me so much. If I imagine a 3D doing that, I feel bile rising in my throat instead. So what's wrong with me?
>>
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>>43283592
>horsepussy has led me to places I wouldn't even go with a gun
truly a miracle cure
>>
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>>43281708
>>
>>43278583
I simply MUST have more of Twilight domming her evil twin
>>
>>43283776
Round BUTT
>>
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>>43284403
very unfy
>>
Evil dopplegangers are so hot, everything is better with evil dopplegangers
>>
>>43285054
What about Good dopplegangers?
>>
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>>43285376
would receive milk and cookies from
>>
>>43285563
I could do with some of that as well, nice.
>>
>>43285376
Good Glimmy be like
>I respect the bodily and mental autonomy of others
>…
>I’m gonna use my hooves to pummel and buck the horseapples outta foals until they gain a cutie mark
>>
>>43286437
How else are you going to get the foals to have their own cutie marks without force?!
>>
>>43286782
umm by letting them go on in their life and then they will find their cms there
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>>43271230
https://ponepaste.org/10125
this green makes me want Mean Twilight Sparkle as my mom...
>>
>>43285563
Cute hag
>>
>>43288285
indeed
>>
>>43285054
>Evil dopplegangers are so hot, everything is better with evil dopplegangers
This is why we need more evil dopplegangers in shows. more unf
>>
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>>43289104
I want to wipe that smug out of her face.
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>>43289502
Of course a filthy redneck like you can't respect the smugness of superior beings above yourself unless that superior being slaps you with $5000 worth of bodyguards muscles and dick in your mouth. Albeit hiring your father for $3.50 to slap your dysgenic fat ass is much cheaper and effective.
>>
>>43289628
What are you smoking???
>>
>>43271234
She's so sad...
>>
>>43290125
It's vogeltranny.
>>
>>43290652
Vogel is still here? Haven't seen that dude in AGES.
>>
Meanlight is pondering the orb.
>>
>>43291696
menacing!!!
>>
>>43291696
she will get twilight sparkle this time
>>
>>43278583
I like your green, great work.
>>
I love evil mares.
>>
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>>43294578
SEX!!!
>>
>>43294578
By the gods! That she is hot...
>>
>>43294578
>*POOMPF* What are we doing today on the bed?
>>
>>43285563
I want Mirror Chrysalis to read me a very nice story.
>>
>>43274444
>anon: "Hey Twilight! If you're so smart, figure this out, this statement is false!"
>>
>>43296279
Kek
>>
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Mean ponies are hot.
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>>43297196
would all of them at once
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>>43297196
I want them to BULLY ME!!!
>>
I want a bully mare to forcefully install herself in my life and start making decisions for me
>>
>>43298200
Same, it would make life so much easier.
>>
>>43296279
>"Okay, let's analyze this... If the statement 'This statement is false' is true, then it must be false, as it says. But if it's false, then the statement that it's false is incorrect... which means it's true!"
>"Aha! It's a self-referential loop! Like when Pinkie Pie tries to explain herself!"
>*the horn starts to crackle*
>"But wait... if we assume that all statements must have a defined truth value according to the principle of bivalence... then... it can't be either true or false! That violates classical logic! I need paraconsistent logic! Or maybe fuzzy logic!"
>*She starts walking in circles very quickly, the book floats higher and higher*
>"Or maybe use Gödel's theorem! This statement is like an undecidable sentence! But no! I'm Twilight Sparkle! I solve EVERYTHING! If it's true then... no, wait... if it's false then... AAAAAH!"
>*The horn glows brightly, purple sparks fly everywhere*
>"It's true! No, it's false! True! False! True-false-true-false-true-false-TRUEFALSETRUEFALSE!"
>*Eyes spiral, hair stands on end, smoke billows from ears*
>"I CAN'T BE BOTH AT THE SAME TIME, BUT I CAN'T BE NEITHER! THIS VIOLATES THE LAWS OF REALITY ITSELF! MY ORGANIZED BRAIN CAN'T...!"
>*BOOOOOOM!*
>>
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>>43271230
the show would have unironically turned out better if Twilight had converted to Starlight's cause and become a villain in S5E1
change my mind you can't

