You wake up. You blink your eyes, looking around your darkened room. You were dreaming of that girl you liked, the one with red hair and blue eyes. Why’d you have to get woken up from that dream?You’re about to go back to sleep when there’s a loud crash from downstairs.Shit. Are you being robbed?There’s another crash, and you hear the sound of your beer cans rolling on the floor. You frown. Something’s in your kitchen. Did you leave the backdoor open? You get out of bed and put on a dressing gown and some slippers. If there’s an animal downstairs you just hope it’s a rat or something small, you don’t want to pay the fee for an animal handler at, 3 O’clock in the morning. You go down the stairs and hear the distinctive crunch of potato chips. This thing is in your cupboard too? You brace yourself as you open the door to the kitchen, expecting to get jumped by some wild animal, only to get a beer can thrown at your face.“Thine drink is pigs piss!”You open your eyes. There’s a man there, an old bearded man sitting in your kitchen, dressed in a robe not dissimilar to yours, a can of beer in one hand and a thick stick as tall as you in the other. He has some sword strapped to his waist, and all kinds of leathery pouches. The fridge door is open, and you can see that he’s pulled out almost everything you have in there, not that there was much to begin with. Did some fucking hobo break into your house?You take a step towards him, intending to throw him out, but he puts up a hand and for some reason you feel compelled to stop. “There are evil things out tonight! Demons, fey beasts, and sorcerers who seek to do thine world harm! We must stop them! Come and be mine helper, before the forces of darkness overwhelm all that thou loves!”He waves his arm and several objects appear on your kitchentop. A sword, a wand, and a floating mirror. “Pick one, mine apprentice, and let us do battle with the forces of evil!”What do you do?>Pick the sword. You like swords. You’ve always wanted to swing a sword.>A wand seems cool. You wonder if it can do magic?>The mirror. You can’t see your reflection in it. Why is that?>Slow down. Who the fuck is this guy and what is he doing in your kitchen?
>>6405230>Slow down. Who the fuck is this guy and what is he doing in your kitchen?That wasn’t a microdose.
>>6405230>Slow down. Who the fuck is this guy and what is he doing in your kitchen?
>>6405230>A wand seems cool. You wonder if it can do magic?I'm in, wizza.
>>6405230>Dropkick old man
You shake your head. Wizards? The Forces of Darkness? This is the plot to a bad movie. >Slow down. Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my kitchen?“Who am I? Art thou so ignorant? I am PHARNABAZUS, the great wizard! Master of the mysterious magics, walker on the mountain, slayer of the Dragon Phantasm, and now thine teacher and guide!”He sneezes, and you swear smoke comes out of his nostrils. “I am here to save your world! The prophecy boy, the prophecy! A inhabitant of this plane will become its champion, braving the terrors that assail it, and it will save this world from certain destruction and eternal darkness!”He looks at you as if expecting a response, but you say nothing, instead going to your fridge and picking out one of the few beers he hasn’t drunk already. It’s lukewarm, but it’ll do. >What the hell are you talking about old man? And you still haven’t told me how you got into my kitchen.He rolls his eyes. “Ach! Ye must not have been told by the magisterium of this world. Such ignorance is unbecoming. I will teach you.”He drags you to your window, and you look outside and gasp. There’s an aurora overhead. You never knew you could see them here, but the wizard doesn’t look so shocked. He pulls out a paper and pencil, and waves them in front of your face.“This be your world! This be mine! They’ve been connected by forbidden magic, and now both are in peril!”You sigh. He just pushed the pencil through both pieces of paper. You’re pretty sure you’ve seen that before. “The veils of reality are collapsing, the secret treaties have been broken! Your world is under threat, boy! Only a hero can save it, one who fits the prophecy! And that is thou! I have chosen thee to be thy world’s champion, for thou hast the strength and will to wield one of the Doyens Three, the most powerful magical artifacts built for mortal hands! So pick one, and let us be off!”
>>6405649You take a long sip of beer. You think you’re getting a headache. Even if this guy isn’t some crazy hobo high off too much weed, you’re not really sure you’re a prophetic hero. Champion of the world? Other planes of existence? This guy would normally be in a loony bin. You’re still thinking of what to say when there’s a heavy knocking at your door. A very heavy knocking. Like someone is trying to break in. What the hell is going on now?The Wizard, Pharnabazus, stands up and points, his eyes flashing as he speaks.“It is here! The foul homunculus of Al-alfazar! Dark Lord of the inverted mountain! We must slay them and flee! They have come for you, mine apprentice!”He slams his staff down on the floor, cracking it, and you wince. You just had those tiles installed last week. He begins chanting something as he points his fingers in the direction of your front door, and you wish this guy would shut the fuck up.What will you do?>Pick one of the artifacts. Might as well see if this guy is telling the truth. [specify which, the Sword, Wand, or Mirror]>Fuck this guy. Call the cops. You’re not dealing with this shit.>Go downstairs and get your guns. You’re not sure what this guy is on, or who’s at the door, but someone needs fucking up. >Write in.
