Anonymous
How do I care about ponies aga(...) 06/26/26(Fri)08:12:05 No.43318413

File: 1623517073419.gif (96 KB, 560x681)

96 KB GIF

How do I care about ponies again? Anonymous 06/26/26(Fri)08:12:05 No.43318413

I don't feel driven in particular to do anything pony-related. I have no desire to draw, I have no desire to consume fan works. I rarely even watch the show. And yet, I cannot leave. I cannot move on from ponies. I don't believe I have gone even a single week without thinking about ponies since this decade began, which is odd because I have nothing refreshing my desire to be here, nothing to keep me hooked, as I rarely engage with the fandom. I am now believing it to be more of an illness than I originally did, considering how I do not feel the passion or pull that other people feel to get involved, yet active attempts to leave this fandom always fail, other interests do not hold me for much time and it eventually leaves me longing for...that which I did not engage myself in? what?
This puzzles me of course. If I care so much, why do I not make attempts to be more active in this fandom? And if having no real desire to be more active, why don't I leave? Why can't I leave? I haven't been on this board for half a year, and yet I came back.
I feel like I should either get more involved, or just leave. But the latter hasn't worked, it has never has.
But the former is just as tricky. Why would I force myself to do things I feel I have no interest in doing? If I really cared, would I not be driven to do these things automatically?
If I have trouble leaving, clearly I have more of a predisposition towards staying. And if that's the case, perhaps I must learn how to get involved. Except that while I cannot leave, I also do not feel like getting involved. I feel as if I am in some kind of pony passion purgatory and cannot make sense of this feeling. I am dead inside, but I am even more dead inside when I leave.