>>43274444
chekd, this pony needs a good solid booping
>>
>>43298640
bro you killed her
F
>>
>>43299007
>"I did what was necessary for Equestria, what was necessary for everyone."
>>
>>43298640
kek
>>
>>43271230
why would you want her to take your cutie mark?
>>
>>43300025
meanlight wants it
>>
>>43274444
Mean Twilight at the top looks sort of like the Butcher from The Boys
>>
>>43271230
Someone gen a porn image using that Twilight
>>
>>43271230
What is that cutiemark?
>>
>>43301668
It's the Equality Cutie Mark.
>>
>>43271230
SEX WITH EVIL TREE TWILIGHT SPARKLE!!!
>>
Twilight teaching her evil self to be good is enticing as a premise. What kinds of inversions would evil Twilight express? What kinds of lessons would correct her?
>>
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>>43301668
do you ziggers even watch the show?
>>
>>43303188
I'm willing to bet less than half the posters here have, at this point. Or maybe it's always been tourists. And I felt like I was a poser for joining in the late year of 2015 kek
>>
>>43303176
Get to writing and find out, fucker. DO IT! IT'LL BE FUN!
>>
>>43303321
I'd usually prefer to know what the themes and character developments are before I write them
>>
>>43303188
Do you really watch past Season 2? Explain yourself to Faust.
>>
>>43304290
Why would you watch the decline especially S8-S9?
>>
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>>43303321
not the anon you replyed too but might try to make something
>>
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bump because i want to actually to be able to post the fic im working on
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>>43305108
>>43304290
Real poneheads know that 60% of the best characters get added late into the run!
>>
>>43305611
Ooh, is it a continuation of the Midnight one or is it something else?
>>
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>>43306106
No, I'm not the one who wrote midnight. It's something completely new!
>>
>>43306157
>>43306106
>>43303176
>>43303321
>>43303347
>>43305122
>>43305526

>The private viewing room felt cold as ice, with nopony daring to break the silence.
>A ray of light streamed in from the window across from the bed that everypony was gathered around lightly illuminating the now still face of a dear friend.
>The doctors had done an excellent job cleaning and brushing her mane, it almost looked like rarity had done it.
>This thought was insignificant, the body lying upon the bed was still a crude facsimile.
>Her joyful face with eyes always bursting with elation stood still.
>Twilight was furious, not with the doctors or nurses, but with herself.
>She had been the cause of this, or at the very least she felt like she was.
>Red hot anger filled her, she couldn’t stand that anypony, no; she, the element of magic, couldn't find a way to help her friend.
>The doctor who had been standing silently in the corner until now said meekly “We tried everything we could, I’m so sorry” her head hung low. The ‘sorry’ dragged on for just a moment too long to feel clinical.
>Everypony knew that Pinkie was dead long before she was rushed through the doors of the emergency room at the Ponyville hospital.
>Fluttershy was sobbing at the side of Pinkie’s bed, her desperate gasps for air between uncontrollable sobs signalled how the rest of the mane… 5 felt; crushed.
>Applejack wrapped her front leg around Twilight trying to pull her into a hug as the face she was trying desperately to hold stable was starting to crack
>Twilight shook her off, the look of indignationation on her face had only grown
>She approached the side of Pinkie’s bed, looked down upon the now cold pony
>The placed her hoof on Pinkie’s chest, she stood still for just a moment then she closed her eyes and clenched her teeth tightly.
>She fell as if gravity had been increased by ten fold.
>Her body slouched over and through a flurry of tears she said “I’ll get you back Pinkiepie, I promise”.
>She picked herself up off of the floor and quickly hurried out of the room, ramming into a now confused Appledash.
>Rainbowdash called out to her from the door of the observation room, but Twilight just trotted faster away, now fully sprinting down the halls of Ponyville General.
>The double doors of the hospital slammed open as a gurney was being rushed to the emergency room. Through her grief and anger Twilight sloppily used a levitation spell to move the entire group out of the way.
>Twilight is stunned only momentarily by the blazing sun of the equestrian summer.
>She continued to run as fast as she could towards her library, hot tears wetted her face and fell to the ground.
>She reached the door of her home and swung it wide open with such force that it hit the wall with a loud thud.
>Spike was pacing around the table that sat in the center of the room.
>He saw Twilight standing in the foyer, instantly recognizing the pain in her eyes he ran over.
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>>43306617
>He threw himself at her, tears pooling in his eyes. He had already heard the news, stuff like this didn’t take long to get around town; everypony in ponyville already knew.
>Twilight, exhausted from the run and the crying, broke down into tears.
>Between her breaths she looked at Spike sternly, shakenly and said “I’m not going to rest until I’ve found a way to bring her back”.

