"Would it be ok to fuck a beaver if it was smart enough to consent?" The Arch-Arch-Arch-Sage enlightened thus its most devoted students.
QM Notes:-I'm doing this one on a whim. Zero prep except for basic worldbuilding. Won't drop it for a while if there's interest, though.-If you say something bad about floral soap I will find you.-There will be rolling, too much of it. When requested, I will only take the first ones that were made by each anon.And now some (very!) basic chargen to make our MC:-Name: _________-Class: _________-Race: _________-Details: _________Stats and such (dnd stuff) will be completely random and rolled for after we settle for our MC. Yes, we can end up with a totally incoherent character. No, there won't be rerolling. Yes, fuck captcha.
>>6416736-Name: Bob-Class: Cleric-Race: Variant Human-Details: Tragic backstory where his whole family is presumed dead
>>6416743-Name: Elana-Class: some sort of wizard -Race: Human -Details: A nudist magical savage from distant lands but she doesn't want to be seen naked by men. She's asexual.Blonde girl with fair skin and long hair, blue eyes. Physically weak and slim but not a skelly, she's a young wizard.
>>6416751+1 critical support for Bobby after the [Insert Fantasy Religous Organizaton Here] orphanage he lived in burned down while he was out.
>>6416751>>6416754I like how different these are, makes me wanna wait a bit more.QM monitorin!
>>6416751+1 to Bobby boy
Aight, guess we starting with Bob tomorrow if nothing else comes up. The nudist wizard seems kinda coomerbait but the fact that she's asexual is interesting, so forgive me for giving chargen a bit more room cause its fun. But when I wake up tomorrow its go one way or the other
You know what, fuck it. Bob the Cleric it isand now it's time to roll the Wheel of Fuck You!1: Blind.2: Mute.3: Deaf.4: One arm less.5: One leg less.6: Wheelchair.7: Unpredictable psychotic breaks.8: Down Syndrome.9: Heavily traumatized.10: Cancer.11: Two arms less.Whoever wants, roll that 1d10. I will take only the first roll right after this post. Right after that, we are set to go.
>>6416895fuck, i meant 1d11 and now i have to do this shitty captcha agaaaaaaaaaain
Rolled 9 (1d11)>>6416895Downie
>>6416917How appropriate given his backstory
>>6416956Kinda relatable indeed
STAT ROLL, let's see what's what! Roll me six 1d20 and two 1d18 while I write the first post. The score each stat gets will be in the following order:StrengthDexterityIntelligenceWisdomCharismaConstitutionThe last two 1d18 will determine Bob's specialized skills while the rest will be averaged. Duly noted that, unlike in D&D, stats will NOT affect them. I know that there is clearly logical correlation between having high strength and therefore having high Athletics: I'm just a bit tired of logic. This is the order:Athletics, Acrobatics, Sleight of Hand, Stealth, Arcana, History, Investigation, Nature, Religion, Animal Handling, Insight, Medicine, Perception, Survival, Deception, Intimidation, Performance, PersuasionMORE DICEMORE FUCKING DICE MAN
Rolled 11, 2, 16, 1, 13, 15 = 58 (6d20)>>6417091
>>6417092Uh-oh we dumb as shit ima let someone else roll the other stuff shiiiit
Rolled 13, 8 = 21 (2d18)>>6417091Bob the Cleric being high int low Wis is funny af
Lemme see if I got this rightStr 11Dex 2 Int 16Wis 1Cha 13Con 15Specialized in the Nature and Perception skillsSpent a lot of time in nature learning about plants and their uses, survival arts. Honest to a fault, or just guileless. Overanalyzing, Indecision or trauma slowing him down. Or maybe hes just really clumsy.Some kind of monk or acolyte to a Forest God? Sea Spirit? Or some kind of intense natural biome he was pretty much devoted to.