>>6405651>Pick one of the artifacts. Mirror.And then >Go downstairs and get your guns. You’re not sure what this guy is on, or who’s at the door, but someone needs fucking up.Surely kind word(some sort of social/illusion magic/ability?) and the gun will help us get much further then we can with kind word alone.
>>6405651>>>Pick one of the artifacts. Wand.
>>6405651>Pick one of the artifacts. Wand.Fiiiiiiine, damned meddling wizards...
>>6405651>>6405651>>Pick one of the artifacts. Might as well see if this guy is telling the truth. [specify which, the Sword, Wand, or Mirror]Sword
>>6405691+1
>>6405691>>6405835Mirror>>6405740>>6405748WandLooks like we have a tie. Will need a breaker vote, otherwise I'll roll for it.
Rolled 1 (1d2)1 = Mirror2= Wand
Phew, wanted to vote (for mirror plus guns, wallet, car keys and a flashlight) earlier but work got busy and I forgot until now.
Ah what the hell. There’s a weird old guy in your kitchen and something loud and heavy is banging on your door. How much weirder can this night get? You reach over to the counter and pick up the mirror.You hear distant whispers, as if They are in another room…You do not touch the mirror, so much as it floats in your hand. It is a oval shape, no bigger than your face, with a strange, carven stone frame. It looks old. And you cannot actually see yourself in it. Only a strange, shadowy reflection of the room around you. It almost looks like something is crawling on the walls in there…“You have picked the Palantir!” The Wizard is at your shoulder, peering over it, his bushy beard flowing over and brushing against your cheek. You swat him away.The Mirror of [T̶̢̯̫͙͍̝̩͒̌̌̎̏͐̓̔͒̔̚͘ͅO̶̦̫͇͓͔̰̔W̸͕͉̪͕͌͜ͅĘ̵̱̟̤͈̰̤̿̓̈͆̂͊̍́̚̚͜͜ͅͅŖ̸͎͛̓͘] Gained!The Wizard then goes back to chanting something, his staff in one hand and the other making strange gestures which you think may be obscene.>What the hell does this thing do?He waves his hand and points it in the direction of your door, and the wall crumbles to show the hallway. This fucking guy.“What it does? It is a thing of illusion and transformation! It has changed elves into frogs and bewitched even the mightiest daemon lords! Do not treat it lightly! And do not call it a thing! It is the Mirror of Erised, and it is a lot older than you, boy!”[In it’s current form, the Mirror has two uses. You don’t know how or why, but you have a feeling that you can upgrade or unlock more abilities by using it…][Ability 1: Memory Eater: Briefly make a single target forget you were ever there. Cost 6 Cracks.] [Ability 2: Pale Echo. Create an illusion of yourself and give it simple instructions. Cost: 4 Cracks.][The Mirror has 25/??? Cracks remaining…]
>>6406355>The Mirror of- Hey isn’t that from Harry P-There is a loud thud, and your door shudders beneath the sudden blows of something heavy. The wizard screams and slams his staff on the ground, scattering more tiles, before waving it around his head and pointing it at your door. He grunts with effort, and by the looks of things he’s preventing whatever it is outside from getting in. You poke your head around the ruined wall and notice that your windows are right there. Shit. If this thing stops trying to get through the door, you’re going to be in a lot of trouble. Time to get your guns.You run to your basement stairs and take them two at a time. You hear more screaming from the wizard in the background, and more thuds against your door. When you reach the bottom you flip the light switch and smile. Oh yeah. Time to put these babies to use.PICK TWO>Sawed off shotgun. The classic. Groovy.>Mossberg 590. The 12 gauge. You could put down just about anything with this.>The Deagle. This don’t have replica written on the side. >M1911. Two World Wars! And now an interdimensional wizard war?>M16. The workhorse service rifle of Uncle Sam. >FN FAL. Formerly your uncle’s. You don’t even want to know.>Write in.Grabbing your gear, you head up the stairs, just as the wizard lets out a great shout and a bolt of light flies above your head and impacts the door. It’s still on its hinges, but now there’s a singed hole in the middle. Good God, this guy is just demolishing your house.What next?>Put some rounds through the door. Let’s see if this Homunculus thing can eat lead.>Use the Mirror. (Which ability?)>Time to get out of dodge. Grab the wizard and get to your car.>Write in.
>>6406356>FN FAL. Formerly your uncle’s. You don’t even want to knowWe now have the dubious magical artifact and the equally dubious family relic. We are set.>Sawed off shotgun. The classic. Groovy.>Time to get out of dodge. Grab the wizard and get to your car.Purely because it amuses me dragging the guy away from his very important standoff. Fine with going in blasting too
>>6406356>FN FAL. Formerly your uncle’s. You don’t even want to know.>Time to get out of dodge. Grab the wizard and get to your car.
>>6406356>FN FAL. Formerly your uncle’s. You don’t even want to know.>Sawed off shotgun. The classic. Groovy.>Time to get out of dodge. Grab the wizard and get to your car.
