resisting the bpd urge to cut ties with everyone and wipe my already minimal online presence
>>84663400Take your meds dumb bitch (lovingly)
>>84663400is that even BPD? wouldn't it be avoidant personality disorder?either way I did that every 4/5 years like clockwork. until I had no one else to cut ties with. Hated it every time, but I couldn't help it
continuing the avoidant life of not having any real online presence aside from posts on anonymous imageboards
>>84663400you better resist the urge motherfucker your arbitrary mechanisms hurt other people in real life
Do it your friends prob aren't very good for you. I left a bunch of shithouse servers and kept a main (full of normal adults that aren't assholes) and am happier. It'll be ok just start new
>>84663413i did but not for that. don't have bpd i think. was joking>>84663434how did we even get to this point i wonder. what had to have happened for things to be so backwards or is it just genetics maybe>>84663464that's as comfy as can be. godspeed anon>>84663501>your friends prob aren't very good for youthey helped me more than the psych ward that i stayed at for a bit. they aren't bad people at all and are nice actually but we don't talk much anymore and im moody right now so i just want to press "Delete Account". But then at the same time i sorta don't know what to even talk about with them anymore so would anything even change? probs not
>>84663538Oh thank you for clarifying. I say in this situation to just close the chat for a few days (don't delete) and do self care then re-evaluate. I hope you feel better soon. Listen to your body and take care of your stress. You are number one friends come second
>>84663538If you run away from interpersonal relationships you'll never get better. Take a day off and see how you feel tomorrow. Im not a foid like you but it works for me
>>84663434bpd can look pretty similar to avpd in women. I thought I might've had bpd for years but turns out it's avpd
>>84663538>how did we even get to this pointI think about it a lot-probably too much. Its probably part societal, but part childhood trauma, and part genetic. all of that interacts becomes a perfect storm. I think. idk, 4chan is my psychotherapist so I could be talking out of my ass.>>84663568huh. I always thought women were more likely to get BPD, men AVPD. but see above, I'm no expert.
>>84663400Maybe that's what she did, I always expected her to leave but she stayed longer than I expected, still hurt she didn't say goodbye though
>>84663614i don't think you should focus so much on male/female, because both can have either and be mistaken for something else. core feature of avpd is isolating and being extremely anxiety/fear driven. core feature of bpd is emotional dysregulation and identity issues (they will mirror you)
>>84663627that makes sense. guess I was assuming because you usually hear more about bpd for women/hear less about it in men. and avpd matches the stereotypical shut-in hikki dude.
>>84663703>avpd matches the stereotypical shut-in hikki dude.not exactly, avpd people will make or want to make an effort to connect with people, the issue is fear of starting or maintaining friendships. these are the types of people that will ghost you leaving you thinking you did something wrong but it was their own fears or perceived "they don't like me anyway". they think no one likes them
>>84663551>just close the chat for a few daysstopped talking with most for a whole already though, which includes a rare gem that is the nicest person i have ever known. i dunno, the "spark" is gone and i don't have the capacity to interact with others right now i guess.Seeing all those dead chats that used to be so nice also hurts a bunch. Disabled/logged out>I hope you feel better soonthanks>Listen to your bodyi don't really know what it wants. given that it won't let me eat i guess it wants to perish lol>>84663558yea that would probably help. got rid of all communication thingies for now. leaving this site too would be amazing too but i don't know how to >>84663614Makes sense. Although there's a line between AVPD and trauma making you do stuff i think. trauma could reinforce or escalate it but dunno if it really causes stuff
>>84663718yeah I was probably projecting a bit. because that avpd description is my life to a T. And I've become more shut in as time's gone on.
>>84663793>trauma could reinforce or escalateyeah idk, I try to think back to when I was younger, where the signs there, and trauma brought it out? Or did escalating poor decisions lead me down this path?>includes a rare gem that is the nicest personI've done the same recently. They were kind and genuine, checked in with me, but I'm still fighting that urge to ghost.
nvm i just did it i deleted my accounts yaaaywohooo but thats sncastupid thread>>84663888are you 'tistic by any chance? being like this makes a lot of sense if you are imo. at least that's what i think is the main driver in my case
>>84664088Maybe? Probably? It would certainly explain some things but I've never been diagnosed or anything. And getting diagnosed as an adult seems sorta pointless imo. its not gonna change anything
>>84664236>its not gonna change anythingit does. eases the load on you and gives you some perks when it comes to holding jobs.or just neetbux if you wanna
>>84663400Bpd is not real. The jews are gaslighting you into believing something is wrong with you. Get a life
>>84664259I think I would have to be a lot more disabled to neetbux it here in the US. I fake normal decently enough. Well, I guess not well enough to get hired for anything other than wagie jobs. but still
>>84663400Are you literally me?Is this actually a BPD trait?
>>84663400Don't resist. Only parasites and narcissists will tell you to keep being their social slave despite their lack of reciprocal care and attention which is causing you pain. Don't waste your time on anyone who won't match your energy. Focus on yourself and being happy by yourself.>>84663464That's what I'm doing. Max comfy, no stress, just peace. Trying to have an authentic relationship with people these days is like squeezing blood from a stone.
>>84663400god i love self sabotaging my already few and crumbling connections woohoo why the fuck am i alive
>>84665120If they're not fulfilling you then why waste your time and emotional energy on them? Really consider why keeping them is even valuable to you. Are you just doing it because that's what you think you should do? Because society says you should have friends? If they're not truly good friends who make you happy then there's no point in keeping them. I think that this expectation to have friends is just poison for BPD people, because most people are subhumans who can't reciprocate your attention and energy. Stop seeking out relationships and just enrich yourself. Stop driving yourself crazy trying to make friendships and relationships work. The right kind of person won't cause you to feel like you need to cut them off, because they won't make you feel neglected in the first place.
