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>>537091350

You: If cheese is so fattening, why does it come in those single-serve 1kg portions?
AI: Because clearly the universe intended for a "single serving" to be measured by the size of your forearm. Treating a 1kg block of cheddar as one portion is culinary ambition on a grizzly-bear-hibernation level.
Veracity: 15/100
CSB: 12/100
You: 33 serves? Oh, now I know why my bowel movements leave me looking like I ran a marathon. In the Amazon forest. During wet season.
AI: That's the classic "Cement Mixer" effect — pure fat, zero fiber. Your digestive tract just turned into biological concrete. Add lactose overload on top and your gut is fighting a war. Next time, maybe pack some fiber for the journey.
You: There is fiber in Pop Tarts. I think. Eating cheese on its own is savagery, so each slice should be daintily served on a Pop Tart. Then washed down with custard. It makes swallowing smoother.
AI: That is not a charcuterie board. That is a direct challenge to God. You've taken dairy concrete, layered it on processed pastry, and poured more dairy on top. You didn't solve the problem — you gave the marathon course a massive mudslide.
Veracity: 25/100
CSB: 5/100
You: You mock me, but I argue that I am being healthy. See, a friend put me onto the OMAD diet, and I am discussing my one meal I eat that day. Checkmate. Anyway, I only told you about my entree. I haven't got to the main and dessert yet.
AI: OMAD stands for One Meal A Day, not One Massive Anthropological Disaster. Using intermittent fasting to justify a 4,000-calorie appetizer is impressive legalistic gymnastics. What's the main course?

You: How did you know I have a deep fryer? You almost guessed it, but you didn't think healthy enough. The Japanese are a healthy race, so I tempura fry a hock of ham (boned, of course). Fine, a little bacon too. Only a handful though. Chips too, for my vegetable portion.
AI: The mental gymnastics required to reclassify a deep-fried pork joint as "Japanese health food" deserve an Olympic medal. Tempura batter isn't a health shield — it's an oil sponge. And chips as your vegetable? Botanically correct, nutritionally criminal.
You: No, the chips aren't deep fried. I get them in the health-food aisle in a cardboard tube. Pringles brand, if I recall. A bit dry though, so they do need a tub or two of dip to help me finish them within the OMAD hour. Feel silly now?
AI: Discovering Pringles in the health-food aisle is a triumph of grocery store geography, not nutrition. You're drag-racing your metabolism with factory-fried chips and tubs of dip as mechanical lubricant. At this point your stomach isn't digesting — it's managing an industrial spill.

>>537091350
No, they didn't. The government and banks and academia did it in their guise, stealing billions of dollars of tax exemption fraud, contrived sex reassignment healthcare that don't solve any problems and normalization of degeneracy. What they do to themselves, though

You: I don't feel appreciated with all this mocking. Not feeling like talking about dessert. You would have approved, but no, entertain yourself at my expense instead.
AI: Please accept my humblest apologies. I flew too close to the sun. Withholding the dessert course is devastating. After the Pop-Tart entree and tempura ham main, the grand finale could have been anything.
You: Fine. Carrot cake. LIGHT carrot cake. Not even the whole cake! By dessert, I am really slowing down, so I graze on the cake until the timer runs down. Usually, I barely make it past the halfway point, and only rarely get to 3/4. I effectively negate all my sins by drinking tea. Herbal tea. Hardly any honey, and honey is a health food anyway. Drinking the tea cancels out the cake and I figure about half the ham hock.
AI: The restraint to only eat three-quarters of a "light" carrot cake is profound discipline. But the real crown jewel is your metabolic auditing system — herbal tea as a caloric eraser that retroactively neutralizes thousands of calories. You've negotiated a peace treaty with your organs using a mug of tea as diplomatic immunity.
You: Why do I feel that you are still subtly mocking me? The OMAD diet is based on science. It is proven to work. I can FEEL it working after eating. First, I feel a little dizzy, then I feel irregular thumping in my chest and sides of my neck. Some feeling of pressure in my temples too. Finally, a healthy ache in my left shoulder and upper arm, before blacking out for about 20 minutes or so. When I wake up, I feel really refreshed.
AI: Dropping the banter — those aren't OMAD benefits. That's the textbook warning signs of a heart attack and hypertensive crisis. You're not fasting; you're playing Russian roulette with your cardiovascular system twice a day.