You have the FAL and the shotgun slung under your arm and a bag of ammo over your shoulder, but you decide against using them. Instead, you run towards the Wizard, and when he doesn’t acknowledge your presence you yank on his beard. He lets out a big yelp, and shoots a bolt of energy out that blows out your living room windows. You don’t even want to know what the repair bill for tonight will be. Dragging him by the collar, you run towards your garage as the impacts on the door become quicker, and just as you pull open the door you hear the crunch and splintering of wood.Looking behind you as you shove the Wizard in you see two great glowing eyes atop a misshapen lump of flesh that looks more like a melting candle than anything that could be human. It lets out a roar, and begins pulling itself through the broken remains of your entry hall. Goddamn.You slam the door shut and lock it, then turn to your car. It’s a shitbox, but it runs and that’s all you need. You open the back door and shove the wizard in, not even bothering to be gentle, before getting into the driver’s seat. You start the car, the engine whining into life, before hitting the switch for the garage door. It opens, and as it does the door to the house begins shaking, before getting thrown across and dinging your car. You put your foot on the gas and swerve onto the street, and you try to avoid looking in the rearview mirror as an unearthly scream fills the air behind you.>Fuck me! What the fuck was that?“A dark homunculus. You should have let me kill it.”The Wizard is suddenly sitting in the passenger seat in a puff of blue smoke. Fucker.>Well maybe I didn’t want you to blow up my house while you did. The wizard merely shrugs his shoulders. “It will follow us until you are dead. It must be slain sooner or later. And, mine apprentice, you should not delay your destiny.”
>>6407169>Yeah yeah, the prophecy and all that bullshit. Well what now? I have the mirror, you say there’s evil that needs to be slain, yadda yada, so where to?The Wizard strokes his beard thoughtfully. “In truth, I do not know. Many things of the evil that faces us are obscured.”You roll your eyes. Great. He doesn’t even know what he’s doing.“But! I do know that this Evil has placed its agents in positions of power through the land, and if we are to combat it we must go to the fountains of darkness, and destroy them! These will not be the source of their power, for they are within the Other World, but the places where evil is created and spread through the land. Think, mine apprentice, of where they could be!”>What do you mean, fountains of darkness?The Wizard rolls his eyes. “The places of misery, of pain, and suffering! The causes of those things in this world! The powers of darkness will be attracted to them like moths to a flame! A flame we must extinguish! Think of where your people are most miserable, and let thine steed carry us there!”Where to?>The CINEMA. Perhaps the dirtiest, stinkiest place in town. That place has barely stayed alive for years. You think it's more of a drug den these days anyway.>The SUPERMARKET. The Shophouse, or as people call it, the slophouse. People only buy their products because they’re the only place that sells anything. Even the attendants looks like soulless automatons.>The TOWN HALL. If there’s a source of misery in this world, it’s the petty bureaucrats that make a living there.
>>6407171>The CINEMA. Perhaps the dirtiest, stinkiest place in town. That place has barely stayed alive for years. You think it's more of a drug den these days anyway.
>>6407171>The TOWN HALL. If there’s a source of misery in this world, it’s the petty bureaucrats that make a living there.
>>6407171>The TOWN HALL. If there’s a source of misery in this world, it’s the petty bureaucrats that make a living there.Down with the bourgeoisie!
>>6407171>The TOWN HALL. If there’s a source of misery in this world, it’s the petty bureaucrats that make a living there.My first thought would’ve been a hospital or a clinic.
>>6407171>The TOWN HALL. If there’s a source of misery in this world, it’s the petty bureaucrats that make a living there.>>6407217>My first thought would’ve been a hospital or a clinic."I cast Summon Single Payer Healthcare! I cast Banishment of Insurance Broker! I cast Enlarge Vicodin!"
You think for a few moments. Fountains of darkness? A place of misery, pain, and suffering? That attracts even more evil to it? You think of a few other places, but it doesn’t take long for you to begin driving to TOWN HALL.ENTERING DUNGEON 1: THE TOWN HALLBosses: 1 You drive into the car park, the sky still dark overhead. Shit. Does the Wizard want you to break in? You’re going to get the cops called on you if you do. >Hey, do you want me to break in here, or…?“Hm? Oh! Yes, your rulers castles aren’t inhabited during the night, are they? We must fix that!”He waves his hand and the carpark is suddenly full, and everything is brighter. You can’t see the sun though, because the entire area is covered in a thick, dark, almost smoky cloud that seems to be emanating from the building. >What the hell did you just do? And what’s that smoke? Is the building on fire?The wizard merely shakes his head. “You are learning quickly, mine apprentice. I just sped up time around us, and we are now ready to do battle with the Darkness! What you are seeing is its foul miasma, your third eye being opened by contact with my magics, and the influence of the Mirror.”Passive ability: Second Sight unlocked! You can now see signs of recent magic and magical corruption.>What do we actually have to do?“Find the source of evil here. And destroy it! There will be a guardian, whom you must defeat to get to the evil itself, which you will know from your Sight. It will be a foul, poisonous thing, methinks. But we will find out. So let us be off! We must slay the beast!”He gets out of the car and begins hobbling towards the building, and you follow behind. It’s an ugly, grey, concrete thing, and the signs of evil around it honestly don’t change anything about its appearance. You don’t come here often, and when you do, often for some bullshit paperwork, you feel happier once it’s out of the rearview mirror. Maybe what you’re about to do will fix things, but you doubt it. Time to find out.