------------Extreme Critical Quest-----------by Mark Twain, Dante, Charles Bukowski, Jorge Luis Borges, and your mom who is very fat and a whore.Fingers tangled under your chin, hands held tight against life with your nails buried on their back. Eyes closed, mind shut to earthly worries, you are praying. Not for a better world, because it is just too big. Not for love, since to be kind is to be loved. Not for health or safety, since your old warhammer is dripping sacred oil. And not for money, not at all, even though your nails have already left a hole in the depths of your left pocket.No. You pray for the Goddess to grant these people, the farmers who allowed you shelter from this night and rain, who blessed you with this barn that’s stacking towers of manure, good harvest. Not a great harvest, not a ludicrous harvest, not a sudden windfall of riches that may twist their nature- just a good enough harvest so that they can continue to toil for their brethren and prove the goodwill of Humanity.Not because you understand that rebuilding the trust between brothers is the path to utopia, not because you crave for swords to turn into plowshares, not because it makes you happy, because it doesn’t, but because the Wet Book says soand only because of that.…Eyes open and hard, you realize your mistake immediately. The woman floating next to you, the Goddess, sighs, mumbles, and floats towards the nearest rusty rake as sharp golden swirls like strokes of poetry wreathe her. She then slams it against the mud, upside-down as the row of teeth stare at heaven, and proceeds to gather dirt in one place as if trees were made by sculpting them out of mud. You just let her. A miracle is afoot, along with an excuse, once she realizes that whatever she’s doing has nothing to do with agriculture at all. It’s taking a while, though, but it’s oddly relaxing to watch.So at least for a whileyou just let her.
It’s morning, your back hurts, the pile of dirt is still getting bigger, and you are still Bob, devoted cleric to the Goddess of Innocence. The first you see is the old farmer grabbing his head in dismay as her divinest majesty the Goddess herself wrecks the fields with the back of the rake, widening the crater by dragging crop and what may towards the unholy, or actually holy, ball of dirt at the center. Half a stuck rabbit is desperately wriggling to get out of it; next to it, a wolf is howling for very similar reasons. Poking from the top, the farmer’s baby, eyes wide, is studying the happenings with refreshing curiosity. As it laughs and the funny shapes and colors, the sacred toiling continues relentlessly.Farmer: ……….. WHAT?The eerie Goddess, slightly transparent, doesn’t sweat as she takes rake to shoulder and turns. Blue eyes, long, blonde hair, wearing a white tunic, she’s how anyone would expect a Goddess to look like.Goddess: Oh- hello! I’m toiling the fields.Wordlessly is how you stand from the pile of hay, wiping it off as you leave the roof behind, enjoying the musky smell of wet mud and grass despite the harsh breeze. Your religion, you recognize shamelessly, is quite like any other with but one exception- that the object of your worship blesses you with its presence.Constantly.Farmer: ……….. WHY?Goddess: To have a good harvest! It’s good, isn’t it? It’s great, isn’t it?The farmer gazes upon the huge pile of somethings as the Goddess flings a stray cat at it, which spins clear in the air like a ninja star before getting buried. Its holy purpose escapes his simple mind, the fathomless meaning behind it is lost to him.>Ask the Goddess what she’s doing. Have her explain it to the farmer.>Convince the farmer that whatever the Goddess is doing will bring him and his lineage fortune (it won’t).>Ask the Goddess for a miracle so that she can somehow justify whatever this is.>Scold the Goddess of Innocence. Teach her how to work properly.>Kindly justify the Goddess, then do the work yourself.>Just let things happen.>Write In.
>>6417132>Kindly justify the Goddess, then do the work yourself.Well shit... two dumbasses in a journey
>>6417132>Kindly justify the Goddess, then do the work yourself.
>>6417132>Kindly justify the Goddess, then do the work yourself.What a familiar writing style
ALRIGHT SO>1 INT roll to see if Bob knows shit, both to explain and do it. Sucess: 10>1 DEX roll to actally do it. Success: 8>1 CHAR roll to see how he looks to the farmer. Success: This one variesThink I'm missing something? Just tell me. Bob has a +3 modifier to int, a -4 to dex, and a +1 to char. Taking first three rolls. Leave some for the rest.
Rolled 2 (1d20)>>6417197d20, or?
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>6417197d20 right?
>>6417202>>6417198Yup, 1d20's. Also lmfao
welp we're doomed
Rolled 4 (1d20)>>6417197
>>6417198>>6417202>>6417206Broh look at my cleric and his Goddess, the whole Village is doomed
>>6417197Would working the farm count as Nature, and either way what would a specialized skill do? Would it be another +1 or advantage with an extra roll? Just for later
>>6417237>Would working the farm count as NatureYeup, totally. Also I take back what I said before, skills still depend on stats cause I ain't gonna reinvent the wheel for nothing. So basically this would be +2 proficiency +3 cause 16 int if im not wrong for a total +5. Still less than 10.WIRINT