>It's been at least 3 weeks, possibly more, Twilight has stopped counting and Spike has long since started to stay with Rarity to escape Twilight’s ever growing fanaticism with undoing death.
>The once pristine library now more resembles a disaster zone than a home; books, cups of instant hayraman and empty cans of PONYPOWER(™) energy drinks covering the floor.
>Twilight was in no better condition, her mane matted and her body aching from exhaustion and lack of care. Her eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep, only really resting whenever she keeled over a pile of books. She hardly resembled the pony so many once new. She had simply stopped caring for herself, completely dedicating herself to her new cause.
>Twilight had been driving herself to the edge of sanity since she came back home from the hospital. She had been scouring through every book she had in her collection tens of times desperately searching for something that anypony could tell you would never be there.
>She had almost completely lost hope, thinking that she could never bring back her friend
>The idea crushed her, after all she was the one who hooked Pinke up to all of those machines. If she had any idea that a power surge would happen at that instant she would have never.
>She replayed that moment over and over again in her mind, torturing herself over ‘what ifs’; what if she disconnected the power in time, what if she used a spell to cut the wires, what if she just believed her friend.
>Just like she had many times before she began to heave, she couldn’t live with herself. Admitting she couldn’t bring her back wasn’t an option, she had never felt so powerless, so desperate.
>At that moment a scroll slipped through the front door’s mailslot.
>Twilight looked at it for a long moment before she approached, hoping this wasn’t some clever attempt by her friends to make her abandon her ‘studies’.
>Upon closer inspection the scroll had the royal crest of Celestia inlaid on the stamp that kept it closed.
>She opened it gingerly.
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>>43306620
>It read “Dear my prized pupal Twilight Sparkle, Spike has informed me that your dear friend Pinkiepie has passed. I am so sorry for your loss and I understand that grieving looks different for everypony, but I am starting to become concerned. I have not received a letter from you in over a month. Spike speaks about how you have shut out everypony in your life, including all of your friends. The dire condition he describes you in is deeply troubling. Luna also tells me about the disturbing dreams you have been having recently. I am worried about you Twilight, please write back so I know you are ok.”
>The letter ends in the same way all of Celestia’s letters do “With much love, Princess Celestia”.
>Twilight stares at the letter blankly for a time.
>She had not realized how long it had been since Pinkie had passed, time had almost lost all meaning to Twilight.
>Twilight’s already shattered heart began to hurt, the tiny shards left being broken once more. She had spent over a month and had gotten nowhere.
>This reality made the once kind pony furious, and yelled in anger. Her magic became uncontrollable creating a vortex of books and debris around her. Then suddenly in a nearly unparalleled burst of magic a shockwave erupted from her horn.
>Windows shattered and doors flew open off of their hinges, the library she had been standing in just before in smolders.
>The tip of her horn was burnt, smelling of burnt bread.
>Twilight knew what she had to do. The knowledge, the power she needed was locked away inside of the restricted wing of Canterlot magic library.
>”Everything will be alright once pinkie is back” she whispered to herself before stepping out the door and starting to make her way to the train station