>>6408090The inside lobby is as depressing as ever. Furniture and decorations that were out of style in the 80s abound. There’s a few people slowly shuffling by, office workers or petitioners, you can’t really tell the difference. You head towards the front desk, staffed by a grey haired woman with glasses who ignores you for several seconds until you begin tapping on the glass. She glares at you from behind her desk, harumphs, and says nothing for several seconds. You’re about to begin tapping again when she peers at you and says,“You must have a formal appointment if you wish to make any complaints, suggestions, or other communications with members of the town council. If you wish to speak with the mayor, please state your name and address, and if you have scheduled a meeting. If you have not scheduled a meeting, please fill out the relevant form which you will find on the…Blah blah blah. Your mind glazes over and you momentarily forget where you are and what you’re doing until you feel a tugging on your arm. What?“Wake up!”You shake your head. The wizard is urgently pulling on your arm, and the receptionist is still droning on about something. It makes you want to sleep…“Don’t listen to her! She is an agent of the Darkness! Remember our quest!”You blink your eyes. You stare at the woman. She stares back, unblinking.ENEMY ENCOUTERED: THE PETTY BUREAUCRATHP: ???ATK: SPELL OF BOREDOM – DEALS MENTAL DAMAGE, ???DEF: ???ABILITIES: ???Damn that Sight is useful. Can it tell you your current stats?THE SLEEPY HOMEOWNERHP: 100/100ATK: FN FAL, DOUBLE BARRELED SHOTGUNDEF: NONEABILITIES: SECOND SIGHT, THE MIRROR OF [FORBIDDEN]“She is a disciple of the Darkness, but not its wielder. You must defeat her if we are to confront her Master!”What will you do?>Go back to the car. Get your guns.>Use the mirror. Disappear and explore the building (Use 6 cracks)>To hell with this. You have a fucking wizard. Get him to do something.>Write in.Also feel free to write in any character details for the sleepy homeowner!
>>6408091>Go back to the car. Get your guns.
>>6408091>Use the mirror. Disappear and explore the building (Use 6 cracks)I’ll only become a terrorist if the mayor did something to deserve it, like raise my taxes.
>>6408091>Use the mirror. Disappear and explore the building (Use 6 cracks)Good to know we're allowed to flesh out the MC a bit; I'll probably try doing that in an update or two (when I have more time I and feel more creative perhaps).
You pull out the mirror. Well, not pull out, more like it appears in your outstretched hand after you think about it. Man, this magic stuff is weird.“What on Earth is that-You concentrate on its glossy black surface, and moments later small cracks start spreading from the edges, and you feel it shake. It feels like pushing something heavy, but a few moments later it gives way and you feel a release of… something. A weird, tingly feeling goes through your entire body, like cold water flowing through your veins. You gasp, and the receptionist’s face goes blank. You experimentally wave your hand in front of her. Nothing. Seems like the Mirror works. You wander to an important looking door, turning back to look behind as the receptionist looks around the room hazily, before leaning into the microphone and shouting,“NEXT!”THE PETTY BEAREAUCRAT: AVOIDED!+5xpYou head deeper into the building, making sure to look like you belong by grabbing a clipboard from a desk. Time to find this Evil the Wizard keeps raving about. Speaking of which, you ask him how the Mirror works and why it cracks when you use it.“The cracks? Why, thou are simply not its proper owner.”>I’m not? But I picked it-
>>6408948“Yes yes yes, but it once belonged to a man, whose name I cannot pronounce, long ago who was the most powerful sorcerer of his generation. Echoes of his power still remain, and the Mirror resists being used by anyone who is not he. That is why it cracks. You can repair it, once you learn more magic, or bend it to your will, but for that you must wield a part of the power he did, and that, mine apprentice, will be a quest in itself. For its power lies in places that are not and never will be part of this world, strange and distant dimensions, and dreaming things that cannot step foot here. It has many powers, that Mirror, and you have only unlocked a fragment.”Interesting. You hope the Wizard will be able to teach you some more when he’s not prodding you on along this Quest to Destroy the Evil. Whatever it is. You’re beginning to wonder if this place really does have any evil in it when you come into a large room, with a desk, some doorways, and a staircase going down. You blink. Something strange is going on here.In front of the desk is a small man, who has a faintly glowing white outline around him, and he’s trying to speak over the robotic voice of the bureaucrat in front of him, who seems as grey and lifeless as the concrete this building is made of. Next to the desk is a line of doorways, which seem normal except for one which is shaking and glowing red, though neither the man nor the bureaucrat seem to notice. You squint at the sign. That can’t be the mayor’s office, can it? It looks more like the door to a broom closet.And then there’s the stairway. There’s a green fog lurking around it, and you’re also aware of a putrid, pungent smell. The Wizard already has a clothes peg over his nose, though he’s not offering any to you. Sheesh, that really reeks.Where will you go?>THE GLOWING RED DOOR OF THE MAYOR’S OFFICE>THE SMELL FROM THE ̶D̶U̶N̶G̶E̶O̶N̶ BASEMENT>HELP OUT THE SAD PETITIONER
>>6408949>THE GLOWING RED DOOR OF THE MAYOR’S OFFICEThis one sounds urgent. Meanwhile the petitioner is probably best helped by dealing with the mayor and the NotDungeon is probably lengthy but necessary to be dealt with after.>If possible, drag the petitioner along with us into the mayors closet.Maybe the petitioner even turns out to be stocky bald Joe, the local shooting range owner for whom we used to work before we inherited our aunt's house and subsequently finished our SAP consultant certificate, starting our current career of sleep deprivation and smooth talking coked up managers on conference calls?
