You wake up. You blink your eyes, looking around your darkened room. You were dreaming of that girl you liked, the one with red hair and blue eyes. Why’d you have to get woken up from that dream?You’re about to go back to sleep when there’s a loud crash from downstairs.Shit. Are you being robbed?There’s another crash, and you hear the sound of your beer cans rolling on the floor. You frown. Something’s in your kitchen. Did you leave the backdoor open? You get out of bed and put on a dressing gown and some slippers. If there’s an animal downstairs you just hope it’s a rat or something small, you don’t want to pay the fee for an animal handler at, 3 O’clock in the morning. You go down the stairs and hear the distinctive crunch of potato chips. This thing is in your cupboard too? You brace yourself as you open the door to the kitchen, expecting to get jumped by some wild animal, only to get a beer can thrown at your face.“Thine drink is pigs piss!”You open your eyes. There’s a man there, an old bearded man sitting in your kitchen, dressed in a robe not dissimilar to yours, a can of beer in one hand and a thick stick as tall as you in the other. He has some sword strapped to his waist, and all kinds of leathery pouches. The fridge door is open, and you can see that he’s pulled out almost everything you have in there, not that there was much to begin with. Did some fucking hobo break into your house?You take a step towards him, intending to throw him out, but he puts up a hand and for some reason you feel compelled to stop. “There are evil things out tonight! Demons, fey beasts, and sorcerers who seek to do thine world harm! We must stop them! Come and be mine helper, before the forces of darkness overwhelm all that thou loves!”He waves his arm and several objects appear on your kitchentop. A sword, a wand, and a floating mirror. “Pick one, mine apprentice, and let us do battle with the forces of evil!”What do you do?>Pick the sword. You like swords. You’ve always wanted to swing a sword.>A wand seems cool. You wonder if it can do magic?>The mirror. You can’t see your reflection in it. Why is that?>Slow down. Who the fuck is this guy and what is he doing in your kitchen?
>>6405230>Slow down. Who the fuck is this guy and what is he doing in your kitchen?That wasn’t a microdose.
>>6405230>Slow down. Who the fuck is this guy and what is he doing in your kitchen?
>>6405230>A wand seems cool. You wonder if it can do magic?I'm in, wizza.
>>6405230>Dropkick old man
You shake your head. Wizards? The Forces of Darkness? This is the plot to a bad movie. >Slow down. Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my kitchen?“Who am I? Art thou so ignorant? I am PHARNABAZUS, the great wizard! Master of the mysterious magics, walker on the mountain, slayer of the Dragon Phantasm, and now thine teacher and guide!”He sneezes, and you swear smoke comes out of his nostrils. “I am here to save your world! The prophecy boy, the prophecy! A inhabitant of this plane will become its champion, braving the terrors that assail it, and it will save this world from certain destruction and eternal darkness!”He looks at you as if expecting a response, but you say nothing, instead going to your fridge and picking out one of the few beers he hasn’t drunk already. It’s lukewarm, but it’ll do. >What the hell are you talking about old man? And you still haven’t told me how you got into my kitchen.He rolls his eyes. “Ach! Ye must not have been told by the magisterium of this world. Such ignorance is unbecoming. I will teach you.”He drags you to your window, and you look outside and gasp. There’s an aurora overhead. You never knew you could see them here, but the wizard doesn’t look so shocked. He pulls out a paper and pencil, and waves them in front of your face.“This be your world! This be mine! They’ve been connected by forbidden magic, and now both are in peril!”You sigh. He just pushed the pencil through both pieces of paper. You’re pretty sure you’ve seen that before. “The veils of reality are collapsing, the secret treaties have been broken! Your world is under threat, boy! Only a hero can save it, one who fits the prophecy! And that is thou! I have chosen thee to be thy world’s champion, for thou hast the strength and will to wield one of the Doyens Three, the most powerful magical artifacts built for mortal hands! So pick one, and let us be off!”
>>6405649You take a long sip of beer. You think you’re getting a headache. Even if this guy isn’t some crazy hobo high off too much weed, you’re not really sure you’re a prophetic hero. Champion of the world? Other planes of existence? This guy would normally be in a loony bin. You’re still thinking of what to say when there’s a heavy knocking at your door. A very heavy knocking. Like someone is trying to break in. What the hell is going on now?The Wizard, Pharnabazus, stands up and points, his eyes flashing as he speaks.“It is here! The foul homunculus of Al-alfazar! Dark Lord of the inverted mountain! We must slay them and flee! They have come for you, mine apprentice!”He slams his staff down on the floor, cracking it, and you wince. You just had those tiles installed last week. He begins chanting something as he points his fingers in the direction of your front door, and you wish this guy would shut the fuck up.What will you do?>Pick one of the artifacts. Might as well see if this guy is telling the truth. [specify which, the Sword, Wand, or Mirror]>Fuck this guy. Call the cops. You’re not dealing with this shit.>Go downstairs and get your guns. You’re not sure what this guy is on, or who’s at the door, but someone needs fucking up. >Write in.