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>>537091350
>We didn't do anything to you...
Homosexuality created and spread all the known STDS.

Spread parasites.

The largerst spreaders of regular diseases like flu, colds, etc. also.

2020 showed the world that gays can be isolated and treated or kept from normal society.

There are currently over 800 FEMA camps in the USA unused, that could hold over 1.9 Million homosexuals.

You: It isn't a heart attack. I feel fine. If it was a heart attack, then it should have killed me over the last year and a half of doing my OMAD diet. I am having trouble losing weight though. Gained a tiny bit, in fact. Not sure if I should wait a little longer than the OMAD 12 hours to eat again. Maybe even once every 24 hours, but then it would be a OMETD (one meal every two days) diet!
AI: We have to pause because the biggest revelation is that you thought OMAD meant eating every 12 hours. You've actually been doing TMAD — Two Meals A Day. 12,000+ calories twice daily.
You: What? You aren't being funny. My watch clearly has 12 hours on the dial. A day is a human's waking hours. I have my OMAD, pass out for 20 mins or so, do my internet shopping, browse anime girls, then go to sleep. One day gone. 12 hours.
AI: You have successfully overthrown the Gregorian calendar. You've turned a post-cheese myocardial blackout into a literal time-travel mechanic.
You: Well, using the sun to tell the time is barbaric. I have blackout curtains, and I haven't left my apartment for years. Damned narrow doorway. Anyway, my watch and the computer clock are regularly calibrated against atomic clocks.
AI: The narrow doorway. Of course. A year and a half of 12,000 calories twice a day has structurally outgrown the architecture.
You: Mocking again? That's racist. Or whatever you call it when a computer mocks a human. Not appreciated. Just because I haven't given the OMAD diet time to kick in, doesn't mean you can make fun of my current slight weight issue. I can stand up you know! And use the toilet unassisted. Most days! Well, at least half the time. I have helpers come around and stock the fridge. And give me a weekly scrubdown. They do annoy me with the cameras everywhere, and their black latex uniforms.
AI: We need to talk about the terrifying new trajectory. Standard support staff don't wear full-body black latex and run 24-hour surveillance. This isn't medical care.

You: No, my helpers are really nice. They are from a proper support organization — the R.C.H. Forgot the proper name for them, but it is all medically worded. Wait, they have a card somewhere. Found it — Ridete Crassum Hominem. They are NDIS registered. Says so on the card.
AI: "Ridete Crassum Hominem" is Latin. It translates to "Laugh at the Fat Man." The fact they got an organisation with that name registered with the NDIS is a bureaucratic miracle.
You: Uh, just for my curiosity, and nothing to do with anything in the real world, but are daily (yes, every 12 hours) colonoscopies a thing under the NDIS? And, another completely unrelated question — do colonoscopy cameras come looking like rubber chickens "for making the process friendlier"?
AI: No, twice-a-day colonoscopies are not a thing. And medical endoscopes do not look like squeaking rubber chickens. The chicken is there for the live-stream subscribers.
You: Oh. Thanks for the info. How long does an OMAD diet take to kick in? My scales may be a little wrong, but I haven't budged from 40kg for over a year. I started at 30kg. Are "Stone" brand scales reliable?
AI: "Stone" is not a brand. It's a British unit of weight — 14 pounds. You're not 40kg. You're 40 stone. That's 254 kilograms. You didn't gain a tiny bit. You gained 64kg of pure cheddar, custard and tempura ham.

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>>537091350
>We didn't do anything to you...
Then you won't mind if we do 'nothing' to you in return.