>Twilight sat in the back of the traincar, trying to plot a way to break into the highly restricted level of the library.
>She knew it would be highly guarded, and completely off limits for anypony but the princesses. So she had to break in.
>She knew was a known entity in the castle so slipping past without anyone recognizing her was going to be nearly impossible.
>Luckly during her manic episode back in Ponyville she stumbled on a spell that, when used, could transform somepony into looking like anotherpony for a short period of time.
>She intended to disguise herself as the recently returned Luna. Nopony would question her if she started to act out of character for Luna, because hardly anypony had met her yet.
>As she walked up to the library doors she felt nervous. She had been here hundreds of times but never with such immoral reasons. Following through on this would be treason of the highest order, and Twilight feared the consequences.
>Twilight shook off those thoughts and reassured herself that this was the only way to save Pinkiepie; and to ease the guilt that had been crippling her.
>Twilight opened the tall double doors of the library and quickly ducked into the bathroom.
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>>43306624
>Magic sparked from her burnt horn as she tried and failed to cast the complex spell multiple times. Panic overcame her.
>Then a flash of purple light came out of Twilight’s horn blinding her for a few moments. When she winked her eyes open again she was greeted with her new temporary form, Princess Luna.
>She snuck through the halls of the library dodging anypony that came near. Even though she could mask her physical form she couldn’t do anything about her voice or mannerisms, so it was best to avoid interactions.
>She soon arrives at the stairs to the restricted level of the library, a guard is standing in front of a locked door blocking the way up.
>Twilight shoots him a look and without a word he levitates the key into the lock and with a hearty click the door creeps open.
>Twilight was filled with anxiety as she walked into the damp stairway.
>Still hidden in the magical fake skin of Luna, she starts to ascend the stairs quickly with the guard only steps behind her.
>All is going well until they reach the top of the staircase where Twilight is greeted by another set of locked doors.
>The guard who had been stayed quite until now speaks up and says jovially “To open the next door I must be told the royal passcode, but of course you already know this Princess”
>Twilight’s heart instantly drops, she never anticipated a verbal passkey. Her fear and nervousness quickly turned into desperation.
>”I’ve gotten so close, I can’t go back now” she thought to herself as her horn started to glow.
>Still facing away from the guard, she uncloaked herself.
>The guard in shock from what he just saw muttered “Twilight?”.
>His training quickly took over as he stood in a battle ready stance, assuming what stood in front of his could neither be Twilight of Luna.
>Twilight spun around looking at the guard in the eyes with no expression on her face. “Give me the keys,” she growled.
>The guard shouted back “You will have to rip them out of my cold dead hooves”.
>Twilight sighed and picked up the earthpony guard and slammed him against the wall, the sound of bone crunching could be heard as he hit the wall.
>Twilight gagged a bit at the sound.
>Walked over to the guard and grabbed the keys with her magic.
>She turned back around and with a little hesitation.
>When she reached the locked door she shoved the key into the lock and opened the door.
>A wave of cold air rushed over her as she opened the door wider. The room was circular with shelves judding out from the walls.
>Scrolls and books and even some artifacts lay neatly upon the shelves. As if they had been waiting in anticipation for this moment just as Twilight had.
>She began to walk around the room hurriedly, knowing that it wouldn’t be long until somepony to nosy for their own good decided to check on the sounds from the stairwell.
>After a few moments of searching her eyes were drawn to a glass case that contained a leather bound book with a picture of a lion paw on the cover.
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>>43306626
>Twilight had heard of such a book before, though she always thought it was an old mare's tale.
>According to legends this was the personal spellbook of an ancient mage that had the power of the gods. After a lifetime of writing creating cursed spells and hexes the mage created a book that would give the user nearly unlimited power. At the cost of their soul.
>Twilight knew this would be a deal with the devil, but she had no choice. Her desperation to bring Pinkiepie back had clouded all of her judgement.
>Twilight smashed the glass case open using her magic.
>She levitated the book towards herself, uneasily undoing the knot that kept the book sealed.
>In a flash of light the book flew open as if it was powered by itself ,a massive shockwave of energy hit Twilight knocking her down as the book continued to float in the air unassisted.
>As the light from the book continued to blind Twilight she could feel herself changing. The shockwave of magical power that hit her was absorbed almost in its totality and started to force her body to undergo unholy changes.
>Her entire body began to shake as she started to float in mid air. Bright light began shooting out of her eyes and mouth as a magical cocoon enveloped her.
>After a very still moment Twilight emerged from her cocoon of light.
>Her purple body had been burnt with her hooves and parts of her legs entirely black, her horn had grown thrice its size with the burnt tip now covering nearly the entire length, most shockingly though was that she had grown raven wings.
>The magic from the book had amplified her anger and guilt tenfold, turning her into a monster. It stripped her of the cutie mark replacing it with a shattered heart.
>After examining her body for a few moments she heard the sound of dozens of guards running up the stairs. Twilight flicked her head to look at the door as they started pouring in.
>The book whispered in Twilight’s ear, telling her to do horrible violent things. At first she resisted, but the deal had already been signed.
>Twilight had become that of a god, but in return she lost herself, more a slave of the writings in the book than an individual pony.
>The book picked itself off of the ground and swung in front of Twilight, flicking to a page deep inside. The picture showed a pony getting turned into a pile of ash.
>The last bit of resistance in Twilight gave out as the text started to glow red.
>Twilight reading the spell out loud.
>Red magic started to swirl around her horn, growing in size and intensity as she continued to read out the spell.
>Then a massive burst of red energy enveloped all of the guards in the room. Twilight could see their skin melting off their body as their muscles broke asunder. The screams of the guards made her hesitate just for a moment. Until a force inside her demanded she intensify the blast.
>In a horrifying development Twilight started to enjoy the feeling.
>>
>>43306627
>She did not stop blasting the guards with her twisted magic until their ashes were reduced to atoms.
>Twilight stood in front of the ash piles of the small army of guards and felt a small smile form on her face.
>She reveled in the power for a moment, then burst out of the room using her new wings.