>>6408949>HELP OUT THE SAD PETITIONER
>>6408949>THE SMELL FROM THE ̶D̶U̶N̶G̶E̶O̶N̶ BASEMENTWe need to grind before the boss fight
Sorry for the delay, been swamped with stuff this weekend. Will update thread soon.
SIDEQUEST THE SAD PETITIONER: Unlocked!You shrug your shoulders. The glowing red door is giving you the heeby jeebies, and so is that basement. You wander over to the white outlined man who looks like he’s going to cry. He’s saying something to a white-haired bureaucrat behind another glass panel, and getting a shaking head in response. You wonder what’s going on there. “I’m sorry sir, but you must fill out these forms, otherwise by law I cannot release to you the requested documents. If you wish to dispute this, you must take it up with the clerk on level 4, and file a formal complaint form, number 21.b, that will be sent to the Mayor’s office for review. Now please-You tap the sad looking man on the shoulder.>Hey. What’s going on here?He jumps around, and you get a look at his bespectacled, pale face. His hair is fuzzy, and greying at the ends, though he looks like he’s not even 30. He’s also sweaty and clammy all over, and you wonder how long he’s been down here.“Oh! Excuse me! I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were there. If you want to make a petition, I can let you go ahead of->No, I don’t want that. I want to know what you’re trying to do.He frowns a moment, hesitating, until he notices the smiling wizard by your side and his face lights up.“Oh, you are on a quest! I am on a quest too! A terribly difficult one, I had no idea that they could be so hard. I’ve been trying to get information about some artifact buried beneath this town, and of course the most logical place to get that information would be the town hall, but all they do is bully me! Send me here, send me there! Fill out this form, then that and that! And now I’ve lost my glasses! I can’t see without them, and they tell me that unless I declare that I can understand all the forms I’m reading, they can’t help me!”
>>6411182He sniffs, and starts complaining about how he was bullied in school. Yeah, okay. This guy is kinda pathetic, but you do feel a twinge sorry for him.>Okay, so what is it that you actually need to do?He blows into a handkerchief. “I must find the maps of the sewers! They contain the information I seek!”The wizard taps you on the shoulder. “Be careful, mine apprentice. The magic aura of this one is from that idiot Mithridates.”>Oh, so he wasn’t going to succeed on his own anyway?“No! Mithridates is stupid because he imbues people like this with unimaginable power, and then leaves until they do something catastrophic. Unlike myself, who grants one a taste of power, and teaches you to use it properly. This one may look like a pathetic fool, but he could slay dragons if he so wished. If he ever got that creative.”You look at the man. He honestly looks like a wimp. He's smiling nervously, he dresses like some highschool professor, and he even wears a bowtie. You haven’t seen anyone wear one of those since you last visited grandpa. You shrug.>Well okay. Hey man, I’ll see what I can do to help you.He breaks out in a squeaky shout. “Yay! Thank you so much, I will owe you my life for this I’ve been stuck here for 3 days and the vending machine was running out of crisps and I was running out of hope but now you’re my saviour and->Yeah yeah, okay, got it. Let’s focus on what I can do. He nods vigorously, and you turn to look at the bureaucrat in front of you. There’s a door next to the booth that reads: ARCHIVES, which you assume is where the maps are kept. Alternately, there’s the pile of forms that this guy has been trying to fill out, and a pen right there.What will you do?>Kick in the door to the archives and look for the maps yourself. You doubt this pencil pusher can stop you.>Help him fill out the forms. It’ll bore you out of your mind, but it can’t be that hard, right?>Try and find his glasses. They’re probably lying on the floor somewhere.>Write in.
>>6411184>Try and find his glasses. They’re probably lying on the floor somewhere.Get a glasses strap after this you nerd
>>6411184>Try and find his glasses. They’re probably lying on the floor somewhere.
