Shanah tova, goyim. Some years ago, I decided to infiltrate the Jews. I converted and celebrated my first Rosh Hashannah as a Jew. I even got an aliyah today. I have not been given any information about the space lasers. However, the Jews, especially those in my local community, have been most welcoming. AMA
Bump
>>542504951>I have not been given any information about the space lasers.yeah okay jew. >they're just le innocent guys just like you and me
>>542505708I've thought about buying one of these shirts. I know a Jew who has one. When I saw her wearing it one day, I lmao'ed.I'm not in a major city with a large Jewish population, so I know all of the religious Jews in my area. There are many more who are not religious. Truly, they have been kind. One anonymous Jew gave me $100 to buy a tallit. I regret not wearing it today.
>>542504951Funk dat, jew. We’re not trying to play some blind game of battleship for 5 hours. This ain’t Reddit, queer boy. It’s your damn fucking life so you should know the most interesting parts. Just give us the goods. Point form (no tldr shit). Greentext preferred.
>>542505971>Just give us the goods.Since you mention the goods, I did circumcise myself (kind of). I was circumcised at birth, so this was merely a symbolic circumcision. I took a razor blade and cut my dick. I then showed my rabbi a bloody cloth, and she shook my hand and gave me a hug twice. I wasn't going to say no, but I was just holding my dick and a bloody dick cloth.Later, I showed a straight man and a gay woman I work with a dick pic. The man was disgusted, but the lesbian was awestruck.
>>542505769This is correct and I can't understand why more people do not notice it.
>>542504951Okay what sect?What prayers do you do?Do you keep shabbat?I am jewish and it is not that easy to convert so I am 99 percent sure you are larping
>>542504951Did you get to meet Ben Shapiro?
>>542504951Ask them why they don’t believe in that Jesus fella.
>>542506385Show us. We'll be the judges of your dick pics. Don't be shy.
>>542507364>I am JewishDid you get to meet Ben Shapiro?
>>542507364>Okay what sect? >I am jewishYou're the larper. We call them denominations.My job often means that I am working on Saturdays, so I mostly go to the Friday night service. I go nearly every week. The synagogue I attend is conservative / reform. We alternate between the liturgies, but on the High Holidays, we do them in separate spaces. I converted Reform because that was what was available, but I lean more Conservative. My synagogue uses Lev Shalem and Mishkan T'filah, so that's what I pray.
>>542507418Asking a Jew why he does not believe in Jesus is like asking a Christian why doesn't believe in Muhammad, Bab, or Victor Hugo.
>>542507646How many times did you have to apply ?
>>542506385I would have shown up with a propeller cap and a lollypop and demanded he suck my bloody dick, just like every baby he tougue fucked.
>>542504951>I got an aliyah todayReally? You "got" "an" aliyah? Did you do this at the judo range?
>>542508003Apply isn't quite the right word, but the answer is once.>>542508014My rabbi is a woman. Your mistake indicates both your poor reading comprehension and your homosexual tendencies. >>542508084Wtf are you going on about?You guys have to come up with better questions. This shit is boring and retarded.
>>542506385>I then showed my rabbi a bloody cloth, and she shook my hand and gave me a hug twice. I wasn't going to say no, but I was just holding my dick and a bloody dick cloth.>Later, I showed a straight man and a gay woman I work with a dick pic
>>542505769>>542506970>don't unite against us, goyim kike parasites detected.
>I converted0/10You can't convert. Even if you're the biggest shabbos goy in the world (Milei). Even if you marry a jewess and father jewish kids. It's a myth. Goyslop.
>>542509796Today, on this most holy of days, I stood up and told the Jews of my city the law. Non-Jew is not permitted to do that. My aliyah is a sign of their respect and acceptance of me, something I appreciate.There is this notion that Jews are closed off, which I once held, but it's definitely not a universal truth. I am now eligible for Israeli citizenship. If I was younger, I could do a birthright trip. Traditionally, converts hold a high status. Today, it is mixed. There are liberal Jews who are not very traditional but will be very accepting of converts. And there are Orthodox Jews who are not so accepting. Then, of course, there are Orthodox Jews who are accepting.