>As she flew back to Ponyville the book levitated effortlessly in front of her.
>She knew that somewhere within the pages of this cursed book would be a spell that would allow her to bring back Pinkiepie.
>After some searching Twilight did find what she was looking for, she stopped and flapped in one place mid air to read the page better.
>The picture showed a mildly disturbing scene of one pony’s lifeforce being stolen away and given to another pony.
>The writings of the long dead mage told of how to cast the spell.
>”This spell requires the soul of a truly pure pony, one of good heart and mind. If cast with an impure soul the resurrected will fall dead again shortly.”
>Twilight knew the perfect pony for the job.
>She raced over to Fluttershy’s cottage on the edge of town.
>She landed at the other side of the bridge that spanned the river approaching Fluttershy’s house.
>As twilight began to walk up to the door, every step she took the grass underneath her hooves turned brown.
>The animals didn’t dare get close to her, fish swam away upstream to escape her, birds flew off into the distance, and the ground critters ran into bushes and trees.
>Soon Twilight was at the door, she didn’t bother to knock as she just blew the door open.
>Fluttershy wiped her head around to see Twilight.
>In shock Fluttershy asked “What’s wrong Twilight” in her typical hushed tone.
>It took her a moment to realize that something was deeply wrong with Twilight.
>As Twilight began to walk closer to her Fluttershy began to become scared.
>”What’s going on?” asked Twilight, pleading for any sort of understanding.
>”I’m sorry Flutters but it has to be this way” says Twilight hanging her head low.
>”Twilight your scaring me stop” begged Fluttershy while tears began to pool in her eyes.
>Twilight faltered for a moment, seeing her dear friend who was now crying covering her eyes with her hooves.
>Something deep within her demanded she stop.
>But Twilight’s body moved anyway.
>The book flung itself in front of Twilight once again reminding her of what must be done.
>With her eyes held closed and teeth pressed together she started to charge at Fluttershy. Her horn shot through the poor yellow ponies chest.
>Fluttershy screamed so loudly it made Twilight’s ears ring. Fluttershy writhed in pain for a few moments until she went still.
>The blood from Twilight’s old friend dripped onto her face in beads. Some got into her left eye, dying it red.
>Twilight let Fluttershy fall to the ground with a thump.
>Twilight knew it’s what she needed to do, and the book reassured her that Fluttershy died for something larger than herself.
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.>>43306628
>As the ponie's corpse sat on the ground leaking blood Twilight stood still. She hardened her expression and started the spell to take Fluttershy’s soul.
>She read off of the book's text and a snow white trail of vapor began to lift out of Fluttershy’s mouth and into Twilight's horn.
>The entire process tingled mildly. When it was all over Twilight turned around and slowly walked out of her friend’s house.
>She wanted to look back so badly but she knew that she had places to be.
>The book whispered into her ear once again, justifying what she had done