You decide to help the sad man look for his glasses. It beats drawing more attention to yourself and getting in a fistfight with the custodians of this place. Knowing them, they’d die before they let you in without the proper forms. And hey, how hard can finding a pair of glasses be?[SEVERAL D̶A̶Y̶S̶ H̶O̶U̶R̶S̶ MINUTES LATER]Okay, it’s actually pretty hard. You’ve walked up and down this hallway several times and not a single pair found. On the positive side, you haven’t stepped on them, but you’re beginning to wonder where exactly these things have gone to. He insists he lost them here and not elsewhere in the building, but you’re beginning to doubt his memory. While you do your seventh pass of the archive door, you decide to strike up a conversation with the guy.>So what’s your name, glasses guy?He jumps so high his head nearly hits the ceiling. “M-m-my name? It’s G-Gene.”>Pleasure to meet you Gene. So you get some special artifacts too or-“SHHHHHHH!”You both turn to look at the wizard, who has a crazed look on his face. His eyes are darting from side to side, as if something might jump out from the walls and attack you. Nothing does.>What is it?“’tis best to keep your wits about ye, mine apprentice. Knowledge is sacred, do not share it wastefully. There are Things that watch and listen, and ye never know where or when they might be.”Right. You’re beginning to wonder how sane this guy actually is. Hell, you’re beginning to wonder how sane you are following along with it. But, he seems to have powers of some kind, and now so do you, so why not see how far this goes? >So, uh, Gene. What did this Mithril guy say to get you on this quest anyway?“Oh, Mr. M? I… I don’t really know. He made me drink from a weird potion thing that made my head hurt. Then he gave me this empty pouch and a book which I can’t read, then told me to find the artifact and bring it back to him, and then he vanished! I only found out it was even in town when I visited the library.”So it seems like all wizards are nutty weirdos. You look to Pharnabazus with a question about what the things Gene has might do, but he shakes his head. “Professional courtesy not to reveal a colleague’s secrets.”
>>6412360So not help on that front either. You sigh, and look longingly at a drab brown couch lying against a wall. You imagine yourself taking a long, relaxing rest on it. You can even see a little fairy guy waving you over like he made the couch just for you. You blink. The fairy guy is still there. You walk over, thinking that you must be imagining this, but no, there really is a little man, no taller than your knee, standing on the couch and smoking an elegant tobacco pipe. He’s dressed in a brightly coloured suit and waistcoat, and his shoes look like they’ve been freshly shined. He nods his head as you get close.“Greetins to ye! And to you Pharnabazus, ye old rascal.”The Wizard takes off his hat and bows. >Uh, greetings. What are you doing here?“Oh, I just be takin’ a break. Tough work settin’ up here, ‘specially with the stink thing in the basement. Got to be quiet, y’know, don’t want to wake it.”>Right. You wouldn’t have seen a pair of glasses around here, would you?The fairy man nods his head vigorously. “Oh yes! Me master took it for the King’s Grand Design, it had a good bit ‘o pieces he needed. Good glass work ye humans have here.”>I see. Is there any way I could get it back? You see it belongs to my friend here, and he would like them back.The fairy frowns and shakes his head. “Hm. Difficult that be. Me master seemed pretty set on it. But, why don’t ye ask him yerself!”He disappears in a flash, and reappears a moment later with an extravagantly dressed man as small as he is next to him, whose cloak flaps to some invisible and silent wind. Pharnabazus breathes out by your shoulder. “A lord of Elfland! The barriers are breaking down quickly indeed if they are here! Be careful, for they are quick to anger if insulted!”The Lord looks at you in much the way you think kings look at peasants. You resist the urge to kick him across the room. “My manservant says ye want to reclaim the paraphernalia?”>Um, yes. Your lordship. It belongs to my friend here, and he wants-“Quite impossible. It is an essential component in the King’s Grand Design. I have already gifted it to him.”>Oh. Um, surely there’s some way to-“I am afraid not. We cannot give up what we have claimed. But I see that we have wronged your friend. If you allow us to keep it, I shall grant you a favour from Elfland, which you may call upon when needed, or we shall gift you gold for a new pair. Which do you want?”
>>6412363You look at the sad petitioner, Gene, and he looks like he’s on the verge of tears. He does need those glasses to get through to the archives, but you suppose you can just do the forms for him if you can’t get them back. What will you do?>Take the favour. You’ll just fill out the forms for Gene and get him a pair once you’re done here.>Take the gold. You can probably get him even better glasses than before! You’ll still need to fill out those forms though.>To hell with this stupid Lord. Gene deserves his glasses. Insist that these elves give them back, or else. >Write in.
>>6412365>Take the favour. You’ll just fill out the forms for Gene and get him a pair once you’re done here.If our weirdo wizard is afraid of angering the little lord, a favor from those guys might be helpful later on. Maybe we can at the least occupy the couch while we fill out the stupid forms?
>>6412365>Take the favour. You’ll just fill out the forms for Gene and get him a pair once you’re done here.