>>6405651>Pick one of the artifacts. Mirror.And then >Go downstairs and get your guns. You’re not sure what this guy is on, or who’s at the door, but someone needs fucking up.Surely kind word(some sort of social/illusion magic/ability?) and the gun will help us get much further then we can with kind word alone.
>>6405651>>>Pick one of the artifacts. Wand.
>>6405651>Pick one of the artifacts. Wand.Fiiiiiiine, damned meddling wizards...
>>6405651>>6405651>>Pick one of the artifacts. Might as well see if this guy is telling the truth. [specify which, the Sword, Wand, or Mirror]Sword
>>6405691+1
>>6405691>>6405835Mirror>>6405740>>6405748WandLooks like we have a tie. Will need a breaker vote, otherwise I'll roll for it.
Rolled 1 (1d2)1 = Mirror2= Wand
Phew, wanted to vote (for mirror plus guns, wallet, car keys and a flashlight) earlier but work got busy and I forgot until now.
Ah what the hell. There’s a weird old guy in your kitchen and something loud and heavy is banging on your door. How much weirder can this night get? You reach over to the counter and pick up the mirror.You hear distant whispers, as if They are in another room…You do not touch the mirror, so much as it floats in your hand. It is a oval shape, no bigger than your face, with a strange, carven stone frame. It looks old. And you cannot actually see yourself in it. Only a strange, shadowy reflection of the room around you. It almost looks like something is crawling on the walls in there…“You have picked the Palantir!” The Wizard is at your shoulder, peering over it, his bushy beard flowing over and brushing against your cheek. You swat him away.The Mirror of [T̶̢̯̫͙͍̝̩͒̌̌̎̏͐̓̔͒̔̚͘ͅO̶̦̫͇͓͔̰̔W̸͕͉̪͕͌͜ͅĘ̵̱̟̤͈̰̤̿̓̈͆̂͊̍́̚̚͜͜ͅͅŖ̸͎͛̓͘] Gained!The Wizard then goes back to chanting something, his staff in one hand and the other making strange gestures which you think may be obscene.>What the hell does this thing do?He waves his hand and points it in the direction of your door, and the wall crumbles to show the hallway. This fucking guy.“What it does? It is a thing of illusion and transformation! It has changed elves into frogs and bewitched even the mightiest daemon lords! Do not treat it lightly! And do not call it a thing! It is the Mirror of Erised, and it is a lot older than you, boy!”[In it’s current form, the Mirror has two uses. You don’t know how or why, but you have a feeling that you can upgrade or unlock more abilities by using it…][Ability 1: Memory Eater: Briefly make a single target forget you were ever there. Cost 6 Cracks.] [Ability 2: Pale Echo. Create an illusion of yourself and give it simple instructions. Cost: 4 Cracks.][The Mirror has 25/??? Cracks remaining…]
>>6406355>The Mirror of- Hey isn’t that from Harry P-There is a loud thud, and your door shudders beneath the sudden blows of something heavy. The wizard screams and slams his staff on the ground, scattering more tiles, before waving it around his head and pointing it at your door. He grunts with effort, and by the looks of things he’s preventing whatever it is outside from getting in. You poke your head around the ruined wall and notice that your windows are right there. Shit. If this thing stops trying to get through the door, you’re going to be in a lot of trouble. Time to get your guns.You run to your basement stairs and take them two at a time. You hear more screaming from the wizard in the background, and more thuds against your door. When you reach the bottom you flip the light switch and smile. Oh yeah. Time to put these babies to use.PICK TWO>Sawed off shotgun. The classic. Groovy.>Mossberg 590. The 12 gauge. You could put down just about anything with this.>The Deagle. This don’t have replica written on the side. >M1911. Two World Wars! And now an interdimensional wizard war?>M16. The workhorse service rifle of Uncle Sam. >FN FAL. Formerly your uncle’s. You don’t even want to know.>Write in.Grabbing your gear, you head up the stairs, just as the wizard lets out a great shout and a bolt of light flies above your head and impacts the door. It’s still on its hinges, but now there’s a singed hole in the middle. Good God, this guy is just demolishing your house.What next?>Put some rounds through the door. Let’s see if this Homunculus thing can eat lead.>Use the Mirror. (Which ability?)>Time to get out of dodge. Grab the wizard and get to your car.>Write in.
>>6406356>FN FAL. Formerly your uncle’s. You don’t even want to knowWe now have the dubious magical artifact and the equally dubious family relic. We are set.>Sawed off shotgun. The classic. Groovy.>Time to get out of dodge. Grab the wizard and get to your car.Purely because it amuses me dragging the guy away from his very important standoff. Fine with going in blasting too
>>6406356>FN FAL. Formerly your uncle’s. You don’t even want to know.>Time to get out of dodge. Grab the wizard and get to your car.