>Twilight had skipped Pinkie’s funeral, she was much too overwhelmed with trying to find a way to bring her back to go.
>She regretted that decision deeply.
>But it was not time to make everything right. All of the things she had done were leading to this moment.
>She had convinced herself that if she brought Pinkiepie back everything would be ok.
>She neglected the fact that even if she was brought back it might not be the same Pinkiepie, or if she would even want to be her friend after all that Twilight had done.
>The ponies she had killed wouldn’t ever be able to come back, the blood of Fluttershy still would be on her hooves. In the act of bringing one life back she had taken so many more.
>But she was in far too deep now to stop, the deaths she brought had to be for something she told herself as she hovered over the gravemarker.
>She began to dig up Pinkie, an unholy action that the old Twilight would have never dared to consider to do.
>Then again the old Twilight is gone, replaced by a shadow, a husk of the pony she once was.
>Typically Twilight would have used her magic for this, but it felt much too impersonal. She dug with her hooves until she hit the coffin's hard exterior.
>She levitated the coffin out of the pit she had created, setting it down gingerly next to herself.
>She popped open the cover and saw Pinkie laying there so peacefully, her skin had begun to grey and her mane was already falling out.
>Twilight asked herself if she will be brought back to the way she was, or if she will remain the facsimile of herself that sat in the observation room of the hospital.
>She rested her front legs over the side of the coffin and carefully picked up Pinkie's body. Almost cradling it as she set it on the soft grass.
>A single tear rolled down her face. It wetted some of Fluttershy’s blood and when it hit the ground it was a crimson red.
>Twilight snapped out of her emotional fever and began the ritual.
>The called upon the book as she had many times before, and started to chant the spell.
>As her horn started to glow in red a thick fog rolled in behind herself while great black clouds covered the sky.
>The world masking her sickly action, bringing a pony back from the dead was against nature itself but Twilight, dear Twilight didn’t care
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>>43306634
>As the incantation continued the white vaper that contained the essence of Fluttershy’s soul escaped from her horn and went into Pinkie’s mouth.
>Twilight was so absorbed in the spell that she failed to notice the golden chariot that pierced the sky and landed only a few dozen feet behind her.
>Celestia stepped out of the chariot hurriedly, looking upon the horror in front of her she had no words.
>Twilight was nearly completed with the spell, the last bits of essence had been taken by Pinkiepie, now she just needed to wait.
>She stood up and just then she heard a voice from behind her.
>”Twilight what are you doing” said Celestia uneasily
>There was a short pause as Twilight tensed her muscles in reaction, almost as if the words of Celestia hurt.
>”My star pupil” muttered Celestia, “I had seen you from the window of my throneroom escaping Canterlot”.
>“I couldn’t believe what I had seen, so I ran to the library and before me I saw destruction and death,” said Celestia worriedly.
>“It’s not to late Twil-” She was cut off
>”It had to be done, I had no other choice” barked Twilight as she was hunched over the now twitching body of Pinkiepie.
>Twilight turned around and showed to face Celestia
>Twilight continued “I tried everything else, there were no other options”
>Celestia staggered back, seeing the blood covering the face of Twilight sparkle.
>Twilight began to rise into the air using her wings, she yelled at Celestia “I did what I needed to” as she shot a zap of magic at her feet.
>”Now go” demanded Twilight
>Celestia stumbled back and tried to reason with Twilight “It doesn’t have to be this way, I want to help you, we can fix you!”
>This comment made Twilight even more angry, all of the fear and guilt and hatred she had been feeling for herself for over a month was about to come to head.
>Twilight shot a much larger blast of energy at Celestia.
>Celestia covered herself in a shield made of pure light deflecting the shot, though it did shake her stance.
>Celestia was no stranger to occurrences like this.
>Twilight continued to blast Celestia with stronger and stronger attacks, all of which were buffeted by the Princess.
>The book swung around to Twilight once more and flicked to a page, the picture was of a massive explosion, the strength of which could easily destroy Ponyville and anypony in it.
>The text started to glow red and Twilight started to cast the spell. Only to be interrupted by a soft “Twilight?”
>She looked down, it was Pinkie.
>Twilight snapped out of her anger fueled warpath and dropped to the ground.
>”What are you doing?” said Pinkiepie with terror on her face.
>Twilight started tripping over her own words. The once eloquent pony had nothing to say for herself. So she stayed silent.
>Pinkie looked at her and asked sincerely, “Are you ok?”
>Twilight gazed upon her, eyes full of hope saying “I am now”, as she scooped her up for a hug.
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>>43306638
>Twilight was too happy to realize that her still active horn touched Pinkiepie’s forehead.
Sending a zap of magic through her body killing her already weakened self instantly.
>Pinkepie went limp in Twilight’s arms
>It took a few moments and a few shakes for her to realize what had happened.
>She instantly felt sick, she became dizzy and tears pooled in her eyes.
>Twilight’s already shattered heart broke again
>Then as if clockwork, to take advantage of Twilight at her lowest the book began to whisper again.
>It promised the heartbroken Twilight that nopony could ever hurt her again. That if she could still bring her back in other ways.
>Twilight put Pinkiepie down heedfully, then stood back with her head hung low and tears descending from her face.
>Celestia could tell that the corruption had won, that the Twilight she was grooming to be the next ruler of Equestria was dead. In her stead was a husk of a pony who would stop at nothing to ease her aching heart.
>The Princess had tried to reason with Twilight, but it was already too late then; and much too late now.
>They both stood on opposite sides of the cemetery looking at each other.
>Both knew that there was only one way this could go, it all depended on who was brave enough, or foolish enough, to start.
>Unshockenly Twilight began first, hurling beams of magic at Celesita.
>She flipped through her unholy book looking for a way to slaughter the Princess.
>She once again landed on the page with the town destroying magic spell.
>With nothing to interrupt her this time Twilight began to read the inscription. Such a powerful spell would take a few moments to cast.
>This left Celestia with only seconds to decide what to do. Only one choice had been left for her.
>Starring the future Princess of Equestria with tears falling down her face she began to cast a spell to end all of this.
>Her mind was flooded with the many memories she had gotten over the past decade with Twilight.
>When she saw Twilight turn that stone into a real dragon, she knew she was going places.
>She knew that Twilight was born to be something great, but she never imagined that she would become this.
>Celestia had nearly finished her spell, and so had Twilight.
>Both of them hurried to be the first one done.
>When it came time to cast them they seemed to get done at the same moment.
>The two balls of magic, one red and one white passed next to each other. Both prayed they would land first.
>When one of them impacted with their target a huge explosion rang out shaking trees for miles.
>When the dust settled all that remained of the battlefield were grave markers, a defiled corpse, Princess Celestia, and a statue of stone.
>Celestia looked upon the statue of Twilight in deep sorrow.
>The now frozen Twilight had her book still in front of her with an angered look on her face. The last moment of her life is forever frozen in time.