>>84664514>Don't waste your time on anyone who won't match your energy. Focus on yourself and being happy by yourself.it has not even been half a day since scheduled some of my accounts for deletion and i already feel a lot better. seems so simple but you can just dump people that don't care, that's so nice. Not fully back to "Me Myself and I" but feels have settled down for now.That's some nice advice.>>84665120don't know what exactly these people are to you but taking care of yourself is not being a landmine if you remember using that term
>>84665204>why waste your time and emotional energy on them?i just cant stand being alone anymore i guess. and i feel guilty. i feel so damn guilty. i feel responsible for these people and leaving them would mean me being alone and them being miserable. so i cant, even though i dont really enjoy being around anyone. not even who im supposed to love. the "right person" doesnt exist i dont think.>>84665870>taking care of yourselfi dont think this is taking care of myself. im miserable if i cut people off and im miserable if i dont, i dont really know what is the right thing to do anymore other than exploding. like the landmine is supposed to be doing.
I did that, one of us gooble gobble
>>84665918don't you think that being around people that you don't enjoy would sooner or later end up in something way worse than them maybe needing to readjust to being without you? Bottling things up like that doesn't sound sustainable to me and i'm sure that if they knew a little more about how you feel that they would agree and understand.>i dont really know what is the right thing to do anymore other than explodingcutting ties would be more like defusing a landmine than playing around with it till it goes off.
>>84665870make sure you are actually focusing on your self-actualization, don't just chase superficial happiness. I had convinced myself I was focusing on "me" when I was ghosting people, but I was really just drowning out my issues
>>84666025>something way worseyes. i am aware of what will happen. but what else am i supposed to do? im not strong enough to deal with being alone and with leaving others. im just stuck here until someone gets really hurt.>they would agree and understandeven assuming they do (i know most wont) i'd just go back at square one which was me being alone all the time like i was a few years ago and i dont wanna go back to that.>defusingi think it would be more like giving the time for the person that stepped on it to leap away before it inevitably goes off anyway.
>>84666042its not like i am really ghosting everyone. if somebody really wants to talk to me, they still can. i just made it so that i am not reminded of all the failures that i oh so desperately want to salvage. the load is a lot less now and i'm closer to being at peace while also still having the few people that somehow matter to me.>>84666055>but what else am i supposed to do?i would say learn overcome that hurdle and do it regardless but i also don't have a single clue as to how to do that.>(i know most wont)let me be a bit blunt but if you were to walk up to a 'friend' and tell them "I don't enjoy my time with you and need to force myself to be around you which really stresses me out", that they would somehow delude themselves that there's an equal and healthy bond between you two? No, they would instantly realize that this is no good.>i'd just go back at square one which was me being aloneif you cannot have true bonds with the people around you aren't you already alone in a way? Our mindsets differ a lot when it comes to loneliness so sorry if this sounds a bit harsh but you should think about this for a little. In my opinion you are already pretty alone and are just stressing yourself on top of that by forcing these things.Maybe a break/reset would be good so allow you build up different types of relationships? Ones that truly benefit both?>giving the time for the personisn't that a good thing still? Even in this still pessimistic analogy there's at least a little good. There's a lot more in it than you believe but what i mean in the end is us both need to learn how to bond with others in healthier ways. You know that self-reflection isn't my strong suit but this is the way my stiff and tistic brain sees things when it comes to you.
>>84663464>normal existence is now branded "avoidant"kek
I'm a grown man, I did this last year and don't regret it - but that comes with some caveats. I don't really think the impulse itself is innately a BPD thing, but I think if you're doing it out of hopes that people will reach out or wonder where you went, or this and that, then yeah it's probably kind of BPD and I'd tell you in advance that you would be amazed how few people actually reach out. In most cases it either wasn't the people I would expect, or it was people who clearly just wanted or needed something from me, even if it was just the security of my presence. It gave me valuable perspective either way, but if I was doing it in hopes of validation, I'd probably be crushed and off myself. I also think part of the reason it worked for me is I could tell I was living my life the wrong way, and my environment/the people around me weren't really helping, but not necessarily in a way that was their fault. I genuinely needed a total shake up to soul search for myself, but it came with a very long and lonely year of hard work to re-establish my identity, and I'm really only now beginning to see light at the end of that tunnel. I don't know if I showed the me before doing this who I am now, that they would be particularly excited or would feel as strongly about going through with it, they might even back out. Before I did it, I imagined moving to a new place and meeting all these new friends, becoming some cooler version of myself, doing all these new things, securing a much loftier and more visible place in the world. On the contrary, I'm much more solitary, much quieter, I do a lot less, have a lot less ambition, and from the outside looking in, I probably seem like I'm depressed or have given up - in truth I honestly feel a lot more coherent and in touch with myself, but it's slow and on some days I do feel I willingly entered a very "empty" season of life to grow. I definitely needed it to progress as a person, but it isn't something I'd romanticize at all.
>>84663434i'm avpd and yeah, can confirmi generally wipe my online presence every 6-18 monthsi couldn't even tell you why
>>84666731This society is a joke.
>>84667126for me, I wasnt able to maintain friendships very well as a kid, so its like I have a built in expiration date on relationships where I expect it to die
>>84667871sometimes i wish i knew how to maintain relationships. i'm a lonely avoidant. can you imagine a bigger joke?
>>84667934I think all avoidants are lonely. otherwise the solitude wouldn't bother them.I'll go through long periods where I'm "fine" with being alone and then other times I'll have regrets.
I wonder how many people think I died lol.