>>542508084I think Aliyah in this context is being brought to the podium at the synagogue, to say a few prayers and read a portion of the Torah. Since it's a desirable thing to those who care, and it's limited in amount (there's only so much people read every week), being allowed to do so counts as getting something precious. So you get an aliyah.Shouldn't be a hard concept to grasp, even for a gentile.
Reads like you didn't infiltrate at all but genuinely joined and became jewish
Can you kill amalek without consequences?Did you get your vax?
Have you done anything with was it under 3 year olds or over 3 year olds like most rabbis preach about doing?What kind of bioweapons was this guy producing for a terrorist attack?
What was going through there minds here?I would like to know that at least.
>>542504951Why did you convert?Aren't you a little uncomfortable about the whole "stamp out the memory of amalek" business?Are you even white?
>>542512984>I think Aliyah in this context is being brought to the podium at the synagogue, to say a few prayers and read a portion of the Torah.Yes>>542513199>Reads like you didn't infiltrate at all but genuinely joined and became jewishThanks.>>542513446>Can you kill amalek without consequences? >Did you get your vax?No and no. One funny experience that I had on the weekend I converted is similar to the Amalek story. We did not have a minyan (requisite number of Jews for a torah service), so we did a torah study instead. Two Jews who were traveling show up. One is a professor; the other a rabbi. My rabbi is talking about how the torah portion for the week is indefensible. The professor then pushes back, bringing up how settlements in the West Bank are good and that the Methodists who civilized the Indians are doing God's work. I was blown away. I'm on 4chan. I'm not easily offended. It's just that I could hardly believe my ears.>>542513707>Why did you convert?I began as an anon with an interest in Semitic languages. I began to involve myself with Judaism on an experiential level and enjoyed it. I converted.>Aren't you a little uncomfortable about the whole "stamp out the memory of amalek" business? Yes, but I am a biblically critical Jew, so I take it for what it is and don't get worked up by it.>Are you even white?Yes. See hand.
>>542509796Milei is literally Satanyahu's cousin.
>>542504951did they give you a big tiddy jewess girlfriend?
>>542506385WTF
Shana tova OPSince now you have knowledge of the way into Judaism......uhhm... How does one escape?
>>542504951Post your jew card.
>>542514675KekHave you tried moonwalking?
>>542514569>did they give you a big tiddy jewess girlfriend?No. But I wouldn't object if they did. That would be pretty nice actually. >>542514675>How does one escape?YOU DON'T! You're trapped! I assume you know this, so I'm posting for the sake of Gentile anons. Even if you embrace Christianity or Islam, you'll simply be an apostate, Jewish but doing a bad job. Excommunication isn't really a thing in the modern day.
>>542506385>unironic penis inspection>they're just normal people hahawtf
>>542506385>ritual scarification >we are totally not insane goy
>>542506385>female rabbiSorry bro, you've been conned. The Jews still consider you a gentile.
>>542504951will you use you newly found kabbalistic sorcery powers for good?
>>542515216Lol i know i knowI'm good and happyBig tiddy wife and allShana tova to all anons
>>542504951do you wear a small hat and have your sideburns grown out?
>>542516335>I'm good and happy >Big tiddy wife and all That's good to hear.>>542516584>do you wear a small hat and have your sideburns grown out?I do have sideburns, but they are sideburns, not Jewish sidelocks. I wear a kippah at the synagogue, and I have worn a kippah in public, but it's not typical for me outside of tge synagogue. I wore it for a week around the time of my conversion, and during that time, I was packing. At work, I've encountered a literal Nazi and have met some rude people, so I think it better safe than sorry. In any case, I don't like standing out or carrying a gun, so I won't be wearing my little hat much outside of the synagogue.