>It had been months since the fall of Twilight Sparkle.
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>>43306639

>Though Ponyville is still shaken, and the holes in families and communities caused by Twilight will never heal, society is starting to move forward again.
>Twilight now sits in the garden of the royal castle in Canterlot, next to all the other ponies who tried to destroy peace in Equestria.
>For the rest of time the element of magic, the next in line to rule the kingdom of Equestria, and the most magical unicorn ever known to ponykind will stand as a cautionary story. A permanent reminder of what pain can do to a pony.
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>>43306617
>>43306620
>>43306624
>>43306626
>>43306627
>>43306628
>>43306634
>>43306638
>>43306639
>>43306642

Thanks for reading!!!!

This is only my second every fic so please don't eat me alive thank you! I understand that 4chan isn't my hugbox so if there is anything you want to say please don't be afraid too!

I wanted to try something new so this one has very little dialogue and is in third person limited! I really enjoy making these you peoples to read!!!

Also sorry i realized that i didn't do a super through grammar check/spell check before I posed (yes i am a bum how could you tell lol).

Pic unrelated!
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>>43306644
Hey this wasn't bad at all for your second fic, You set out to write a story about corruption, which you achieved through Twilight going mad from grief and guilt over killing Pinkie Pie and then becoming corrupted by an evil book. The ironic twist of fate in which she carelessly re-kills Pinkie makes this all a good early project in your writing hobby (career?).
I can offer you a few points of critique, which you might be better off thinking of as a list of things you could try focusing on getting down for your next story as part of the steady accumulation of skills:
Your story is bustled along by the dry voice of the narrator. Dialog is brief and nothing is really lingered on, there's very little opportunity to develop emotional investment. The narrator describes feelings that seem central to the theme, "Her desperation to bring Pinkiepie back had clouded all of her judgement." and I think that even with the self-imposed limitation of a low-dialogue story there were ways you could have used more sense details and behavior descriptions to make these things a bit more real to us.
I know it's a short story so it's hard to give anything too much focus under constraint, but the things you put real focus into were mostly action-y stuff where Twilight beats up guards or fights Celly. There's nothing wrong with a "cool" scene, but remember those are the culmination of laborious build-up, which brings me to the next point.
Overall the story lacks a sense of tension, partially because points of emotional investment are so sporadic. Celestia thinks about the tragedy of Twilight right at the end, but there's not really anything happening during the rising action that tantalizes us with the fantasy of a resolution or frightens us with the threat of a departure from comfort. I did not get a sense of anything I strongly wanted to happen.
Necromancy to revive a dead friend is a pretty played out idea in the fandom, but that's more of a meta-grievance.
Naturally, some editing work would help a lot, as you seem to acknowledge.
Obviously, all of this is really hard stuff to establish in general, let alone within a short story.

I really appreciate you sharing your work Anon, I know it can be frightening to put yourself out there and ask for critique.
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>>43307003
I really value your feedback! It defo sounds like you know your stuff!

After reading your critique a few times I would like to respond to a handful of things.

Firstly, I do agree that the emotional impact of the story is effected poorly by the hurried tone of the narrator. I am self admittingly very much an armature; with stories that rely mainly on narration being a particularly weak spot for me. Which is in part why I decided to write the story in this way. I was really looking for a challenge. (for context I have written a few more stories of different lengths and qualities in the past). I also agree with the second thing you said about how I could of used more sense details to create a more vivid mental vison while reading. Not to handwave all away the flaws in my writing style but I do believe that both of these issues (that I recognize fully) are in part due to lack of experience.

>Overall the story lacks a sense of tension, partially because points of emotional investment are so sporadic. Celestia thinks about the tragedy of Twilight right at the end, but there's not really anything happening during the rising action that tantalizes us with the fantasy of a resolution or frightens us with the threat of a departure from comfort. I did not get a sense of anything I strongly wanted to happen

This part of your response really made me think about how I structured by short story. From the start I did want it to be more action packed, and unfortunately, I do think I got a bit lost in the sauce at times. I would really appreciate it if you could expand on this a bit more so I could better understand what you mean and apply your advice in the future!