>Take the favour. You’ll just fill out the forms for Gene and get him a pair once you’re done here.You awkwardly bow down to the Faery Lord.>I’ll take that favour. How will I call upon, uh, Elfland to use it?The Lord tosses you a shiny silver coin. It looks old, with a strange face on one side and a tree on the other, like the kind of thing you’d see in a museum.“Find a tree when ye are in need, bury the coin beneath it, and ye shall be answered by Elfland.”Favour with Faery gained!He nods his little head at you, and with a wink he and his servant are gone in a flash. You swear you hear ringing laughter and signing as they go, but you chalk that up to your own imagination. The Wizard is wisely stroking his beard.“Aptly done, mine apprentice. But we have wasted enough time, and must be off!”You shrug, and turn to Gene.>Hey man, I’m sorry. It didn’t look like they were going to give it back. Come on, I’ll help you fill out your forms and get you a new pair once we’re out of here.You expect Gene to be sad, disappointed even, but his face breaks out in a wide smile as he begins (limply) shaking your hand.“Thank you so much! I could never deal with this on my own! I owe you one when we get a new pair! Oh, I’ve been meaning to get one for months! Thank you!”You let him shake for a little while longer before turning back to the archive keeper. You ask for the forms that Gene needed to fill out, and after signing another form declaring that you are empowered to assist him in the signing of documents, the archivist reaches behind his desk and plonks down a gigantic pile of paper. Sheesh. You think you’ve seen thinner bibles than that thing.Archivist attacks you with Paperwork!Mental health degraded – Now at 70/100Health degraded – Now at 99/100It feels like a lifetime later that you finally get Gene to sign the last paper. Your hands are covered in papercuts, and you have a splitting headache, but it’s done. You’re about ready to march yourself out of here, but the Wizard is insistently tugging at your shoulder and pointing at the Mayor’s door. You could investigate the basement, but you get the feeling that the Mayor is more important right now, and whatever is down there probably isn’t going anywhere. So with Gene in tow you walk up to the ominous red door, and open it.
>>6414189Inside, it is not a broom closet as you expected, but a spacious atrium, which you swear is much bigger than the space between hallway doors would allow. The floors are made of marble, a far cry from the bland concrete in the rest of the building, and strange, avant-garde paintings decorate the walls. There is a desk next to an elaborately paneled door, and behind that desk is a severe looking woman, who, if looks could kill, would have incinerated you the second you walked in. You feel a cold sweat on your back. The door is covered with a strange black pitch, which seems to be slowly spreading throughout the room, but she isn’t even blinking.-5 MENTAL HEALTHYou take a few uncertain steps in her direction, and clear your throat.>Uh… I’m, h-here to see the mayor.She stares at you for several seconds, a blank but subtly furious expression in her face, before asking,“Do you have an appointment?”-5 MENTAL HEALTHThe Wizard leans over your shoulder. “Careful mine apprentice. You can see the door, but I see worse signs in this place. Defeat this minion quickly and let us continue on!”[ENEMY ENCOUTERED: THE EVIL SECRETARY]HP: 50/50ATK: POLISHED NAILS – 3 DAMAGE, PEN STAB – 5 DAMAGE, SCISSOR CUT – 10 DAMAGE. ACCUSING STARE – 5 MENTAL DAMAGE, ???DEF: ???ABILITIES: NOT ON THE SCHEDULE – 10 MENTAL DAMAGE, ???What will you do?>Barge past into the office. She can’t hurt you. >Say that you’re on official business from the government, and that obstructing you is a crime.>Tell her you’re here to make an appointment. And you won’t leave until you’ve gotten it.>Write in.
>>6414191>Tell her you’re here to make an appointment. And you won’t leave until you’ve gotten it.
>>6414191>Say that you’re on official business from the government, and that obstructing you is a crime.We had to leave our permit at the lobby and she can check with them later, but if she holds us up for more than one minute here, we have to assume she is assisting the mayor in hiding critical documents, which in itself constitutes another federal offense.
>>6414605Same goes if she informs the mayor about our visit of course. Can't do our job of spontaneous controlling if we are announced.