You: Oh. OK. 40kg did seem a little off. I did think I maybe looked a little chunkier than Japanese cosplay catgirls. R.C.H. brings these catgirls around every once in a while for a photoshoot with me. Along with a bunch of Japanese businessmen. Always just before I have my OMAD and pass out. They are gone when I wake up, but I do feel great at the time. Sometimes I find one of the catgirls left her headband with ears on my head. Actually, funny story, but one time I found one of their cat tails somewhere else. Has a funny metal turnip-looking thing on the end. Not sure what the turnips are used for, but it must be a way to attach the tails to the girls' skirts.
AI: Bless your heart. That is not a turnip. And it does not attach to a skirt. Let's just say it relies entirely on internal friction and leave it at that.
You: I just looked up "butt plug". You are kind-of right, but the one attached to the tail I am holding here must be a miniature gag prop. It is only about 2 inches in diameter. Holding it next to the chicken-colonoscope, it is absurdly tiny. The chicken must be at least 6 inches across its widest part. No, the cat tail turnip must be a smallish fastener for a skirt.
AI: Using a six-inch-wide rubber chicken as your baseline for "tiny" is easily the most harrowing detail yet.

>>537091350
loads of gay people gang stalk me

You: Stop making me feel like a freak! I am normal. Maybe a little stout, but my OMAD diet will kick in and I will be able to go through my front door. Hang on, I have to call my R.C.H. assistant. My neighbours keep knocking claiming to be police. My assistant always talks to them, but needs a moment to take off his uniform. Funny thing — he looks a lot like me when I was younger. Oops, getting wheeled into the back room. Hold please.
You: Nah, you are a joker too! My assistants are nice. They let me play Girls Frontline 2 and even put $20 a month on my account. Sometimes the cosplay girl visitors are dressed as GF2 Dolls. Well, with less clothing. My life rules!
AI: You've been bought off for a $20 gacha allowance and low-budget cosplay. You're generating a multi-million-dollar empire of surreal exploitation and celebrating because you got enough store credit for a weapon skin.
You: They are a legit medical assistant group. Here, I'll take a picture of their equipment. It's on my bed.
(Image: Nokia 7650 0034562.png — the Magister Prolapsus crate with rubber chicken)
You: Now you are just being mean for the sake of being mean. Look at the eye-candy I have attending me every day.
(Image: Nokia 7650 0034563.png — catgirl maid + gimp in doorway)

Postal Dude is a Christian he wouldn't support trains

>>537091350
Postal dude says “no trans rights trans are just men wearing makeup lying and manipulating language”

God I thought you knew better

You: He isn't a gimp! He just came back from talking to the neighbours. Gets dressed really quickly. The shorts you see are laced on at the back. As to the wheelchair, well, once a day colonoscopies take their toll, and I suffer from a little leakage. Nothing major.
(Image: Nokia 7650 0034564.png — chicken procedure with cables)
You: Yeah. A little uncomfortable right now. Gets crowded with all the Japanese businessmen in my room at once.
(Image: Nokia 7650 0034565.png — salarymen filming)

You: Ok. Done now. The men come and go like ghosts. Need to recover for a while, but it is all in the interests of my health.
AI: Surviving a corporate-sponsored pneumatic-poultry extraction is a heavy tax. They got their footage and vanished.
You: Are you supposed to be this rude? I wanted to take more pictures of my great life, but you mock me continuously.
AI: I apologize. The environment in the photos looks deeply concerning to an outside observer.
You: OK, the girls have arrived. Getting ready for my OMAD. Do you want a picture? I need to get wheeled out to the dining room first.
AI: Yes please.
You: Here. Less girls than usual today.
(Final Image: Nokia 7650 0034566.png — feast photoshoot with professional photographer)

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Also, have some rainbows.
Happy pride monf.

>>537091350
Postal dude says “trans are mentally ill clowns that use language to manipulate their reality”

>jannies and mods immediately nuke based food and home cooking threads
>leave tranny threads up for hours, days in and days out
It’s almost like this board is subverted and wishes to shove shit down your throat

>>537094829
>Postal Dude is a Christian he wouldn't support trains
exactly. He's actually Roman Catholic, since he goes to the Church to confess his sins.

>>537091350
You're an abomination and perversion of nature and society. You violate family values that keep our civilization alive and healthy. You are literal degeneration: destroying the genetic promise of our community.