Lastly, I am well aware of the well worn trope of Necromancy but it is personally one of my favorite tropes in media which is why I decided to include it even if it is a bit played out. To be fair I also want to enjoy writing my own stories!

Important to note on the matter of grammar and spelling. When I posted the fic I was on the tail end of a nearly 8 hour writing session and I was feeling completely fried. In retrospect I should of just taken a break and come back and polished it a bit more, but hindsight is 20/20.

I do plan to make some alterations and then post it on ponepaste in the next few days. So keep an eye out for that!
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>>43306642
Very nice green anon, good work!
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>>43306642
kino
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stay alive until I get home silly thread
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>>43307822
what will happen?
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>>43307226
>I would really appreciate it if you could expand on this a bit more
It's something that I encourage you to look up extensively, but tension and stakes are how you get the reader emotionally invested. If Firefly opened up with River Tam beating the shit out of everyone, it would be drastically less rewarding than having it happen after a season and a movie of both establishing her muted character and teasing the audience with her powers. Tension is how we are shown why we should care about the stakes; it is showing us the ways in which problems may arise or be resolved by certain outcomes. It is the anticipation of those resolutions that creates excitement, suspense, dread, hope, yearning.
A good starting point is friction - a character wants to do something interesting, but they are prevented from being able to do it properly. There is something which could enable them to, but circumstances prevent them from acquiring it. The more time you spend showing us things that would be improved if the character could take action the way they want to, the more satisfying it will be when they are finally enabled to do so.

Naturally, once you work on having tension at all, you then integrate it into the theme. [Good Thing] isn't happening because things haven't changed according to [Lesson]. Will [Lesson] happen and fix everything??
Here's a really good talk from a Pixar writer about starting a story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTyV8xcTAFo which does a good job of showing how to create scenarios in which the audience has been given something to want. A character who loves something so much it creates a flaw, a rising sense of dread that what they love will be taken away leads into an impactful moment of loss. Added humiliation and a moment of temptation (that the character will succumb to) sets in motion a story in which the character will resolve or transform the loss of their beloved thing through the resolution of their flaw. At that point, an invested audience now sees the goal they can hope for, feels the lack of that goal as the lack of delight they felt with the protagonist at the beginning, and understands what must ultimately change in order for things to get better.
I think that's an important thing to get down, a) because tension can only be produced when your reader cares about what might happen, and they can only care by being shown these relatable pains and pleasures, and b) because tension and resolution occurring for a reason related to theme (failed to overcome flaw / succeeded in overcoming flaw) make these triumphs and failures feel purposeful.

Hopefully that helps, and there are tons of resources online, including on ideas for good writing exercises. Even writing the most formulaic thing on Earth will still help commit simple elements to reflex, just like doing rote arithmetic makes more complex math easier.
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>>43274444
>smarter than everyone
>everyone
They've really got to get a guy checking this shit.
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File: luna being demure.gif (1.15 MB, 520x521)
1.15 MB GIF
>>43308444
You really know a lot! Now that I'm starting to take this writing thing a tad more seriously I will start to look at and learn from those resources you mentioned.

I really can't overstate how much I value your feedback, it's really made me reconsider how I write!

Do you have anything I can read of yours, I'm just curious!
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>>43308560
Well that's high praise anon, but it's all really pretty introductory stuff. I just like to think about why I like the stories I like. I'm glad you found some value in my musings.
>Do you have anything I can read of yours
I'm afraid it's all still in the works, and my earlier stuff from my old fandom is deleted. In a sense you're further along than I am!
Good luck out there on your journey, king.
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>>43305719
>Real poneheads know that 60% of the best characters get added late into the run!
True...
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how do turn wood into evil creature
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>>43309630
Use magic.
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>>43310568
Sexiest evil mare in mare history!
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>>43306642
Good stuff.
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>Meanlight Sparkle makes slight progress in her rehabilitation
>"Wow, I'm doing great! Maybe rape a colt tonight as a little reward for myself.."
Lots of work left for her.
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>>43279957
look at this smug grape marshmallow I bet she'd laugh if she made me start crying
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>>43313151
But you wouldn't cry right? Be tough for her.
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>>43313294
Sorry anon, for meanlight I'm a precious little flower to be trampled at her discretion



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