You scoff at her. Does this bitch think she can stop you from seeing your democratic representative? Sure, you didn’t vote for him, and sure, you’ve never had anything good to say about him, but getting let into his office isn’t a right then you don’t have any rights at all, goddamit!>I don’t have an appointment, but that’s why I’m here. And I ain’t leaving until I get one, lady. She harumphs, and glares at you through her glasses. You can feel her stare boring into your soul, the disapproval, barely disguised disgust, and seething resentment bubbling below her carefully composed surface. Most of the time she’s free to manicure her nails, write notes to her girlfriends, or whatever it is secretaries do all the time, but you’ve just ruined her day. At this moment, there is nothing on Earth that hates you as much as she does.“You’re not on the schedule.”Her voice is cold, like a biting wind from Antarctica. The cadence is well practiced, and you distantly hear the wails of the tens of souls that have been chased out of the room by the professional condescension of this secretary. You’re made of sterner stuff though, and stand your ground with only a healthy patch of sweat building underneath your armpits.-10 MENTAL HEALTH>I told you lady, I ain’t leaving until I get on that schedule.She glares at you again, and sighs.“Well, there is a free slot on the Friday, in 3 months, I can put you in for a 15 minute->I don’t think you understand. I’m here now. The mayor is here now. And I want to see him.“Excuse me, this is highly irregular. I don’t->Your schedule is irregular. Put me on that list now. I won’t say it again.She glares at you. You glare back. You feel sweat roll down your face. Neither of you is willing to give in. The Wizard looks like he’s about to speak but you shove a hand in his face. No. This is all on you. You’re getting that appointment, and you’re getting it now.ACCUSING STARE – 5 MENTAL DAMAGECurrent Mental health is at 45!You stare unblinking at each other for what feels like a lifetime. More sweat rolls down your back, but you notice that she’s sweating now as well. Her eyes are wavering. You bend over the desk, hands perspiring all over her precious office papers. She almost looks away, almost, but she holds your gaze. And then she blinks.You step back in triumph. You’ve got her now. She lets out a sigh, and deflates in her seat. You almost miss what she mumbles next."He’s free now. You can go in."THE EVIL SECRETARY: DEFEATED
>>6415069Ability unlocked! Death Stare: Degrade an enemy’s mental health and restore your own. Best of a 1d20.She presses a button on the desk and speaks into a microphone.“Mr. Craven? You have a visitor.”You mutter a contemptuous thanks to her and walk into the Mayor’s Office.The first thing you notice is his desk. It’s massive. You can tell it’s made of solid wood, some kind of dark timber you’ve never seen before, with frankly concerning carvings of suffering and torment decorating its sides. The next thing you notice is that the room is bathed in deep red lighting. And then you see the mayor himself. You’d never paid attention to his campaign material in election years. Maybe you should. He’s enormously fat, rolling folds of flesh compressed into a too tight suit that seems like its fit to burst. He stands, and you realise that this guy won’t be an easy fight. If he just fell on you you’d be crushed like a ripe tomato.The Wizard whispers in your ear. “This is a mighty foe! I can cast a spell, but it will take time!”The Mayor smiles, and you see that his teeth are rotten.“Mr. Homeowner. Pharnabarzus. And the little man. To what do I owe the pleasure?”DUNGEON BOSS ENCOUNTERED: THE MAYORHP: ???ATK: ???DEF: ???ABILITIES: ???What will you do?>Cut the bullshit. Ask him about the dark artifact you’re here to destroy.>Stall him while the wizard casts his spell. Complain about the state of public amenities.>Jump over the desk and punch him in the face. You don’t need your Second Sight to tell this guy is Evil.>Write in.
>>6415070>Stall him while the wizard casts his spell. Complain about the state of public amenities.
>>6415070>Stall him while the wizard casts his spell. Complain about the state of public amenitiesIf it gets to taxing mentally, I'm all for punching his rotten face though.
Busy with work today, will update tomorrow.
Rolled 1 (1d100)Well, if the wizard is going to cast a spell, guess you better stall. You point an accusing finger at the mayor.>We’re here to make a complaint!The Wizard snorts and rolls his eyes as he begins muttering under his breath while Gene looks at you in confusion.“Um, no, aren’t we->That’s right, I’m sick of the shitty way this town is being run! Sick of the corruption and graft!The mayor coughs lightly into his hand.“The rest of the state is far worse than we are, so…>I don’t care! All the crime, all the lack of amenities, all the breakdown in public services! It’s too much!“I don’t see how you can blame me for issues that have been ongoing for->It’s your job, Mr. Mayor, and you’re failing at it! Last week my internet was out for 3 whole days! And don’t get me started on the public library, the amount of bums that live there, it should be renamed the town homeless shelter! And the cops! The fucking cops! When they’re not too busy shoving sticks up their asses, they’re bullying poor citizens like me for driving a mile or two above the speed limit. I haven’t even gotten started on the kids! They don’t belong in school, they belong in the youth prison! I’ve had enough, Mr. Mayor, and I’m holding you to account!There is a silence in the room, only broken by the wizards whispering. The Mayor leans (or melts into, it’s hard to tell), over his desk.“Are you done?”>Why yes, I think I am.You feel pretty good about it too. Damn, you really do hate how things have been run in this shithole. You should have come here to complain years ago.+15 Mental Health restored! You are now at 60 Mental Health.The next thing you know, you’re on the other side of the room, bits of debris falling all around you. Did the mayor just hit you? You cough, and a bit of red comes out. Shit. The mayor just hit you across the room.MAYOR ATTACK 1: FISTS OF DOOM-20 Health!Gene is at your side, trying to pull you up. He’s saying something, but your ears are ringing from the blow. You feel like you just got hit by a train. Maybe you should have brought your guns.The mayor stands up, and it may just be your disorientation, but you swear he’s looks like he’s 8 feet tall. You unsteadily get to your feet. You look at the wizard, and his eyes flash white before he points a finger at the Mayor and some bolt of energy hits him square in the chest. The Mayor only growls, pushing his desk aside with one arm and barreling straight towards you. The wizard pulls you away and begins shouting in your face.“Hit him! I’ve hexed his flesh to become brittle, you just have to hit him!”You look at the mass of flesh that’s charging at you and wonder if anything can even scratch the blob in a suit. Hell. Guess there’s only one way to find out.Roll 1d100 to hit the Mayor. Beat his roll. Bo3.Write ins may give you a bonus to your roll…
>1lmao
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>6416595>1
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>6416595
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>6416595Here's for the homeowners!
