>Hitler would have gotten away with it if beforehand he put out a rap album
What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.The guy who stole my diary went missing. My thoughts are with his family.Don’t take life too seriously. Remember, you will never get out of it alive!Knock knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben thinking about you all day!What car does Jesus drive? A Christler.It was so hot today. I almost called my ex to be around something shady.
>>543216846Why are women like this?
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships!What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.When does a joke become a dad joke? When it’s apparent.What did summer say to spring? I’m going to fall.What did one snowman say to another? Wait, do you smell carrots?What did the hungry clock do? It went back 4 seconds.What’s the tallest building in the world? A library, of course. It has so many stories!What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur? Thesaurus.Why can’t you trust a burrito? They tend to spill the beans.What’s a plant’s favorite drink? Root beer!What did one hat say to another? You wait here; I’ll go on ahead.What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.What kind of button doesn’t button or unbutton? A belly button!What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.Do you know what my favorite thing in the world is? The second word of this text!What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.Who won the neck decorating contest? It was a tie.What do mermaids use to wash their fins? Tide.I went to a silent auction... …I won a dog whistle and two mimes.What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.Have you ever heard about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up.Why did the coffee taste like dirt? Because it was ground just a few minutes ago.What is the best present? Broken drums! You can't beat them.Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They're making headlines.My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.My therapist says I have a preoccupation with revenge. We’ll see about that.
lmao you pathetic racists never fail to make me laugh with your "pol humor" threadsFace it, most poc will be infinitely more successful than any of you sad virgins ever will be. You are on the wrong side of history, get over it losers
>>543216910sounds like a real fat ugly stupid bitchHere anon you better take one of these
>>543216958I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila!There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.I threw a boomerang a few years ago… …And now I live in constant fear.Thanks for being my best friend. And for always going along with my worst ideas, of course!You and I will be friends forever! Because at this point, you know too much.Just burned 2,000 calories! That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!Blunt pencils are really pointless.6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.I know they say that money talks… …But all mine says is “Goodbye!”I used to have a handle on life… …But then it broke.I tried to catch fog the other day. But I mist.Let’s start telling people their brain is an app. Maybe then they’ll want to use it!I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s literally impossible to put down!I was raised as an only child. It drove my sister nuts.Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.The guy who stole my diary went missing. My thoughts are with his family.My wife always complains that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.Russian dolls are so full of themselves.Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.
>>543216846
>>543216846What would israels airport be called if jews were gay? Ben Gayrion international
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.
Why do people who live in Greece hate waking up at dawn? Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
What do you call a criminal landing an airplane? Condescending.
>>543217116You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need one to go skydiving twice.
Them: "I can’t come into work today. I got a doctor’s appointment."You: "I should see mine, too. I'M SICK OF THIS JOB!"
